A Special Kind of Different

by Holly Jacobs

  Liam wasn’t sure he’d understood her correctly. “My porch?”

  “Yeah. Remember when I told you I had porch envy the first time I was here?”

  Despite everything, he smiled at the memory. “Yes.”

  “Okay, so I want a porch, and yours is nice for the short term. I mean, to sit out here for a bit and watch the neighborhood go by is nice, but the chairs aren’t really comfortable. They’re not meant for long-term use. They’re something that you fold up and put away when you’re done with them. When I get my own porch, the porch I’m going to keep forever, I want one that’s comfortable. That won’t become uncomfortable and leave me fidgeting…”

  He finally got her analogy. “You want white wicker.”

  She nodded. “Yes.”

  “And all I have to offer you is ratty lawn chairs.” He hated that it was so, but he knew the truth of it—he was a ratty lawn chair, and someone like Anna deserved white wicker.

  “Liam, I’ve told you about my mom and her never-ending search for the right man. For her one true love. I’ve seen her work at relationships. I’ve seen her try to change for them. I’ve watched her try to change the other person. Neither way works. I decided a long time ago that I’m not worried about ever-after. I don’t want to change you, and I won’t change myself for you. I think it’s best to admit we’re not meant for anything more than what this was—a brief fling.”

  “And you want white wicker.”

  “Yes.”

  Liam had no argument. Anna Chapel thought all she wanted was a relationship that was comfortable for however long she was in it. She said she didn’t believe in soul mates. But Liam knew that Anna deserved nothing less than a partner who could love her heart and soul. That’s the type of relationship she was meant to have, and even if she wasn’t looking for it, he knew she’d get it someday. She was too special not to.

  And because he understood all that, even if she didn’t, he didn’t argue. He simply said, “Fine. But you’ll come back for Colm?”

  “Yes.” She started for her car again, then turned around and said, “About us—I’m sorry.”

  “So am I, Anna.”

  Liam was pretty sure he wasn’t going to get over being sorry anytime soon. He wasn’t sure he ever would.

  Liam dragged himself upstairs and knocked on Colm’s door. “May I come in?”

  “Yeah.” Colm was sitting on his bed. Liam looked around the room and realized that very little had ever changed in here. Colm’s collection of Star Wars figures and toys lined the bookshelf. Crates of Lego were tucked under the bed. Looking at the room it would be easy to believe that Colm was still a child.

  But looking at his brother, Liam knew he wasn’t.

  Colm’s face mirrored Liam’s own, only happier. More innocent.

  He remembered the picture Colm had been working on. The one where everyone was smiling except himself.

  Is that how Colm saw him? How everyone saw him?

  “Colm, we have to talk.”

  “Yeah, ’cause we’re both grown-ups and grown-ups don’t run away from stuff. They talk about it.”

  “Anna said that?”

  Colm nodded. “And that grown-ups fight for what they want. I want Anna to teach me.”

  “She said to tell you she’ll be on time tomorrow.”

  Colm threw himself at Liam and hugged him. “Thanks, Liam. Anna was right. Anna’s always right.”

  Anna who’d told him he was a ratty lawn chair was always right. Liam flopped onto the end of Colm’s bed.

  “Liam, how come you’re mad at Anna?” Colm asked.

  “I’m not,” he assured Colm.

  “Then she’s mad at you?”

  “No.”

  Colm patted Liam’s shoulder. “You’re sad again. Your eyes crinkle and here, too,” he said pointing at Liam’s brow. “You’re sad or mad a lot.”

  “I’m not mad right now, bud. I’m sad that I screwed up. I liked Anna. A lot.”

  “Anna says if you make a mistake you gotta clean it up.” Colm studied him. “Yeah, you’re sad ’bout Anna, but you’re mad, too.”

  Before he thought about it, Liam said, “I’m mad that I’m the brother who got everything.”

  Liam heard the words come out of his mouth, but it was as if someone else had said them. Where had that come from?

  Colm looked as confused as Liam felt. “Huh?”

  Liam tried to explain, as much for himself as for Colm. “When we were born, I came first, but it took a long time, and you were stuck in Mommy’s belly and didn’t get enough air, so you didn’t come out soon enough. You didn’t get enough air and…” Liam stopped, unable to believe he’d said that. He’d never said those words aloud, but he realized that was exactly how he felt. Angry that he and Colm were twins. Identical twins. That Colm could have had all the things Liam did, if it wasn’t for an accident at birth. If he hadn’t been the second twin to be born.

  Colm didn’t seem distressed by Liam’s admission. He simply nodded his head. “Oh, yeah, Mommy told me that. I didn’t get ’nuf air, so it’s harder for me to do some things.”

  “Yes.”

  Colm looked puzzled. “And you feel mad at me?”

  “No, not at you. Never at you. I’m mad that that’s how it worked out—I was the lucky brother.” And there it was, the heart of his anger. He was the lucky brother—he’d gotten it all. And Colm, his identical twin, because he happened to be born second, had lost out. Liam knew he owed it to his brother to look after him, to somehow try to make up for the fact that Liam was the lucky twin.

  Colm laughed. “Geesh, Liam, you were a baby. And it might take me longer to figure stuff out, but I do figure it out. And I got me a job, and I’m gonna get me a house with Gilly and Josh. And Anna’s not mad at me. So, I’m really the lucky one, huh?”

  Liam hadn’t said yes to the house, hadn’t agreed, but Colm didn’t seem to realize that. He was making plans for his life. Plans he didn’t consult Liam about. He was building his own future, as any adult would. “Colm…”

  “Yep, I’m lucky ’cause you’re gonna be all alone in the house when I go, and if Anna’s mad, she won’t even come over to visit you. She’ll come see me and Gilly and Josh, though. If we get the house. Some of the people there don’t want us.”

  “Anna will make sure you get the house. And if not that one, she’ll find you another one.” Anna would fight for what she believed in. She’d fight for Colm. For his friends. For their right to have the house. But she wasn’t going to fight for him. Or rather, she had fought with him and for him and finally given up.

  Colm nodded. “Yeah, ’cause Anna likes me.”

  “Yes, she does.”

  “And even if I’m the lucky brother and she likes me, she likes you, too. You gotta wipe up the mess. Say you’re sorry.”

  “You think?” Liam asked.

  “I know, you could make her a picture for her wall at work. I made her one and she liked it. It was a very nice picture. Since she’s mad, you gotta paint her a really nice one and say you’re sorry and maybe she won’t be mad no more.”

  Suddenly, he had an idea. “Colm, you’re right. I’ve got to paint her something special. Something more special than a picture. Will you help me?” It was the first time he could ever remember asking his brother that question. It felt as though for the first time ever he was truly seeing Colm.

  He wasn’t seeing Colm’s handicap. He was seeing his brother. An amazingly upbeat man who had dreams, aspirations, and who felt more joy than Liam had ever allowed himself to feel. And maybe that’s why, for the first time, he asked Colm for help.

  Colm articulated what Liam was thinking. “Yeah, I’ll always help you, Liam, ’cause you’re my brother. And you’ll always help me, ’cause I’m your brother. That’s what brothers do. They help each other.”

  “Yes, that’s what brothers do.” Liam threw his arms around his brother and hugged.

>   “Liam, you’re squishing me,” Colm said, laughter in his voice.

  Liam released him and Colm reached over and patted his shoulder. “And you can’t feel bad, Liam, ’cause I came second. Right now I’m the lucky brother. And I got friends and a job and I’ll have a house soon. I’m real lucky.”

  “And happy?” Liam asked.

  “Oh, yeah, real happy.” He looked at Liam. “You’re not happy though.”

  “Maybe I can be if Anna stops being mad at me.” Liam knew there was no maybe about it. If Anna gave him another chance, he’d be the happiest man around. “So, let’s get painting.”

  “What’re we paintin’?” Colm asked.

  “Come on and I’ll show you. But first, we’ve got some shopping to do. And then, we’ve got a lot of work.”

  “Okay. Anna marked my work days on the calendar and I don’t gotta go today. I gotta work at the grocery store tomorrow.”

  “Great. This might take all day.”

  It was seven o’clock before Liam was ready. He and Colm had taken a quick lunch break, then eaten pizza about five.

  All day, every few minutes Colm had said, “Can we go get her now?”

  And Liam had to say, “Not yet, bud, but soon.”

  Though, as Liam surveyed their day’s work, he knew it was all ready. “Colm, it looks great. I couldn’t have done it without you.” And he couldn’t have. “We make a good team.”

  “Yeah. So, let’s go get Anna and show her her surprise.”

  Liam wiped his hands on his paint-splattered jeans. “Let’s go.” He started toward the car, but Colm wasn’t at his side. He turned around and asked, “Problem?”

  “You wanna take me to Aunt Betty’s so you can get her yourself? You gotta say you’re sorry, and then maybe you can kiss her again.” Colm giggled, as if Liam and Anna kissing was one of the funniest things he’d ever heard of.

  Liam laughed as well. He was nervous that he’d done irreparable damage to his relationship with Anna, but he had this underlying feeling of hope—that somehow he could make things right with her. “Nah, I think Anna might be more willing to come see our surprise if you’re with me.”

  “Okay, but hey, if I’m there, no kissin’ in front of me,” Colm warned. “’Cause that’s gross.”

  Liam laughed. Not because of Colm’s proclamation about the grossness of his kissing Anna, but because he felt…happy. And optimistic. About a lot of things.

  The weight of guilt was gone.

  While he’d always know that Colm’s handicap wasn’t his fault, emotions don’t always pay attention to such logic. But Colm’s honest reasoning helped.

  His brother was happy. He was living life on his own terms.

  It was okay if Liam was happy, too.

  And the only thing Liam needed to find that happiness was Anna Chapel.

  “OH, ANNA, you’ll never believe my news,” her mother called out as she waltzed into Anna’s without knocking.

  Anna should yell. She should have the boundary discussion with her mom again. But she couldn’t muster the energy it required.

  “Anna, why on earth are you sitting here in the dark?”

  Anna was curled up on a corner of the couch. She thought about getting up, but couldn’t quite muster the action. “It’s not dark, Mom. It’s still daylight out.”

  “Well, this room is positively gloomy. Turn on a light.”

  “I’m being green and trying to do my part to save the planet,” Anna stated. She didn’t want her mother to see that she’d been crying. She didn’t want to answer questions.

  “Listen, I want to see my daughter’s face when I tell her the good news.”

  Anna flipped on the light. Her mother was practically beaming. “What news, Mom?”

  “I’ve met someone,” she declared, as if she’d never said those words before. As if she’d never thought she’d found her soul mate in the past.

  “Great.” Anna tried to infuse the word with some enthusiasm, but feared she’d fallen short.

  Her mother didn’t seem to notice. “Not just anyone, but I’ve met him. The man I’ve been waiting for all these years. I know I’ve said that before. I can tell by your expression you’re thinking that. And I have. But this time, it’s different. He’s different.”

  “I’m sure he is, Mom,” Anna agreed. She had no fight left in her.

  “No, Anna, I need you to understand. He’s different.” Her mother hugged herself with delight. “Every man I’ve been with since your father wasn’t right for me, or I wasn’t right for him. Every relationship was really about me trying to change him, or him trying to change me. I know this one is different because I don’t need to change a thing about him. I wouldn’t if I could. He’s one of the worst dressers I’ve ever met. He thinks that plaid is a viable choice for…well, anything. But he loves me the way that I am. He said he waited his whole life to find me, why would he want to change anything?” She sighed a happy sigh. “I know you don’t believe me, and I know I’ve given you reasons not to, but he’s different. You’ll see.”

  “I’m happy for you, Mom.”

  “You’re not really happy though, are you, Anna Banana?” Her mother reached out and gently touched Anna’s cheek, lightly tracing the path of her tears with her finger.

  “I am,” Anna lied.

  “No. I know this look. I’ve lived this look too many times. You’ve got man trouble.”

  “No. I don’t have a man, so how could I have trouble?”

  “Ah.” Her mother nodded as if she understood. “It’s the don’t-have part that is the problem, because from the look of you, you might not have, but you want to have.”

  “No.”

  “Anna, I know you’ve always prided yourself on thinking things through rather than simply feeling your way. I’m to blame for that, I know. I run in heart-first and I think later. And I’ve loved you enough to let you delude yourself into thinking you’re different than me. But you’re not. You like to believe you think first, feel later, but sweetie, you’re all heart. And from the looks of you, your heart’s hurting.”

  Before Anna could think of a rebuttal, someone knocked on the front door. All she wanted was to sit and mull, and suddenly she was being bombarded by people.

  “You sit there, Anna. I’ll get it.” Her mom hurried out and Anna heard the door open and then her mom said, “Oh, she’s going to be so glad to see you. She’s got a broken heart and I’m not having any luck jollying her out of it.”

  “Anna?” Ceelie took one look at her and sighed. “I told you this wasn’t going to end well.”

  “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Anna said.

  “Liam,” Ceelie replied.

  Anna could see her mother latch on to her friend’s comment. “Liam? That’s a good strong name.”

  “He’s a client’s guardian,” Ceelie supplied.

  “Oh, Anna, you fell in love with Liam,” her mother purred.

  “I wasn’t in love with Liam.” And that was officially the biggest lie she’d ever told. And from her mother and Ceelie’s expressions, they didn’t believe her any more than she believed herself. “I—”

  The doorbell rang again.

  “I’ll—” her mom started, but Anna interrupted.

  “I’ll get it.”

  Who else could it be? The newspaper boy collecting? Someone doing a survey? It didn’t matter. Whoever was there was simply part of the cosmic plan to keep her from moping.

  She was pretty sure the cosmos underestimated her moping skills because whoever it was didn’t stand a chance of distracting her.

  She opened the door. “Hello?”

  Colm was grinning beneath the porch light. “Anna. It’s me, Colm.”

  “Colm, what are you doing here at this time of night? I thought we agreed, no more running away from home.”

  “I didn’t run away.” Colm pointed at the car.

  She looked past C
olm and spotted Liam sitting in his car, his window down. “Hey, Anna.”

  She didn’t respond to Liam, but instead asked Colm, “Why are you both here?”

  “We came to kidnap you, Anna. We’ve got a surprise.” Colm laughed with glee.

  “And you’re going to kidnap me for the surprise?”

  “Yep. Me and Liam, we’ve got this big surprise and it can’t wait ’til tomorrow, so you gotta come now.”

  Liam nodded. “Colm’s right. We’re hoping you have time to come with us for a surprise.”

  “Who is it, Anna?” her mother called.

  Anna turned around and saw her mom and Ceelie standing in the doorway.

  “It’s Colm,” she said.

  “I thought she loved Liam?” her mom said to Ceelie.

  “Colm is Anna’s client and Liam’s brother,” Ceelie supplied.

  “Oh.” Her mom scanned beyond Anna and Colm, and spied Liam in the car. “Ohhh,” she said again, dragging the word out longer this time and smiling.

  “And I’m kidnappin’ Anna for a surprise,” Colm called out. “Me and Liam, we worked all day. It was hard work, Anna. But Liam, he needed my help. And you say it’s okay to ask for help.”

  Anna smiled despite her mood. “Yes, I do. So you guys made up?”

  “Yeah. Liam he thought he was the lucky brother ’cause he was born first so he was smarter. But I told him I was sorry, ’cause I was lucky. I got a job, I got friends, I got you. He’s not very happy. But he will be when you see the surprise, so come on. You’re kidnapped.”

  He took her hand. With her free hand, Anna snagged her keys from the table by the door and hollered, “Looks like I gotta go. Could you guys lock up when you leave?”

  She didn’t wait for a response. Couldn’t. Colm was pulling her toward the car. He stopped at the passenger door where Liam was waiting.

  “Here, Anna.” Colm thrust a large piece of cloth at her. “You gotta put this on your eyes. No peeking.”

  “I have to be blindfolded?” she asked.

  “Yep,” Colm chirruped.

  “Sorry,” Liam said. He sounded different. “Those are the rules.”