TBC: Silent Fear

by Becky Miller

  “Did he die after all, so close to help?” she said to herself not really believing the tragedy and raised her hand to her mouth of fright. Then she realised it was she who had an elevated temperature instead of the doctor being so cold.

  Her temperature had risen to a high fever now. She was feeling so ill that she wished she had not postponed her visit to the doctor yesterday. She thought back at the conversation she had with Bashir the other day when she passed by him that evening on her way home after a hard days work. He had noticed her coughing and approached her about it. The doctor suspected it was something that could become serious, but she told him she had more important work to do tomorrow and could not afford to be sick. He advised her to stay home one day to sweat it off and come to him in case it would get any worse. But she didn’t do that, she went to work that day, already feeling ill.

  “But I wouldn’t listen.” Romyana whispered to the unconscious doctor. She was so ill now that she could barely keep herself upright and the fever made her shiver uncontrollably. “You were right, Julian, but I was afraid.”

  Then --just as promised-- help arrived, and knowing that they were safe now, Romyana restfully closed her eyes as she and Julian were picked up and carried away by the USS Simona’s medical team.

  3 Monster

  Romyana woke up a little while later, though she didn’t open her eyes yet. She had not the strength for it. She heard many voices and lots of beeps from equipment. Close by a doctor and a nurse were talking about her but she couldn’t concentrate on their conversation. She let them do. Then she focussed on a more distant voice.

  “Wait, let me see that.”

  It was Dr. Julian Bashir, she recognised.

  “Ok, that’s better. Go ahead.” he ordered. He was lying in a bed a little to the left of Romyana, though he was wide awake and keeping a close eye on the nurses as if they were his own staff.

  They were in the USS Simona’s sickbay now, where all the Starfleet personnel from the station was taken to be treated and recover from the effects of the toxic gas.

  The ensign heard herself panting and a high squeaky noise coming from her throat. Slowly she turned her head towards the left and opened her eyes. She had to blink a few times to get them focussed. There she saw Julian Bashir sitting on a sickbed himself. It was a strange sight. He was wearing pyjama’s as the rest of the patients but it didn’t suit him at all. She was used to see him in uniform alongside a bed, not being a patient himself. Though it was kind of funny, it was also a revealing sight. At this moment Romyana saw a different side of him, she saw the person in him. On the station he was always the doctor and behaved like that, but here he had to do what the nurses told him and he was now a patient like everyone else.

  As if he felt she was looking at him, Julian stopped following the nurses movements and turned to look at Romyana. The cut on his forehead had been cleaned and closed.

  He gave a little smile. Then –only for a second-- he looked up to something behind her and when he looked back at her, there was a worried look on his face.

  Then Romyana felt a cold hand on the side of her head and a hypospray in her neck, he eyes slowly closed again.

  * * *

  It seemed from Romyana’s view that there would be very many casualties due to the disastrous ags leak, but this was luckily not the case. Because the dense gas caused most people to suffocate immediately, no big quantities of toxin came into their respiratory systems. After they were revived their bodies were able to clear their blood of toxin on their own.

  There were only a few crew members which could, unfortunately, not be revived again. For them it had taken too long for help to arrive. There had been two unfortunate cases where a crewman received fatal injuries when becoming unconscious and making an unlucky tumble. They suffered from internal haemorrhaging due to their fall. The rest of the crew members and station residents were released having sustained only minor injuries.

  The USS Simona left after Commander Sisko and his senior officers had returned to the station later that evening and having briefed them about the whole affair.

  * * *

  One day later almost everyone was back on duty and things had returned to as normal as possible.

  The only one still in the infirmary was Ensign Casparian, she had not yet recovered. The doctor had explained to Commander Sisko that it was because she had a bad case of flu and that the toxin she inhaled was only worsening her condition. But the flu-virus had to be gone first before the medicine against the poisoning could be administered.

  “It will be a battle but I am confident she will win it.” Sisko said.

  “Hm.” Bashir agreed. “I’ve read her medical file; she’s a fighter.”

  “Keep me posted, Doctor.” the Commander replied before he left the infirmary.

  The remainder of that day Romyana was still struggling with the fever and Dr. Bashir would come and check on her every once and a while. There was not much progress in her condition, which didn’t put the doctor in a good mood.

  That night when he was briefing the night shift, Romyana woke up. He shortly told her what was going on and how the treatment would go, but the way the Ensign stared at him troubled Julian. It was as if she was afraid of something. Not simply a little scared, but thoroughly petrified.

  “Don’t worry.” he said to make her feel better. “Now the fever has gone we can treat the toxin and you will be fine in the morning.”

  But it didn’t comfort her at all. Her eyes shifted anxiously now, she dare not look at him. She saw the nurse prepare a hypospray and the other doctor asked Bashir if she should give the Ensign a sedative.

  He looked at his patient and asked shortly “Pain?”

  Briskly Romyana shook her head and to her relief Dr. Bashir slowly said “No. This will do for the night.”

  Then he left and the lights were dimmed.

  * * *

  Bashir went to the Replicator Restaurant where the senior staff usually meets after their shifts to share a drink and chat.

  He sat down at the table where Jadzia Dax had already settled. Bashir was still troubled about the Ensign’s strange behaviour and after having replicated himself a drink of Andorian Ale and a Raktajino for Dax, he asked her for advice.

  “Oh, I can’t figure it out, Jadzia. What is the matter with me? This girl in the infirmary kept staring at me today.”

  “Well, you’re not the ugliest person to stare at, for a girl. It’s no disease, if that is where you’re worried about.”

  “No. Not like that, scared. As if she looks upon me as some mean monster.”

  “Then she’s not far off, wise girl.”

  “Oh come on! Be serious. I don’t tell you this to be laughed at.”

  “Alright, Julian. Maybe she is still in shock of this trauma of yesterday.”

  “Could be, but it got worse when she saw the hypospray. She totally panicked and only when I said it was not necessary she calmed down.”

  “Then she simply has a problem with hyposprays. Why are you so affected by this? I am more worried about you, you are normally not so troubled about such a trifle.”

  “This deep fear in her eyes….”

  “You know what? Why don’t you go ask her in the morning what it is she is so afraid of. Then you will know and let it go.”

  “Yes I’ll do that.” Bashir finished his drink in one gulp. Jadzia raised her eyebrows with a little smile. As a Trill symbiont she had a couple of centuries of experience to fall back on and she knew exactly why Julian was feeling troubled about such a small and simple thing. It would solve itself before the end of the day, Jadzia predicted to herself.

  With a deep sigh the doctor stood up and went to play a game of darts with O’Brien, who had just arrived back from his holiday leave. They talked about Miles’ vacation, but Julian was still troubled and he didn’t really listen to what his friend had to say. Finally, Julian lost the game of darts too.

  4 Hypos
pray

  That morning the doctor went to the infirmary early to update some medical records. He couldn’t quite concentrate though, it irritated him. He’d already had a quarrel with the night shift nurse and sent her away early.

  He stared blank at the flatscreen in front of him for some time. Then he had an idea of what the problem might be. He closed the files and went to check on the Ensign.

  She had been awake for a while and noticed the doctor right away when he came sneaking around the corner.

  He was surprised about this reaction and to conceal this he forced a quick “Good Morning” and a little smile.

  Romyana gave him a quick smile back but no more. Bashir carefully walked up to her bed.

  “What is it? If you’re in pain I can give … “ he said.

  “No. I …” she interrupted him, but stopped.

  “I can see it in your eyes.” Bashir said finally. “Fear.”

  “Yes.” she said sadly.

  “Of doctors.” Bashir added. Romyana gave a guilty looking glance.

  “Oh, but it’s not you, personally. I mean …” she couldn’t quite explain it.

  “I know what you mean. I used to be afraid of doctors too. To me, they seemed so powerful; able to decide over life and death. But now I am one myself I understand that this is not really true. A doctor cannot decide, he can only try. Try his best.” Bashir told her explaining how he got over his own fear. “When I read through your medical file again this morning I realised where this anxiety might originate from. You were in hospital for over a year when you were just a child.”

  “Indeed. It was not pleasant.” she added ruefully.

  “I can imagine, not everyone is as good as I am.” Bashir said, she laughed and he walked over to a monitor and checked some readings.

  “But there is always so much pain and sorrow around doctors and in hospitals. Everyone you see is sick, don’t you get depressed by that?” Romyana asked while the doctor was looking at the screen.

  “Well, sometimes. When I couldn’t help my patients, but usually I am rewarded by their thanks once they are better. It just feels good to be able to help people in need. That’s why most decide to become a doctor. They might seem harsh from the outside but they are the most caring persons inside.” Bashir replied, still reading.

  “Yes, you are a good person. I’ve seen it.” Romyana said.

  “On the Simona?” Bashir guessed correctly, he already had a hunch about that particular moment.

  “Yes, you were not a doctor then. You were just as much a patient as everyone else.” she said. The doctor walked over to a table at the opposite side of the room.

  After a short while he said, “Well, I think I can dismiss you today. It is always a good sign when patients begin talking a lot.” he joked.

  “I do feel better now.” Romyana said.

  “And you’re not afraid anymore? At least, of me?” he asked, still facing away from the Ensign.

  “Hm, no. Not anymore.” she replied. Dr. Bashir picked up something from the table and turned around to face the Ensign again.

  “Good.” he said with a broad grin on his face and he held up a hypospray. Romyana’s good mood changed as lightning and she looked at him in utter shock and anger..

  “Just kidding!” Bashir said and put the instrument back.

  “I trusted you!” the Ensign called to him –now in clearly faked anger-- and they both laughed.

  “Women always react heavily around me.” Bashir said to himself.

  * * *

  Ensign Casparian was dismissed from infirmary that same day and returned to full duty the day after.

  Chief Engineer O’Brien and Commander Sisko made a special entry in her personnel file, rewarding her excellent handling during this emergency situation.

  “So you see, Zyllah. Everyone is afraid of something, but that doesn’t mean you have to cower away from it. If you face your fear, like I did then, you can learn not to panic and stay calm even though you still feel uneasy.” grandmother concluded.

  “Are you not afraid of doctors and hyposprays anymore then grandmother?” the girl asked and her eyes were big with awe.

  “Oh I still am, very much so, but I don’t let it stand in my way of anything anymore, especially friendships. I can control my fear now and you can too. If you get to know a bit more about what a thunderstorm is, why it forms and how it behaves, then you can at least wait it out without panicking, ‘cause there will come a time when your mother or I will not always be there to run to and you might have to be strong to comfort your own children of their fear someday.”

  “That was a nice story, Grandma. Tell me another please.”

  “Thank you Zyllah, but no more story telling for tonight. The storm is almost gone now, the thunder is far away, you can get back to your own bed now and try to get back to sleep.” Grandmother said and took the little girl back to bed and tucked her in.

  “But—“ Zyllah protested “I want to know more about the handsome doctor and his grumpy friend, the clever woman who has a hundred years of memories and I want to know about—you, grandma. All the things you saw in space. Please tell me more.”

  “Later, my love. Another time I will continue the story, but for now; goodnight.”

  * * * * *

  Other books in the To Be Continued series:

  TRIP

  ACCUSATIONS

  AT THE ACADEMY

  DO AS YOU MUST

  AGITATION

  CARRY ON

  ONE MORE ADVENTURE

  SIMONA

  * * * * *

  Other books of the same writer:

  Becky Miller

  ~ Tales from the Blue Box ~

  The Daughter

  Mirror Mirror

  Breakdown

  Diversion

  ~ Miscellaneous ~

  What a Wonderful World

  Miller’s Moments of the Mind

  * * * * *

  Credits: This story is based on the television series Star Trek: Deep Space Nine. Star Trek is owned by Paramount and created by Gene Roddenberry. No permission was asked, though authenticity was maintained as much as possible. No infringement intended. Some characters and most happenings do not occur in the original tv series and were added freely by the author. This document or any of its content may not be reproduced or profitably sold in any way without written permission of the copyright and trademark owners. Becky Miller 2005- 2009.