A Doll's House and Other Plays (Penguin)

by Henrik Ibsen

  PETRA: What on earth can it be, Mother?

  MRS STOCKMANN: I don’t know; he’s been asking about the postman constantly these last few days.

  BILLING: Some out-of-town patient, I take it –

  PETRA: Poor Father; he’ll have more than he can cope with soon. [Mixes a glass for herself.] Ah, I’m going to enjoy this!

  HOVSTAD: Have you been teaching at the evening school again?

  PETRA [sipping from her glass]: Two hours.

  BILLING: And four hours earlier today at the college –

  PETRA [sits at the table]: Five.

  MRS STOCKMANN: And you have essays to mark tonight, I see.

  PETRA: A whole heap, yes.

  HORSTER: You seem to have rather a lot to cope with yourself.

  PETRA: Yes; but that’s a good thing. It makes you so wonderfully tired afterwards.

  BILLING: And you like that?

  PETRA: Yes, because then you sleep so well.

  MORTEN: You must be ever so sinful, Petra.

  PETRA: Sinful?

  MORTEN: Yes, if you work that much. Mr Rørlund says work is a punishment for our sins.

  EILIF: Pff, you’re so stupid, believing in stuff like that!

  MRS STOCKMANN: Now, now, Eilif!

  BILLING [laughing]: No, but that’s brilliant!

  HOVSTAD: So you wouldn’t want to work that much, Morten?

  MORTEN: No, I would not.

  HOVSTAD: What do you want to be, then?

  MORTEN: I want to be a Viking.

  EILIF: But then you’d have to be a pagan.

  MORTEN: Well, then I could become a pagan.

  BILLING: I’m with you there, Morten! That’s exactly what I say.

  MRS STOCKMANN [signals to him]: Really now, Mr Billing, I’m sure you don’t.

  BILLING: Oh yes, God strike me dead –! I am a pagan and proud of it. Just wait and see, we’ll all be pagans soon.

  MORTEN: And then can we do exactly what we want?

  BILLING: Yes, Morten, you see –

  MRS STOCKMANN: You’ll go to your room now, boys; I’m sure you’ve both got homework to do for tomorrow.

  EILIF: Can’t I stay just a bit longer –

  MRS STOCKMANN: You too, off you go, both of you.

  The BOYS say good night and go into the room on the left.

  HOVSTAD: Do you really think it can harm the boys to hear that sort of thing?

  MRS STOCKMANN: I don’t know; but I don’t approve of it.

  PETRA: Yes but, Mother, I believe that’s very wrong of you.

  MRS STOCKMANN: Quite possibly, but I don’t approve of it; not here at home.

  PETRA: There’s so much dishonesty both in the home and in school. In the home there’s a rule of silence, and in school we have to stand up and lie to the children.

  HORSTER: You have to lie?

  PETRA: Yes, don’t you think we’re obliged to teach a great many things we don’t believe in ourselves?

  BILLING: Yes, that’s all too true, I’m sure.

  PETRA: If only I had the funds, I’d start a school of my own, and there things would be very different.

  BILLING: Oh, funds –

  HORSTER: Well, if you’re considering doing that, Miss Stockmann, you’re welcome to have premises at my place. My father’s big old house, God rest him, stands almost empty; there’s an enormous dining room downstairs –

  PETRA [laughing]: Ah, thank you; but I doubt anything will ever come of it.

  HOVSTAD: No, I think Miss Petra’s more likely to come over to us journalists. By the way, have you had time to take a little look at that English story22 you promised to translate for us?

  PETRA: No, not yet; but you’ll get it in good time.

  DR STOCKMANN comes in from his room with the open letter in his hand.

  DR STOCKMANN [waving the letter]: Well, this news will get the town talking, believe me!

  BILLING: News?

  MRS STOCKMANN: What kind of news?

  DR STOCKMANN: A huge discovery, Katrine.

  HOVSTAD: Oh?

  MRS STOCKMANN: That you’ve made?

  DR STOCKMANN: Yes, me. [Walks back and forth] Now let them come and say, as always, that it’s all some fanciful notion and the ideas of a madman! But they’ll think twice all right! Haha, they’ll think twice, I’m sure!

  PETRA: But, Father, tell us what it is then.

  DR STOCKMANN: Yes, yes, just give me time, and I’ll tell you all everything. If only Peter were here now! Well, it just goes to show, how we human beings go around passing judgement like the blindest of moles –

  HOVSTAD: What do you mean, doctor?

  DR STOCKMANN [stops by the table]: Isn’t it the commonly held opinion that our town is a healthy place?

  HOVSTAD: Yes, that goes without saying.

  DR STOCKMANN: An exceedingly healthy place, moreover – a place that deserves the warmest recommendation to our fellow beings, both sick and healthy –

  MRS STOCKMANN: Yes, but, Tomas dear –

  DR STOCKMANN: And recommended and lauded it we have. I’ve written and written in The People’s Messenger and in pamphlets –

  HOVSTAD: Yes. And?

  DR STOCKMANN: This Spa Institute, which has been described as the town’s artery, the town’s nerve-centre, and – and the devil knows what –

  BILLING: ‘The beating heart of our town’ I allowed myself once in a festive moment to –

  DR STOCKMANN: Yes, that too. But do you know what it is in reality, this great, splendid, lauded Spa Institute, that has cost so much money – do you know what it is?

  HOVSTAD: No, what is it?

  MRS STOCKMANN: Well? What is it?

  DR STOCKMANN: The entire Spa is a cesspit!

  PETRA: The Spa, Father?

  MRS STOCKMANN [at the same time]: Our Spa?

  HOVSTAD [likewise]: But, doctor –

  BILLING: Unbelievable!

  DR STOCKMANN: The whole Spa is a whited, poisoned sepulchre, I tell you. A health hazard of the greatest magnitude. All that foul sludge up there in Mølledalen23 – all that stuff that smells so vile – it’s infecting the water in the feed pipes that lead to the well-house; and that same damned poisonous mess is oozing down to the beach too –

  HORSTER: Where the sea baths are?

  DR STOCKMANN: Precisely.

  HOVSTAD: What makes you so certain of all this, doctor?

  DR STOCKMANN: I’ve investigated the matter scrupulously. Oh, I’ve suspected something of the sort for a long time. Last year there were some curious cases of illness here among the Spa’s guests – cases of typhoid and gastric illness –

  MRS STOCKMANN: Yes, there were indeed.

  DR STOCKMANN: Back then we thought the visitors had brought these infections with them; but later – this winter – I began to think otherwise; so I set about investigating the water, as best I could.

  MRS STOCKMANN: So that’s what you’ve been so busy with?

  DR STOCKMANN: Indeed, you might well say I’ve been busy, Katrine. But I didn’t have the necessary scientific equipment here, so I sent samples of the drinking water and the seawater to the University to get an accurate analysis done by a chemist.

  HOVSTAD: And now you’ve got it?

  DR STOCKMANN [displaying the letter]: I have it here! It’s proven that there’s decayed organic matter in the water – infusoria in vast quantities. It’s seriously harmful to the health whether taken internally or externally.

  MRS STOCKMANN: It’s a mercy then that you followed it up in time.

  DR STOCKMANN: Yes, you can say that again.

  HOVSTAD: And what do you intend to do now, doctor?

  DR STOCKMANN: Get the situation put right, naturally.

  HOVSTAD: So that’s possible?

  DR STOCKMANN: It has to be possible. Otherwise the whole Spa is unusable – ruined. But there’s no need for alarm. I’m very clear about what needs doing.

  MRS STOCKMANN: But, Tomas, my sweet, how could you keep all this such a secret
?

  DR STOCKMANN: Oh, I should have rushed about town talking about it, perhaps, before I had complete certainty? No, thank you; I’m not that mad.

  PETRA: Yes, but at home with us –

  DR STOCKMANN: Not with a living soul. But tomorrow you can run up to the old ‘Badger’ –

  MRS STOCKMANN: Tomas, really –!

  DR STOCKMANN: Yes, all right, all right, grandfather, then. Well, the old boy will have something to wonder at now; he thinks I’m cracked in the head, of course. Oh yes, and there are others who think the same, I’ve noticed. But now they’ll see, these goodly folk – now they’ll see –! [Walks about, rubbing his hands] There’ll be such a to-do in town, Katrine! You’ve no idea. All the water pipes must be relaid.

  HOVSTAD [getting up]: All the water pipes –?

  DR STOCKMANN: Yes, of course. The intake is too low; it’ll have to be moved a lot higher up.

  PETRA: So you were right after all.

  DR STOCKMANN: Yes, you remember, Petra? I wrote opposing them when they were to start building. But back then nobody wanted to listen to me. Well, now I’ll launch a broadside at them, believe me – yes, because I’ve written a report for the Spa’s board; it’s been sitting here ready for a whole week; I’ve just been waiting for this. [Shows the letter.] And now it’ll go off this instant. [Goes into his room and comes back with some papers.] Look! Four closely written pages! And the letter needs to be enclosed. A newspaper, Katrine! Get me something as wrapping. Good; there now; give it to – to – [stamps his foot] oh, what the hell’s her name again? Anyway, give it to the maid; tell her to take it down to the mayor right away.

  MRS STOCKMANN goes out through the dining room with the packet.

  PETRA: What do you think Uncle Peter will say, Father?

  DR STOCKMANN: What should he say? Surely he can’t be anything but pleased at such a vital truth coming to light.

  HOVSTAD: May I put a small notice about your discovery in The People’s Messenger?

  DR STOCKMANN: Yes, I’d be most grateful.

  HOVSTAD: It is, of course, desirable that the public be informed sooner rather than later.

  DR STOCKMANN: It most certainly is.

  MRS STOCKMANN [coming back]: She’s just gone with it.

  BILLING: Well, God strike me dead, you’ll be the town’s number one man, doctor!

  DR STOCKMANN [walking contentedly about]: Oh, nonsense; basically I’ve done no more than my duty. I’ve been a lucky treasure hunter; nothing more; although –

  BILLING: Hovstad, don’t you think the town should have a parade for Dr Stockmann?

  HOVSTAD: I’d certainly back that.

  BILLING: And I’ll talk to Aslaksen about it.

  DR STOCKMANN: No, dear friends, forget such silliness; I won’t hear of any such celebrations. And if the Spa’s board should get ideas about awarding me a salary increase, I won’t accept it. I tell you, Katrine – I won’t accept it.

  MRS STOCKMANN: No, Tomas, quite right.

  PETRA [lifting her glass]: Cheers, Father!

  HOVSTAD and BILLING: Cheers, Doctor! Your health!

  HORSTER [clinks glasses with DR STOCKMANN]: Here’s hoping this brings you nothing but happiness.

  DR STOCKMANN: Thank you, thank you, my dearest friends! I’m so absolutely thrilled – Oh, what a joy it is to know that one has made a worthy contribution to one’s home town and one’s fellow citizens. Hurrah, Katrine!

  He puts both arms round her neck and swirls her round. She squeals and protests. Laughter, clapping and cheering for the DOCTOR. The BOYS poke their heads round the door.

  Act Two

  The doctor’s living room. The door into the dining room is closed. Late morning.

  MRS STOCKMANN [comes in from the dining room with a sealed letter in her hand, goes to the right-hand door nearest to the front and peeps in]: Are you home, Tomas?

  DR STOCKMANN [from within his room]: Yes, I’ve just got back. [Comes in.] What is it?

  MRS STOCKMANN: A letter from your brother. [Hands it to him.]

  DR STOCKMANN: Aha, let’s see! [Opens the letter and reads] ‘The manuscript you submitted is hereby returned –’ [Reads on in a murmur] Hmm –

  MRS STOCKMANN: And then what does he say?

  DR STOCKMANN [putting the papers in his pocket]: Well, he just writes that he’ll come up himself around midday.

  MRS STOCKMANN: You really must remember to stay at home then.

  DR STOCKMANN: Yes, that’s no problem; I’ve finished my morning visits.

  MRS STOCKMANN: I’m very curious to know how he takes it.

  DR STOCKMANN: You’ll see, he won’t exactly be pleased it was me, and not him, who made the discovery.

  MRS STOCKMANN: Yes quite, so that worries you too?

  DR STOCKMANN: Well, deep down he’ll be pleased, you can be sure. But, still – Peter’s so damned afraid that anyone else might accomplish something for the good of the town.

  MRS STOCKMANN: But, you know what, Tomas – then you ought to be kind and share the honour with him. Couldn’t it be presented as if he was the one who’s put you on the right track –?

  DR STOCKMANN: Yes, I’ve no objection to that. As long as I get the matter put right –

  Old MORTEN KIIL puts his head in the hall door.

  MORTEN KIIL [looks around inquisitively, laughs to himself and asks slyly]: Is it – is it true?

  MRS STOCKMANN [moving towards him]: Father! – It’s you!

  DR STOCKMANN: Well, I never, Father-in-law – good morning, good morning!

  MRS STOCKMANN: Oh, but do come in.

  MORTEN KIIL: I shall, if it’s true; otherwise I’ll go again.

  DR STOCKMANN: If what is true?

  MORTEN KIIL: This madness about the water system. Is it true?

  DR STOCKMANN: Yes, it certainly is true. But how did you come to hear about that?

  MORTEN KIIL [coming in]: Petra paid me a flying visit on her way to the school –

  DR STOCKMANN: Oh, really?

  MORTEN KIIL: Uh-huh; and then she tells me –. I thought she was just trying to make a fool of me; but then that’s not like Petra.

  DR STOCKMANN: No, how could you even think it!

  MORTEN KIIL: Oh, you can’t trust anybody; you can be made into a fool before you know it. So it really is true, then?

  DR STOCKMANN: Yes, it certainly is. Sit yourself down, Father-in-law. [Urges him to sit on the sofa.] And isn’t it an absolute blessing for the town –

  MORTEN KIIL [suppressing his laughter]: A blessing for the town?

  DR STOCKMANN: Yes, that I made this discovery in time –

  MORTEN KIIL [still laughing]: Indeed, indeed! – But I’d never have thought you’d play such monkey tricks on your own flesh-and-blood brother!

  DR STOCKMANN: Monkey tricks!

  MRS STOCKMANN: But, Father dear –

  MORTEN KIIL [resting his hands and chin on the handle of his stick and winking at the DOCTOR roguishly]: How did it go now? Wasn’t it something to do with some creatures that had got into the water-pipes?

  DR STOCKMANN: That’s right, infusoria –

  MORTEN KIIL: And a whole lot of these creatures had got in, Petra said. A staggering number.

  DR STOCKMANN: Well yes; there might be hundreds of thousands of them.

  MORTEN KIIL: But nobody can see them – wasn’t that it?

  DR STOCKMANN: That’s right; you can’t see them.

  MORTEN KIIL [with quiet chuckling laughter]: Well, the devil take me,24 if this isn’t the best I’ve heard from you yet.

  DR STOCKMANN: How do you mean?

  MORTEN KIIL: But you’ll never ever get the mayor to believe such a thing.

  DR STOCKMANN: Well, we’ll have to see about that.

  MORTEN KIIL: Do you think he could be that mad?

  DR STOCKMANN: I’m hoping the whole town will be that mad.

  MORTEN KIIL: The whole town! Yes, that’s not impossible, damn it. But they’ve got it coming; it’ll serve them right. T
hey think they’re so much cleverer than us oldies. Hounded me25 out of the council,26 they did. Yes, I say that, because they voted me out like a dog. But now they’ll get their come-uppance. You just press on with those monkey tricks, Stockmann!

  DR STOCKMANN: But, Father-in-law –

  MORTEN KIIL: All monkey tricks, I say! [Gets up.] If you manage to make the mayor and his friends run around with red faces, I’ll give a hundred kroner to the poor right away!

  DR STOCKMANN: Well, that’s most kind of you.

  MORTEN KIIL: Yes, I’ve not got a lot to spare, let me tell you; but if you pull this off I’ll donate fifty kroner27 to the poor at Christmas.

  MR HOVSTAD comes in from the hall.

  HOVSTAD: Good morning! [Stops.] Oh, apologies –

  DR STOCKMANN: No, come in; come in.

  MORTEN KIIL [chuckling again]: Him! Is he in on this too?

  HOVSTAD: What do you mean?

  DR STOCKMANN: Well yes, he certainly is.

  MORTEN KIIL: I should have guessed! It’s going to appear in the papers. Oh, you’re a fine one, you are, Stockmann! But you just keep plotting; I’ll be off now.

  DR STOCKMANN: No, stay a bit, Father-in-law.

  MORTEN KIIL: No, I’ll be off now. And just think up every monkey trick you can; you damn well28 won’t have done it for naught!

  He leaves; MRS STOCKMANN follows him out.

  DR STOCKMANN [laughing]: Imagine, Hovstad – the old man doesn’t believe a word about this thing with the water supply.

  HOVSTAD: Oh, was that what –?

  DR STOCKMANN: Yes, that’s what we were discussing. And perhaps that’s what you’ve come about too?

  HOVSTAD: Yes, it is. Have you got a moment, doctor?

  DR STOCKMANN: As long as you want, my friend.

  HOVSTAD: Have you heard anything from the mayor?

  DR STOCKMANN: Not yet. He’s coming over later.

  HOVSTAD: I’ve thought a lot about this matter since yesterday evening.

  DR STOCKMANN: And?

  HOVSTAD: For you, as a doctor and man of science, this water system business is an isolated matter. I mean, it wouldn’t occur to you that it’s linked up with many other things.

  DR STOCKMANN: Oh, in what way –? Let’s sit down, my friend. – No, there, on the sofa.

  MR HOVSTAD sits down on the sofa, DR STOCKMANN in an armchair on the other side of the table.