by N. Tetterton
…It’s like a game of house, but skipping all the good years.
It’s Monday morning so the same 8:30 phone call comes through. Only this time it isn’t dead air. Instead, it’s Brad's voice, “I ran into your boyfriend this morning. I was surprised to see that he wasn’t watching you more closely when his lackey dropped you off at work, but then I saw him at the diner and that he had a more important meeting to attend to. I get it. I’ve been married to you for long enough to understand that you’re only good for a good fuck.”
“Brad, what would you know about me being a good fuck? You have barely fucked me in years.” I should antagonize him. I should just hang up, but I don’t… I can’t help it.
“SHUT UP YOU FUCKING SLUT!” He screams it into the phone and I hang up.
A few hours later I walk out into the lobby of the office as I find Abby and smile at her.
“Ms. Saxs,” I always hated that she called me that, but Brad insisted on it.
“Please, call me Billie,” I tell her. She looks hesitant at first until she sighs slightly and looks back at me.
“Billie,” I smile at her in acknowledgment.
“Thank you. I wanted to talk to you about something.” I pause, I can’t help but hesitate, “If Brad comes here don’t let him back.”
“Is everything okay?” She asks and I nod my head.
“Yeah, we are separated and he hasn’t taken it very well.” She looks concerned… maybe for my well-being. “I’m fine, it’s just that he’s been calling me every Monday at the same time… sometimes other times.”
“Have you thought about getting a restraining order?” She asks me.
“I haven’t, but maybe. Thanks for the suggestion.” She nods. I’m not sure how well restraining orders actually work. I’ve heard people getting them but still getting harassed.
“Billie, I don’t mean to be intrusive to your personal life, but I have to ask does this have anything to do with that man that keeps showing up for you? Wessex?” Her face flushes when she speaks about him.
I smile and I look down, “to do with what? divorcing Brad,” I let a laugh slip out, “no.”
“but…”
“He has made it known that he’s interested.” It’s the easiest way that I can explain it. She nods her head more in an understanding that I don’t want to talk about it anymore.
❖
Around 4 that afternoon, I receive a text from an unknown number.
Unknown: It's Fury, I’m outside. I gather my things and walk out the door.
“Hey, kid,” he bows to me and opens the door.
“You’re like 5 years older than me?” I can’t help it and he laughs as he nods his head. He gets in the truck and pulls off from the sidewalk of the school.
“You hungry?” He asks me, “I’m starving. Lucy finishes up work in an hour. Let’s drive out and grab something.” Pulling out my phone I look at the screen.
“He had a meeting with Jeff this morning, and then something came up that he had to go take care of in the desert. He will be back later tonight.”
“I wasn’t-,” I try to defend myself but he cuts me off.
“Sure you weren’t.” He nods his head
“Who’s Jeff?” I ask him, remembering him calling Jeff when my car exploded. I say remembering like it was so long ago. Although it was only 3 days ago it feels like a lifetime has passed since.
“He’s the police captain of the precinct that the businesses and clubhouse are in.”
“What is he like on your books?” I say phrases that I have no idea what they mean and he starts laughing.
“Not exactly, at least… I don’t think so. I dunno, ever since I’ve been here he’s just been someone we can rely on. He and Khan go way back, have a really weird relationship. He calls him Dax.” I look at him kind of surprised, since Ella and I seem to be the only ones who call him that. Fury nods almost like he can read my thoughts and is agreeing with them.
“What do you mean?”
“I dunno, I’ve never really asked. Khan doesn’t really like to open up about himself especially before he joined the MC so I don’t push. If he offers up the details I’ll listen but that doesn’t happen too often. All I can tell you is that when Khan joined it came with Jeff as an ally… eventually.”
“What do you mean eventually?”
“Awe, shit, I think I’ve already said too much.” He says, pulling the car into the parking lot and getting out.
“Come on, please” I grin like a little kid. He nods in the direction of the coffee shop and we walk in. We order coffee and some baked goods and go to a table sitting down.
“All I know is the rumor. Khan was really young, younger than most when they join. He was 15.” I nod my head already knowing this part of the story. “Anyway, the rumor is that Jeff showed up at the clubhouse one night and forcefully removed Khan from the house. They made a truce that night that the Syndicate would kind of clean up their act and he would try to see that his precinct wouldn’t crack down on us so much. The club also tried to help him along in getting promoted to captain as much as possible.” I’m sure he sees the shocked expression on my face and he sips his coffee and continues,
“What?” He shrugs “That’s the rumor, at least,” he pauses as he takes a sip of coffee and a bite of his muffin, “but Oz was the last one here that was around during that time. So, there’s really no one besides Khan can really talk about the story.”
“But you know more about it don’t you?” I ask him and he laughs, nodding.
“Of course, but that’s not my story to tell.” I guess from my facial expression he can see that I am not impressed, “Plus, Khan may trust you, but I’m not sure yet.”
“You’re fucking my best friend and we’re living in his house.” He shrugs
“Still don’t know you well enough. Sorry, I like you and all, but I’m still not sure how you will react to this life and I’m more concerned about my friend and my club than anything else.” Then he started laughing. “But after the stories that Lucy told me about you from high school and college. I’m a little bit more convinced.” I groan and he starts laughing even harder. “See, you hate those stories.”
“I don’t hate them, I just hate it when she does shit I ask her not to.” He laughs again and then nudges me that it’s time to go.
As we get into the truck he looks over at me and laughs again, “Which story did that make you think of?”
“I just can’t believe you drag race.”
“Correction, I used to drag race. Brad said that it was degrading for a woman to race a car.”
“I’m sorry to be so blunt, but from what I’ve seen of him and what I’ve heard about him he sounds like a dick, why were you with him for so long?” He asks as he cranks the car and guides it out of the parking lot.
“I dunno,” I mutter and he looks at me.
“Humor me.” He says maneuvering the car back to the road, “Try to explain.”
I look out the window as he starts to drive in the direction of Lucy’s work. I think about everything over the last 10 years and I think about this whole time I have been afraid to say what I really feel. We are at a stop like a couple of blocks away before I speak again, “I was young. I was 20. It seemed like a good idea. I didn’t have the best environment growing up, was afraid of being alone. So, I married him. Turned out being married to him I would be more alone than if I was actually alone. He would seclude me from people when he was home but he would go out all the time. I honestly don’t really think I even cared that he did or maybe he had me so brainwashed that I didn’t even realize what I was doing.” I lean my head against the window as I watch the road pass up by.
❖
I enjoy driving out to the desert most of the time, but I hate doing it during the day. I usually go at night but when Dyno called me today, it sounded like it was urgent and I wanted to be back tonight to spend time with Billie, the fuck is this girl doing to me.
“Hey D
yno, what’s up?” I walk into the lab and talk to him.
“I finished those bombs you wanted. Need any more yet?”
“Not yet, things took a kind of interesting turn.”
“How so,” he asks and I laugh as I talk with him. It’s weird being out here with Dyno because not a lot of the club comes. It’s really mostly me. So, I feel like I can talk to him about things.
“You know weird shit. I have a woman currently living in my house.”
“You’re fucking with me right?”
“Nope, her-,” I stop mid-sentence and look around, “can you make chloroform?”
“Yeah, that shits easy, you can make chloroform. Or a very close substitute.” His eyebrows furrow as he pauses and then asks, “Are you using it for this girl that’s living with you?”
“What no? What do I need to make it?”
“Isopropyl alcohol and bleach.”
“Iso-what?” He laughs.
“Rubbing alcohol.”
“That’s it?” I ask him and he laughs, nodding his head.
“Also, do we have any heroin here?”
“What?” His word comes out as a curious exclaim, “Are you doing-,”
“Fuck no. You know I don’t touch that shit. Just do we have any?” I ask him as he thinks. When our charter of The Syndicate started to progress from a complete outlaw club there was an unspoken rule that was made with our charter. The only drugs we would “fence” would only be party drugs. We didn’t want shit that people regularly became addicted to so we decided to try MDMA, mushrooms, and sometimes acid. Peyote on the rare occasion, although that shit goes quick. The guys at our parent chapter were hesitant at first but when they saw the money that was made from it, they were shocked. After some time of searching his brain, Dyno looks at me nodding, “Yeah, there’s some back there.”
“Also, why do we have heroin?” Dyno sighs a little and then says.
“You don’t want to know.” I take him at his word and keep moving through the fallout shelter. “Khan, the reason why I called you out here is I’m pretty sure that I figured out a way to make the MDMA purer.”
“What?” I ask him and he nods his head.
“I think, I have perfected the technique,” he pauses wondering how much I want to know, “it’s all about filtering. You want to separate the layers and then filter them. When you crystalize it, it’s a more pure substance..”
“Dyno, I have no idea what you are saying, but you are a fucking genius.” He shrugs his shoulders.
“Khan, I’ve been thinking about what you suggested and I think I could use some help around the lab.” I nod my head.
❖
When I get back to my house it’s late and I’m tired so I just go home instead of stopping by the clubhouse. Walking inside, the whole house is dark, grabbing some water out of the fridge I head upstairs. Knocking on Ella’s door I peek inside to tell her that I’m home, but she’s already asleep. Walking towards the bedroom door I can see that the light is still on and I smile. How have I known this girl for two months and she’s already infested my life? Opening the door I walk in to see her sitting up, leaning against the headboard, reading a book.
“I was just about to text you and make sure that you were coming here.” She smiles, looking down shyly. I sit on the end of the bed and take my shoes off, then let my body flop onto the bed. “You okay?” She asks.
“Yeah, just had a weird day,” I tell her as I let myself roll up to where she sits and lay my head on her lap. It’s weird how comfortable this is, how comfortable that all of this intimacy that I have never really done before is with her. Even if we haven’t slept together I still have shared more intimate moments with her than I have any other woman in my life. She sits down the book then she runs her fingers through my hair.
“What was weird about it?”
“I met with Jeff. Got everything with the fire sorted. Ran into your husband-,” she cuts me off.
“Yeah, I heard about that.”
“How?” Now I’m intrigued.
“Um, he called me again today.”
“What!” My voice comes out louder than I meant for it too. “You should have called me. Or Fury.”
“I was fine. I was at school. He couldn’t have just gotten in.” I nod my head knowing that she is somewhat protected at school. She pauses and then looks at me, “Who’s Jeff? I’m sorry if I’m being nosy and you can tell me to stop but…” I stop her word vomit from embarrassment as I look up to her, smiling.
“It’s okay. For whatever reason, I don’t mind telling you things.” I pause trying to put the words together since it has been so long since I have told anyone about how I met Jeff. The last person I told the whole story to was Oz, 20 years ago. Even then when I recanted the story to him I hadn’t quite dealt with it nor did I let myself feel anything. “I’ll make a deal with you.” She nods her head. “I tell you this story and you tell me why you were living with Lucy in high school.”
“She told you about that.”
“It was a sentence she said in a story.” And she nods her head.
She’s still running her fingers through my hair and I take a deep breath. “Jeff was one of the officers that reported to the house when my mother died. First on the scene,” I can feel her nod her head, and I take a deep breath again, “or really maybe I should say it like it was when she was murdered.” I can hear a slight inhale of her breath when I say the word, “My dad was deployed, I was 10 and I came home from school to find her.” As I say it I close my eyes and I can see the scene like it just happened like it was 10 years old me again opening the slightly ajar door to see the blood river which branches off into bloodstreams as it trickles in from the kitchen the only thing keeping me from spiraling into the entire scenario is her fingers stroking my hair. “While I’m talking please don’t stop doing that,” I whisper to her and for the first time since talking with Oz that night, I try and open up about it. Only this time, I try and completely open up to her because for whatever reason I feel like I can.
“There was a man in our neighborhood who was in love with her. But the admiration turned to stalking pretty quickly. She told my father but he just told her that she was overreacting and that she should appreciate that people still found her attractive. Which was ridiculous because she was 29. When he left for deployment it started getting worse. I remember going with her to the police station while she filled out the paperwork for a restraining order.” Her fingers keep me here as I think about that day sitting in the chair next to her in the station, “She told them about the phone calls, the drive-bys, the letters he would send her. This went on for a few weeks after he was served with the restraining order and she would call the cops and they would tell her that since he never signed the letters and that no one would speak on the phone there was no way to prove it was him. She bought a gun. A month before my father was due to come home is when I found her. I called 911, they asked me if she was breathing, to check for a pulse. Even being so young I knew she was dead when I saw her, no one can lose that much blood and live. Jeff was the first officer on the scene and found me sitting outside of the house, nearly covered in blood, and sat with me. He actually let me stay with him and his wife, Mary, until they got the Red Cross message to my dad and he got back stateside. Jeff was a rookie cop, at the time. Just started on the force, maybe 21. He kept up with me for a while. When my dad died, I hadn’t seen Jeff in probably a year, or so, but he showed up at the funeral and sat with me through it. Even though my uncle had custody of me. Jeff was kind of more of a father figure than him or really my dad ever was.” She’s still quiet as she still runs her fingers through my hair.
“I heard there was a rumor that he dragged you out of here when you first joined the club.”
“Yeah, that happened.” I’m also going to kill Fury. “He was really concerned. I mean here is the 15-year-old kid who’s orphaned all of a sudden hanging around with these outlaw bikers and they were a lot rougher back then
. Jeff came in one night when I was here. I had a girl sitting on my lap, he pulled her off of me and pulled me out of the clubhouse. I told him I hated him that night and I wish he would have never come that day when she died because had it been anyone else they wouldn’t have still given a shit about me. Oz heard me say it and then sat down with Jeff and talked to him. They came up with an understanding that if the club toned down their illegal activity then the cops would tone down their pursuit in us. They made a plan to do so Oz would help him however he needed to make captain and take over the precinct. Now, it’s your turn.”
“My story is boring, comparatively,” I roll my eyes, but at the same time that she thinks so. I would never wish someone having to live through that shit. “I never knew my father. And my mother was a character.”
“Was?”
“I guess I should say is, although she’s pretty much out of my life… haven’t heard from her in years…” I nod my head understanding. “She had some mental issues and never dealt with them. She would come and go whenever she felt like it. Beginning of middle school Lucy and I became friends. After a year or so of knowing her is when her parents realized that my mother was leaving me home for weeks on end, alone and they unofficially adopted me. It was an unspoken rule between all of us that whenever my mother went on her vacations that I come and stayed with them.”
“Benders?” I can’t help but ask.
“Similar, my mother’s addiction was men. She had to have one loving her at all times, it’s the only way that she felt like he had any worth. She would meet a man, follow him to LA, Seattle, one time she went to Maine. Lucy’s parents took me in and gave me everything. Literally everything, they bought me clothes, all my school supplies, they gave Lucy and me a car when we were 16, paid my insurance, my college tuition, they always treated me like I was their daughter. They always wanted another kid but Lucy’s mom almost died in labor with her so they decided that it wasn’t worth the risk.”
“They still around?” I ask her and she nods.