I could tell that she was trying not to say a word. But she really wanted to talk to me and I was aware of it.
“Please Camellia, you know how much I love her…” I murmured and took a step back.
“I know. Honestly, it’s not the right time,” she said.
“Don’t do this to me…please,” I whispered. Tears started to form in my eyes.
“Come on, Jacques. You know how much I love you too. I’ve got a soft spot for you, but don’t push things,” she answered, while hugging me in the cold.
“I want to know if she is thinking of me at all. Has she said anything about me?”
“Let it go, Jacques, it’s been almost six months since your break-up. Besides, it was your decision don’t you forget that!”
“Is she talking about me?” I asked again.
“You know very well that Eve would die for you. You were the only man in her life.”
“I was? You mean now its Thomas? She got over me so quickly?” I questioned, frowning.
“You are my best friend and…”
“Is she not thinking of me at all?” I interrupted her.
“Fine then, are you ready to hear this?” she asked me in a scary way. She made me drown in my suspicions and wonder if I really wanted to hear the truth or not.
“I’m listening,” I answered hesitantly.
“Eve is thinking of moving in with Thomas next month,” she replied, causing me distress.
“Are they going to live together?” I asked.
Even though I was the one that had suggested it, it came as a shock. Eve was mine and we were happy together. It would be hard for me to get used to the fact that she would be living with another man.
“Yes, they’re going to live together. Wasn’t it you that said that she would be better off with him?” she asked, somewhat ironically.
“Yes… it’s just that I’m astounded by her sudden decision,” I said haltingly.
“You’ll get used to it. It was your decision and you should have thought what you were saying to her. Six months she’s been dating Thomas and then they decided to move in together. It’s not unreasonable.”
“No, it’s not,” I whispered sadly.
“Goodnight Jacques. I’ll call you some time so we can meet and talk. I’m very tired,” she continued, opening the door.
“Camellia?”
“What is it again?”
“It’s not only that, right? I can tell by the look on your face that there’s more.”
“Goodnight Jacques. We’ll talk tomorrow morning.”
“I want to know now,” I yelled.
“…Another time,” she said, looking at me with sympathy.
“Now!” I replied firmly.
“Okay. You’re right! It’s better if we get everything out in the open now. I don’t want to hide anything from you.”
“What are you hiding?”
“It’s not just what I told you Jacques. There’s something else…”
“What is it? Is she hurt? Is it good or bad?” I asked anxiously.
“It depends how you look at it…”
“You’re unclear and talking nonsense. I can’t follow!”
“Do you want me to make it plainer?”
“Yes.”
“She is expecting a baby!” she cried out with her mouth barely open. She closed her eyes and bit her lip with regret, thinking that she shouldn’t have said anything.
“What?” I exclaimed, somewhat shocked.
“Yes, Jacques. Eve is pregnant and she is to marry Thomas soon.”
“How? It can’t be…”
“Why can’t it be? You broke up and she started dating him, and by the way he is a great guy. They decided to get married and have a family. Isn’t it what you wanted?” she said sarcastically.
“Thank goodness you’re my friend,” I said ironically, casting my eyes down.
“Come here, you,” she replied in a low voice and gave me a hug, letting me know that she was sympathizing.
“Do you know what’s bothering me most of all?”
“What?”
“That she got over me in just a few months.”
“Who said anything like that?”
“So, she’s still thinking about me?” I asked myself, waiting anxiously to hear an answer.
She unlocked the door, turned her back and just said “Goodnight, Jacques…” shutting the door!
I was contemplating whether I should take her reaction as positive or negative.
“She can’t be pregnant. My little Eve is going to get married and will have a baby?” I whispered with a smile, which I hadn’t decided whether it was from happiness or from sadness.
Normally such news constitutes a happy event, but my happiness was followed by grief, preventing me from being happy with her joy…
Weeks passed and my life went on as normal, except when I thought of her holding in her arms another man’s baby and then I got depressed.
I didn’t feel like going anywhere. My friends were begging me to go out with them and I cancelled every time at the last minute! Not on purpose. I was trying to push myself to go out and have fun, but in the end I couldn’t do it! I preferred to think and talk to myself and not to anyone else. At first, I thought that it would be easy and I would get used to our separation, but it’s not something that you can get used to.
She was living with another man and in a few months she was going to become a mother. I couldn’t forget her nor could I get over her, so I learnt how to live with my grief and my melancholy…
The big day had finally come! The day that Eve would marry Thomas and everyone would enjoy the happy event.
I, on the other hand, had an uncontrollable nervousness that I couldn’t discard and it was eating me away from the inside every minute that passes.
Needless to say, I was not invited to the wedding. I found out the time and place of the wedding from Camellia, after a lot of pressure and many phone calls, contrary to her recommendation, I decided to go.
I would go secretly to the wedding. Not only to satisfy my own heart and mind, but to see Eve dressed in white.
All the time I was driving, I sighed and softly tapped my fingers on the steering wheel from stress.
As I was approaching the church, I observed many cars parked outside and the cheerful guests with smiles on their faces, gossiping and giggling. I parked far away on purpose and stood in the churchyard, so I wouldn’t be noticed by Eve. I didn’t want to ruin her day not by any means.
I stood behind a thick column and waited to see her again, even if I wouldn’t speak to her.
After half an hour, a white sports car stopped in front of the church and sounded its horn constantly to portray the immeasurable happiness and extreme enthusiasm that they had.
The car door opened and Eve placed her shapely leg, wearing a white high heeled shoe, on the road. I still remember that scene like it was yesterday. She came out dressed in white, with a wonderful form fitting wedding dress, leaving me speechless. Her face shone and her smile looked so genuine and honest, which depicted her true happiness. She was an angel on earth.
I looked at her as she was coming out the car and for some reason I was happy with the image I had in front of me. Without thinking, I caught myself clapping my hands slowly and when I realized what I was doing. I stopped! I wanted to see her happy and nothing else. Of course, I would prefer to be next to her this moment and be in Thomas’s place but ‘C’est la vie’ I whispered.
I would never take her happiness away so we could be together. We could never be a couple however much I loved her.
Her aunt had interfered enough in order to take her way from me and turned the happy and smiling Eve into a bad tempered, walking zombie.
After pressuring her so much, she managed to talk her into going out with Thomas and she was partly responsible for our break up, even for my decision. As I said before, I must take all the responsibility for our break up because I uttered the last
words!
As I was watching her from behind the column, I felt the intense urge to go to her and talk to her. To touch her, even kiss her! Everything passed through my mind that second.
Thomas was waiting for her on the steps holding a beautiful bouquet of flowers. When the bride approached, he kissed her with love and passion and everyone cheered. The loud clapping sounded like an annoying racket in my ears instead of a sign of joy.
The young man loved her. He loved her and wanted her for many years, since they went to school together. The love that he felt for her hadn’t faded. She was always fond of him but when he made the decision to study in America, they lost contact.
He could never have imagined that ten years later, Eve, his old school friend and loved one, would become his wife! Life is unexpected and you cannot plan anything.
Our dear friend, Camellia, was following Eve as she was her bridesmaid and would witness their wedding. I could see her glancing around the churchyard, trying to locate me somewhere.
She was a very nice girl and helped me more than she should have done after my break up. She supported me and comforted me many times when I was a mess, and she tried to make me feel better. Most of the times she didn’t succeed but it’s the thought that counts.
Just before they entered the church Camellia saw me! She managed to locate me amongst all those people and our eyes met. She looked very sad, I thought to myself, even though she was smiling. I saw her wiping her eyes with a handkerchief that she was holding in her hand.
Then she focused on Eve and went inside the church. I was standing there. Hiding in my place, behind the column and waited until the wedding was over.
After a long time, everyone started exiting the church, cheering and shouting, “Congratulations!”
At the end the newly married couple appeared, walking down the steps radiating with happiness or at least that is how they looked.
Thomas was holding her and was kissing her continually and she was returning his kisses, while looking into his eyes. They seemed very much in love and that bothered me.
I was looking at them with a melancholic look, putting myself into Thomas’s place, next to the bride.
My emotional tension was out of control and I couldn’t look at them anymore. I put out my cigarette by stepping on it and I turned around to leave.
“I’m sorry Jacques…” Camellia whispered as she appeared in front of me, startling me.
“Camellia! Why are you apologizing?” I asked, wiping my tears with a quick movement.
“I knew it wasn’t a good idea to tell you to come. That’s why I didn’t want to talk to you. I understand how you feel and I was stupid to tell you where the wedding was going to be. I shouldn’t have,” she said, hugging me.
“I’m fine, Camellia. Go now, I don’t want them to see us together and ruin the reception,” I replied softly.
“Yes, I’m going. I’m sorry…” she murmured and after she kissed me on my cheek, she left.
As I was walking towards the road leaving the church behind me, I turned my head one last time to where Eve was standing. I wanted to look into her lovely eyes that I’d missed so much.
The exact same moment, Eve lifted her head towards the churchyard and as soon as she laid eyes on me, her smile froze! She was standing outside the church entrance and I was further away. It was quite a long distance between us, but we could see each other and read each other’s thoughts.
We stared at each other for quite a while. She seemed paralyzed. Like a statue! She didn’t make a move to get out of my line of vision nor did she avert her eyes.
I put on my dark sunglasses before I started crying like a small child and blew her a kiss from a distance. She kept on looking at me feebly and gave a deep sigh. You could tell by the movement of her dress that she was breathing heavily.
At some point the bouquet fell from her hands and Thomas approached her, looking at her strangely.
I didn’t want any of the friends or family to notice me and I started to walk with a quick pace, as I left the church.
My thoughts were in a labyrinth that was growing more and more without me being able to figure out what it was that made me so moody. I was happy for her and at the same time my grief was suffocating me.
When I returned to my apartment, I sat on the balcony and tried to put everything in order so a ray of light could find its way into my darkness.
The next day I decided to phone Camellia so we could meet, as we hadn’t spoken at length up close for quite a while.
“Hi, Camellia.”
“Good morning, Jacques. How are you?”
“I’m fine. I’d like to thank you for telling me about the wedding.”
“I didn’t want to upset you that’s why I hadn’t told you before. It must have been hard for you.”
“Yes, it was difficult, but I couldn’t miss it. I still love her…” I whispered.
“I know.”
“I was thinking that we haven’t spoken up close for a while and I was wondering if you wanted to go out for a coffee.”
“Yes, sure. I wanted to ask you too and to have a quiet talk. What time suits you?”
“Do you want to meet tomorrow afternoon at the Café de Flore?”
“Ok. I’ll see you there at two.”
“I’ll be there at two. Have a good evening,” I said to her.
“Goodbye,” she replied, sending me a kiss.
She was an attractive girl, with an outstanding character and a good heart. She was a sweet and easy going person. She’d been in a relationship from the age of 18 until the age of 24, but her boyfriend turned out to be a swine, as most women tend to believe that men are and unfortunately they are right in most cases. He left her for another girl on her birthday, which happened to be the day of their seventh anniversary! She was waiting for him at home, having prepared a lovely meal and having decorated her living room with scented candles for a romantic atmosphere, and he never showed up and with a cold phone call he announced that he was seeing someone else and that he was not going to meet her.
From that day on she hadn’t attempted to enter into another relationship. The break up was too painful and she couldn’t stand to go through the same psychological torture. She couldn’t trust men. From what Eve had told me, she nearly ended her life after her heart was broken. She knew her from primary school and was her best friend and then mine.
Returning to my dark apartment, I needed to rest and not to subject myself for the millionth time to the unsolvable riddles that were going through my head every moment of the day.
I cooked something to eat because I was hungry and as soon as I sat down to enjoy it, I heard my phone vibrating from a message that I’d just received.
It was my best friend Sebastian. He was asking me if I was alright and if I needed anything, to give him a call. He was a very good friend and an honest man. Our friendship was more than just being friends. We were like brothers. Even though I had lost touch with most friends and acquaintances at that time, Sebastian was always interested and asked me how I was doing.
I replied that I didn’t need anything and that we should meet during the week.
I ate my homemade hamburger, drank my wine and sat on the balcony, gazing at the stars in the sky. I was thinking of Eve dressed in white, who was now the wife of another man and I fell asleep on a small sofa we had on the balcony.
In the morning, I was woken up abruptly by raindrops falling on me, unpleasantly cooling my face.
I anxiously looked at my watch and I realized that in twenty minutes I had to be at a very important meeting at the office!
I wore a beige linen suit and after getting ready quickly, I got in the car and left for work.
Today was full of business meetings and with a lot of pressure from work and I wasn’t ready to handle it. Not because I couldn’t, but because it wasn’t my priority at that stage in my life and I think everyone around me realized that.
The meeting I had was with
a very good client of our company and I wouldn’t say it went very well. Probably the opposite. I couldn’t focus properly and there was every probability that we would lose him as a client and a large part of it would be my fault.
It was afternoon and just before I left to see Camellia, I heard the manager’s voice calling me into his office. I was almost certain about the reason he wanted to speak to me.
I stood outside his door and he lifted his head and looked at me.
“Come in, Jacques,” he said with a fake smile.
“Good afternoon,” I replied and went in, closing the glass office door behind me.
“Sit down.”
“Thank you.”
“What was that in there?” he asked me in an abrupt way.
“I apologize. I did everything I could, sir…”
“What did you do, Jacques? The client is complaining that you hadn’t informed him correctly and that you didn’t answer his questions.”
“That’s not true! I answered all his questions, it’s just that…”
“What?! What is wrong with you lately?” he asked with a calmer expression.
“Nothing, everything’s fine, Oliver.”
“You are talking to me! I’ve known you since you were a baby, you can’t fool me. Tell me, what’s happening?”
“Honestly, nothing’s wrong. The truth is I’m a little preoccupied lately by some personal matters, that’s all.”
“Jacques, whatever is happening to you, keep it separate from your professional life. Whatever’s happened, don’t let depression destroy you. Keep in mind that life goes on. Okay?” he said, and finished lecturing me.
“Yes, I know. It’s not that I don’t like my job, but…”
“Don’t explain yourself to me,” he shouted, interrupting me, “I understand, but believe me I’ve been watching you and you’ve been getting worse as the days go by! Where has your enthusiasm for work gone? Where has you smile gone? Pull yourself together,” he said.
“You may be right, but I believe I put enough emphasis on my job. I’m doing everything I can and I like what I’m doing,” I replied.
“Look, Jacques, you’re not as you used to be and your sales have decreased a lot. I’m not saying it’s only your fault but you should try and get over whatever it is before melancholy takes over. Not only for the job but for you, personally and psychologically. I’m telling you as a friend and you know how much I care about you,” Oliver said with a smile, showing his fake teeth and he opened the office door.
Did I Seduce You Mr Jacques Page 4