Asking For A Friend

by Parker, Ali

  The guilt intensified, crushed my heart and made me feel ill. While my daughter had been vomiting and feeling sick, I had been flirting with Layton.

  Shame spread through my body like a disease that had been exposed to air. It ripped through me, vaporizing the air in my lungs and bringing tears to my eyes.

  I felt like the worst mother in the world. Like I had failed Annie when she needed me most, because I had. Before she could go to the urgent care office when she was so clearly in desperate need of medical attention, they had to stop by her mother’s office. Where they found me on my knees in front of my boss.

  I buried my head in my hands. Keeping it together was nearly impossible, but I had to do it. I couldn’t make it worse for Annie by letting her see me break down over it. She was so sensitive to my feelings.

  Undoubtedly, she would feel responsible for my tears. And that was the last thing I wanted, the last thing she needed.

  None of this was her fault. It was my own. I couldn’t believe how selfish I had been. Neglecting to answer calls when my daughter was ill because I was spending time with a man I’d only known for a couple of months.

  Annie was my world. My everything. How could I have let her down when she needed me most? “I’m so sorry baby. We’ll get you home as soon as we can. You and I will crawl into bed for the rest of the day. You get to pick every movie we watch.”

  “Even Frozen?” she asked hopefully, a glimmer of my ever-cheerful daughter shining through the haze of illness.

  I smiled, nodding. “Even Frozen. Twice, if you want.”

  Denise and I had made a pact a little while ago that neither of us would ever watch Frozen again. We’d both watched it tens of times with Annie, perhaps hundreds. Eventually we agreed that it was time for Annie to move on to something else.

  We encouraged her to choose everything and anything but Frozen whenever it was her turn to choose a movie now. Smart girl that she was, she’d caught onto us and stopped picking it altogether.

  Even that made me feel guilty now. She was a little girl. If Frozen was the only movie she ever wanted to watch, surely I should’ve let her watch it. It made her so happy.

  Inside, I made myself a promise. Annie comes first from now on. No more gallivanting around with Layton, no more flirting in his office or not hearing my phone when Annie needed me. She will be my priority.

  I liked Layton more and more every time we hung out. It was better that I stopped hanging out with him before I got in over my head. Hell, after the events of the day I was quite sure I was in over my head already. I had to get out now before someone got hurt. Other than my Annie, who already had been hurt by it.

  Fresh tears pooled in my eyes before I rubbed them away and sought out Annie’s little hand again. A shiver traveled through her body, breaking my heart even more—if that were possible.

  How could I have been so stupid? I tried not to wallow in my own misery, but misery sure loved its company and today, that was me.

  The urgent care office was busy when we arrived. Denise dropped us off at the entrance before going off to hunt for a parking spot.

  Scooping a shivering, green around the gills Annie into my arms, I carried her into the office. She snuggled her face into the crook of my neck, clinging to me. “I don’t like doctors, Mommy.”

  I stroked her hair and held her tight. “I know sweetie, but they’re going to make you feel better.”

  There were four other children waiting with their parents to be seen by the doctors. Several other people sat waiting their turn. Some sniffled, their noses red and their pallor gray.

  One little boy cried loudly, holding his arm. His fingers were swollen and his mother was causing a scene, insisting they couldn’t wait. From the look of him, I tended to agree with her.

  They were swept into the doctor’s consulting room next, causing some other people who had been waiting longer to grumble. Denise came in a few minutes later, taking a seat on the other side of Annie.

  We waited in tense silence for our turn. Denise tried to assure me there was no way I could’ve seen Annie’s illness coming.

  “Don’t be too hard on yourself,” she said, keeping her voice low. “Whatever it is, it came out of nowhere. That’s what I’m there for, to keep an eye on her.”

  “It’s not your fault,” I told her, fighting to keep emotion from cracking my voice. “I should have been keeping my phone nearby. I always do.”

  “Exactly,” Denise said, reaching across Annie’s lap to give my hand a reassuring squeeze. “You always have your phone on you. This is how Murphy’s Law works. The one day you didn’t keep it on hand, this happened. It all worked out okay, we’re here now. Stop berating yourself.”

  I shook my head, tears threatening to fall. If I had simply been busy at the office and didn’t notice my phone, it would have been one thing. I still would have felt like crap for missing Denise’s calls, but at least I would have known I’d been busy with work.

  Knowing that I hadn’t been busy with work, that I’d been busy flirting with Layton and shirking my responsibilities, both personally and professionally, killed me. It was like this was a message from the universe itself.

  Stop mucking around with your boss, it seemed to be screaming at me. Focus on your responsibilities.

  I received the message loud and clear. Whatever was going on with Layton was getting in the way of my being a mother.

  And that was totally unacceptable. Annie didn’t deserve my focus to be split any more than it already was. Work was a necessity, I couldn’t very well give that up in order to be there for her around the clock.

  Layton, however, was a distraction. From both Annie and work. A distraction I didn’t need and couldn’t afford.

  By the time a portly nurse called out our name, I was a nervous wreck. First and foremost, I was worried about Annie and getting her better.

  In the back of my mind, I was also hoping Layton would understand that I had to put a stop to what was going on between us. It hadn’t been my intention for him to find out about Annie the way he had, but he knew now.

  Hopefully, he would understand that in the light of my circumstances and what had happened, I couldn’t continue risking my position at his company and as a mom by carrying on with him. He might not even want to continue on with me anyway.

  Not every man wanted to get involved with a single mother. It was complicated and messy. Putting up with another man’s child wasn’t something that was easy to do. I had the utmost respect for men and women who took on the responsibility, but I wasn’t naive enough to believe Layton would want that for himself.

  Evidently, getting involved with someone while still being a good mother also wasn’t something I was capable of. No. It was better all-around to go back to focusing only on being the best mother I could possibly be.

  The doctor’s consulting rooms were stark and white. There was a clattered desk with three chairs around it. A metal examination bed sat in one corner, surrounded by implements and machines.

  Annie shuddered when she climbed onto the bed, clinging to my hand for all she was worth. The doctor was a kind looking woman with graying hair and faded orange lipstick. “Good afternoon folks. I’m Doctor McClean. Well then, this must be my patient. Sweetheart, what’s going on with you today?”

  “She’s been ill all morning,” I said, before proceeding to give the doctor all the details Denise had given me. “She hasn’t gotten sick since we got here, but she’s still running a fever.”

  Doctor McClean nodded. “I can see she’s not feeling well, poor dear. Let’s take a look at you.”

  She performed an examination, getting Annie to relax by chatting to her soothingly. When she was done, she placed her stethoscope down on the tray next to the bed and smiled sympathetically. “The good news is that you’re going to be fine. There’s a tummy bug doing the rounds and our little Annie here is its latest victim.”

  I ruffled Annie’s hair. “You hear that baby? You’re going to b
e fine.”

  “Now, if it doesn’t go away in over the next three days, you’ll need to come back in. But wither way, I’m confident the worst is over,” the doctor said. She scribbled out a script for some medication and handed it to me with some other instructions about fever and hydration before saying goodbye.

  On our way home, I took Annie’s hand and kissed the back of it. “I’m sorry, honey. We’ll pick up the medicine and you’ll be good as new in no time.”

  She managed a weak smile, leaning over to rest her head on my shoulder. “It’s okay, Mommy. You don’t have to worry, the doctor said the worst is over, remember?”

  Chapter 25

  Layton

  Twenty-four hours and still no word from Marissa. I consulted with a new client in the morning. An interesting man who wanted to build an off the grid tree house to live in about an hour outside the city.

  The project was bound to be both challenging and something totally different than anything I was used to. I was excited to get into it, but struggling to concentrate on the design.

  Sitting behind my drafting table, I stared down at the empty sheet of paper in front of me. My pencil clutched between my fingers, I had yet to draw so much as one line.

  Marissa was on my mind. I kept wondering what she might think of the project. I wondered if she would be as excited about it as I was, and I looked forward to seeing how she put the reports on this one together.

  The client was adventurous, but his budget didn’t match his dream. To say it would be tight was an understatement. There was no doubt in my mind that if anyone could put it together inside budget and make his residential dream come true, it was Marissa.

  She had proven to be invaluable on every project she’d worked on so far. I hoped she could work her magic again to make this happen.

  But it wasn’t her capability at her job that kept her on my mind all day. Loathe as I was to admit it, I was thinking about her for reasons that were entirely personal.

  Finding out she had a daughter was a massive surprise—to say the least. It had me reeling for the rest of the day after she left, trying to figure out what that meant for us.

  I wasn’t against children, per se. I obviously didn’t have any of my own and I didn’t really even know any children, since none of my friends had any either. My father and I weren’t close to our extended family, so while I might have had a cousin or something somewhere who had a child, I didn’t know them.

  Perhaps more disturbing to me than finding out Marissa was a mom was that she’d hidden it from me. I thought we were getting to know each other, but if she had kept something that huge and important from me, it was hard to believe I really knew anything about her at all.

  Questions tumbled through my mind, keeping my pencil firmly off the page. If I tried starting a design now, I knew it would only end up crumpled in the trash. My mind simply wasn’t focused the way it had to be before I started a design.

  The most gnawing questions were about Annie’s father. Where was he? Who was he? Was he still involved in their lives? Did Marissa secretly harbor a wish for them to be together as a family? Was I merely filling her time while she waited for the love of her life to come back and reunite their family?

  And that was assuming that she’d even been honest when she told me she was single. For all I knew right then, she went home to her baby daddy every night. That thought, unlikely as it was, made me feel sick.

  Marissa didn’t strike me as the type to have an affair and she didn’t wear a wedding ring, but that didn’t mean Annie’s father wasn’t in the picture at all.

  The questions were burning holes in my brain. All through my consultation with the new client, I was distracted. Ideas which should have inspired me and drove me to work relentlessly until I had a first draft ready for the client’s perusal did nothing for me.

  My own ideas and visions for the design floated around aimlessly in my head. They just weren’t coming together.

  The weather outside matched my mood, gray, dreary and uncertain. It kept looking like it was about to rain, but the rain never came.

  It was starting to get ridiculous, the weather and my feelings both. Why couldn’t it just fucking rain? And why couldn’t I just get my damn answers?

  With that in mind, I pushed back on my chair. It was time to go find Marissa. I couldn’t think about her anymore without talking to her.

  Since I hadn’t received a request for time off, I was assuming she was at work. If she wasn’t, I would take it from there. If it came down to it, I would get her home address from human resources and head over there.

  But I couldn’t go any longer without talking to her. I had to know.

  When I stood up and turned around, I found Marissa walking through the door to my office. Relief flooded me. That she was here. That we could talk. Even that her being here meant her daughter must be okay.

  She looked as gorgeous as always. Her blue eyes were big and bright despite the bit of redness in them. It looked like she hadn’t slept much either. The first indication that something was wrong wasn’t her red eyes though.

  I’d gotten used to seeing her in color and floral prints, despite the dreariness of the weather outside. Seeing her in a simple gray skirt and a white blouse was jarring. Her hair wasn’t loose and flowing freely. It was taken up into a tight bun at the back of her head, being held together by an ordinary pencil.

  She was even wearing stockings. It was all I could do not to gape at her. It was Marissa standing before me, but it wasn’t her.

  “Hi,” she said shyly. “Have you got a minute?”

  I nodded, motioning her in and closing the door behind her. “How’s your daughter?”

  Frowning, she seemed surprised by the question. She brushed a tendril of hair that had escaped off her forehead and tucked it behind her ear. “She’s okay. It was only a stomach bug. She’s already feeling better. Thanks for asking.”

  I waited for her to continue, to explain why she hadn’t told me about Annie. She didn’t say anything though. It looked like she was, very uncharacteristically, at a loss for words.

  “Why didn’t you tell me about her, Marissa?” I asked quietly, crossing my arms as I leaned against the windows behind my desk. “You should have told me you were a mom.”

  She bristled visibly. I could practically hear her defenses slamming into place. “Why?”

  Her tone was challenging, flat. “Why should I have told you? You’re my boss, Layton. I haven’t told anyone here about Annie, why would I have told you?”

  Everything about her screamed defiance. She was cold and withdrawn, defensive. I sighed, running a hand through my hair. I didn’t want to fight with her, but things seemed to be headed in that direction.

  “You should have told me exactly because I am your boss. I need to know who might need time off on account of their kids.”

  It was a thin argument, but it was true. At least to some extent. As impersonal as the office was and as much as we promoted a culture of professionalism, it was useful to know which staff members had families. It was understandable that those people wouldn’t always be available to work overtime or to come for strategy sessions on the weekends.

  In Marissa’s case though, it wasn’t strategy sessions I was worried about. The look she gave me told me she knew I wasn’t being completely honest. She shrugged, crossing her arms. “I’ve never needed time off for Annie before. Yesterday’s circumstances were extenuating. Denise tried to call, but I didn’t answer.”

  There was an accusation in her tone that rubbed me the wrong way. Without needing to hear her say the words, I knew she blamed me for not answering her phone when she was needed. Well, fuck me.

  I hadn’t even known she had a kid. How the hell was I supposed to know she might be missing important calls while spending time with me in my office?

  “You haven’t answered my question.” I told her, my annoyance at being blamed for something I had no idea about, bleeding into my tone. “Why
didn’t you tell me about her?”

  “You’re my boss, Layton,” she repeated. As if daring me to challenge her, she looked me right in the eye. “You’re not my boyfriend. Why would I tell you about my daughter? She’s none of your business.”

  My spine tensed, my shoulders locking as I ground my jaw. “I’m just your boss, nothing more. Is that it?”

  “Yeah,” she said. Fear flashed in her eyes, but it was gone before I could ask about it. Determination to say her piece seemed to win out over any reservations she may have had about it. “We have to stop what we were doing. We can’t be involved that way.”

  I saw it coming, but it still stung to hear her say the words. I was about to respond, but she carried on. “I’m sorry I let things between us go that far, but we need to stop. Now. If you can’t be okay with that, then I’m going to have to leave.”

  ‘I’m sorry I let things between us go that far.’ The words echoed in my head, bouncing around to hit every button I had. She was sorry? I was fucking sorry. I knew getting involved with the woman my father made me hire was a bad idea, but I let my dick do the thinking. And as always, the fucker shouldn’t have been in control.

  Pissed off, I fought against the urge to tell her to just leave then, if that was what she wanted. My thoughts from earlier about how well she’d done on all her projects filtered in through the anger.

  Losing her would be stupid and unnecessary. My clients and my company needed her. I couldn’t let my ego or my personal feelings for her get in the way of that.

  Fight for her, a voice in my head whispered. I shrugged it off. She didn’t look like a woman who wanted me to fight for her.

  It was quite clear to me that her mind was made up. She made the decision to leave whatever we had behind. She didn’t want anything to do with me and that was okay.

  I wasn’t looking to settle down. She was probably right. Things between us had gotten out of hand and she was doing us both a favor by calling it off.