Shadow of Nevermore

by Lilly Black

  "Why didn't you tell us when we first took you into custody?" Olivia asked.

  "For the same reason I went along with him to begin with. If you didn't believe me and you put me in a cell with him, he would have killed me," James said. "Widow doesn't know this about Billy because the ladies were kept separately at the drug farm, but he wasn't like the rest of us. He was always trying to get on Widowmaker's good side. If we stole a nugget of pot and he saw it, he'd report us. He did whatever he could to make himself feel powerful because he's an angry, little fucker with a chip on his shoulder, and he wants to be in charge. I just want to be safe. That's all any of the rest of us ever wanted."

  "You fucking liar!" Billy growled as he lunged at James, and even though Alek kept a firm hold on Billy, the fear in James' eyes was not lost on anyone.

  "Given this new information, I think we should try James separately. Any objections?" Olivia asked, and when no one protested, she asked Jax to return him to his cell.

  "Yes, Your Grace," Jax said, and as he led James off, Billy's anger hit fever pitch.

  "Your Grace? My Queen?" he sneered. "Are you people fucking listening to yourselves? She's just some dumb housewife cunt from Nowheresville, West Virginia! She's no queen, and thinking like that's going to get you all killed!"

  "Either way, you won't be around to see it!" Reid sniped as he stood. "I've heard enough testimony. I'm ready to vote."

  "Oh, so I call your girlfriend a cunt, and that makes me guilty?" Billy demanded, glaring at Reid.

  "No," Alek said, his voice dripping with contempt. "You called my girlfriend a cunt. She's his wife." Suddenly, the smaller man seemed even more diminutive beside the golden god that was Aleksander Hellström, and the look of fear on his face was all Alek needed from the altercation. He laughed, and as much as Reid hated it, he smiled, knowing that Alek had just proven to anyone who might have seen Billy as a leader than he was anything but.

  "Do you have any additional testimony?" Olivia asked, and Billy only gave her a hateful scowl. "Very well. General Navarro?"

  Liana stood up and raised her right hand.

  "Guilty?" she asked, and all over the room, hands went up, including those of the survivors of the solar farm. Then she offered them the not guilty option, and not a single hand was raised. "Guilty, it is, my queen."

  "Billy, survivor of the solar farm, enemy of the Deadfall, the people have found you guilty of treason. Do you have anything to say for yourself before sentencing?"

  "I'm not going to throw myself on your mercy if that's what you're hoping for," he scoffed.

  "Thank you for not wasting the court's time," Olivia said, and she heard a few soft snickers from around the room before asking the question she'd been dreading because she knew what was coming.

  "Does anyone else have anything to say?" she asked, and as expected, Aiden stood up.

  "I do," he said. "I'd like to implore the citizens of the Deadfall to consider alternatives to the death penalty. I agree that this man is guilty and cannot be a free member of our community, but I do not support taking a man's life just because he disagreed with our way of doing things. He discussed planning a takeover, but we never got to see if he would have actually tried. Let's lock him up - give him a chance to think about what he's done and see that there is a better way."

  "We've been through this before," Alek said. "I will never vote to waste resources on someone who would betray us at the first opportunity, and before you even say it, there is no way we're banishing him."

  "The community should decide that, not you! And please consider this when you do," he said, then he looked out into the sea of faces. "If you vote to execute, at least vote to do it humanely. That's all I ask."

  Olivia opened the floor to suggestions, and after little debate, it was decided that Billy had to die. Though it was widely accepted that the part of the crime he actually carried out did not warrant it, in the current, terrifying world, his traitorous intent could have killed them all. They voted for crucifixion to send a message to anyone else who might have treason on their mind. Aiden wasn't happy at all, and as Olivia wrapped up the sentencing, he slipped away to go back to his cabin and brood.

  "The people have spoken," Olivia said. "The sentence will be carried out immediately. If the convicted has anything else to say, let him speak now."

  "Yeah, I have something to say," Billy announced with a smirk on his face. "I could have protected you. I could have made alliances that would have saved all of your stupid, miserable lives, but it's too late now. Sooner or later, the Sinner's coming for you, and you're ALL GOING TO DIE!!!"

  The room was silent. Only a few people even knew who the Sinner was because of Austin's story while others took it as a religious warning as if he was saying the devil would have his due, and although his overly dramatic performance should have been met with laughter, the fact that he was about to die squelched any mirth.

  "Thank you for your warning," Olivia said flatly, then the process began. Alek and Jax escorted Billy to the front gate, having to drag him the last ten yards as he was no longer so bold, and it was hard for everyone involved to watch as he fell to his knees praying under his breath in his final moments.

  Ravi took a ladder from the guard house and climbed up to release the last zombie they'd marked traitor, pushing him forward into the pit, and everyone waited for Olivia, Dani, and June. Liana had already followed Aiden home. She had the stomach for combat but not for execution, and after the rest of the community made their way home, Reid kept Amina and Savannah with him in the lodge in case Olivia needed their support afterward.

  Dani and June arrived ahead of Olivia, and when the queen finally made her appearance, it was time. She leaned over and asked Billy his full name, and with tears in his eyes, he told her, suddenly moved to throw himself on her mercy in spite of his pride. But he knew it would be futile.

  "William Justin Behney, you have been sentenced to die for your crimes against the people of the Deadfall. May you meet what lies ahead with more grace than you have shown in the life you leave behind." As Olivia reached into the inside pocket of her coat, he winced and shook, expecting to be stabbed so he would be weak when they strung him up on the cross, but instead she pulled out a syringe and an IV bag, having decided to kill him with an overdose of medication.

  "What is that?" he asked.

  "It's a sacrifice," she said. "Our medical stores will never be enough, but we give this gift to you so you won't die in pain. If you had harmed just one citizen, you'd be mounted on that cross alive, but I will not make you suffer when your death is less a punitive than preventative measure. I wish you had made better choices, Mr. Behney. You could have been very happy here."

  "I'm sorry," he said. "You're not what I thought you were. I see that now."

  "Are you ready?" she asked, and he took a deep breath and nodded. "Give me your arm."

  Olivia's Journal

  Day 53

  After Billy's heart stopped, he had to be nailed to the cross before he turned, and the sign that said traitor would be hung around his neck. On the way back to the lodge, I received a call from Aiden, thanking me for how I handled the execution. The news traveled fast, and I realized I needed to talk to my daughter about it, but by the time I returned to the main hall, she already knew. I found her sitting in front of the fire with her father, Amina, and Evil, and she seemed virtually unaffected.

  "He had to die, Mom," she said when I asked her about it. "Maybe a year or two from now when we have a ten foot wall around the entire mountain and an army, we can take a chance on rehabilitating people, but right now, our survival depends on our ability to make tough decisions."

  "Is that something your father told you?" I asked.

  "No. It's what I think. It's what most everyone around here thinks. I just don't think it's fair that you have to be the executioner."

  "It had to be me, Savvy. The one who condemns a person to die must be prepared to carry out the sentence herself. If someone e
lse does the dirty work, it becomes far too easy to sit on a throne and dole out death. Don't forget that, little princess. You may be queen someday," I said with a smirk because she had no more desire to be a princess than I had to be a queen.

  "No, thank you," she said with a laugh, then she kissed her father on the cheek, hugged me, and headed off with her friends who were waiting in the hallway.

  "When did she get so mature?" I wondered aloud, and she heard me.

  "When the dead rose up and ate my childhood," she called back, making us all laugh, somewhat uncomfortably.

  "Your daughter is amazing," Amina said. "I was sitting here in shock through it all, but after talking to her, I see why it had to be done. She really would make a good queen someday."

  "She would," Reid agreed, "but honestly, Liv, you don't always have to be the executioner. Maybe next time, King Hellström could swing the sword."

  "Nobody calls him king," I said with a roll of my eyes.

  "What did you inject the prisoner with?" Amina asked, probably trying to deflect from Reid's jab at Alek.

  "Demerol," I said, and the very word gave me a rush. When I put that needle in Billy's arm, I felt a twinge of jealousy, and I was struggling with the urge to disappear for a few hours.

  "I'm sure that made a big difference with Aiden," Reid said.

  "He already called to thank me, but he needs to understand that he wasn't the reason I did it. Billy's death sentence was a necessity more than anything. The next guy could deserve a full on crucifixion, and I won't hesitate."

  "I think everyone knew that. I think they saw it the same as Savannah. I really like what you've built here, Liv," Reid said. "I thought the whole damn community would follow you out to witness the execution, but they didn't. It gives me hope for the future to know that it wasn't looked at as a form of entertainment, and if the way you've been running things is the reason for that, then you must be doing something right."

  "Thanks, Reid. That means a lot," I said, then I bid them goodnight and headed to my room to get a shower because Alek would be along once he finished erecting Billy on the cross. I didn't want to waste any time. Though I realized that I had just killed a man, if I wasn't capable of compartmentalizing, I could never survive this world. I'm sure if Aiden knew what my plans were tonight, he'd see it as evidence that I am some kind of psychopathic monster, but the truth is far less interesting than that. If someone reads this some day when civilization is back on track, they'll probably agree with him. The person I was before the apocalypse certainly would have. But people who've spent their entire lives with the societal norms we all used to have and hope to regain one day could never understand what it's like to truly grasp that you could lose everything you hold dear in an instant. Injecting Billy with enough narcotics to stop his heart didn't feel like murder any more than making love to Alek right afterward was going to feel ghoulish. It was just life now, and you could either deal with it or it would deal with you. Besides, technically, all I did was get a guy really, really high, a thought that was a powerful turn on as I yearned for the euphoric forgetfulness that such an injection could bring.

  Fucking Alek could also provide me with that sort of rush, and now that Reid was back, we needed to make the most of the night anyway. It was the night before the switch, and as much as I was looking forward to being with my husband, it was important to me that Alek go into the first switch knowing how much he meant to me. I was so afraid of what tomorrow night would do to him, and I honestly thought he would feel the same need to be as close to me as possible. But just like Reid, Alek was more sensitive than me.

  "Wait, Liv," he whispered when my hand sauntered down his chest as we kissed. "Can we...can I just hold you tonight?"

  "But it's our last night," I protested, pushing out my bottom lip.

  "I know, baby, and I promise when we're back together in four days, I'll make it up to you, but I just can't tonight."

  "Because of Billy?" I asked.

  "No. I mean, I wish that didn't have to happen, but it isn't what's bothering me. It's the prison," he said, then he paused for a long moment with his head in his hands as we leaned against the headboard. "It was hard enough when Austin told us about his time there, but since our own people have seen it for themselves, it's real now, Liv. At this very moment, there are women just a few miles away from us being sexually tortured, and I can't get it out of my fucking head."

  "Alek," I breathed, wrapping my arms around him, and as his head came toward my chest, I saw tears in his eyes.

  "I just can't stand the wait, baby. I can't stand sitting here doing nothing while that goes on. I know we have to plan so we can do it right, but it's all I can think about. Every moment I sleep, eat, stand at the gate...these are all moments that those women live in misery."

  "I know," I said, petting his hair as I clutched him to my breast, but I realized that I didn't really know. I didn't know why his emotions became so volatile when the subject of rape came up. Memories began to flash through my head - how he had reacted to Jobe and even how he had stepped up in Pittsburgh when Jon Kemp was harassing me. Alek has been protective over women as long as I've known him, but the unmitigated rage he had for these acts was beginning to make me think there was more to it.

  "Did something happen to you, Alek? Is there something you're not telling me?" I asked, and slowly his head tilted upward until he was looking me in the face, his eyes a washed-out shade of pale blue, rimmed in a deep, desolate pink.

  "I love you," he whispered, and when he moved back to his spot on the bed, he brought my hand with him, kissing it as he sat upright, his gaze fixed on the wall ahead. For a long moment, I waited for him to collect his thoughts, and before he started talking, he took a deep breath and intertwined his fingers with mine.

  "My father," he said finally. "My father was a rapist."

  "Oh, Alek," I sighed, my heart breaking because it all started to make sense now. He must have spent his entire life trying to atone for his father's crimes, and it was such an integral part of his personality, he didn't seem to have any idea how perfect a man he had become in spite of whatever his father had done. I wanted to tell him, but before the words could form in my mouth, he spoke. And the reality was so much worse than what I was imagining.

  "I'm not talking about the man who raised me," he said. "I'm talking about the man whose genes are a part of me. I was supposed to be aborted, and I should have been. No woman should ever have to raise her rapist's baby, and trust me when I tell you that no person, especially a man, wants to be the product of rape. My whole existence was a crime against my mother's bodily autonomy. To have her rapist's baby growing inside her for nine months must have felt like being violated again every second of every day. I can't even bear the thought of what she must have gone through."

  His words crushed me. Knowing that a man as kind and noble as Alek thought of himself in those terms was agonizing, and my eyes filled with tears as I listened to him explain how it happened, his Swedish accent showing itself in his voice the more emotional he became. It was both touching and sad to hear him speak of his mother, Stina. He loved her dearly, yet he was certain he would never see her again.

  Stina had been a sophomore at University when she got one of the coveted positions as research assistant to Dr. Elvin Berggren, the head of the Behavioral Science Department who had written several internationally-used textbooks, and over the summer, she and the other assistants went with the professor to Ireland where he set up his research lab in a cabin in the hills miles from the nearest town. He took away their passports, and on the first night, he began his campaign of raping and threatening Stina. She was the only female, and since the two males with her were small and bookish as well as devout worshippers of the highly respected professor, she was afraid of what would happen if she told them. She didn't know if they would even believe her, and if they did, she didn't know what, if anything, they would do. What if they confronted the professor? She feared it would only introduce p
hysical violence to an already sexually violent situation.

  Stina suffered in silence for twelve weeks, forced to act as if nothing was wrong as she assisted with Dr. Berggren's research during the day and endured his nightly attacks, looking forward to the end of her term, but when they were set to return to Sweden, suddenly the plans changed. Stina was nine weeks pregnant, and the professor announced that he had requested an extension from the university and would be keeping the students there for an additional ten weeks, which would put Stina in her nineteenth week of pregnancy by the time they came home. After that point, she would have to get government approval in Sweden for the abortion she wanted, and determined to discourage her, Dr. Berggren filled her head with guilt every night until the day of her liberation finally came.

  In the end, it wasn't his words that changed her mind. It was the shame of having to admit how she came to be nineteen weeks pregnant before she sought her abortion. Dr. Berggren was well known, and she was certain no one would believe the truth.

  But one person did.

  Oskar Hellström had been her boyfriend since she was sixteen, and though he had intended to propose to her after graduation, with the child on the way, he married her immediately and raised Alek as if he were his own. Alek didn't know he wasn't because Oskar never treated him any differently than the three children later born to him and Stina, but shortly after Alek's twelfth birthday, he found out because the professor was finally brought to trial.

  "It took twelve years?" I asked. "Why?"

  "The trial was not for my mother's rape because that happened in Ireland, and my parents couldn't afford to travel to pursue the case, so my father spent years trying to bring Berggren to justice by seeking out other women who had served as his research assistants. It wasn't logical to him that my mother would be the only one he ever assaulted, and his theory was right. There were many, probably one every year, though my father got more doors closed in his face than confessions.