by Starr, Faith
No other words were exchanged between us.
The wait for the paramedics took forever. At least it felt as such.
I shot Ryan a text to fill him in on the goings-on.
Ryan:I’m coming now. I’ll drive you to the hospital.
Lizzie:You don’t have to. I just wanted you to know I’m going with her.
Ryan:I’m coming. It wasn’t a question.
Lizzie:I’m only agreeing because I’m shaking like a leaf.
Ryan:I’ll be there soon.
Too bad I couldn’t take one of my grandma’s sedatives.
I texted Hailey and Carly. I wanted to keep them in the loop as well.
How awful to drag Ryan into this mess. The man had lost his grandfather a week ago and now had to deal with my grandmother’s illness, whatever it was.
A bladder infection. That’s what it is.
Ryan showed up after the ambulance had already left. He drove us to the hospital. I couldn’t sit still. I kept shifting left and right. Sat forward, leaned back.
Ryan grabbed my hand. “I’m with you.”
My thoughts were so scattered I didn’t reply—simply acknowledged him by squeezing the circulation out of his hand. He didn’t even flinch.
Once in the ER, we were told my grandmother was in testing. It became the inevitable wait.
“Ms. Shine?”
I jumped up from my seat. Not that I had been in it long. It was up and down. Up and down.
“Yes. That’s me.”
“I’m Dr. Owens, the physician caring for your grandmother. I was told you were waiting for an update.”
“Thank you for speaking with me. How is she doing?”
“We’ve put her on two different IV antibiotics along with fluids for hydration since she is dehydrated. She has a bladder infection that has gone untreated for quite some time. She is running a fever, has shallow breathing, and her blood pressure is low. We believe she is septic from the infection.”
“What does that mean?”
I felt all the blood rush to my feet. My head dropped forward. I tried to get my bearings, the person who said she could handle pretty much anything. Apparently not this.
Ryan draped his arm around me. “Are you okay?”
With closed eyes I replied, “Yeah. Just surprised.”
“Why don’t you take a seat?” the kind doctor said.
“I think I should.” When I opened my eyes, there were black spots in front of them.
Ryan assisted me into a chair and sat next to me with his arm around me.
“You can continue,” I said to the doctor.
“As I was going to explain, it means the toxin from the bacteria is causing her body’s organs to start failing. Sometimes it’s slow. Sometimes it’s quick. But if we don’t get it under control as soon as possible, it could be fatal. That’s why we’re treating her with antibiotics. I am admitting her to the ICU for monitoring and care. At her age, it’s harder for the body to fight off even the smallest infection.”
“I don’t get it. How could this be? I work at the center where she lives. She’s been fine other than over the past few days. Wouldn’t I have noticed if something was wrong?”
“With a bladder infection, it’s possible to remain in the dark until it’s advanced. Usually, mental status changes are an indication of one. Leakage can be another, but in a nursing home environment, many of the residents are incontinent, so infections such as these go unnoticed. Regardless, she’s here now, and we’re going to try to get this under control.”
Darn center and Dr. Haynes who wanted to do blood work, and nothing more!
“What… what is the prognosis?” I gripped the arms on my chair so hard my knuckles turned white. Ryan untangled my fingers from their death grip on it and placed my hand in his instead. It didn’t stop me from squeezing the life out of the other arm.
“The prognosis depends on how well she responds to treatment. It is a wait-and-see situation right now. I will keep you posted of any changes. Please make sure the nurse in the ICU has your contact information if you are planning to step out at any time.”
“I’m not going anywhere.”
“If that’s the case, there is a waiting room outside the ICU for families since the ICU has a strict visiting hours policy.”
With that information given, he left the ER waiting room.
A monsoon of tears escaped my eyes. Ryan held me as I cried against his chest.
“I understand, babe. In this instance, I truly do.”
I didn’t think it was possible to feel worse, yet I did. Ryan was dealing with his own loss and would now have to see this awful disease take another life. My intuition was certain my grandmother wouldn’t be leaving the hospital alive.
33
Ryan
The ICU waiting room wasn’t the most comfortable of places. It brought back awful memories of my grandfather’s passing, which oddly enough, had only been a week prior. It was difficult to be supportive of Lizzie when my own emotions were going batshit crazy.
The two of us waited until Mimi was settled in a room. A guy sat in the waiting room with us, passed out on a chair, snoring his guts out.
Lizzie’s stomach grumbled. The girl needed sustenance.
“Want something from the cafeteria?”
She played Wheel of Fortune on her phone without giving me eye contact. She’d been playing the game nonstop. The dinging sounds and Pat Sajak’s voice were driving me nuts.
“Big money.”
Shut the fuck up already!
I kept the thought to myself as Lizzie spun the wheel and guessed another letter.
“I’m not hungry.”
“Glad to hear it. What should I get you? A hamburger? Mac and cheese?”
She grunted.
“A hamburger it is.”
As I was leaving the room, she called, “Mac and cheese.”
“Got it. I’ll be back in a few.”
“I’ll still be here.”
She would too. On the same hard couch with her foot hiked up, and her phone leaning against her thigh while she continued to play her game.
This sucked ass. In two days I’d be on a bus and Lizzie’s grandmother was fading fast. How could I leave? She had no family members to lean on, other than an alcoholic father whom she had no relationship with.
Mason:Any news yet?
I’d practically bolted from the studio to pick up Lizzie from the center, informing the guys her grandma was being taken to the hospital by ambulance.
Ryan:It’s not good.
Mason:Sorry to hear that. What are you going to do?
Ryan:Stay here with Lizzie. She has nobody else.
Mason:I’m proud of you. Doin’ the whole boyfriend thing. It looks good on you.
Asshole.
Mason:Since you’re not responding, I will. Keep us posted. Camilla sent a group text. Not sure if you saw it yet. She wants us to do a conference call with her tomorrow regarding departure times, etc.
Ryan:Please remind me beforehand.
Mason: Will do. Send Lizzie our prayers.
Ryan: Thanks. I will.
The cafeteria was jammed. I stood in line with the rest of the patrons. The teenage girl behind me got giddy when she recognized me. I tensed and glanced around the room to see if anybody else had. Didn’t seem as such. I sighed in relief.
“Excuse me, aren’t you Ryan Josephs?”
“That would be me.”
She bounced up and down. “Oh my God! Oh my God! I love you guys.”
Keep it down!
The last thing I wanted was a mob scene. As it was, the people behind her were staring at us.
“I appreciate it, but can you lower your voice?”
I moved along with the line, trying to get away from her.
“Can I get a picture with you?” she whispered.
No such luck.
“I hate to say no, but I can’t risk creating chaos i
n here. I hope you understand.”
Her smile fell. “Yeah. Sure. I understand.”
Women!
“Fine. Let me get my food, and I’ll take one with you outside the cafeteria, okay?”
“Really?” She lit up again.
Manipulation at its best. I was a sucker for it every damn time.
“Please keep this quiet, though. I don’t want people knowing I’m here.”
She crossed her heart. “I promise.”
With a full tray of food, I waited for the bubbly teenager outside the cafeteria.
“Thank you so much. My sister is having a baby upstairs.”
“Congratulations.”
“Not sure if that’s the right word for it. She’s seventeen, and her boyfriend ditched her. My mom’s a raging inferno. Yay for me. I get to deal with a screaming baby after my sister brings it home with her.”
Why did people feel the need to tell me their life stories?
“Ready for the picture?” Our conversation had passed the finish line.
“Oh, yeah. Sorry. When I’m nervous, I talk a lot.”
“There’s no reason to be nervous.”
“Hello? You’re Ryan Josephs.”
“And you are?”
“Meredith Bryant.”
“Let’s take a picture together, Meredith Bryant. Shall we?”
I set my tray on a nearby chair. She did the same with hers. She took a few selfies of the two of us.
“Good luck with your new niece or nephew.”
“Thanks. And thanks again for making time for me.”
Those words right there were the sole reason I had taken the pictures with her. The reason I always complied to fan requests. One selfless minute to brighten someone else’s day was the least I could to for all our fans had given us.
Upstairs, Lizzie was still spinning the wheel and picking letters on her phone.
“Room service.”
I placed the tray of assorted goods on the coffee table.
“Other than mac and cheese, I wasn’t sure what you fancied, so I brought a little of everything.”
“As I said, I’m not hungry, but I do appreciate the gesture.”
“I hear you, but I think you should eat. If anything, it will give you strength to get through this.”
“You don’t have to sit here with me. I don’t plan on leaving. If the guys—”
“Hey, look at me,” I interrupted. “I’m here for you. I’m not leaving either. At least not until I have to.”
She stared at her phone again. I removed it from her hand and placed it on the table. “Let’s eat.”
She didn’t budge.
Fine. If that was how she wanted it, I’d feed her.
“Open up, the train is coming.” I held a fork full of mac and cheese in front of her. “Choo Choo.”
Her smile eased my tension.
She obliged and took the bite. Lo and behold, she snatched the fork from me and dug into the food herself.
“What about you, aren’t you hungry?” she asked.
“Not really. The guys and I had a big breakfast before going to the studio.”
For someone who said she wasn’t that hungry, the girl cleared the plate. It made me glad I had gone downstairs to get her food.
“I don’t know how long she’ll hold on. I’m not expecting miracles. I’ve worked at the center for a while now. I’ve seen what happens in these types of situations. I’m a realist.”
“It doesn’t mean you have to give up hope.”
“In this case, I don’t have any. I’m preparing myself for the worst.”
“It’s frickin’ déjà vu for me to be sitting here.”
“I know this must be so hard for you and for that, I’m sorry. That’s why you don’t have to stay.”
“I’m a big boy. If it gets to be too much, I’ll let you know.”
“Maybe you should rethink endorsing the center. You know, putting your name on something that might not be what it seems. I told the head nurse that I’ve noticed bruises on some of the residents when certain aides are on shift. Her response was that she’d look into it.”
“Interesting. I noticed that myself during my visits. Perhaps our nonprofit should focus on care given at memory care centers in addition to helping families with their loved ones who are suffering.”
“You’re right. These people need a voice.”
“We can be their voice for them.”
Out of nowhere, the gleam in her eyes shone again. “I’m game, then.”
“Are you saying what I think you are? That you’re agreeing to come with me on tour?”
“I’m ready for a change. Seeing my grandmother in bed this morning, volatile and out of it, only affirmed that. She’d be happy with my decision. Organizing a nonprofit on her behalf will make her even happier.”
“My grandfather’s too.”
“Of course. How could I have left Morris out? The Morris and Mimi Foundation.”
“Catchy name. I’m cool with it.”
“I am too.” She shifted and sat forward. “You really want to do this?”
“I’ll do whatever I can to help. But it will be your baby.”
“I want it to be ours.”
“It will be, but you’ll have more time to dedicate to it.”
“This may sound crazy, but instead of feeling horrible, I feel almost relieved. Is that selfish?”
“Not at all. From what you’ve told me, you’ve been taking care of your grandma for years. Maybe the universe is telling you it’s time to take care of yourself for a change?”
She let out a loud breath.
Her gaze flashed to mine. “And you.”
“We’ll take care of each other.”
“I like that.”
“Come here.”
She climbed onto my lap.
“I love you, Lizzie. We’ve been through a shitstorm, both individually and together. Let’s agree to leave the past behind us and move forward.”
“But bring the happy memories with us.”
“And keep them forever.”
For some strange reason, I too felt a sense of relief.
* * *
The kink in my neck wouldn’t release no matter how many times I rolled my head from side to side. Sleeping on a stiff couch could do that to a person.
Coffee. My body craved caffeine.
“I’m going to run downstairs to the cafeteria to get coffee.”
“Take the elevator. It’ll get you there faster.”
Lizzie’s wit was back.
“Ha-ha. You’re a funny girl. Do you want anything?”
“Umm… I’ll take some herbal tea. Sans the caffeine.”
“You got it. Want to come with me?”
“No. I’ll stay here. It’s almost ten-thirty and visiting hours start up again. I’ll be in my grandma’s room. Meet me in there.”
“I’ll be back soon.”
When I entered Mimi’s room with the hot beverages, Lizzie was speaking. Maybe the doctor or nurse had come by to provide information on her grandmother’s status.
Wrong.
Lizzie was talking to her sleeping grandmother. I didn’t want to intrude, nor did I want to make any noise by leaving the room and break her flow.
Shit. Stay or leave?
“It’s selfish of me to ask you to stick around. So I won’t, because if you could see yourself, I know this isn’t how you’d want to live out the rest of your life. I don’t want it for you either. There’s no quality to it. I won’t be angry or disappointed if you give up the fight, Grandma. I’d rather not see you suffer. Please know you will forever remain in my heart. There will never be a day moving forward that I won’t think about you and the love you gave me. Love my parents didn’t. Yet, you provided enough for both of them. And then some.”
Right when I went to make a move, the topic of conversation switched gears. Hello, guilt. Yet my feet remained locked in place.
“I finally have
a boyfriend. You only asked me the question for years. I can now say yes. He was blessed to have met you. It’s unfortunate he couldn’t see the real you. I know you’d approve of him. He’s sweet, kind, loving. All the things you wished for me to find in a man. I hope it gives you peace to know I won’t be alone. And if I was or turn out to be, I’d be okay too. You taught me how to be the independent woman I am today.”
What did she mean by ‘turn out to be’? Did she not have faith in the two of us going the distance? I sure as hell did and would prove her doubt wrong.
“I have to say, it feels cool to have someone who wants to hear about my days and spend his nights with me. It’s a first for me to have such strong feelings for a man without being numbed out on alcohol. I finally get what you were talking about when you told me, over and over again, I might add, that when you met grandpa you knew right away he was the one. I think I found my one too. We’ll keep that between us girls. I wouldn’t want to scare the man off and send him running in the other direction with these types of thoughts.”
I did feel like running, as in, out the door, so she wouldn’t catch me eavesdropping. What a shitty thing to do. It became guilt multiplied.
“If you do decide to leave, please watch over me because I plan on continuing our private chats about life and the universe. I love you, Grandma. It’s your call now. No regrets. No remorse.”
Lizzie sniffled and kissed Mimi’s forehead. I sucked in my own sorrow and swallowed it down. I took a few quiet steps backward then made noise as if I’d just arrived.
“Back with the drinks. Decaf chamomile for you and leaded coffee for me. I brought some sugar packets and mini creamers too. I wasn’t sure if you wanted to add anything to your tea.”
Lizzie wiped her face. “Thank you. What perfect timing. I was having a chat with my grandma.”
Yeah. I know.
“Do you feel better after having it?”
“I actually do. Much better.”
I set the drinks on the tray table and enclosed Lizzie in my arms. I rested my chin on her head. “Everything is as it’s supposed to be.”