by Elias Raven
I thanked her for all her help and she left me to flounder whilst I finished unpacking my stuff. The surprise that my mom had sent with me was at the bottom of the box. A jar filled with Thin Mint candies all neatly wrapped in foil and looking very tantalizing. I was going to have to chain these down, my cube mates would probably clean me out. #MyPrecious #LordOfTheRings. I set the mints up on the ledge above my cubicle (since I was riding shotgun in the receptionist area).
The messenger app chimed on my desk. I sat down in my fairly new leather desk chair and turned around to be greeted by messages from both Kathy & Sarah.
“Lunch!!!!” was the messages, which I promptly replied to sending plenty of food emoji’s and #Cafateria symbols and spun back around and see a very familiar face come through the door. I see him, but he hasn’t seen me yet since there is the divider covering a good part of my desk.
Nick (yep, that one) barely notices me as he spies my newly acquired stash of thin, chocolate mint candies. Assuming they’re set out for the taking, he opens the jar and reaches for a piece ignoring the bell sitting next to the candies that clearly says: Ring For Service!
“Hey! I whisper loudly startling The Prof.
“Those are mine! I continue enjoying how rattled he looks.
I watch him pull his hand back and he starts to apologize. Then I step into view from behind the cubicle wall and give him the full view of yours truly (“I would like to thank the members of the committee.” Yeah, my head can be a mess at times).
“I, I, um, I…” he loses his words and his sense right along with them. I look at him a bit angry (total fake out).
“You? What? You just feel entitled to take whatever you’d like without asking?” I continue.
As is par when he’s nervous, he smiles back at me with an anxious smile that is as handsome as it is awkward. Then he totally recognized me!
My apologies Miss. These happen to be my favorite candy as well. When I saw them sitting out, my desire outweighed my manners.” he replied smoothly.
Are you always led by your desires, sir?” I asked, going "a little risqué.
“No, not always, but in your case, I might just make an exception.” He replied with that same knee-weakening smile of his.
Then we both laughed, the pretense was thrown out the door. I grabbed my jar and carefully offered him one of my mint candies.
“I didn’t realize you worked here!” Total lie, we had discussed it at dinner. He continued.
“Yes you did, we all told you that we landed a gig at The Morg!” I replied jogging his memory.
“Oh, that’s right! I apologize, your mother and my father had both bent my ear to the point that blood was coming out!” he said laughing.
“Yes, but they managed to put my dad to sleep in naught but two hours!” I volleyed back.
One of my cubicle mates came out to see what the shenanigans were all about. Of course, They knew Dr. Bennett.
Papers changed hands and I pointed at my desk and awkwardly segued back to having to get to work.
“Lunch sometime?” he asked.
“Would love too!” I replied and then he was gone.
My heart was jackhammering a million miles an hour and I ran to the ladies’ room to you know… throw up! A quick splash of water and makeup fix and I was running back to my desk.
I don’t know why I was so nervous around this guy, but now that the ice was totally broken and I had stepped through and sunk into the freezing waters, I was looking forward to lunch with Mr. Hunka-Hunka soon.
I grabbed my phone and sent a quick text to the posse!
“Guess who just left my cubicle.” then leaned back and waited for planet Earth to come back into sight and my phone to blow up!
Chapter 17
Okay, blow up was maybe a slight exaggeration, but vibrate (like “daddy” was running the controls) also came to mind. (Sheesh, my mind guttered in naught but ten seconds right?)
Ching, Ching, and more chings! (Ching Adera even) It sounded slightly Las Vegas at that moment, and I tried valiantly to get the phone to be quiet, almost pulling my stapler out of my newly organized drawer and smashing it on top of said device! (not my 11!) My message had been slightly obscure, but since the girls have been calling him Professor Banana as of late and oh yeah… The Great Chocolate Banana and how about this little gem of a saying that Sarah thought up all by herself (ready?)
“Every time I look at him, I like totally think Beaver Falls!” and then I facepalm and look at my friend through a slit in my fingers and say:
“Oh My God! Like he’s Mr. Berfur!” (yes Valley Girl rears its ugly head at last) and then chew gum and blow a huge bubble because you know that’s what we do when we are this far gone.
Shall I go on? Let us just say that the visual of beaver falls is not all that appealing and don’t get me started on how we are going to damn that bastard up! If she messages me one more GIF of a guy fanning himself or that poor little beaver trying to stop the floodtide…
So, where was I? Oh yes! The phone is acting like it’s a hot date at Pachinko Palace (if you don’t know what a Pachinko Machine is, by all means, reference Wikipedia (because that’s the people’s encyclopedia) and my cube mates (sounds appropriate right?) or it could be cellmates I guess, depending on which end of the asylum we were let loose from. I finally in a panic wrap the phone in an extra pair of undies I had stashed in my purse (don’t ask) and shoved the offending instrument (#11) back into said purse and then put it into my bottom drawer and slammed it shut and tried to act nonchalant as they came forward looking for the source of the noise.
(Flash to me having to dig a shallow grave in my backyard and bury said phone if it didn’t know how to be quiet (bad phone!) Visions of Here’s Johnny! popped into my head (replete with the creepy hotel) and I knew at this point, add a padded cell with a full mask similar to Dr. Hannibal Lecter’s (#SilenceOfTheLambs) could not be far off. At that point, my phone started playing Down With The Sickness and my head said:
“Of Course Apple Tech Support is calling!” because that’s their ringtone right?
Now any sane person would have said: Disturbed rocks! I am sure if I had pulled my phone out my cube mates would have instantly started a mosh pit at that most inappropriate of moments and whilst they were chanting and holding my #11 up in the air as a sign of fealty. HR Kathy would come strolling in and I would have to (learn vaudeville and maybe some Burns & Allen) and then come up with a reasonable explanation for their group behavior whilst the lot of them are zeroing in on my desk as to the source of the noise. The scent of the kill is in the air (think Lion King).
“Do you hear that? What is that? Whose phone is blasting out that music?” and other inane inquiries.
Then, (let me rephrase that) Then! It was like the heavens parted and Big Ben (yep the one in London) chimed her bells while thousands of white doves were released over the city.
(I’m exaggerating a tad perhaps) and my phone goes blessedly silent and with the silence all of the precious cube people muttered under their breath, scratching their heads and gnashing their teeth!
No!!!! They said!
Then, they went back to their desks mumbling and sputtering, trying desperately to find the pretty bells and music. To find the precious…
Now you might be thinking that maybe I had seen one too many performances of Hair on Broadway or better yet, perhaps I had caught a contact high whilst driving through New York's Greenwich Village, but I can assure you that nothing could be farther from the truth! Being the only child of Librarians can cause one to have quite a vivid imagination. When I researched, I visualized it. It was like I was designing a Frank Lloyd Wright house. I wanted my clients to see the overarching big picture! Besides, having such a vivid imagination made the days pass much faster, who needs movies? You could rent space in my head all day long and it was by far the best value in the Big Apple!
I glanced over at my little cubicle clock (how quaint) and seeing it was time to Ya
badaba Doo, I stepped out through the office door and into the waiting arms of my posse (Sarah & Kathy). We went full-on Psy -Gangnam style (shades & hats) and headed down to the lunchroom trying desperately to hold onto the cliff edge of the librarian’s mantra... Silence! We were in a library after all...We dodged through the masses (art showing on the main floor) and caught the elevator down to the basement. My stomach started speaking in code to me as we headed down. Actually, it was Morse code and judging from the speed of the beeps; it was saying feed the bear now!
Upon the doors opening, we were greeted by the most luxurious scents of food, but not just any food! Oh no! We are talking Hawaiian with some Japanese tossed in for good measure. I could smell the noodles and fried rice. My mouth did a double-take (think Wile E. Coyote) going into full-on carnivore mode (#PageisaRaptor). So laser-like focused was I on the food that would soon be passing over my lips, that I missed a pair of handsome gentlemen eating in the Distinguished Guests Area of The Café. Of course, my posse didn’t!
Kathy motions for us to follow (quite tactfully I might add) and then proceeds to walk over to the elder of the pair and introduces herself and deftly slides a folded note into the gentleman’s hand. Curiosity aroused (like a cat following a ball of yarn or better yet a laser pointer!) we followed our friend and found ourselves face to face with our dinner guests from the previous evening. The infamous duo of Bennett & Bennett! (cue dramatic music! Where is an orchestra when you need one?)
“Good Afternoon Ladies!” the pair say together (it was quite cute actually).
Kathy reached over and gave the elder Dr. Bennett a hug. He opened the note she had given him (payback) and started to chuckle showing it to his son and then us.
I had a wonderful time with you as well Sir. I haven’t laughed like that in quite a long time!
I think that we should still do dinner at The Excelsior Hotel, Wink Wink! Just to get the rest of the family talking! Between our age difference and how unseemly it might appear and then us telling everyone that I am your daughter, it should be quite the talk for the rest of the week! (#Don’tStandSoCloseToMe).
Love,
Kathy
The elder Dr. Bennett looked up at Kathy thinking he had overstepped his bounds and went to apologize for any transgressions he might have taken that was all in the spirit of good clean fun.
One look at Kathy’s face and it was game over!
“I’m kidding totally!” she said (deadpan).
At that, Richard wagged his finger at Kathy knowing he had been played. Mr. Suave & Debonair was beside himself, he was laughing so hard! At one point Kathy thought the old man was choking and motioned for us to clear so she could do the Heimlich maneuver, but he waved us all off and after he had dried the tears that had been pouring out of his eyes (and eaten a nitro pill or was it a Viagra and consumed every glass of water on the table) and regained a modicum of composure, we were invited to join the professors at their table.
“You are a funny lady!” he told Kathy, smiling.
“You are not so bad yourself Mr. Tall-Drink-Of-Water,” she replied.
“That’s Professor to you, my dear,” he said politely in retort.
“Ok then, Professor Tall Drink of Water!” she replied.
The old man was enjoying the volleying back and forth with Kathy.
We excused ourselves to hit the lunch line (yeah The Hawaiian food was THAT good!)
Upon our return, Nick volunteered our encounter in The Research Area, which elicited another laugh from the gathered group. Of course, both gentlemen wanted to know how we liked The Morg and quizzed each of us about our respective duties (while we steamrolled our lunch like we were at a Hot Dog eating contest). I posh poshed when it was my turn, playfully volleying my answer back toward Nick - The Prof.
“Research receptionist and the guardian of Mint Chocolates,” I replied saucily.
Everyone got a kick out of my answer. Nick looked a little abashed at the teasing. Sarah chatted about working with Professor Doubleday on some 16th-century handwritten manuscript that was on loan from one of the Coptic Churches in Russia. I looked down at my watch and realized we were almost at the witching hour!
“Look at the time! We are going to get docked by HR Kathy if we don’t get back to our desks! Gentleman, it’s been a pleasure, and let’s do lunch again!” I mentioned and grabbing the girls we headed back toward our offices. Both gentlemen rose from their seats upon our leaving (nice manners).
We jumped into the elevator and then split off towards our assigned areas. Of course, I was the grand prize winner of the day and found a surprise waiting on my desk. A box that had all kinds of destination stamps on it, wrapped in brown butcher paper and tied with twine. It looked very old fashioned (almost Indiana Jones-like even) and in a very neat script, I saw it was addressed to me?
“I went back into Cubicle Island and asked if anyone knew where the package had come from. Penelope (my hero) came forward and followed me back to my desk to examine the box.
“Well, it passed through our security system (see the sticker on the bottom), so it’s been scanned by bomb & drug-sniffing dogs and has been checked out by New York’s and judging from all of the stamps, this package has traveled quite a bit to get here,” she said almost sounding like a really bored TSA agent at the airport.
“Thanks, Penelope!” I replied and set the box to the side wondering what on earth could be inside.
Chapter 18
Now, I realized that the package (say it with a French accent, it sounds cooler) could be some sort of elaborate prank or hoax even. The more I looked at it the more my parents were taken off of the suspect list. They were good, but this was elaborate A Game rated shenanigans here!
I hefted the package and shook it gently. I could hear something gently knocking and moving around inside. I set it down and knocked on it gently. The box felt like cardboard perhaps. A part of me thought it better to wait to open the mystery box (like that was going to happen!).
I was like a four-year-old girl at her birthday party being inundated in gifts and spoon-fed chocolate cake and ice cream and listening to New Kids On The Block at full blast and this well-traveled package was going down!
I decided to record the opening of the box (for posterity) and in case it’s a trap and this will be used as evidence by the appropriate law enforcement agencies or if you are a Sherlock fan like I am, maybe a mystery for Mr. Holmes to unravel on The BBC…
I pulled a mint green tripod from my computer bag (cause mint is my favorite candy & did I mention color as well?) and set up my phone on a cabinet overlooking the scene of the crime.
I lifted the package up and held it to the camera, filming every side before taking the phone down and hand zooming the different stamps that were on the outside. After I was satisfied that I had sufficiently recorded the package, I reset my camera into position and taking a deep breath (The following thought did cross my mind, that if there is a dead trout in this package wrapped in multiple garbage bags like in the movie Grumpy Old Men, then I know my dad had a hand in this).
Grabbing a pair of scissors (cue Psycho music) from my drawer, I carefully cut the twine loose and set it aside. Using a small letter opener (that had my name inscribed on it) because mom is cool that way, I began to carefully open the brown butcher paper. I was very careful to try not to jostle the package too much and peel the tape back (looking for any telltale fingerprints), but I didn’t see any. Finally, the butcher paper was loose and I carefully removed it from the outside of the box. I looked back at my camera phone and gave the thumbs-up sign.
Now the box was a different animal entirely. The cardboard was thick like you see in shipping containers and the whole box was wrapped in what looked like Saran Wrap. (something smelled fishy, and it wasn’t coming from the box). The tape was industrial-grade thick, and the letter opener was not working, so I pulled out my box opener (thanks mom) and carefully cut the tape loosely around the top removing the minimum amount of plasti
c so I could get the top off. After some effort, I finally freed the top of the box (cue Indiana Jones music - The scene in the first movie with the statue) and reaching down, I carefully pulled the cardboard lid up and out of the cocoon of plastic wrap. (A hush fell over the room, I had quit breathing honestly) and set it to the side.
When I peered inside the box, I saw that the top layer was mostly old newspapers (from the late forties and fifties). Very well preserved, most of them from Europe. I put on a pair of plastic gloves (thanks again mom) and carefully pulled the paper out and set it to the side. I was greeted with an ornately covered box, almost art deco like. There didn’t seem to be any visible seams to open it. There was a keyhole though (the old skeleton key type) along with a large old fashioned paper envelope addressed to me.
I grabbed my camera phone and filmed it all, then zoomed in on the envelope front and back, then reset my camera again.
Using the letter opener, I carefully cut the seam line (the V) and slowly opened the letter.
The ephemera (paper) was of an older type, the edges were rough cut. The pages were slightly yellowed, but not brittle. Still filming, I carefully pulled out the pages and opened the contents. A sprig of mint fell out from between the pages! How very odd? The letter was sparse, but beautifully written. From the looks of it, someone had gone to great lengths in handwriting the letter using an old fashioned pen and inkwell. I’m no expert, but the blotches (like I had seen in my studies of correspondence between historical figures) were not reproduced and the paper and ink had a unique scent to it. I flipped on my desk light and squinted getting used to the writing. It read as such: