by Sajni Patel
“Hold you back? You mean get upset because you’re considering leaving me?”
“I’m not leaving you.” She shook her head as if this conversation was exasperating her.
“How long do you expect a long-distance relationship to work?” I asked, trying to keep my anger, my panic, down.
“We’ll try. Maybe you can get a job there.”
I scoffed and pulled away. “And leave my family? I get that you hate yours, but I love mine. I can’t leave Ma, I won’t leave Josh. I thought you were starting to love them, too.”
She sat back, her face rigid. “Are you telling me not to accept the job?”
“There has to be a company here.”
“That I want to be with? In a management position? With better pay? No. There isn’t.”
“You’re running away from me again.”
“Jay. You’re not hearing me. I am not running away. This is the type of job I’ve worked very hard for over several years, at a company that I’ve tried to get into before, a company that I really want to work at and a position I believe I’ll thrive in.”
“In Dallas!”
“What should I do, then?” she growled. “Stay here, work at a place that I hate if I can even get a job here? Play housewife and go to mandir and deal with those idiots who I hate?”
I rubbed my eyes. “Are we fighting again?”
“Sounds like it.” She pushed away from the table and stood. “Now you’re pissed at me. It’s not the situation I want, either.”
I shot to my feet and went out the door, Liya right on my heels. “Tell me when you got things figured out.”
“I already do. I’m taking the job, Jay.”
She reached for my hand when I pulled out my car keys. “This is not the end of us,” she said softly.
“I can’t leave my family. You won’t stay here. That sounds like the end of us.”
“Jay—”
But I wasn’t hearing it. I got into my car and left.
Chapter Thirty
Liya
An Indian wedding was a larger-than-life ordeal. Comprised of several ceremonies and parties, mendhi to get done, pictures to take, and in every aspect, I had to put on my best, happiest face. I was happy for Reema and Rohan, but I had to deal with Jay later. He was upset. I got it. But he didn’t fully understand why I could never stay here.
I had to tell him. I had to tell another soul, after all these years, the name of the man who assaulted me. I knew Jay would believe me, side with me, but there was a vicious niggling that he wouldn’t believe such a pious man could have done such a thing. After all, my own father hadn’t believed me.
But after the wedding. After all of my exuberant duties and dance numbers.
Stepping back into the mandir after Mukesh’s very real warning haunted my thoughts. He had me nervous, but my best friend’s wedding was enough to shove thoughts of Mukesh to the side and show up proud and jubilant. Not even that lying maniac could keep me away.
Reema had transformed into Houston’s most elegant bride in a flowing crimson-and-gold lengha. Intricate maroon mendhi designs trailed up her hands and forearms and on her feet. Chiming anklets with teardrop bells wrapped around her ankles. A dozen sparkling glass bangles lined her wrists to match her outfit. A giant diamond engagement ring weighed down one hand. Her ears drooped with heavy gold chandelier earrings to match a thick necklace. Her eyelids glimmered with glitter, her eyes were lined with kohl. Her lips were ruby red.
“I’m not going to cry,” I promised, my voice cracking.
“Don’t cry! If you cry, then I’ll cry,” she said.
The swarm of women around us warned against my making Reema cry, but their eyes misted first, and then it was a downhill battle from there.
“Don’t ruin your makeup!” I chided. “We still have a million pictures to take.”
Preeti fanned her while the majority of the women walked out of the back room where we waited for the big cue. Reema’s doting mom lovingly pulled Reema’s dupatta over her face. The doors opened, and we paired up with the groomsmen and walked down the aisle. Mukesh caught my eye as I smiled big. He would not take this from me.
We stood poised and watched the double doors open. Reema walked down the aisle with her two uncles, holding her bouquet, her smile shaking as she tried not to cry on her way to the intricately carved altar, its golden poles wrapped in red-and-gold silk. Marigold and rose garlands hung from the top in a curtain of aromatic flowers.
Once Reema took her seat across from Rohan, I glared at Mukesh on the way to my chair.
To the right, Dad silently shunned me. It wouldn’t be a surprise if Mukesh had given them an earful. And here we found ourselves again, the same place we were years ago and kept returning to. When someone tried to ruin me, where were the parents who would stand up for me? To deny those claims? To fight for me?
To the left, Jay wore a splendid green sherwani with gold beading along the hem. His lips lifted in an imploring half smile, and I smiled back. I’d missed him so much the past few days. I wanted to hug him, to kiss him, and never let go. On my way past, I touched his shoulder.
I sat near the back with Preeti. We deserved a front row seat, but she, much like myself, needed the exit in sight. This place and its judgmental, hypocritical people were stifling. And with her ex present, Preeti was definitely a flight risk.
She held my hand, and I leaned my head against her. Jay turned back and glanced at me with that heartwarming smile that said everything without saying anything.
I nodded, knowing we’d have to sit down and talk later, and glanced away, only to find Mukesh watching us from his seat near Dad. Focus, Liya, just look at Reema.
I wiped a tear, and Preeti squeezed my hand. “Don’t make me cry. Do you know how many attempts it took to get my makeup right?”
“Okay.” I giggled, hoping to ease her and convince my heart that it shouldn’t be so heavy.
The ceremony went on without a hitch, but partway through the modernized, fast, one-hour version, Jay stood and walked past me.
He crouched behind me, his mouth at my ear. “You look beautiful,” he said simply.
My heart skipped several beats.
My hands shook as he stood and walked away to stretch beyond the double doors. I went to him.
I breathed. In and out. Slow, methodical, cleansing.
“You don’t look half bad yourself,” I said when I found him alone down the hall.
“Look, I—” we both started at the same time and then chuckled. Were we two awkward teens here?
People filed in and out of the hallways, breaking my concentration. “I need to talk to you, Jay.”
“Yeah.”
“After the reception. I have several more bridesmaids’ duties to get through. I have to get back.”
He kissed my temple. I breathed in his scent, felt his warmth wash over me. I would’ve kissed him, except we were in the middle of my best friend’s wedding at mandir.
After the wedding and ceremonious traditions, we cleared the hall. Dozens of people rushed through to transform the area into reception mode while the couple took care of even more traditions. Then we all changed into elegant party gear. Reema and Rohan sat on red velvet thrones on a dais beside the wedding cake and catering table.
Reema grinned at us. I smiled back and waved. What a perfect day for her.
Between walking past Jay and getting to the dance floor, Mukesh managed to creep by and mutter, “I warned you what would happen if you returned here, if you kept Jay away from Kajaal.”
My breath stalled, and I blinked away the shock of terror as he walked toward the back, toward Jay and his family. I squeezed my eyes tight as we took our places barefoot on the wooden makeshift dance floor. Now was not the time to curse him out. It was not the time to run off with Jay.
Hold it together. Just dance. Concentrate on Reema and Rohan. My palms turned clammy and perspiration crawled down my neck. My head spun, and all the staring,
watching faces blurred as the music revved up.
My nerves were wrought and coiled tight as we stepped into formation and the Bollywood beat came on, pounding through our ears, vibrating the walls, and earning cheers.
We did our thing, danced, spun, tapped, clapped, swayed our bodies and hips, and flicked our wrists in all of the cinematic Bollywood glory that the song demanded.
At the end, applause erupted all around, and we caught our breath, sweat dripping down our temples. Afterward, Reema and Rohan would enjoy their first dance, cut the cake, and feed each other, and then the dance floor would open to everyone. The caterers would unveil silver pots of food. The cool air would fill with spicy aromas and pounding music, laughter, and conversation.
I made a beeline toward Jay, my heart pounding and my limbs heavy.
My parents stood off to one side, waiting to approach me, without a doubt. Dad called me toward him with a crook of his finger, as if I were a child caught eating cookies before dinner. Mukesh was at their side. Jahn approached him, worry creasing his face, and said a few words. His mother was summoned, and they walked into a smaller, private room.
Oh, hell no. Anger rippled through me. Mukesh was not about to pull Jay’s family into this. I gathered my heavily beaded chaniya into my hands and marched into the room after them, throwing open the door as Mukesh pleaded with Jay’s family.
“What are you doing?” I growled.
“Wait outside. Adults are talking,” he rebuked.
“Listen here, old man—”
“I warned you, didn’t I?”
I looked to Jahn and his mother. “I’m so sorry.”
“You weren’t sorry while you stole Jay away from my daughter? Seducing him? Defiling him?” Mukesh barked.
“I meant that I’m sorry this senile bigot dragged you into the fictional drama in his head. Look, whatever you’re trying to tell them, they’ve heard it all. Don’t embarrass yourself any further.”
Jay’s mother spoke to him. “Mukesh Bhai, we’ve heard the gossip, and you’ve already spoken to us. I don’t care what you have to say. Liya is a good girl, and we’re pleased that she and Jay have chosen each other.”
Momma breathed a sigh of relief, but Mukesh’s following words cut through her happiness like a blistering knife. “This is something that we’ve kept private, secret.”
My heart spasmed. “Don’t do this.”
“Do what?” Jay asked. He looked at Mukesh with a restrained ferocity, and then at his brother and mother with concern. Finally, he glanced at me, his concern ever deeper.
Mukesh said solemnly, “As much as this hurts me to say.”
“Then don’t,” I responded, my expression stoic, a plea, a warning. This was not for him to tell, to distort and lie about. This was my truth for me to tell my side when I was ready, not in a back room in the middle of my best friend’s reception.
“I don’t care what you have to say. I thought we made this clear weeks ago,” Jay said, his voice rough but calm.
“It’s time to reveal this disturbing truth because you’re making a huge mistake with Liya,” Mukesh warned.
“That’s none of your business,” Jay growled.
“Your manners!” Mukesh said, appalled, and gave Jay’s mother a pitiful look.
“Don’t look at her,” Jay retorted, standing between Mukesh and his mother.
“You should hear this…” Dad interjected.
“What?” I balked. My mouth gaped, my chest splayed open by the ever-deeper betrayal. He had never backed me in these heartrending claims, but to give Mukesh the room, to silence everyone, to be his pillar while removing mine? How could Dad do this to me? He wanted to push me onto Jay. He wanted this alliance. I was his flesh and blood, but he took the side of the viper. Instead of shielding me, he held the venom to my veins and allowed the serpent to sink its fangs into my flesh.
Tears filled my eyes. My body turned to lead. I hadn’t felt this abandoned since childhood, since Mukesh started this atrocity.
I trembled at the thought of telling this room my story, of being forced to relive that day and the years that followed when those who were supposed to protect me broke me.
Jay cast a worried glance my way, but I turned from him and walked past Mukesh. The least I could do was leave, to let this play out without the added mortification of being present. But someone grabbed my arm with a tight grip and pulled me back. I assumed it was Mukesh, and I was so ready to hit him.
Dad’s aging hand gripped my forearm. He yanked me back into the room with another tug. Having caught me off guard, I stumbled backward and glared at him.
“Who do you think you are, handling her like that?” Jay snapped and gently touched my back. “Are you all right, Liya?”
Too many tears flooded my eyes, too many to see through. Once I blinked, they slithered down my cheeks. I could hate Dad all I wanted, but the debilitating pain from his betrayals never lessened. After all these years, he still wielded the power to reduce me to a whimpering child.
“I meant to tell you right after the reception,” I muttered, my chest heaving, my stomach trying its hardest not to puke.
“Tell me what?” Jay whispered, his body turned into my side.
I closed my eyes for a second. “Mukesh—” I began to tell Jay. If I couldn’t tell the room, I could at least tell Jay while he blocked my view of everyone else.
“You all know what sort of man I am,” Mukesh interrupted.
My hands fisted at my sides. “Shady,” I offered.
“Insistent in overstepping boundaries?” Jay added.
“Well, I am a pious man, a religious sort, a man of God,” Mukesh said.
I scoffed.
“Liya,” Dad snapped.
Mukesh went on, “I’m at mandir every day, devout in my worship. I help with all functions, meals, I even clean and cook in the kitchens. Ask any patron, ask my family, your friends, my coworkers, the friends and teachers of my children. And true, I’m a bit forward with this situation, but only because you can’t make this mistake, Jay. Even if you don’t want to marry Kaajal, it’s in your best interest to walk away from Liya. You don’t know her.”
“I know her better than you,” Jay said as he took my hand. His face turned rigid, hard, scary when he glared at Mukesh, but it softened to something so fiercely protective when he returned his gaze to me.
My breathing turned ragged and raspy. “The man who sexually assaulted me, molested me when I was a kid,” I said calmly, quietly, void of all the anger I’d held for the past ten years.
“You’re the one?” Jay snarled, whipping toward Mukesh. His fists turned white as he took a step, but Dad stopped him with a hand near his chest.
“That is the lie she tells herself,” Mukesh replied. “This is why we kept this between us. I’m an elder in this mandir. I’m here to help those who stray, but Liya is a special case that has worsened over the years.”
“You’re the liar,” I said as ire whirled through me, awakening me, pushing me toward the breaking point.
“We all tried to help. Do you dare call your parents liars?”
Dad was a liar, and I’d called him out on it. Momma was…scared. Even now her lips trembled. But then she did something that I didn’t expect. She narrowed her teary eyes. Her terrified expression turned angry, protective. She took a step forward and opened her mouth, but Dad reeled her back, and they fought.
She finally stood up for me? She finally stood up to Dad?
I let out a shuddering breath.
Mukesh had never stopped talking. “This is the truth, Jay. This is for us only, but you’re hearing it because she has seduced you to the point that you cannot see the dangerous, disturbing truth. Your mother and elder brother are here as witnesses, to help protect you against her if you don’t believe the truth. At only fifteen, she managed to get me alone at our home and seduce me.”
“You manipulating, lying piece of crap,” I snapped.
“See! She gets out o
f control like this all the time. Do you really want to be with a woman as volatile as her? And I’m certain that if you’ve spent more than five minutes with Liya, you’ve seen this side of her.”
From the corner of an eye, Jay studied us, but I couldn’t look at him, couldn’t watch as realization unfurled across his features. Maybe he wouldn’t forsake me, but if there was the slightest chance that he would, I couldn’t bear to see that truth.
“How could I lie in this place of worship? After she tried to seduce me, and I kindly rebuked her, she told her parents that I made advances on her.” He solemnly shook his head as Dad agreed.
My heart skipped two beats and slammed against my ribs with the third beat.
Dad’s white-knuckle hold bore into Momma’s arm, silencing her. My hands trembled to touch her, to hold her, to apologize that these jackasses existed.
“See the shame? Her seduction didn’t stop there. She tried hard to convince her parents about her lie, and then turned hostile toward me for not giving in to her. Since then, she’s turned her wiles on all sorts of boys. Her lifestyle didn’t change. It worsened. Drinking, partying, cursing. She became a whore. She still is one.”
There was a scuffle behind me, Jay no doubt, but I couldn’t look.
“Women are like dishes, no? Once broken, of what use are they? Some pieces may be glued back together, but she will never be whole. In Liya’s case, there are too many tiny pieces, some that left her long ago, stuck to someone’s bed. Go ahead, ask her father if this is true or not.”
“This is the truth,” Dad pushed out, making direct eye contact with me. How much could a father hate his own child?
He went on as I watched him through teary, blurred eyes, “I’d hoped that she could find a husband, and that was my fault. To believe that a man would marry her, want her after being so used. But to slander a good man’s name…We’re indebted to Mukesh Bhai for keeping this between us. I would’ve been indebted to you, Jay, for marrying her, but that would be unfair to you.”
“I hate you,” I growled. “How could you believe him over me? All these years you stick to his side and disown your daughter? I was just a child!”