by Starr, Faith
Ryan and I switched positions so he could wash the soap off his body.
“Maria should pay you what you deserve. Scratch that. If that were the case, she wouldn’t be able to afford you.” He smiled.
I was like a cat with nine lives because Ryan’s warm-heartedness had killed me many times over and yet here I was, still alive and kicking.
“At least I have an income, albeit small. Maybe I won’t look for another job. I’m at the center for my grandma. Interestingly, what I’ve come to realize is that I’m there for the other residents too. I get satisfaction out of helping them even though the place is disheartening. The issue is I have to be able to support myself. That’s where the stuck feeling comes in. Uh, I’m so confused.”
“Agree to come on the road with me. Then you won’t have to worry about finding another job, your salary, or feeling stuck and confused.”
“Give me more time to think about it, okay?”
“I can’t give you too much because we’re leaving soon, but I’ll agree to stop pressuring you about it. I want you to feel comfortable with the decision you make and for it to be yours and yours alone.”
“I appreciate you being so understanding.”
“For now.” He smirked.
“So, you’ll drop me off for my shift?”
“You bet.”
“What are your plans besides going to the studio?”
“After I leave you at the center, I’m going to come home and work out. I’ll pick you up when your shift ends and bring you to the studio so you can experience our flow and how we record.”
“I’d love that, especially now that I’m familiar with your music.”
“You know what I’d love?”
“I’m afraid to ask.”
“Then don’t. I’ll show you instead.”
With a quick spin of my body, he had me facing the shower wall, and my torso bent over. I flattened my hand against the tile in front of me. He got on his knees, and his mouth immediately found my sweet spot, making me feel weak, and he had only just started.
His tongue darted in and out of me. His fingers explored my folds and my clit.
“Ryan…”
“Hold that thought.”
He quit all touching that had to do with getting me off. Instead, he rose behind me and without notice, plunged into me, which in turn propelled me forward. His hands steadied my hips. My hands steadied me by gripping the wall.
In and out, he glided. Back and forth.
He reached under me and palmed my sensitive flesh. That all but did me in.
“Ryan!”
“Let it go, baby.”
And I did.
Ryan hardened inside me, he too letting go along with me.
He collapsed over me, gripping my waist and steadying his feet so I wouldn’t slip.
“I’ve got you. I won’t let you fall,” he said.
What comforting words. I took them to mean a lot more than he probably meant.
“That was fucking heaven, babe.”
He was right. The experience was fucking heaven. And so was being with Ryan.
31
Ryan
After hitting the bag and showering again, I headed to the studio.
“What happened with Lizzie?” Mason barely let me enter the place without throwing questions at me. “Were you able to speak to her?”
“Everything worked out for the best.”
“What the hell does that mean?” Nick drew his brows together.
“Long story short. It means her grandmother resides at the center where my grandfather did.” Nick’s brows rose, as did Jonas’s and Mason’s. “She no longer works at the club, as you know. Thank God, too. She’s going to continue working at the center, at least temporarily. She finds it depressing yet fulfilling. Oh, and I told her I was in love with her.”
The room fell silent.
Nick broke the uncomfortable quiet first. “You what?”
“You’re in love with her?” Jonas joined in the impending inquisition.
“Happy for you.” Mason nodded and gave me a pat on the back.
“I’m in love with her. She’s incredible. Different from any woman I’ve ever met. I want you guys to meet her. She’s working today, but I’ll bring her here afterward.”
“I hate to be a killjoy, but we’re leaving in a few days. What’s going to happen then?” Nick wouldn’t make eye contact with me.
“I don’t want to leave her behind. You know as well as I do that the long-distance thing doesn’t work, especially in the business we’re in. We’re never in one place for long.”
Mason sulked. I knew my comment must’ve hit hard regarding his ex who wanted no part of our lifestyle. Poor guy.
“What is it you’re proposing?” he inquired.
“I want her to join us on the road.” I spoke to the guys as a whole because I knew their reactions wouldn’t be what I wanted. The wall became my focal point.
“Hell no. We can’t have a woman living on our bus,” Nick rebutted.
“Why not?” Might as well get their rationales and hear them out. Convincing the three of them would be more difficult than persuading Lizzie to come with me. That I was sure of.
“For one thing, we bring women on the bus. She’ll cramp our style,” Nick replied.
“How? She’ll be with me.”
“What the hell is she going to do on the bus? She’ll be bored out of her mind.”
Somehow, I didn’t think Jonas’s worry over Lizzie’s welfare was intended as such.
“She mentioned wanting to go to college. Maybe she could take some classes online while on the road,” I surmised.
“What the hell, bro? It’s been like two days since you met this chick. Have you mentioned this grand idea of yours to her yet?”
“Yes, Nick. I have. She’s thinking about it.”
“At least one of you is thinking clearly.” Jonas picked up his guitar and strummed chords.
I ignored him.
“Lizzie is good for me. She helps me see things differently. She’s all spiritual and shit. I sure as hell could use some of that positivity in my life.”
“I still don’t know. Have you informed Camilla about this?” Nick’s voice had softened. He was calming down. Mason remained silent. Jonas continued to strum his guitar.
“No. But Steam’s members take their girlfriends on tour with them. Trevor doesn’t count since Dani is Joey’s sister and has been on the road with them from the beginning. My point is we opened for them and having their girlfriends around never seemed to interfere or be an issue.”
“This is crazy. What is it about this Lizzie girl that makes her so special that you’d want to uproot her from her life and bring her on tour with us? This is a big deal and affects the entire band.” Jonas verbalized his thoughts.
“Sometimes, you just know.”
“I have to say I’m shocked.” Jonas cupped the back of his neck with his free hand.
“Are you sure you’re not acting impulsively because of your grandfather’s passing?”
Nick’s question was legitimate.
“No. I think having her around will actually help me deal with it better. She gets me. She’s a thinker. Same as I am. And she told me she loves me. That’s enough for me.”
“This is a lot to take in. On the flip side, I couldn’t be happier for you. I’ve never heard you speak about a woman with such reverence. And I’ve never heard you say the L word in reference to one.”
Mason had always stood by my side, doing so once again.
“Fine. I’ll agree to this fucked-up plan of yours as long as it doesn’t change your writing style. Your pathetic and depressing lyrics make us a shitload of cash. I don’t want you getting all soft and sappy on our asses,” Jonas said.
“Got it.” The excitement in my veins was difficult to contain. “I’ll try to keep myself in a depressive state for the benefit of the band.”
“Thank you.” Mason glared at Jo
nas, who replied, “What? That shit sells.”
“You’re such an asshole.” Mason smacked Jonas on the back of the head.
“It’s the truth.” Jonas shrugged.
“You’re right. It is the truth that you’re an asshole,” Mason tossed back.
“What if things don’t work out between you two? Then what?” Nick asked.
“We’ll cross that bridge when we get to it. I don’t think it will be an issue, though. It feels too right inside.”
“Fuck. You’re already turning soft,” Jonas huffed.
“What do you say we take a break from this conversation and get to work?”
Nick’s request was perfect. I felt amped to jam and move on.
Oh yeah. “I have one more request.”
“What now? You want to bring along her BFF’s too?” Nick teased. “Are they pretty?”
“One’s into girls,” I answered.
“Not a problem. I’m into girl on girl action.”
“Seriously, Jonas? I was joking, dumbass. No girlfriends,” Nick stated.
“Sure. You get non-stop pussy but try to kill our chances.” Jonas pouted.
“The girl has a partner, dickwad. And you are the last person on earth who should be complaining about getting in a woman’s pants,” I asserted.
Jonas grinned. “True.”
“What am I chopped liver?” Nick defended.
“Will the two of you shut up? You’re both idiots,” Mason grunted as he sat behind his kit. “What’s the request, Ryan?”
“I want to add one more song to our set.”
“When it comes to music, my answer is yes.” Jonas was back to strumming his guitar. “What song?”
“I’ll play it for you.”
I got behind my keyboard and played the melody. The guys fell right into the groove of it. The tune sounded phenomenal and we’d only just begun to learn and practice it as a band.
* * *
“How’s your grandma?”
Lizzie buckled herself into the passenger seat. She wasn’t her usual chipper self.
“Something isn’t right with her.”
“What do you mean?”
“She’s usually passive. Today she acted cranky and raised her voice. I’ve never seen that side of her before. Tomorrow morning the internist visits. I’m going to speak with him about it.”
“Sounds like you should.”
“How was your day?”
“Great. The guys and I have been at it for hours. I told them I was bringing you by. They’re eager to meet you. I also told them I asked you to come on tour with us.”
“Ryan, what happened to you not pressuring me? Besides, I don’t feel right going on tour with you without contributing somehow. It isn’t how I do things.”
“Stubborn woman. I told you I’d give you a job.”
“Again with this? What kind of job?”
“Let me ask you a question, what’s your dream, Lizzie?”
She glanced at me. “My dream?”
“Yeah. My dream has always been to write and play music. I’m living that dream. Is there something you’ve always wanted to do?”
“Umm… Well, college has been a dream of mine for as long as I can remember. Some people don’t get that opportunity, though. I’ve learned to accept I’m one of them.”
“One thing I never did was give up my dream of being a musician. I had accepted my fate as a bar musician but continued to reach higher. My hard work paid off. Never give up on your dreams, Lizzie. They are what light the fire inside of us.”
“This has turned into a deep conversation.”
“It doesn’t have to be.”
“I think at this point, in addition to going to school, another dream I have, rather, a fantasy, since it will never come to fruition—”
“No negativity. It puts up barriers to getting us where we’re going. Fear can do that to a person.”
“I don’t think it’s fear I’m feeling.”
“Then what other reason could you possibly have for not trying to follow it?”
“Finances. Time. Life situations.”
“All excuses. When something is important to you, you make time for it. Doing something you love fills your soul. I agree most people don’t have the means to toss their responsibilities aside to fulfill their dreams. We all have things we have to take care of. But going back to the black and white thing you mentioned. There’s gray in there somewhere. Doing things we love should be worked into our lives. I don’t care if it’s owning a dog or fixing a car. We’ve got to keep our lights glowing to give us strength and motivation to get through the shit life throws at us. What keeps your light glowing?”
“You are so frickin’ poetic I can’t take it. Spiritual too. That’s probably what attracted me to you first.”
“Not my remarkably handsome looks and rock-hard abs?”
“That too.” She giggled.
“Seriously. What keeps your light glowing? You dodged the question.”
“After working at the center and learning what I have, I would love to establish a nonprofit to help families who can’t afford care for their loved ones suffering from dementia and Alzheimer’s. I can’t imagine what would’ve happened to my grandmother if I didn’t get her into the center. A lot of people don’t have that luxury. I didn’t either. I did what I had to do to get her proper care.”
“A nonprofit? What a great idea.” I was more than on board with it.
“Yeah. I think so too.”
She sure as hell didn’t sound enthusiastic about it.
“How does one go about creating something of that magnitude?”
She shrugged and adjusted the A/C vent in front of her. “I have no idea.”
“Me either. But where there’s a will, there’s a way.”
“What are you talking about?”
“I’m saying we should do it. The nonprofit thing. Together. I’m sure the guys would be on board too. We can do charity events to help raise money for it. I’m sure the guys of Steam wouldn’t mind helping out too. They do a lot of charity benefits.”
“Are you serious?”
“Dead serious. It probably takes a lot of dedication and work to get something so big off the ground. Being on the road would give you the opportunity to nurture this idea. Once the nonprofit is set up, you can draw a salary from it. And if you’re still feeling the college bug, take online classes on the bus. Hell, get a business degree. It would come in handy to help you run the organization.” She sat quietly. I took her hand in mine and shook it to get her attention. “Tell me what you’re thinking?”
“That all of this is too much to process.”
“Last night you told me it has to start with me, and that I have to think about myself. It’s my turn to tell you the same thing. A nonprofit is something we could do together. Using the band’s name will help it grow. Using your brilliant insight and intelligence will be the business behind it.”
“I don’t know the first thing about running a business.”
“You took care of your grandma during high school. You managed the finances—budgeting—figuring out how much you could spend versus what you brought in. You juggled caring for her while working and also attended bartending classes. You can multi-task. You’re far from lazy. Ambition and being a hard worker are inherent traits. You’ve got both. I believe in you. I think you could pull this off. If it’s something you want, I say go for it. The opportunity is presenting itself to you. Take it. You don’t know if or when it will come again.”
Her lips formed the letter O as she exhaled. “I don’t know what to say or think about any of this.”
“Say yes. Or at least say you’ll think about it.”
“Okay. I’ll think about it. But what about the center? I can’t leave the residents stranded. I don’t know how long it will take for Maria to find a replacement for me.”
“If you feel that strongly about it, stay until she does. At that point, you’ll join us.
I’ll fly you to whatever city we’re in. Does that sound fair?”
“I’m in shock right now. I can’t think straight.” She buried her head in her hands.
“Glad to hear it because we’re at the studio. Are you ready to meet your potential new roommates?”
“That was a fast drive.”
“Yup.”
Her brows rose. “Should I be scared?”
“Nah. They’re great. Mason is the most similar to me. Nick and Jonas are two peas in a pod. They’re vulgar, crass, and will pretty much fuck anything with a pussy.”
She cringed at the term.
“What I meant to say is, they’ll pretty much screw any woman who’s willing and able.”
“Please don’t change how you speak on my account. And can’t I say the same about you?”
Her tone let me know she was joking about the second part.
“No, smartass. Since the day I met you, you’re the only woman I’ve been interested in.”
She kissed the back of my hand. “You’re sweet.”
“It’s the truth.”
“I know. That’s why I said it. You’re sweet.”
“You’re funny today. I meant I speak the truth.”
“I know what you meant. I’m kidding with you. Thank you, Ryan. I really mean it.”
I parked the car, unbuckled my seatbelt, and faced her. “For what?”
“More than you can imagine. For believing in me. For giving me opportunities I never thought I’d have.”
“I’d give you the world if I could, babe.”
She wiped a tear, released the lock on her seatbelt, and scooted as close as the console between us would allow her to. The kiss she gave me was heartfelt enough to reinforce the words she’d just spoken.
“Ready?”
“More than ready.”
I assisted her out of the car, and we went inside the building. The guys were arguing about who knew what. They all quieted when Lizzie and I entered.
“Guys, this is Lizzie. Lizzie, this is Mason, Nick, and Jonas.”
“Nick Jonas. That’s funny,” she giggled.
“Forget it. I’ve changed my mind. She can’t come with us.” Nick shook his head and stormed over to the stool that held his water bottle.