“Okay, Jacques… don’t you worry. I won’t suggest that someone should come and pick you up because from what I can hear, you are listening to the same radio station as I am and you are obviously driving,” she said sarcastically.
“Maria, please cover for me. I’m asking you, as a favour.”
“Don’t worry.”
“Thank you. Thank you very much. I’ll explain some other time.”
“Take care,” she answered and put the phone down.
I went towards our apartment to think clearly what I had to do.
The first thing I did was to go into the bathroom to have a quick shower and relax. As soon as the hot water touched my back and trickled down, I felt my anger prevailing. With tears in my eyes, I punched to the wall hard and my fingers started to bleed.
“Why?” I shouted with protest. “Everything was great without a shred of imperfection. How is it possible to hurt me like that and hide it from me…?” I kept on talking to myself, looking at the dark red blood that had made a pool between my feet and was accumulating round the drain.
I finished my shower and went into the kitchen. I tightly bound my hand with a piece of gauze and opened a bottle of red wine. I walked towards the balcony and sat down to enjoy it, wallowing in my sorrow, with the view of dull, grey Paris.
Late in the evening, I heard the key turning to unlock the apartment door and her voice that said:
“Honey, I’m home!” and she ran to give me a hug.
“There you are!” I mumbled in a weird way and stood doing nothing.
“What’s wrong, baby?” she asked, as she slowed down her pace.
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
“What are you talking about, baby? Tell you what?” she wondered as she looked like she didn’t understand a thing.
“For some time, things between us have been terrible. You are acting secretive like you don’t want me to find out about something. Eve, what secrets are you hiding from me?”
“I don’t have secrets, my love. It’s just that I haven’t been very well psychologically! That’s all. What happened to your hand?” she asked me and stretched out her arm to touch me. I pulled away, keeping the same cold attitude towards her.
“Where were you this afternoon?” I asked. I didn’t get an answer. She averted her eyes from me and they looked lifelessly at the view of Paris.
“At work…” she answered with guilt.
“At work?”
“Yes, love, I was at work,” she made a move to kiss me.
“Sweetheart, you weren’t at work!”
“Where would I be then?”
“Please, tell me the truth this time. Where you at the office this afternoon?”
“Yes, baby. I was at the office and I was designing…”
“Designing? More likely you were designing with Thomas where to go when you left together,” I said full of grief.
She didn’t have anything to say. She looked like she was admitting her guilt. She lowered her head and she started to weep without speaking.
“I’m sorry,” she whispered.
“Shhh… don’t apologize. You cheated on me and I believed in you.”
“What are you saying, my love? Me? Cheating on you? Never! You are making a big mistake. I’ve never cheated on you and I would never do that. He invited me for a meal and I went…”
“Baby, it doesn’t matter. You hid something from me by lying to me. That means that you want him.”
“No, sweetheart, I don’t. I want you, I swear.”
“Don’t promise! I told you it doesn’t matter anymore. It might be best if you followed your aunt’s advice and left me,” I murmured, still looking sadly.
“I don’t want to leave you. I want to live the rest of my life with you.”
“Maybe deep down you want something else,” I said, holding her hand.
“My love, I want you and no one else. Aren’t we having a great time together? Didn’t we have dreams together? Don’t we love each other?”
“Yes, we love each other, but I can’t stand watching you being depressed and being affected by your aunt. And there is something else…”
“What else, baby?”
“The rest of your life… A life full of dreams, of happiness and joy.”
“That’s what I’m saying. Together we’ll follow our dreams! Happy and blissful.”
“Happy and blissful without our own children?” I asked loudly, as I glared at her.
“You and I are going to be happy forever. We don’t need children or babies to bring us together,” she said and bent over to give me a hug.
“Get away from me. It’d be best for you. That young man is more suitable for you and together you’ll create a beautiful and sweet family.”
“Don’t do this to me Jacques, I love you. Only with you do I feel so good,” she replied, tightly holding my hand.
“Don’t make it harder! Do it for me. It’s honestly coming from my heart, go!”
“Jacques, please…”
“I love you and I’d never let you waste your life. I want to see you happy and alive. You won’t live the way you deserve with me,” I replied, clenching my teeth.
I didn’t really want to let her go, but inside me I knew I was doing the right thing, so she could be happy in the future.
“Jacques, listen to me…”
“My love, it’s useless,” I interrupted her, trying to be tough and I avoided looking at her with difficulty.
“Are you sure you love me?” she asked with tears in her eyes.
“I don’t just love you. I adore you!” I said and stood up, giving her a kiss which was full of mixed feelings.
The more I looked at her tearful eyes that were begging me to understand her and to comprehend, the more I struggled inside me not to give in.
“Then why are you leaving me?” she whispered with a sigh of deep sadness.
“I’ve never left you and I will never leave you. You have to let me go for your own good. For your own happiness.”
“That’s stupid! You don’t want me anymore, that’s why you are pushing me away,” she answered somewhat angrily and went into the living room, holding her forehead so she could calm down from the tension that was between us.
“I’m not who you think I am,” I shouted in distress.
“What do you mean?”
“Go away for you own good.”
“You are talking in riddles, which I can’t understand. I don’t want to leave. I don’t want to lose you, ever!” she said firmly and looked me in the eyes with a forlorn expression that made me feel even sadder.
I took her in my arms and kissed her hair, whispering to her that I loved her.
“Maybe your aunt is right…”
“Don’t say that again! My aunt talks nonsense. I don’t want Thomas. I only live for you and no one else.”
“You have to think that you are young, beautiful, the same age as Thomas and mature enough to have a family and live happily. My words are bitter and cruel but unfortunately this is the truth. I could sit and tell you how much we are suited for each other, that my heart belongs to you and only you and that I never want to lose you, but this would be selfish and I know that you won’t be happy with my words.”
“Jacques, don’t talk like that, I beg you…” she said, while she was still leaning on me.
We kissed for the last time. The taste of her lips was unforgettable as a few salty tears had fallen on them.
After we hugged tightly, I closed the apartment door and she left quickly from the building’s stairs. I went straight to the balcony and went out to see her for the last time.
I was still madly in love with her and I wanted her like nothing else. I couldn’t imagine the rest of my life without her.
She was my other half or rather she was my whole existence. I observed her as she ran into the darkness. A desperate shadow running in the night. Seeing her drifting away from me, I closed my eyes to ease my pain, tryin
g to realize that we had separated for good.
At some point she stopped running and turned her head, she looked towards me with tears in her eyes. Her hair was being blown, in the darkness, by a strong wind and she lifted her hand whispering with her lips, “I love you…”
The emotional tension was evident and as soon as she disappeared in the mist, I had already started to regret it!
I finished the bottle of red wine within minutes! I thought that this way I would defeat the pain…
I really wanted to hold her in my arms again and tell her that I loved her and that I wanted her back but I didn’t.
I wanted what was good for her and to see her smiling and I knew that with me she could never have that!
Maybe I’m dangerous. I don’t want anything to happen to her because of me.
For some time, I had forgotten what her expression was like when she smiled. She was having a hard time with her aunt putting pressure on her and besides Thomas was now in her life and everything was turned upside down! All of these combined together to forbid her from continuing her relationship with me and I understood it. Even though she loved me and adored me, I could understand her inner psychological confusion.
At night, I would sit on the balcony alone and gaze at the dull sky. It was our favourite spot. It was where we got together every day and spent infinite hours talking, always with a couple of glasses filled with wine.
‘Is it possible that I won’t see her beautiful and expressive eyes again? Her passionate lips. Won’t I feel her in my arms again? That stunning smile was lost forever from my life… her smile is what I’ll miss most of all,’ I told myself, feeling that incredible pain after our break up, feeling my loneliness wanting to escape those walls…
After a week, I had an unexpected phone call, which caused me great distress!
‘Hello?’
“Was that a stupid thing that you did Jacques, or what?”
“Who is it?”
“Don’t you ‘who is it’ me and answer the question.”
“Camellia, is that you?”
“Yes it’s me! Eve is in a terrible state and she can’t get over your break up. Out of the blue? For no reason?”
“There were many reasons, Camellia, and you know them. She deserves someone else, someone better than me.”
“What can I say, Jacques? You know best. I see you as my best friend and I’m obliged to talk some sense into both of you because you’re both stubborn.”
“You can say that again! But I believe that at that precise moment it was the correct decision to make.”
“Correct?”
“Yes, correct. She wouldn’t be happy with me and if she’d stayed with me it would be like I wanted to harm her.”
“What are you talking about Jacques… you were the perfect couple. You were suited to each other and Eve would die for only one look from you. Don’t tell me that she wouldn’t be happy with you. You are just making excuses.”
“Camellia, if you saw her lately how she came home after the conflicts she had with her aunt, you would understand. She was filled with grief, almost crying and stressed all the time.”
“I know that she likes Thomas and he really is a very nice and educated man. At some point, they will be able to enjoy a family together, whereas with me…” I said, swallowing with difficulty.
“Whatever you say Jacques. I just called to inform you that Eve is a mess! She is withdrawn and lives with her aunt permanently. She looks like a zombie. She doesn’t eat or drink…”
“I want to speak to her, but I’m afraid I won’t be able to restrain myself and I’ll tell her to come back to me.”
“And why is that a bad thing? If that is what you both want, I don’t understand.”
“I explained it to you Camellia…”
“Yes, you explained. Anyway, we will talk face to face when you calm down.”
“Camellia?” I asked.
“Tell me.”
“Could you answer honestly a question that I’m going to ask you and please let’s keep it between us?”
“You’re going to drive me crazy both of you! Speak.”
“Does she want him?”
“Who?”
“Thomas, does she want him?”
“Goodbye Jacques. We’ll talk when I see you,” she replied, acting as though she hadn’t understood.
“Just answer me this question.”
“We’ll talk some other time. Goodbye.”
“Goodbye, Camellia. Thank you for calling,” I replied and put the phone down.
I admit Camellia’s reaction gave me a lot to think about. She wouldn’t answer my question whether Eve wanted Thomas or not and that saddened me a bit. It wasn’t right I know. The decision was mostly mine, and her aunt of course, who for several months encouraged her to leave me and not without reason. I never liked to blame other people for my own mistakes, so I took all the blame for our break up upon me. Even if it made me sad, even if the grief was killing me I would have to accept it and move on with my life.
I came home after a very tiring day. I sat comfortably on my sofa and my attention was drawn to a lovely photograph of Eve and myself, which was on the table. Instantly, a genuine smile lit up my face as I was looking at her. It travelled me back to a time of happiness and overflowing joy, a long time ago …
I had regretted my decision, but it was too late to bring her back. It was my fault, I know. I hadn’t been in a good mood lately. It was because of my job and it was because she had been distancing herself from me or that was what I thought and I was choking with the stress and the suspicions.
I was very confused and I was thinking constantly how she could have told me that she was seeing Thomas and if she still was.
I could sense, nonetheless, that when she said, “I love you,” it was truthful and spontaneous…
After a month I felt the urge to see Eve again and I made the decision to phone her on her mobile. It was a long time since I’d heard any news about her and I couldn’t bear it, I’d really missed her beautiful face.
I kept dialling her phone number and erasing it immediately, putting my phone down. I repeated that at least five times until I made the decision and conquered my insecurity by pressing the calling button.
Her mobile phone was ringing. Four times it rang and no answer. I placed my thumb on the button that was going to end the call when I heard her sweet voice:
“Hello?”
I hadn’t heard from her for almost thirty days and I felt really weird.
“Eve, are you okay?” I asked, waiting for her to speak and to find out how she was and what she was doing and if she was thinking of me at all.
“Okay. I’m fine,” she answered briefly.
I frowned with curiosity because of her abrupt attitude towards me.
“I just want to know if you are alright.”
“I’m fine,” she replied abruptly again.
“I love you,” I whispered. Then there was complete silence. Silence, neither one of us spoke.
“We’ll talk sometime. Take care,” she replied with indifference and that sentence literally broke my heart!
Without realizing, I let my mobile phone fall from my hands onto the sofa and I placed my head on the large cushions to calm down.
“That’s it. I’ve lost her…” I said quietly.
Within a few seconds I got up again, suddenly filled with satisfaction and optimism, for I had just received a message on my mobile that said, ‘I love you too! Take care…’
I realized that she couldn’t talk on the phone and that was why her reaction was a bit strange and abrupt. From my enthusiasm, I put the phone to my lips and gave it a huge kiss while having a smile fixed on my face!
Every day that passed I had my mobile close at hand, in case I received a message from her. Nothing… the months went by slowly and I had futile thoughts and notions going round in my head that led nowhere.
I’d tried repeatedly to contact her but he
r phone was switched off and she didn’t reply to my messages.
In the meantime, Camellia’s reaction had started to trouble me quite a lot the last few days. The other day when we spoke she kept avoiding mentioning Eve and was changing the subject.
When I asked about her and how she was doing with Thomas, she kept answering with a plain, “okay” without further comment.
I was sure that she was hiding a secret that she didn’t want me to find out so she wouldn’t upset me.
One cool afternoon, just before the sun had set, I decided to go and find Camellia so I could finally find out what had happened.
I wore a thick cardigan, went to her house and waited for her to come home from work.
I was standing for almost two hours behind a tree, waiting for her and I had emptied a packet of cigarettes.
At some point, a taxi stopped in front of her house and I saw her getting out, while buttoning her coat.
She was well dressed and stylish as always and with a straight back and strong femininity, she started walking towards her house.
I didn’t mean to scare her but I wanted to catch up with her before she went inside so I walked fast behind her and whispered her name...
“Camellia?”
She was quite startled. She turned her head to see who the secretive figure was that was following her!
“Jacques? You scared me! What are you doing here?” she asked placing her hand on her heart.
“I’m sorry if I scared you.”
“You didn’t just scare me, you nearly killed me!”
“I apologize.”
“What’s wrong?”
“Why are you avoiding talking to me?” I asked.
“Me? Avoiding you? I’m fine with you.”
“It has something to do with Eve, right?” I asked and she turned her back on me and continued walking towards her house.
“I’ve nothing to say to you, Jacques!” she replied while walking and I kept on following her.
When we reached her doorstep, she took her keys out to unlock the door. She was obviously uneasy and her keys slipped from her hands and fell on the doormat. I bent down to pick them up and I gave them to her, looking straight into her eyes.
Did I Seduce You Mr Jacques Page 3