by Starr, Faith
“I’m starting to believe that.”
We drank our hot beverages while sitting in the hard as fuck chairs.
The doctor came in several minutes later. His expression made it apparent the news he was about to deliver wasn’t going to make Lizzie happy.
“Good morning. I’m Dr. Cohen, one of the ICU physicians on shift today.”
“Good morning. I’m Lizzie, and this is Ryan.”
The man studied me for a minute. I had already figured out who he was—the man who had told me and my parents that my grandfather’s prognosis didn’t look good.
“This is my grandma. How is she doing? When I asked the nurse, she said you’d be in shortly to discuss her condition with me.”
“Unfortunately, your grandma’s condition worsened during the night, and her breathing became irregular. We had to place a breathing tube, which I’m sure you’ve noticed by now. Even with that support, she doesn’t seem to be responding well to the antibiotics and treatment. We’re giving her IV medication to support her blood pressure, but at this point, it appears her kidneys are shutting down. I wish I had better news to give you. You might want to call other family members to let them know she doesn’t have much time left. I’ll leave you be for now.”
What family? Did he mean Lizzie’s alcoholic father who stole government money meant for her care?
Oddly enough, Lizzie didn’t break down into hysterics. She simply held her grandma’s hand and told her how much she loved her and to go in peace.
We sat in the room for hours. It was brutal. My stomach was cramping. Thoughts about Kelsey and my grandfather swirled around in my mind. I did my hardest to put my thoughts aside for Lizzie’s sake. She needed comfort and support and I sure as hell was going to give it to her.
Interestingly, she didn’t bother to call her dad until after Mimi took her last breath eight long as shit hours later. She didn’t fall apart. Rather, she had a sense of calm about her. I did too. Quite the opposite of how I thought I’d feel, let alone react.
“How are you doing?” I wanted to make sure Lizzie wasn’t in mental shock.
“Believe it or not, better than expected. My grandma and I had a solid talk. I agree with you. Everything is as it’s supposed to be.”
The next two days were a blur of events. Besides crying through most of them, Lizzie was able to get a funeral service performed before we hit the road. Luckily, her grandmother had pre-purchased a plot next to her husband’s.
Lizzie contacted a priest, called the cemetery and informed them the service had to take place like yesterday, and bam! Mimi got a heartfelt service.
The guys attended out of respect for Lizzie and me. Lizzie’s friends, Carly and Hailey, joined us along with their significant others.
And then there was Lizzie’s father. I had given it about a fifty-fifty shot of him showing up. Lizzie predicted a lower possibility. She extended the invite and left it up to him whether to attend or not. He stood quietly in the background.
Lizzie was a trooper, that was for damn sure. Her condition had been poor over the last forty-eight hours. And that was being optimistic.
My nerves were beyond fried. Between my grandpa passing and Lizzie losing Mimi, many tears were shed, some together, some apart. As bad as the experience was of Lizzie losing her grandmother, it brought us closer. We both had a long road ahead of us as far as moving through the stages of grief. At least we had each other to do it with and could understand the other’s feelings firsthand.
“Don’t forget to FaceTime me. We’ll do group meetings on the phone.” Hailey hugged Lizzie and rubbed her back.
“I promise I will.”
“I’ll miss our Saturday mornings.”
Hailey sniffled. Lizzie did too.
“We can do them via Skype,” Lizzie suggested.
“It’s not the same.”
“It’s better than nothing.”
The two women shared a cry, then separated.
“Hello? What about me?” Carly stood next to them, wiping her own tears.
“You’re included in everything we do. Group hug.” Lizzie pulled both girls in, and they embraced each other. “I love you both. You’ve done so much for me.”
Jesus. It wasn’t like they’d never see each other again.
“How about I fly the girls out to a show so you can spend time with them?” It was the least I could do. The three of them were turning into basket cases.
Carly’s ears perked up. “I’m sold. I’d love to see you guys live. I’ve only seen you perform online. Wow… Yes. Seeing you perform in person sounds… Gee whiz… No words can describe my excitement. Did you hear that, Maddie? Hello, people. Ryan invited us to a show. Ryan, can you put us in the front row or is that asking too much?”
Carly’s reaction made me laugh. It actually made all of us laugh, which made it a great note for me and Lizzie to depart on.
“Front row it is.” I smoothed my hand over Lizzie’s back. “Babe, I hate to rush you, but we have to get going.”
“Alright,” she moaned. “Carly, if I left anything behind at the apartment, hold on to it for me. I’ll get it when we come home.”
“I’ll miss you,” Carly cried.
“I’ll miss you too.” Lizzie inhaled a jagged breath.
I couldn’t let the circle of sadness make another round.
“Ready?” We really had to leave. As in, ten minutes ago.
“One-second. I want to say a few words to my father.”
That I had patience for. Closure with her father would be beneficial for her.
“You bet. I’ll wait here.”
She furrowed her brow. “No. Come with me.”
Meeting the man in person after hearing horror stories about him wasn’t something I was jumping up and down for joy about. It made me want to sock the asshole in the nose. Instead, I bit my tongue and stood next to Lizzie in silence, listening to her address the man wearing slacks and a dress shirt, both black.
“Dad, this is Ryan. We’re leaving town today. I won’t be back for several months.”
He stood taller, his face unshaven, his hair in need of a cut.
“What do you mean you’re leaving town for a few months? Where are you going?”
He reeked of alcohol, which made me cringe. Lizzie didn’t bat an eyelash. She was probably used to seeing him intoxicated.
“Ryan is a musician. He’s going on tour and has invited me to go with him.”
“That’ll do wonders for your sobriety, being with a bunch of rockers on a tour bus.” He chuckled.
My urge to punch the man got stronger.
“Let’s go, Lizzie.” My patience had left the cemetery.
“Bye, Dad.”
The two of us walked away.
“Wait a second. How do I get in touch with you?” He called out to us.
Lizzie directed her attention at him. “You’ll have to find someone else to suck dry. I’m done with the handouts. If and when you decide to get your act together, give me a call. Otherwise, take care of yourself.”
You tell him, babe!
She tugged me forward, her chest rising and falling rapidly. I was high-fiving her in my head for putting him in his place.
We left and drove to my apartment with the guys. They took off for their places to gather the rest of their stuff. A car was due to pick us up at our respective homes in about an hour’s time. It wasn’t much, and I still had a few more things to pack.
“You were phenomenal back there.”
She plopped on the bed. “I think so too. Remember when I said I was ready for a change?”
I nodded as I shoved the journal she had bought me along with some of my other writing notebooks into my backpack.
“It starts right now.”
Lizzie had made the decision to leave with me. She wasn’t happy with how her grandmother’s infection had gone undiagnosed, and inevitably, led to her death. I didn’t blame her. I wasn’t too keen on the lack of supervision
provided by the center that led to my grandpa’s passing. We were definitely on the same page.
She was already in nonprofit mode, wanting to get started on it ASAP. Knowing Lizzie the way I did, I knew she felt some guilt about leaving the other residents behind, abandoning them in a sense. Her words, not mine. It so happened that Maria had a possible replacement for her. Another coincidence?
34
Lizzie
It was my first time seeing the guys perform live. I couldn’t wait. Ryan had me stand on the side of the stage, where fans couldn’t see me. The energy in the arena was contagious. It was like nothing I had ever experienced. I was flying on an adrenaline high, my entire body bouncing with excitement.
“Hello, Tampa!”
The crowd cheered in response to Ryan’s greeting. It was almost deafening. I popped the earplugs from my pocket into my ears. Ryan had warned me it would be loud. Try multiplying that by ten. Forget that. A hundred.
“We’re so glad to be back on tour, and better yet, in our home state. Let’s hear it, Floridians! Are you ready to party with us?”
Whoops and screams of thousands of voices shouted, “Yes,” in unison.
“Tonight is extra special, for me especially, because I’ve got someone who means the world to me watching along with you guys.”
“Yeah!” The crowd roared.
“You might have seen pictures of my girl online. Asshole reporters printed shit about her that isn’t true. I’m here to make something clear to you: Don’t believe everything you see and hear, especially online.”
“Whoo!” they cheered.
“Damn right. Putting business aside, you are in for a treat tonight. The guys and I have been working on a new song.”
“Yay!” the audience cried.
“It’s not really new, per se. It’s a cover. But it has special meaning. Lizzie, baby”—he glanced at me—“this one’s for you.”
My heart dropped. I knew the song after hearing the first note. The crowd went double wild.
“I hate to bring everyone down, but the truth is, all of us in this arena are going to grow old. The good news is, right now, we are alive and kicking. Let’s make a deal. How about right this minute we party and stay forever fucking young!”
The crowd went berserk.
Ryan sang the first verse of “Forever Young.” He faced me and held out his hand for me to join him. He had to be joking. There was no way in hell I was going to stand in front of thousands of people
“Come on, babe. Don’t be scared.”
The fans screamed my name. I was going to kill him later.
He curled his finger, encouraging me to move my feet while he continued to sing the lyrics.
Talk about feeling intimidated. My body was a quivering mess. I zeroed in on Ryan instead of all the eyes on me.
Had to say, the chorus was fun. He twirled me around. The fans ate it up. I could only see the people in the first few rows. Behind them was pure darkness. I knew the fans were there, though, by their screams and cellphones lighting up in the arena. It was incredible.
Ryan was a true performer—meant to be on a stage, as were his bandmates. Each one was a ball of talent.
Similar to the lyrics in the song, I could honestly say my dreams had come true. Ryan being placed in my life was something the universe had orchestrated on both of our behalves. There could be no other explanation for the way we met—at a memory care center where both of our grandparents resided, both of whom suffered from Alzheimer’s. I mean, come on. What were the odds?
Exactly. Slim to none.
So, did I want to live forever? Hell yes. But only if Ryan Josephs was by my side.
Epilogue
Lizzie
The lights were blinding, the cheers deafening. It was surreal. Everyone was gathered together for a unified cause.
“Hello, South Florida! It’s great to be home, closing out this leg of our tour with a benefit show. A show you made possible, along with my girl, who can’t wait to speak to you beautiful people.”
Not sure how true that was. There were a lot of them.
The purpose of this gathering gave me a head-rush. I tried to tap into that energy instead of my fear of public speaking. Who would’ve thought Ryan’s idea to start a nonprofit would’ve come to fruition?
“She has spent countless hours doing research and has gone days without sleep to get this baby off the ground. She’s dedicated her all to make a difference to a group of people who can’t speak for themselves. Everyone, please give it up for Lizzie!”
He nodded at me.
Legs. Voice. Don’t fail me now.
What a great idea it was to wear ballet flats. Less chance of tripping when I got the courage to walk over to where Ryan was standing.
When I got the courage.
Breathing.
Breathing harder.
“Lizzie.” Ryan motioned for me.
“I’m coming,” I mouthed.
He smiled. The jerk!
I took a deep breath.
God, give me strength. Mimi, Morris, this is for you.
I jogged out on the stage, somehow feeling less intimidated than the last time he’d dragged me out in front of thousands of people.
I peered up at the sky and felt warmth enter my heart. My prayers and message had been received and heard.
“Thank you, Ryan.” Thank you, God. Ryan kissed my cheek, and the fans cheered. “First and foremost, I’d like to thank all the sponsors who helped make this benefit a reality. This show wouldn’t be taking place right now if it wasn’t for their generous support. Second, please help me thank Steam for playing their hearts out. Weren’t they incredible?” I raised my hands above my head and clapped.
The crowd screamed.
It took an eternity for them to simmer down.
“And of course, the guys of On The Fence, for putting up with my lunacy, moodiness, and nagging these last few months to make this show happen, and for driving them crazy with all my questions and suggestions. I love you guys.”
I blew a kiss to Mason, Nick, and Jonas. Ryan got a kiss on the lips. The crowd went mad over that gesture.
“Above all else, me, the guys of Steam, and On The Fence would like to thank all of you for coming together tonight to help us bring more awareness to a great cause. According to the Alzheimer’s Association, someone in our country will develop Alzheimer’s every 65 seconds. Those suffering need care. That’s where the Morris and Mimi Foundation comes into play.
Care that is expensive for many loved ones to provide. I know the challenge involved because my grandmother suffered from the disease, and I was her caretaker for several years until I could no longer manage it. It was mentally grueling, emotionally draining, and physically exhausting. I didn’t have the means to put her in a facility or hire round-the-clock care, but I knew I had to get help. I couldn’t continue to keep her safe all by myself without assistance. Assistance I couldn’t afford. I did what was necessary to make it happen.
I was fortunate an opportunity presented itself for me to do so. Many others don’t get so lucky. The Morris and Mimi Foundation provides aid and assistance to those who need help caring for loved ones suffering from this debilitating disease. In addition, our mission is to help families place loved ones in facilities where they will have peace of mind knowing their loved ones are being properly cared for. But we can’t do this without your help. So again, thank you from the bottom of our hearts for joining us today.
All proceeds from merchandise sold will benefit the foundation, so check out the cool T-shirts, sweatshirts, and other items Steam and On The Fence have for sale at the vendor stations. With that being said, I don’t want to take up any more of your time. I know you’re here to listen to kick-ass music and have fun. So please give it up for my favorite band on the planet, On The Fence!”
I was on a high skipping off the stage, the roars of the crowd echoing in my head. I couldn’t hear a thing. When Ryan voice flowed through the s
peakers, the shrieks and screams only got louder.
We had pulled it off. Mimi and Morris would be so proud of us.
Hailey and Carly greeted me behind the stage with open arms, as did Ryan’s parents.
“What you’re doing is incredible, Lizzie.” His mother drew me in for a loving hug.
“Thank you. But it’s a joint effort. I can’t and won’t take all the credit.”
She pulled me aside and held me at arm’s length. “Between you and me, I know Ryan has told you about Kelsey. It was a brutal loss for our entire family. A pain that never lessens. I tried to keep Ryan close afterward. I was so afraid I’d lose him too. The thought of my son being on a tour bus traveling the country with a band. God help me. A mother thinks the worst.
I’m sure you can imagine how scary that is. But being here tonight and seeing how he has used his fame for the greater good is the most gratifying thing I have ever experienced. I’m so, so proud.
Having you by his side, traveling with him, taking care of and loving him, somehow lessens my worry.
I missed out on seeing my daughter grow up. From our conversations, I know you missed out on having your mother by your side. I know I can’t replace your mother and more importantly, your wonderful grandmother, and you can’t replace Kelsey, but I’m open to having a mother-daughter relationship. I miss having a daughter, and if I could have another one, I’d choose you.”
It wasn’t enough Ryan had accepted me unconditionally into his life, but now his family affirmed they did as well.
“There’s nothing I’d want more.”
We hugged, the warmth of her heart filling mine. What a special and comforting feeling.
It was a new beginning for me. My mother had been an addict. And when I had her in my life, I didn’t have her emotionally. She loved her drugs more than anything else, me included. Regarding my father, he was still an active alcoholic. I had been blessed to have my grandmother and would forever be indebted for the love she graced me with. The dysfunction I had grown up with ended with me. I had finally found my purpose and it rocked!