by Nella Tyler
“You make me sound like a real jerk.” I blew my nose again. My body hurt all over. I would definitely need a bubble bath after Connie left.
“You're not a jerk. That's not the point that I'm trying to make at all, I just think that you're trying to fight for a relationship that may not be there anymore. Bennett is obviously the one in the driver’s seat and he seems to be driving in the opposite direction of you.”
I wiped away at my tears. I took a Kleenex out of the box and blew my raw nose. I took another sip of my coffee as I took this all in.
It was hard to hear these things, but Connie was right. I couldn't force Bennett to want to be with me, to want to be in a relationship. He had to make that decision and right now it didn't seem like he was interested in making that decision at all.
“I know that you're right, Connie. I definitely wouldn't like it if somebody tried to make me choose between my career and anything else. I love my career and it would really hurt me a lot if Bennett told me that I wasn't allowed to be a sportscaster. The thing is, I just wouldn't put Bennett so low on the totem pole in my life. That's all I was asking of him, was to give me some priority in his life, as well.”
“I know, Emmi, and you have every right to ask for that, but maybe it's time to let Bennett go for a while. You are the only one fighting for the relationship right now and I think it's starting to kill you. Relationships really shouldn't be this hard.”
“I don't know what to do, Connie.”
“Well, I think you need to figure out what you really want out of a relationship and what you really want out of a boyfriend. It doesn't mean that you can't have Bennett, but if you want him, then you're going to have to deal with hardly seeing him and dealing with all these practices. You may also have to deal with the fact that he cancels plans with you to go do baseball stuff. Personally, I don't think that's something that you can handle, but if you can then you can have him in your life.”
“What's my alternative?” I was looking at her like she was crazy.
“Stop looking at me that way, you know I am right. If you don't think that you can handle the situation that you're in, then you let Bennett go, and you let him go completely. It will then be up to him to realize whether or not he wants to live without you. If he decides that he can't live without you, then he will come back, but if he doesn't come back, then it is not meant to be.”
I was so confused and I didn't know what to do. Connie was right. It was highly unlikely that I would be able to deal with the situation I was in right now. I felt that Bennett could juggle our relationship better than he was currently doing, but if he was unwilling to do that, there was really nothing I could do about it. And I really wasn't sure if that was the kind of relationship I wanted to be in. I needed to figure out what I was willing to put up with and perhaps be okay with letting Bennett go forever. I had a lot to think about, I wasn't going to enjoy any of it, either. The idea of letting Bennett go forever was not something that I wanted to even think about. Unfortunately, Bennett had put me in a position where I had to consider letting him go. Bennett had certain obligations in his life that I didn't like, but it was for the betterment of his career, and I wasn't sure that I was willing to stand by his side when I was clearly not a priority in his life. It was actually kind of depressing. My mind was filled with thoughts that I didn't want to have. I loved Bennett so much, but it was starting to look like we were not going to be together.
“We told each other that we loved each other for the first time this morning before he walked out the door, never looking back. How could it be over right after we tell each other that we love one another?”
Connie frowned. “God, Emmi, I'm really sorry. I feel terrible for all this, I really do. I know some of the things I'm saying may seem harsh, and I hate saying them when you're sitting across from me crying, but this is a wake-up call for you. If he loves you, he will make it work. If he doesn't bother to change some things, then he is not worth your time.”
“No, I know. It just hurts so much.”
“It's going to be okay, Emmi. No matter what, it's going to be okay.”
Chapter Four
I had been stuck in my muddled mind for two days, unsure of what to do with myself. I had so much to think about since my talk with Connie and I still had no idea what to do. I was truly lost. I knew what I wanted, but what I wanted didn't really seem to matter anymore. I loved Bennett and I obviously wanted to be with him, I knew that much for sure. But I also knew that I couldn't live the way we were living in our relationship, it was too hard for me. I needed to feel important. I needed to feel like my boyfriend appreciated me in his life and wanted me there. That he actually wanted me to be a part of his life. I just didn't get that feeling with Bennett in our current situation, whether he meant to portray himself that way or not. So how could I possibly accept being with him if that's the way things were always going to be? I shouldn't have to sit by the phone waiting for Bennett to finally decide that he had time for me. It wasn't right, and I wasn't going to have any part of it. I wanted to be with Bennett, but he would need to give back if he wanted to be in my life. That was what he needed to prove to me, but currently, he didn't seem to be interested in doing anything to save us.
I had been surprised when Bennett started calling me after our fight. I had assumed he had made his own decision about the relationship when he walked out of his apartment that day. I had no idea what he wanted or what he had to say, but I didn't want to talk to him until I had made a decision about the kinds of things I wanted in my life. That way, when I heard what Bennett had to say about things, I would have a clear idea of whether or not I wanted to be with him anymore. I had no idea what he was going to say. He could be calling to apologize for his behavior and beg me to take him back or he could just be calling to ask if we could remain on good terms just in case he ended up on my father’s team. I would not like that part of the conversation at all, but it was just as likely to happen as the other scenario. I wasn't sure what I was willing to sacrifice in order to get what I wanted. Bennett wasn't willing to sacrifice anything to be with me and that was a real problem for me. Why should I be the only one sacrificing in a relationship? It wasn't the way things worked at all. We both needed to do some sacrificing if things were going to work between us.
Every time I thought about Bennett and all the memories I had with him, I knew I wanted him more than anything. We always had such a good time together, there was no denying it, and the chemistry between us was insane. There was no doubt about it; we had a great connection that I imagined would always get us through the bad times in life. The only problem was it currently wasn't helping us out at all. Bennett was hung-up on doing whatever he had to in order to get to the major leagues and I just seemed to be in the way. I didn't want to ever feel like my boyfriend thought I was holding him back. That wasn't love to me. If he couldn't make time for me, then how could we possibly have any type of real relationship? We couldn't, plain and simple.
I didn't think that I could deal with all the extra practices; especially if there was a chance he was going to cancel plans with me and leave again. I couldn't go through that over and over again. Especially since Bennett hadn't made even one sacrifice for me. Bennett had a need to always do what the coaches said now, and I didn't like it one bit. I had been in the industry for years and his commitment lately was a little overboard. He had certain expectations in the game, but for someone with his talent, it was very unnecessary for him to be practicing as much as he did.
His dedication to the game at that point was so strong that I was starting to get jealous. Which was absurd. I had dated players before and it had never got to this point of an obsession. I could almost strangle my father for getting involved because I felt like he was to blame for the fact that Bennett was overly dedicated to the game now.
I felt bad for not answering Bennett's calls, especially if he wanted to make up. He would be thinking the worst at that point, but I just couldn't bring
myself to do it until I had a clear head about things between us. He may be thinking the worst, but I would hate to talk to him and end up making a bad decision that I would regret later. If that happened, I would have to go back on my word and that would just make our situation that much worse. I needed to have a clear head before I talked to him.
I was just going to wait it out for a few days and just see what happened. The more time that went by, the clearer my thoughts got. My emotions were running amok in my head and until they settled down, it was not a good time to make a decision about Bennett.
I had been laying in bed the past few hours ignoring Bennett's calls and trying to think. Now I had to get to campus and find out what my next assignment was for the paper. I hurried to get dressed and grabbed a coffee to go.
The day was beautiful, which helped improve my mood significantly. I hadn't seen Connie in a few days, either, but I think I had unloaded enough on her for the time being. I would need to make a decision on my own. Plus, we were both getting ready for exams and I would need to start to focus on that, as well. I needed to get my head clear with Bennett so that I could begin to focus back on my schoolwork and the upcoming exams.
When I walked into the office, I saw my editor talking to Rebecca. Things had never been the same between Rebecca and me since she wrote the article about Bennett and me. We just remained polite around each other, but there was always that underlying current between us. I approached the two of them and plastered a smile on my face. They turned towards me as I approached.
“Hey guys.” I looked at my editor, “I just came in to get my next assignment.”
“Absolutely, Emmi. Well, I'm sure you will be happy to hear that I need you to cover your boyfriend’s game again. It's the big game and your guy is doing the pitching.”
I groaned inwardly and tried not to show that I found the assignment upsetting. The last thing I needed was Rebecca writing about a breakup between Bennett and me. She would love to be vindicated in that way, but I was not being front-page news again.
“Wonderful, thanks.” I nodded and turned away from them.
I headed out of the office, wishing that I had not bothered going in at all.
Chapter Five
I wasn't exactly thrilled about covering the game for obvious reasons. There was a good chance that Bennett was about to be my ex-boyfriend, and yet I would be at his game and possibly needing a quote from him. The very thought of it gave me a headache. I didn't know what I was going to do, but I would have to suck it up and just get it done. I didn't have a choice and going to my editor would only cause a bigger fuss that I didn't want to deal with. It would be a mistake to go to a paper and tell them you were having relationship problems with a celebrity. It would just be a mistake. Like I said, I would not be thrilled to find out that my relationship status was once again on the front page of the paper. I had barely survived the last time it was there. Forget it.
I still had a couple of hours to kill before I had to be at the game. I couldn't focus on schoolwork so I popped in a movie and grabbed a cold beer. The cool brew slid down my throat in such a way that I felt my whole body relax. It was exactly what I needed at that moment. I was about five minutes into the movie when there was a knock on my door. Confused, I got up to answer it, wondering who it could be. Connie didn't bother to knock anymore; she knew she could come in at any time. So who was out looking for me?
I swung the door open and at the same time my mouth dropped loosely to the floor. Bennett was on the other side and I wasn't sure how I felt about him dropping by unannounced. Actually I did know. I didn't like it.
“Bennett, I am not in the mood. You really need to consider calling first before you show up here from now on. Considering how things were left between us, I think it's the least you could have done, don't you?”
“I'm not here to fight with you, Emmi, please.”
I stared at him, and he looked so sad and lonely. It could have just been an act, though. Guys are good at those. I wasn't sure if I should let him in at all. I still had not made any decisions about the things I wanted in my life. I didn't want a visit from Bennett to confuse the situation. Being with him always confused me, especially when things went bad.
I probably couldn't just leave him standing there, though. It was rude and I didn't want to hurt his feelings. Whatever he had to say, he could say quickly and head out. He had a game to play; after all, so how long could he really stay, anyways? I decided to let him in and held the door open wide enough to let him through.
“What do you have to say, Bennett?” I asked as I motioned for him to come in. “I don't have a lot of time since I'm going to be covering your game.”
A smirk crossed his face and it annoyed me slightly. “I just want to talk, Emmi. There's no need to be so hostile.”
“Yeah, you would think that.”
“Look, I want you, okay. I know you don't believe that and I could certainly understand that since you were so upset by our last encounter. But we have a bit of a problem here. I want to be with you, Emmi, but my dream has always been to be a major league baseball player. I don't want to have to give that up for anything. I wish you could understand that.”
I stayed silent. Again, I wasn't sure how I felt about anything, so there was no point in me trying to dig too deep with things with Bennett. Otherwise, I could say or do something that would be wrong. His arrival at my door didn't help to unravel the confusion of my emotions.
“Having said that, I do want to work things out with you, but in a way we are both satisfied and fulfilled in our relationship.”
“Really?”
“Yes, I really do. But I also don't want to jeopardize my chances at a major league career. I love you, Emmi, but just like you, I want it all.”
I couldn't believe what he was saying. It was everything that I had wanted for so long. I almost wanted to burst into tears, I was so happy. This was what I had wanted the day Bennett had left. Why hadn't he figured out how to say these things at that time? On one hand it was so frustrating, and yet I was so happy that he had finally shown up and said something. I needed him to say these things to me, and it was incredible to finally hear it. I felt like kissing him immediately.
There were so many emotions running through my head that I could barely stand it. There was confusion, happiness, and fear running through me all at once. I loved all the feelings. But what I wanted most was Bennett. He was all I ever wanted.
I grabbed the back of his neck and pulled him towards me. My mouth met his and fire coursed through my body. I needed Bennett badly and as I kissed him passionately, a tear rolled down my cheek. I was so happy to be with him. When we pulled away, he just looked at me and smiled. I wiped away the lone tear, feeling happier than ever.
“Look, Bennett, I totally understand. When I said those things, it was out of anger and frustration with the situation that I found myself in. I didn't know what else to say at the time. I was desperate. I should never have said the things that I did. I didn't want you to have to choose between baseball and me. I just wanted to be here, too, ya know?”
“Yes, sweetheart. I know. I'm sorry for treating you the way I did, you don't deserve it.”
He moved into me again and kissed me. His tongue found mine and I felt complete once again. I needed Bennett in so many different ways. I was falling deeply and madly in love with him. When our lips touched, everything between us just ignited. It was a wonderful feeling, one that I didn't want to ever go away.
Our kisses grew deeper and Bennett's hands found their way to my butt, where he squeezed my cheeks. I moaned softly. I had missed his sexy touch and I wanted more of it.
“Oh, Bennett, I missed you so much.”
“Baby, you have no idea how much I missed you. I can't stop thinking about the last time we were together. You are an incredible woman and being with you is always so much fun. I don't want to lose you.”
“You won't,” I whispered.
I pulled him towar
ds my bedroom and pushed him through the door. I closed it behind me and my lips found his once again. We kissed passionately, electricity making us one all over again.
“Oh, I love your kisses, Bennett.”
“Right back at you, babe. You're a great kisser.”
“Well, thank you.” I giggled. “Do you want to know what else I like?”
“What?” His eyebrows were raised and he had a sweet smile on his face.
I got down on my knees and I undid Bennett's pants and slid down the zipper slowly. I liked to drag it out for a bit to torture him. A little torture never hurt anyone. I pulled his semi hard cock out and licked it from the bottom to the top. I put his whole cock in my mouth and sucked until he was rock hard. I felt him grow hard in my mouth, loving how powerful it made me feel. My tongue slid around the tip of his cock as he moaned. The taste of him turned me on, and I loved the fact that I could bring him so much pleasure with my mouth. His cock hit the back of my throat multiple times, and I just kept on sucking. I knew I was good at it, but his moans just electrified me that much more. I could tell by the sounds he was making that he was building up to a climax and he instantly spilled his cum down my throat. I licked my lips and smiled up at him. “Wow, baby, that was amazing.”
“Anything for you, baby.”
“Now it's your turn,” he said as he smiled back down at me. I got up from the floor and grabbed his hand, pulling him to the bed. I lay down and lifted my skirt up. He licked my pussy straight up like he was licking an ice cream cone. It was my favorite part. He started sucking on my clit, and I tensed all over as I came quickly, spilling out into his mouth. He licked up the wetness on my pussy and went back to sucking on my clit. He always gave me multiple orgasms; he never just stopped at one. He inserted two fingers while he sucked my clit, causing me to gasp. My moans were driving him crazy and he could barely contain himself as I came again.