by Elias Raven
“What’s so funny dad?” I asked.
“The look on your face when you came through the door!” he replied, still chuckling.
“Well, we were trying to surprise you both and thank you at the same time,” I replied trying not to sound off my game (which I was).
“That was so sweet of you Paige. As I said, we were thinking of Frankies for dinner as well to celebrate, but we also know it's a workweek and after the last time we went and you Ummm…” she said laughing (ok she was teasing me as well).
“Hey, it was an accident! I didn’t even see the guy!” I replied being playfully defensive.
“We heard you had quite an eventful day!” My dad chimed in.
Now at that comment, we all looked at each other, then at my smiling parents. I did my best squinty eyes and put my napkin down.
“Ok, so did like the director of the library call or…” I asked fishing (with a long pole I might add)
“Well, we might have heard some scuttlebutt around the block!” my mom said (still smiling).
“And what did you hear?” I replied warily (circling the lion’s den).
“That you had a wonderful day and in fact, you ran into one of my old professors even.” mom continued.
“I was going to tell you that we ran into Professor Bennett senior at The Morgan and he sent his regards.” I continued warily. (Queue the Twilight Zone music).
My parents smiled like they had a litter of cats cornered. Kathy and Sarah had been sitting silent the whole time watching everything. I knew there were going to be hours of girl talk after this dinner, but then my parents pulled a hat trick, like pulling a tablecloth from under the dishes, because right when we were getting ready to start the doorbell rang.
“Now who on earth could that be? Ladies, would you go answer the door?” my mom said smiling.
My dad was smiling like the Cheshire cat from Alice In Wonderland.
We looked at each other and shrugging said:
“Sure.” in unison, cause we’re fantastic that way.
We excuse ourselves from the table and made a beeline toward the front door. My heart was racing wondering how our carefully planned interrogation of my mother had gone so far off the track, you could hear the train derailing all the way across the city. The doorbell chimed again and I could feel my palms sweat as I reached out and grabbed the knob and swung open the door.
“Yes?” I asked putting my best Ann Margaret smile on.
You could have heard a pin drop as my parents burst into laughter in the dining room.
“Who is it Paige?” my dad asked.
There on the porch stood two well-dressed and rather distinguished-looking gentlemen.
“Is this the Murphy residence? We were invited to dinner this evening.” The elder of the two gentlemen stated in a rather proper English accent.
My stomach was doing cartwheels as the information coming from my eyes inputted into my brain and finally out of my mouth.
“Why Dr. Bennett and Dr. Bennett!?” I said to both of them, trying my best to be nonchalant and failing miserably...
“Ms. Paige I do believe and these are your friends Kathy and Sarah?” Asked the elder Dr. Bennett.
“That’s us!” We stammered putting on our best game face.
Ok, my parents had won the game; it was checkmate all the way!
“I’m Richard and this is my son Nicolas.” he continued.
Nicolas took my hand and did that suave thing (that men that had been raised correctly on how to treat a lady do). You know the old:
“Enchante’ Mademoiselle.” and then they gently kiss your hand.
At that point, I was looking like a melted bluebonnet chocolate ice cream in the summer heat.
I could feel Sarah (I got your back) propping me up from behind so I didn’t faint right off. The Prof was right here in my house!!! I wanted to scream but had to play it cool. If I could crawl out of my skin and let my bones run around the house, I would have done it right then and there!
I could see that beautiful Skyfall silver Aston Martin parked in our driveway.
The last rays of sunlight reflecting off the paint. The car was absolutely gorgeous.
“I can’t believe you're here…” I muttered.
“Did you say something Paige? If I may call you that?” asked Nick.
“Nope, just appreciating your car,” I replied lamely.
“Yes, she is a beauty,” he said in return (sounds like a cricket match, right?)
The elder Mr. Bennett pulled the same suave move on Kathy and Sarah and after we had all gotten over our surprise and the swoon-worthy introductions, I ushered in our distinguished guests and took them to the dining room.
My parents were both smiling (like idiots, I might add) and came over to greet our guests. I noticed that magically, a table leaf had been inserted and two more places had been set at the table. (They were both real smooth tonight).
“Thank you both for coming tonight. When Nick had called me about the cleaning bill and you had mentioned your father was in town doing research at The Morgan, I thought it was a great way to properly meet (instead of over spilled champagne) and your mom hasn’t seen Richard in years.” my dad said (setting the scene perfectly).
Suddenly, Richard turned to Kathy and smiled broadly.
“I remember seeing you this morning in the city. I must regrettably cancel our dinner at The Hotel Excelsior for this evening,” he said smiling like a wolf.
Kathy just stood there dumbfounded and after gathering herself together finally said:
“That was you in the car!?” she said incredulously then started laughing.
The elder Dr. Bennett gave a little Monty Python type of salute and continued smiling.
“At your service dear lady.” he continued.
“I’ve been played!” she exclaimed.
We were dying. My parents looked at all of us because they hadn’t heard the story yet and when I told them (skipping the part about me lusting over Nicolas rather smoothly I might add) what Kathy had done and the whole note thing, my parents almost launched champagne across the room they were laughing so hard. All of us were rolling until finally we managed to gather some semblance of dignity and the elder Dr. Bennett continued:
“So you thought my note was for real?” Richard asked.
“You are one smooth operator, that’s for sure Mr. Wink Wink,” Kathy replied and then rolled her eyes.
“I’ve been known to have a wicked sense of humor. I’m sure my son and Paige’s mother can attest to that fact!” Richard said.
Nicolas and my mom both nodded their heads. My dad joined the rest of us listening in rapt attention.
“I was driving my son’s car to The Morgan Library. Since I was planning on only being in town for a few weeks, he thought it a good idea that I take his Aston Martin and he would take the subway to the college instead.” he continued.
“I recognized the lot of you from your employment photographs. When Kathy waived at the car, I realized she must be looking for Nicholas and having such a brilliant opportunity to have some fun with you, I concocted the note rather quickly and handed it to you not realizing that I would be seeing the lot of you for dinner this evening,” he said chuckling.
We all teased Kathy for a minute, and then my mom started serving dinner.
“Besides, if you had shown up for dinner at The Hotel Excelsior, you would have discovered it has been closed for many years, so sadly I would have stood you up and we can’t have that now can we?” he said and then pointed to all of us at the table.
Kathy blushed red but took the ribbing good-naturedly. Richard and my mom talked about their time in college together and played catch up, while I took turns with my dad and the girls getting to know Mr. Hunka Hunka Burning Love.
I had to admit, this wasn’t how I had planned the evening, but the smile on my parents’ faces and how I felt inside, butterflies, and all made it that much better. Between the champagne toasts to o
ur newfound success and the delicious dinner, it was a perfect way to end the evening.
Chapter 15
“You know you're in love when you can't fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams.”
~ Dr. Seuss~
I tossed and turned all night. My mind was racing, dissecting the whole evening from beginning to end. We had excused ourselves after dinner and the second bottle of Champagne had been downed. I refused to do a repeat on Mr. Pink Champagne again. I could tell Nick wanted to talk some more, but my father and mother were both enjoying themselves with The Bennett’s and I didn’t want to crash the party. We hugged them all goodnight and I whispered to Nick that maybe we could do lunch if he was up for it to make up for our rough introduction, which he readily agreed too. I was going to have to call my doctor and get a prescription for nitroglycerin if my parents pulled many more nights like this. Talk about coming out of left field! Kathy couldn’t get over being played by Mr. Smooth & Debonair (that would be the elder Mr. Richard Bennett) like that. I finally rolled over and locked and loaded some Beatles - Sgt. Pepper and fell fast asleep only to be rudely awoken by The Beatles Good Morning Good Morning (yeah, I know it kinda sounds like Ground Hog Day doesn’t it?) a few hours later.
This time I rolled out of bed drunkenly and didn’t open the blind (thank you very much brain for engaging!) I didn’t need another yardstick rash and the swelling had finally gone down on my head so hopefully (knock on wood, no more blond moments...ha! Fat chance of that happening).
Preferring the soft amber glow of my night lights and my mother's plaintive call from the bottom of the steps…
“Paige, get down here! Breakfast is on!”
I just stared into the mirror wanting desperately to change my hair and makeup and jewelry, because you know Mr. Hot Pants (think Rod Stewart) was now a possibility for lunch this week.
I ran a brush through my hair and scrambled around my bedroom layering myself together (like a bento box) until the second announcement (which sounded like a tornado warning was announced by said mother).
“Paige!!! You have ten minutes and then breakfast is put up and you are doing cafeteria at work little lady!” she said ominously (which really isn’t a threat if you consider where I worked and how good the food is, but mustn’t hurt Mummsie’s feelings).
“Oh crap!” I thought and then did the whole cornered mouse bit layering makeup and grabbing my purse and computer bag and flying down the stairs like a Bugs Bunny cartoon.
A bowl of hot cereal with bananas and brown sugar greeted me along with melted butter and cream. I looked at the bowl, and then my mom thinking I don’t know, that maybe she would have made pancakes or waffles?
“You don’t have the time nor do I. Sarah just texted me. She’ll be here in ten minutes,” she replied to my look and unasked question.
I just shrugged my shoulders and leaned into breakfast as my mother set a box full of office type stuff in front of me and a To-Go mug of coffee.
“You’ll want to go through all that. That’ll get you started when they assign you your cubicle and I put a surprise in there as well,” she said and then rubbed my shoulders.
“My baby’s all grown up,” she said with a frowning face and then sat down on the barstool across from me.
“Mom, I’m not all grown up, this… this is just another phase in our journey together.” I said trying to sound-wise.
“Well, don’t wait too long to get comfortable in adulthood. I want grandkids soon missy.” she continued.
I just sat there with my mouth open. I looked like a nutcracker. She didn’t just pull the ole you are an adult and I want grandkids now on me, did she???
“Mom, I just graduated and got my first real job! OMG, you sound so Italian right now!” I said laughing despite myself.
My mother just smiled and grabbed her coffee and took a sip and there was her contented smile and then she looked at the clock.
“Sarah should be here in two minutes. Try to have a nice day today honey.”
“I love you, mom! Thanks for everything!” I said trying to be tender.
“Mmm hmmm… Just remember I’m not getting any younger,” she replied being a smart ass.
“Mmm hmmm…,” I replied, and on queue Sarah honked her horn from the driveway.
“If you see Professor Bennett today, tell him I send my regards.” she continued looking down at her coffee with a shit-eating grin on her face I might add.
Some days, I felt like I was in a chess match with Boris Kasparov - The Russian Chess Master.
My mother was that good.
“I will!” I replied and then grabbing my box-o-stuff, headed for the front door wondering what fate had in store for me today.
Chapter 16
I shot out the front door faster than a Tesla Model 3 going through the boring tunnel in Los Angeles. Buttons (with a name like that, it has to be a cat right?) the tabby looked at me indignantly from her cushioned perch on the porch, like you could have at least petted me and all my cuteness before running by me Biatch! I fast-walked to Sarah’s car and threw my stuff in the trunk (because they had their office shit piled next to Kathy in the back seat and that’s where Sarah said to put mine!). I looked at the boxes and then the girls and raised my eyebrow and gave them my best Witch Hazel look (See: Bugs Bunny).
“Yeah, your mom texted us the list of stuff to get for today and said she had you covered.” they both deadpanned then laughed like Elmer Fudd (See Warner Bros for cross reference - Gee I’m starting to sound librarianish...) #EyeRoll #Librarian #Shhhh. The highlight of our trip to work was you guessed it. A gorgeous Skyfall Silver Aston Martin pulled up alongside us and a tweed jacket covered arm knocked on the rear passenger window of our car causing all of us, but especially Kathy to startle. Kathy did the double-take and looked at us and we of course said:
“Roll it down!”
Kathy rolled her window down and leaned out and said:
“Hey!” Cause you know, when you’re Kathy Bottom, that’s what you do. Can you say #BFF #KindaSlutty #HyperSexual? #ShakeItBaby!
A neatly folded note was passed to said friend and then Mr. Aston Martin passed us by with the driver giving us a gloved hand wave.
Kathy opened the note and burst out laughing. The note said:
I had a wonderful time last night. Was it as good for you as it was for me? Wink Wink. I must say the party was a smashing success and do hope to spend another evening with you and your friends over choice morsels of meat and pasta before I have to catch The Virgin (Virgin Airways) back across the pond. See you at work.
Regards,
Richard
It took us a good minute to regain our composure. In the meantime, the drivers around us honked impatiently as we missed a light because we were laughing and not paying attention.
“That man is funny!” Sarah said.
What! Are you from out of state!? (Someone yelled outside our window).
“No kidding! He has that dry sense of humor that English people have. Sorta like Benny Hill meets Monty Python with a little Eddie Izzard thrown in.
We then gave the offending commentator outside a lovely three-fingered salute (one from each of us) and right on cue, the signal changed and we sped off toward The Morg (not the morgue, I’m not a dead lay... yet) anxious to start our day.
Now, we shall pause for a brief moment, whilst I comment on my habit of abbreviating everything. My mom always told me, if you want to start a trend, be the leader. I had been doing the whole abbreviate the title of things since I was a teenager. For instance Buttons (the cat) was now just The Butt, and I might add that I was promptly banned from saying that in front of any company or persons that came to our residence. He has a Fine-Ass now became Finesse because it sounds French and it flies under the radar when said in a surly fake Parisian accent. (B.T.W. The idea was totally stolen from Jeff Foxworthy - Blue Collar Comedy. “I would love to go out with hurricane.”), but I digress.
So
we pull into The Morg and use our newly assigned employee badges to get into the employee parking area of the garage. It was kinda cool really. Grabbing our boxes of cubicle stuff, we headed in through the employee entrance and once we touched our badges to the time machine sounds kinda HG Wells; we were greeted by the HR Director, the lovely Mrs. Katherine Davies.
“Good Morning Ladies! I am here to assign you to your work areas,” she said cheerfully.
At that moment, I felt like we were on The Great British Baking Show and we had just been given our basket of highly obscure ingredients (think Chinese Five Spice, Nutmeg and Limburger Cheese and maybe Sheep Intestines were thrown in for an added treat) and we were going to go to our stations to make our first loaf of whatever came to our minds to impress the judges.
We dutifully fell in line behind HR Kathy and went to our assigned areas. We dropped our Kathy off in Medieval Comedy (just kidding) in Communications & Marketing, Sarah got dropped off in Medieval & Renaissance Manuscripts and I was left doing a solo with Kathy over to tada!
“Research Services!” (Yep, a chip off the old block I was).
I thanked her for taking us over and found an open double cubicle that was right next to the entry door to the area (It was the only open one! I think some of the other members of the research staff were hiding in the back and I was the token sacrifice to deal with “the outsiders”).
The cubicle had another half cubicle attached to it that was divided by a wall and you walked around the wall where there was a small desk with trays and a phone for vendors and staff to drop off requests and inquiries and such.
I set my box down and blowing a loose blonde hair upwards off my face proceeded to unpack whilst members of Research Services slowly came forward to poke the human girl and introduce themselves. (I swear it was like right out of Ringo Starr’s - Caveman movie). They were all really friendly, although the guys kinda struck me as D & D Nerds and the girls were all Star Wars Junkies (judging by the posters tucked neatly in their cubicles). I bet if The Morg had a Cosplay event, my group would be leading the charge! Can you say, twenty-sided dice anyone? One of the ladies (whose name was actually Penelope!) showed me how the phones worked and gave me a pseudo crash course on their computer logins and showed me where the self-paced (snail’s pace actually) learning videos were for how to work the whole thing. They even had their own Chat App that looked suspiciously like AOL’s messenger app. #AOLSerIously?