Shadow of Nevermore

by Lilly Black

  I did get some useful intel though. I found out why they were in my neighborhood forty miles from their base the day they picked me up. The solar farm down the road from us in Pipestem is where they got drugs. The men at the farm would trade their drugs for lots of things, including people, and what they preferred were couples. The guy who ran the place said he could get more work out of the men if he threatened to hurt their wives, but I think there was more to it since the nasty, old, Jabba-looking son-of-a-bitch always had the women dressed up like BDSM Princess Leias. So, anytime we came across a couple we could kidnap, we'd trade them to the men at the solar farm for heroin, pot, and meth. And if we found any of the antihistamines that make meth, we could trade those, too. Those really seemed to make them happy. They'd give us shitloads of pot for just a few boxes.

  I never did any of it though. I was scared of heroin and meth, and I figured if I smoked pot in that situation, I'd get so paranoid, I'd probably kill myself. The only thing that kept me from eating a bullet in the first place was Sheri. I also wanted to save the women at the prison, but while I was still learning and working on my plan, at least I did what I could to make it better for them. I would give them my share of the drugs so they would feel numb. I'd sneak them food and medical supplies. When I had the chance, I even looted female products for them. I used to be embarrassed to go to the store with my mom when she had to buy those, but once I found how much that little gesture meant to the women on Death Row, I knew it was time for me to grow up and be a man.

  I wasn't able to save anyone yet, but I was learning every day and volunteering for every mission I could be a part of. Then one night, we brought back a skinny, little girl who looked like she was eleven or twelve-years-old. She reminded me of Sheri, so I asked if I could keep her for myself because I couldn't stand the thought of them raping her, and they let me.

  Her name was Serena, and she's how I finally got to see the private sex slave area of the prison. They were kept in the offices, not cells, so each door had its own key, and nobody but me had the key to Serena's room. It was still a lot like a cell with bars on the windows and all, but it was more private, so I felt comfortable in there talking to her about things. It turned out she was actually older than me. She was seventeen, and she was so small because she was malnourished. She said she'd been on her own since the beginning.

  I took good care of Serena. I brought her plenty of food, and if there was anything she wanted, I found it for her when we were out looting. But even though I did everything I could for her and kept taking supplies to the women on Death Row, I still didn't feel any better about myself because no matter how I tried to sugarcoat it, I knew I was a monster. I should have just killed all those guys in their sleep, but I was scared of what they would do to me if I didn't succeed.

  Finally, one day when I just couldn't take it anymore, I went to see Serena and told her everything, and she was so understanding. She said I wasn't a monster. She said I was a hero for putting myself through all this just to make things easier for them, and I really wanted to believe her.

  Then she kissed me for the first time. I'd never even tried anything with her because I didn't feel like I had the right, but she kissed me. She said she wanted to make love with me, and I wanted to. I wanted to just make all the terrible shit go away for a minute for both of us so we could pretend life was normal again, but it wasn't going to happen because no matter how hard she tried, I couldn't get it up. My dick is broken because I'm nothing but a fucking coward who doesn't deserve Serena or any other girl.

  I realized I had to get the fuck out of there before it destroyed me.

  The next day, I brought Serena a gun, a map, and other supplies so she could make a run for it, then I cut the holes in the fences for her myself that night. I left her room unlocked, and when I checked the next morning, she was gone. I was supposed to meet her a couple of days later at a nearby hotel that the guys from the prison had already cleared, and I'd volunteered for a mission with those two assholes, Monroe and Dave, planning to kill them both then take Monroe's jeep to get Serena.

  I picked those guys for a reason. Monroe was a scary dude, but Dave was a meth head. Of all the men I'd gone scavenging with so far, I felt like I stood the best chance at killing them. My plan was to wait until I was on watch while they slept on the way back, then I'd arm one of the women we kidnapped, and the two of us would kill Monroe and Dave at the same time. That's why I picked Dani at the Deadfall. She was an adult, not a teenage girl like the ones Monroe and Dave seemed to like the best, and she struck me as a strong woman who would have no problem helping me take those fuckers out.

  Even though it's only like forty miles back to the prison from the drug farm, we always stayed away at least one full night. Every one of the mission leaders had a place they liked to go, and Monroe had a cabin in the woods near Beaver, so I had it all planned out, but just after we left the prison for our mission, Dave told a story that devastated me. He said the team that returned that morning before we left had found some young girl at the motel on their way back, and I knew it had to be Serena. Just like my sister, I left her alone, and now she's paying for my mistake. She's probably on Death Row, and I put her there. It seemed like every time I tried to do something good, I only made things worse.

  I decided to go ahead with my plan to kill Monroe and Dave, but beyond that, I didn't know what I was going to do. I couldn't save Serena now. I couldn't save anyone because I'm just a coward and a monster, and I don't deserve to live.

  Olivia moved her seat so she was right beside Austin, and she put her arms around him. The day he first came to the Deadfall, she could have had him killed for his crimes, but now she was seeing him for what he truly was - a frightened kid who had no guidance in a world for which he was totally unprepared. He collapsed against her, regressing to a childlike state and sobbing as she stroked his hair and consoled him with a reassuring voice until Alek said the words he needed to hear most of all.

  "We're going to take them out, Austin," he said, and the boy looked up, truly hopeful for the first time since he lost his parents. "Even if I have to do it all by myself, I promise you, we're going to kill those men and save the women."

  "You have my full support," Olivia said, and Austin felt a tremendous weight lifted off of his shoulders.

  "Oh, God, thank you!" he gushed. "I'll help any way I can. I'll do anything."

  "The best thing you can do right now is try to remember every detail about that place," Alek said. "Describe everyone who lives there, draw maps, write down everything you can think of."

  "I will," he said, nodding his head excitedly. "I memorized it all. Every hallway. Every door. Every face."

  "Good. We have a meeting about this in a couple of hours, then we'll start planning," Olivia said, and as she rose to see him out, she added, "I'll speak with the others about your accommodations as well. "

  "Pardon me, ma'am, but please don't. I deserve to be where I am....at least until I redeem myself. It's important to me," he said.

  "I understand," Olivia said as she opened the door so the guards could take Austin back to his cell, this time with a notebook and pencils to help them plan to take out the men at the prison. Olivia and Alek couldn't be sure that the rest of the community leaders would agree that it was necessary, but they were both determined to make it happen with or without their approval.

  Just before the founders meeting was about to start, Olivia knocked on the guest room door to give Reid and Amina their cell phones and invite them to attend. As her husband, Reid had a place at the table, and according to their current rules, as his lover, Amina did, too.

  "I don't know, Liv," Reid said as Olivia stood in the hallway just outside the door. "I'm not sure I should just show up out of the blue and suddenly start acting like I'm in charge around here."

  "It's not like that. Just sit in, listen, and vote. You don't even have to say anything, but you built this place, Reid. You have every right to be at that meeting."


  "I'll think about it," he said. "If we don't come and you need my vote, just cast it the same as yours."

  "I really need you there," she said, looking over Reid's shoulder into Amina's eyes, then she smiled and dropped her voice low for his ears only. "And by the way, it's good to know that two months without practice haven't affected your skills, but, um, the guest room walls are apparently thin." She winked and walked away, leaving her husband a little embarrassed yet thoroughly enamored of her. Even though he spent every night with a beautiful, enthusiastic younger woman, he was still filled with lust for his wife of fifteen years.

  Olivia was feeling the same, but she had to put her desire away as she went directly to the founders chamber, which no longer even resembled the dining room it once was with the exception of the table and chairs. The hutch had been moved out to clear more space, and with all three leaves in the table, it could now seat up to twelve. They were expecting nine today if Reid and Amina joined them, but Jax arrived alone, announcing that Dani wasn't well and had given him her proxy vote.

  "What's wrong with her?" June asked. "Do you think I should stop by and check on her afterward?"

  "Nah, I think it was just something she ate," Jax said.

  More like something she drank, Liana thought as she rolled her eyes. The general did not like anyone missing scheduled meetings in what she considered her war room, but Dani had a much better reason than Liana could imagine.

  Dani's Journal

  Day 50

  What did that fucking witch do to me?

  Early this morning, as I fought off the corpses in the woods, I thought she had made me invisible because they could smell me even though they couldn't see me, but if I had actually been invisible, three things would have been distinctly different.

  1. When the zombies grabbed at me, they should have been able to get a grip, but they couldn't, not even when their hands were clutching right where I thought my arm should be.

  2. When I spoke, words should have come out instead of a low, alien rumbling.

  3. When I tried to pick up my damn gun, I could have picked up my damn gun.

  Those were the problems that tipped me off that there was something more to my situation. I mean, when the witch told me I'd be the ground beneath his feet and air he breathes or whatever, I thought she was just using poetic language to say that I would be invisible so I could spy on him, but obviously that wasn't the case.

  Though I didn't know what I was, I was still pretty scared being surrounded by hungry corpses, so I started down the mountain toward the Deadfall. They followed me at first, then I guess they just lost my scent because I was moving pretty fast - inhumanly fast - and as soon as I noticed that they weren't chasing me anymore, I slowed down to focus on figuring out what was going on with me.

  I had surmised that I couldn't be seen, which was a good thing since my clothes were laying in a pile with my guns, though by the time I reached the back fence, I honestly didn't care if anyone saw me naked. I just wanted to get the hell inside and... Well, I didn't have a plan after that, but it didn't matter because I couldn't open the gate myself anyway. I stood there outside the wall and started yelling to get the guards' attention, and again, while I felt like I was doing all the right things with my mouth, the only sound that came out was a howl or a groan. It made them look, just not at me.

  "What the hell was that?" Ravi asked his partner.

  "Sounded like a ghost," he said, then he made spooky noises and laughed.

  Was that it? Was I a ghost? It seemed logical in the moment that I was a ghost or having an out of body experience while I was physically still back at the witch's cabin, and if that was the case, I should have been able to walk through solid stone, right? So, I headed straight for the wall.

  I approached cautiously. If I was somehow just invisible, I didn't want to run straight into it and give myself a concussion, but when I did make contact, neither hypothesis panned out. I didn't pass through, and I didn't hit the wall. I felt myself propelled slightly upward before floating back to the ground.

  What. The. Fuck?!

  I tried it again, this time backing up and coming at it a little faster, and I rose higher, making it about five feet in the air before I softly fell. In my peripheral vision, which seemed to extend far beyond the norm, I could see the dead leaves of autumn swirling everywhere, and when I backed up again to give myself a running start, I noticed them fluttering in my wake. Then as I took off toward the wall, they became like a storm all around me. I was running fast, picking up more and more speed as I approached the ten foot barricade of solid stone, and once I reached it, I jumped or rather visualized myself jumping, which sent me flying upward until I cleared the top of the wall.

  I floated over it into the Deadfall, and when I didn't immediately come down on the other side, I realized something. I didn't have to come down. I had the power to stay aloft. I could go higher or lower, faster or slower, and in any direction I wanted because my body wasn't invisible or astral. I didn't have a body at all. I was, quite literally, the air Jax breathes just like the witch promised.

  I was the fucking wind!

  Once I understood that, I could control it better, blowing through the compound, grazing every building and tree I passed, and it was an amazing feeling. I was flying! I was free, and no zombie or group of assholes with guns could do anything to me. Of course, neither could Jax.

  What good was being the air that he breathed if I couldn't also be the woman that he loved?

  When Levinia cast the spell that brought us together, I told her not to pull any of this monkey paw bullshit, but it didn't occur to me to say the same to the Witch of the Wellspring when I asked her to help keep us together. Now I felt like she had played a cruel trick on me.

  Anxious, I rushed home, but I couldn't enter the cabin. I couldn't grasp the handle to open the door, and it was too cold for us to have left any windows open. I blew all around the house, trying to figure out how to get in, but the only option I found was the heating and cooling system. It took a long time to talk myself into trying to blow through the grates and past the fan, but when I finally decided to give it a shot, I was amazed to find how easy it was for me to get through.

  I came out of the vent in our bedroom to see Jax sleeping peacefully, his beautiful body sprawled out on our bed all alone. I wanted to touch him, to cuddle up to him and tell him I loved him, but I didn't have a body anymore.

  I lingered in the room, trying to will myself back to human form, not even sure it was possible. I watched Jax rise, get dressed, and leave for his shift at the front gate without knowing where I was. I wanted to tell him, but I was afraid to open my mouth. He'd only hear the roaring of the wind.

  Once he was gone, I suddenly realized how tired I was. I guess at some point, I must have lost consciousness because when Liana woke me, I was myself again, though butt naked and sick as a dog. I felt like I'd been drinking all night, but I hadn't touched a drop.

  I was feeling a little better by the time Jax got home, but I told him I still felt bad because they're all about to be tied up in a meeting, and I need that time to myself. I have to get back into the woods to find my phone, my clothes, and my guns, and I need to talk to that fucking witch! I want to know exactly what she did to me.

  Dani got up and put her clothes on before heading toward the back gate. She didn't know how long the meeting would go on, but she figured she had at least an hour to get up the mountain, talk to the witch, grab her guns and clothes from earlier, and get back in bed before Jax knew she was gone. There was just one problem.

  "Can I talk to you for a second?" Ravi asked as she tried to leave the compound. Dani nodded, and he walked her out of earshot of the other guard, a nosy, older man named Porter whom Ravi didn't trust. He had been a candidate for county commissioner in the last election, and he was always full of ideas about how to make the Deadfall better that made him seem more power-hungry than helpful. Ravi didn't want him putting in his two cents w
hen he talked to Dani.

  "I don't know what you're up to, and it's none of my business," he whispered, "but I thought you might like to know that Liana wants us to keep a log of everyone who comes and goes through this gate."

  "Seriously?" she asked, frustrated, and he nodded, his expression mirroring hers. "Any chance you can just let me slip through when you're not looking?"

  "I would do that for you, but he would rat me out in a second," he said, indicating Porter with his eyes. "He's a...stickler." What Ravi really wanted to say was worse than stickler, but he didn't want to start trouble just because he didn't like the guy personally.

  "Well, fuck," Dani said.

  "What do you need out there? Maybe I can help you."

  "Nah, don't worry about it. It's no big deal," she said, forcing a smile before she went back down the hill, seething. She didn't want it reported to Liana that she was out there because then the questions would come. Liana was already suspicious of her story from earlier, and now if she showed back up carrying clothes and weapons she didn't leave with, she'd end up under her friend's microscope courtesy of Porter because she was sure that Liana had made that stupid, new rule up specifically to keep tabs on her.

  As she felt her anger begin to boil inside, she noticed that something strange was happening on the outside. It was as if her hands and forearms were going in and out of focus, and as she looked closer, she realized she was on the verge of beginning the transformation. Quickly, she ducked into a thicket of pine trees behind the last cabin, and as she watched her arms, she concentrated on letting go of her physical body. At first, nothing happened beyond a tingling sensation on the surface of her skin, but as she cleared her mind of all else and visualized the molecules in her arms flying apart to become the wind, her body did just that - every fragment that made up the physical being that was Danielle Templeton disconnected from the next, becoming like a swarm of tiny, invisible bees, her disembodied mind their queen. Dani's clothes fell to the ground beneath the tree, and then she was free, blowing through the compound and over the wall into the woods.