After work, Rob wasn’t home when she got there. Maybe he’d gone to pick up their food. Both breakfast and lunch hadn’t been satisfying, and she was eager to have one of her favorite Italian meals.
She heard Rob’s truck pull into the driveway and opened the door to let in Maverick and him. The Malinois’ nose was testing the scent of the order, and he looked at the bags longingly, making her laugh.
“Don’t encourage him,” Rob warned. “He practically drooled all over our dinner on the way home, but we can’t share it with him. Trevor once gave him pepperoni pizza, and he had gas for nearly forty-eight hours that was so gross, we had to find other quarters.” He shuddered. “We’re not making that mistake again.”
She couldn’t help laughing at the thought of a team of strong Marines having to vacate their quarters because of a warrior dog with gas. “You guys had some interesting situations, I’ll bet.”
“You don’t know the half of it.” He paused and looked at her sternly. “But I can’t tell you about them. Highly classified.” He wiggled his eyebrows at her, and made a face.
She shrugged and pulled out their orders. Rob had ordered cheese ravioli smothered in meat sauce, and his own salad and garlic bread. She pulled out plates and serving spoons. “What do you want to drink?”
“I’ll have a beer.”
She made a face, grabbing a beer for him and a soft drink for her. They spent the next forty-five minutes catching up on their day, and talking about date night.
“I think we should take turns planning date night activities. You can do this Saturday, and then I’ll do next week,” she said.
“That sounds fair. We can surprise each other.” He looked thoughtful. “It’ll be a good way for us to get to know each other better, too.”
“Perfect. I can’t wait to see what you come up with.”
“The challenge is on. We’ll see who can be the most creative.”
“Sounds good.” She wondered what on earth she could do to compete. Maybe Nick would have some ideas. Actually, this could be fun.
Chapter Thirty-One
Rob sat in his counselor’s office, wondering what they would talk about today. He’d been feeling good, and when Michael asked how he was doing, Rob told him he’d been free of nightmares all week. They discussed his coping strategies, and he admitted he’d been thinking about talking to horses.
“Sounds like an interesting approach,” Michael said. “Let me know what you notice. I’ve heard of a bunch of veterans’ programs that partner with horses. The relationship seems to help, and some programs involve Equine Assisted Psychotherapy.”
“That sounds interesting. Any of them around here?”
“No, I’m afraid not. I’ve got a friend in Pennsylvania who works in a program there. It’s fascinating. I’d love it if we could do something like that around here. Heaven knows there are enough horse ranches and even some therapeutic riding centers.”
“If you start a program like that, I’d be interested in taking part.”
“Great! Now, what do you want to work on today? What areas are still causing you trouble?”
He blurted, “I’d like to talk about my relationship. How will I know if I’m capable of having a long-term relationship?”
“Oh, it’s that serious, is it?” Michael studied him carefully in silence for a few minutes.
“Yeah. It’s serious. I think about marriage to MJ—that’s short for Mary Jane. Our relationship is going well. She wants me to be honest with her about the PTSD, and she calls me on it when she thinks I’m hiding things from her. It’s weird, but she accepts me and my PTSD. I worry that she shouldn’t.”
“Why not? How has PTSD made you different?”
Rob dropped his head and took a deep breath. He’d mentioned getting aggressive at their first appointment, but they hadn’t talked about it since. He needed to admit what he’d done. “One night I had a nightmare or flashback, I don’t really know which it was.” He swallowed hard and took another deep breath before admitting how he’d choked her. “I feel so guilty. That’s what led to me calling the VA for help. I couldn’t bear it if I hurt her.”
“I remember you mentioning that during our first session. Have there been any episodes of aggression since then?”
“No, but I worry about it. What if I’m too damaged to have a normal life?”
Michael barked a laugh, and Rob glared at him.
“You don’t have to make fun of me. It isn’t funny.”
“No, I know that. There aren’t any guarantees, and everybody is different. In my experience, people worry too much about losing control. I can’t say it won’t happen again, but it seems to me you’re doing what you need to so that it doesn’t.”
“What about marriage? Or children? Will it be safe for me to have a family, or will they always be at risk?” God, he’d die if he hurt a child, especially his own.
“I think the key is managing your symptoms, talking about what you experience, and doing the emotional work you need to. That way you’ll move in the right direction.”
“What do you mean ‘the right direction?’”
“Staying in the here and now. By staying connected to the present, there’s less likelihood of being sucked into the past and the shit you experienced.”
Rob nodded thoughtfully. “It seems like that means staying out of my head. The more I ruminate and worry, the more I get sucked into bad memories. Right?”
“That’s it. Sometimes it may be out of your control, because something will trigger a flashback or memory, but the more practice you have identifying your triggers, the more we can work on managing them when they happen. For example, a lot of guys trigger at the sound of gunfire or explosions. July Fourth celebrations can send them into a panic. You can plan for that. We’ll set up some ways for you to ground yourself when a trigger occurs. You can also let people around you know what’s likely to set you off. Sometimes, you avoid those situations. Other times, you’ll practice responding differently. That’s how to regain control. It may not work all the time, but it’s a good place to start.”
“How long will it take for me to get to a place where it’s safe to propose and get married?”
“Hard to say. I suspect you’ll know when the time is right. The issue isn’t that you’re messed up. The issue is that you don’t trust yourself. Until you do, I suspect you won’t make that commitment because you’ll be too worried.”
Rob nodded. It made sense. As he drove home, he thought about what he needed to do. Damn it. He wanted to move through this shit as quickly as possible. He wanted a future with MJ, and he wanted them to start their lives together now. “Not realistic,” he reminded himself, talking out loud into the silence.
They already had a serious relationship. They’d already started their lives together. They lived together. Why was he making this so complicated? They’d been together for nearly six months. Could that be long enough for him to decide he wanted forever with her? They’d fallen in love quickly. Living together and raising a dog together had turned things intense. Could he replace Trevor in her heart? She said he had, but how could they trust something this fast? They had a lot more talking to do.
After getting home, as soon as he’d let Maverick out into the backyard, he felt his phone vibrate. He looked at the screen. Tyler Mathews.
“Hey, Tyler. What’s up?”
“I talked to my neighbor, Jethro Gordon. He wants to meet you. Would tomorrow be a good day?”
“Sure. What time?”
“Around nine. I finish feeding the horses by then.”
“That works for me. I’m looking forward to seeing his place.”
“Yeah, I think he’ll be a good source of information for you. He’s in his seventies and has been running cattle his whole life. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
***
MJ had been making lists all morning. They were hosting Thanksgiving dinner next Thursday for Mom, Nick, and Tess, and Tyler and his brother, Jaso
n. They’d divided the food and drink, so that all she had to provide was the turkey, dressing, gravy, and mashed potatoes. Since she had never hosted a holiday dinner, it helped that she only needed to focus on a few items. That would challenge her enough.
When she finished her shopping list, her thoughts turned to date night. Rob was in charge of what they’d do this weekend, and it would be her turn the following weekend.
It needed to be something he’d like. The idea that popped into her head was obvious. They were in the foothills of the Smokies. They ought to do something that would introduce him to the area. Maybe a hike if the weather cooperated. If it was cold and wintery, a hike wouldn’t be very enjoyable, but they could drive along the Foothills Parkway. Or go to Dollywood. Jeez, they hadn’t even driven to Carpenter’s Cove yet. Those were all things that people who grew up in this area did several times a year. Too bad the peak season for the change in colors of the trees had passed. Even driving around in the mountains was spectacular in the fall, and they’d missed it this year.
She looked up as she heard the front door open and smiled when she saw it was Rob, bearing a bag of food. Perfect timing.
“What did you bring me?” she whispered, as he got closer.
“I thought we could split a salad, chips, and a barbequed pork sandwich,” he whispered back. “If you don’t want to share, I’ll give it all to you and make myself a peanut butter and jelly sandwich when I get home.”
The smell of barbeque grabbed her senses, and her stomach let out an embarrassing growl. “Sorry.”
“Sounds like my timing is just right. You must be hungry.”
“No kidding. The barbeque smells fabulous. Where’d you go?”
“That little hole-in-the wall place on Archer. I thought about going to The Diner, but as I was going past this place, the smell of smoking meat pulled me in off the street.”
“I’m glad.” She beckoned him to follow her into the break room after checking the whereabouts of library patrons.
Once he’d laid down the bag, MJ grabbed it, and stuck her hand in to pull out a large sandwich bun loaded with barbeque. A small packet soon followed. “Pickles?”
“Yeah, I like dill pickles on my sandwich.”
She raised an eyebrow, as she drew out two small bags of potato chips, followed by a salad in a plastic container from the bottom of the bag. “Perfect.”
She got up and grabbed plates from the cabinet next to the sink, and some forks and a knife from the drawer nearby.
She handed them to Rob and went back for napkins. Rob cut the sandwich in half and put one half onto each plate, as she portioned out the salad.
“How did your counseling session go? Or shouldn’t I ask? I don’t want to put my nose where it doesn’t belong.”
“No problem. It was good. I think it’s really helping.” He looked lost in thought. “You know, sometimes I’ve felt I’m really broken, but Michael reminds me I’ve just seen stuff. He’s encouraging, but very matter-of-fact. He makes me feel like it’s no big deal.”
“Good. I know it is a big deal, but it happens to a lot of vets, so for veterans, it’s sort of normal.”
“I hadn’t thought of it like that. There are a lot of vets who suffer from PTSD. More than people realize.”
“I’m just glad you’re doing something about it, and that talking is helping.”
“It’s hard to believe Thanksgiving is next week, and that I only met you six months ago.” His dark brown eyes studied her.
“We’ve been through a lot in a short time.” She met his gaze.
“Yes, we have.” He paused. “But it’s been worth every moment.” His eyes seemed full of an emotion that looked like sorrow.
“I wouldn’t have met you if it hadn’t been for Maverick.”
Rob shook his head. “Let’s be honest. If it weren’t for Trevor.”
“I know.” She felt such intense feelings for Rob. Every time she thought about Trevor, she was convinced he’d be happy for them. She’d fallen for Rob fast, but the love she felt for him was real—and lasting. Every day they spent together, she became more and more convinced he was the man for her. If she was reading him right, she was the woman for him, too.
Why couldn’t she put all that into words? “There’s so much I’d like to say, but I don’t know how,” she began.
“I feel the same way. My feelings for you are so intense; there aren’t words to explain it.” Rob pushed aside his food and reached for her hand.
“Yes! That’s exactly it.” She searched his face, not certain what she was looking for. Could he possibly feel the same way?
“I feel as if you’re my soulmate, MJ. I want you in my life forever.”
“I feel the same way.” She looked down at her lap before gazing back at him. “I dream about living on that ranch you want to create, with kids, horses, and cows.”
“I didn’t know if you’d like that kind of life. It makes me happy to know you dream about it, and about us being together and raising a family. I want that more than anything.”
She heard a bell ring. Damn. Someone needed her at the front desk. She wanted nothing more than to lose herself in his arms, to kiss him, and to squeal with glee that they both wanted the same thing.
“I’ve got to go,” she said, looking over her shoulder at the door. An elderly man shifted impatiently back and forth in front of the checkout desk.
“Sorry. We’ll talk more about this. I’ll clean this stuff up.”
“Thanks, Rob. I want to talk about this some more.” Her smile grew as she thought about the conversations they’d have. “I’ll be home around five-thirty. We’re going to Mom’s for supper, remember?”
“I remember,” he said.
She grinned as he gave her a wink. No doubt about it. She was a very lucky woman, having a man like him.
Chapter Thirty-Two
Rob arrived at Wayward Ranch on Friday, a few minutes before nine. As he finished parking his truck, Tyler came down the steps from the wraparound porch.
“Morning,” he greeted Rob. “Can I offer you a cup of coffee?”
Rob nodded. “Sounds great.”
Tyler escorted him into the house and led the way down the hall into a large, recently remodeled kitchen.
“Nice place you’ve got here.”
“Thanks. It belonged to my folks, but I’ve done a lot of remodeling to bring it into the 21st century. It’s taken me about three years, and I still have more to go, but I like how it’s turned out. I want to raise a family here someday.”
Rob raised an eyebrow. “I didn’t realize you were dating anybody.”
Tyler let out a bitter laugh. “I’m not. But when I meet the right woman, I’ll be ready, I guess.”
“You never know when the right woman will come along. It’s often when you least expect it.”
Tyler shrugged. “Probably.” He opened a cabinet door, brought out a large ceramic mug, and filled it with a hot, dark brew. “How do you take it?”
“Black’s fine.” Rob took the mug and breathed in the smell of a great cup of coffee. He took a seat opposite his friend at a long wooden table at one end of the room. “Mmm. Thanks. This is just what I needed.”
Tyler took a large swig from his own mug and then set it down. “There’s something I need to talk with you about before we go over to Jethro’s place.” His friend seemed ill at ease.
“Is something wrong?” Rob asked.
“No.” Tyler paused. “Yes. Oh, crap, maybe.”
“What is it?”
Tyler let out a deep sigh. “I appreciate you asking my brother and me to your place for Thanksgiving dinner, but I talked to my brother last night, and he’s not coming.”
“Oh, that’s not a problem.” Thank God, it wasn’t anything major.
“I didn’t realize until I talked with him last night that he’s representing Kent Barnard, the guy who broke into your place. Well, allegedly broke into your place. He didn’t think it would look good
to socialize with the victim of a crime his client is accused of committing.” Tyler let out a sigh. “Hell, after what you told me, I can’t imagine you or your girlfriend would want to have him come.”
Rob felt like someone had kicked him in the stomach. “Yeah, probably not a good idea.”
“In fact, if you’d rather I don’t come, I’ll understand. No hard feelings. This is one of those things that happens when you live in a small town. Since my brother is a defense attorney, he represents some unappetizing characters. Kent Barnard is one of those, in my opinion.” He made a face.
“I’ll talk to MJ about it, but I’d say you’re welcome. Unless you need to be with your brother for the holiday.”
Tyler shrugged. “I was looking forward to meeting MJ, but it’ll be fine either way.”
Rob nodded. “Let me talk to MJ. We’ll let you know. The break-in shook us both up.”
Tyler nodded. “Whatever is best for you and MJ works for me. I hope this won’t affect our friendship.”
“No, I don’t think it will. Not on my part.”
Tyler expelled a big sigh. “I’m relieved. I dreaded having to tell you. I love my brother, but sometimes I hate his job. He decides who to represent, and I know he needs to earn a living, but I don’t like people associating me with the lowlifes he represents.”
“I hadn’t thought of that. You mean people get mad at you for the people Jason defends?”
“Yeah. It isn’t as if Jason thinks everybody he represents is innocent. He believes that everybody deserves good legal representation. Only it’s hard to explain that to people traumatized by something one of those creeps has done.”
“I’ll explain it to MJ. It isn’t fair for people to judge you like that.”
“Okay, but make sure she knows that whatever she’s comfortable with is fine. Your friendship is too important to me to mess up because of a guy like Kent Barnard.”
“I feel the same way. I can’t tell you how good it’s been to get to know you. We have a bunch in common, not the least being our experiences as jarheads in a war zone.”
Saved by a Warrior Dog Page 26