Shadow of Nevermore

by Lilly Black

  "Shhh...it's okay," he breathed in her ear, relaxing her, and she committed herself to letting him take this as far as he was willing, not knowing that he already had. He planned to tease her for a few more minutes then leave her with instructions to go into the bedroom and finish it herself, but before it reached that point, they were interrupted by screaming coming from down the hallway.

  "Fuck you, Noah, you stupid piece of shit!" Isaiah shouted, and June jumped to her feet, flushed and embarrassed because her sons had been awake! And one of them had developed a really foul mouth!

  June rushed down the hall and opened the door.

  "What's going on in here?" she asked, and Noah quickly snatched a magazine out of his brother's hand and hid it behind his back.

  "Nothing," Isaiah said, and Noah just stared at the ground.

  "Give me that!" she demanded, and Noah glared at his brother as he handed his mother the magazine with the half naked woman on the cover. "Where did you get this?"

  "I don't know," he said.

  "Don't lie to me, Noah. Where did you get this...this filth?"

  "It's not filth, mom!" he protested. "It's just the human body. It's natural."

  "And you're just twelve-years-old," she said. "Your brother's only ten, and what if Jeremiah and Elijah had seen this?"

  "Then they would have seen what a woman's naked body looked like and maybe wouldn't do fucked up things like spying on girls when they're showering just because they're curious," Noah snapped.

  "You can't blame the men!" Isaiah argued. "If men do fucked up things to women, it's because of whores like the ones in those magazines who show off all their goods to get men worked up for something they'll never have, and you're looking, so you're no better!"

  "Don't high road me, you sexist, little shit stain," Noah hissed, lunging at his brother.

  "Hey!" June shouted, getting between them. "I don't know what you boys are fighting about, but I want it stopped right now! I want to know where you got this trash, and if you have any more, you better hand them over to me right this minute!"

  "Yes, ma'am," both boys said grudgingly, and Noah lifted his mattress, pulling out the rest of the magazines and giving them to her.

  "Thank you. Now where did they come from?"

  "Umm..." Noah stammered.

  "Hellström," Isaiah said with a smirk, and the look on his brother's face was venomous.

  "Alek gave you these?"

  "Yes, ma'am," Noah reluctantly admitted.

  "Well, I'm going to have a talk with him."

  "Please don't! He was just trying to help me, Mom. I don't have a father, so I have no one to talk to about...you know...puberty and stuff."

  "If Alek is giving you pornography, I don't want you talking to him about it!"

  "It's not pornography! Look at it. These are just beautiful, young women who were comfortable enough with their bodies to pose in front of a camera. There's nothing dirty about that, Mom."

  "Did Alek teach you that, too?" she demanded.

  "Why? Would you have taught me something different?" he asked, his eyes narrow and accusatory.

  "I want both of you in bed right now. If I hear another peep out of either of you, you're grounded for a month. We'll talk more about this in the morning," she said, and she slammed their door as she took the magazines back down the hallway, fuming.

  "I cannot believe Alek!" she growled as she entered the living room, tossing the magazines on the table, and she filled Ravi in on what he wasn't able to overhear. He picked up one of the magazines and leafed through it. There were no gynecological shots. It was just healthy, naked bodies.

  "Your son's right, June," he said. "These aren't dirty for one thing. I looked at a whole lot worse when I was his age, and if you ask Alek, maybe that's why he gave them to him. Plenty of men around here have picked up nudie mags when we went scavenging, and if your son went looking to sneak them from some of the other guys, he'd see straight up porn."

  "But these are going to cause him to start masturbating, and..."

  "June, he's a twelve-year-old boy. A strong gust of wind could cause him to masturbate. It's what we do at that age. I don't know why anyone acts like it's a big deal. It's normal and natural, and if everyone did it, they might have better sex when they start with partners."

  He gave her a sly grin, and June rolled her eyes at him.

  "I see what you did there," she said.

  "I do want you to give it another shot tonight, June, if you can put all this out of your mind," he said. "And I'd also like you to give Noah back his magazines and not even mention it to Alek. You know Alek. He would never do anything that would hurt your kids."

  "I know," she admitted, and she thought very seriously about what he said. Maybe it was the fact that Ravi's deep, smooth voice with that subtle accent had become a catalyst for causing the blood in her body to drain southward, but in that moment she forgot that he was ten years younger than her. He was just a man who was giving very fatherly advice to a woman whose children needed a strong, male role model. Unfortunately, June didn't know that both of her two eldest boys had found their surrogates. Noah's was Alek, but Isaiah's was someone who should never have been allowed around children, someone who kept his core beliefs so secretive, even Ravi just considered him socially inept, someone who taught him to look at the women in those magazine with not only judgment but outright contempt. Though she thought her sons had been fighting over the magazines themselves, they had actually been fighting over the way they viewed the women inside, and for the first time in his life, Noah felt genuinely afraid of his little brother.

  Day 55

  As Jax and Austin prepared to leave for their mission, Olivia equipped them with micro walkie-talkies they could use to get a message to John just in case, and she gave Austin the insurance device to swallow before confirming with Jax that the trigger implants were all in place. Aware of her ruse, he said that they hurt like hell to help sell the illusion, but it wasn't necessary. Austin had no intention of betraying him. He was so guilt-ridden over his time in the prison that no matter what happened on this trip, he would choose death over doing anything that could possibly hurt anyone else.

  After an intense hug from Dani, Jax followed Austin into the car with John and Phil, both of whom had lived their entire lives in the Pipestem area and had hunting experience. They would drop Jax and Austin off within walking distance of the prison then go to the clearing in the woods where they had conducted the recon mission to build a rudimentary deer stand from which they could watch the prison through binoculars. They didn't feel it was safe to use the drones while they had men on the inside, but they needed to know if any members of the prison gang were unaccounted for to make sure that there would be no surprises during the actual invasion.

  "So, what did you just have that kid swallow?" Alek asked Olivia after they left.

  "A stainless steel earlobe plug from the bottom of Rena's backpack," she said with a laugh. "Apparently, her girlfriend had been stretching her lobes before the end of the world."

  "You're a fucking genius," he said.

  "Rena's the genius," she corrected him. "If she ever decides to take this place over, we're fucked."

  But Rena was at least one person they knew never would. She had her dream job at the Deadfall. Now all she needed was for someone to bring back a really hot, sexy, quirky, and preferably tattooed partner for her.

  June's Journal

  Day 55

  I had been keeping Jobe's old room open, hoping that someday I would have another roommate, Ravi maybe, but after last night, I realize that I need to separate Noah and Isaiah. They're getting older, and they need their privacy, so today, I moved Noah into Jobe's room. I guess if Ravi is going to ever sleep over, he'll have to sneak out before the boys get up since there's not an extra room for him to claim to have slept in like Alek used to have the pullout couch in Olivia's office.

  I'm worried about Ravi. When Jax is finished laying the groundwork for th
e invasion of the prison, Ravi is going in. I don't love Ravi. I don't know him well enough to love him, but I really like him and I don't want him to die. Though I'm not sure if that would matter. Alek can take an arrow to the head and climb up a mountain to rescue Olivia from rapists, but Jimbo and Jobe still died. My men die. Ravi could be doomed already, so before he goes, I'm at least going to make love with him. I've arranged to get the boys out of the cabin tonight, and I'm not fucking around with this nonsense about getting myself off anymore. He can give me what he promised tonight, or he can go off to war and risk never getting it at all.

  Day 56

  June woke in Ravi's arms. She hadn't meant for him to stay the night, but they had both just drifted away. And now Jeremiah and Elijah were banging on her door since their older brothers were not there to take them to breakfast.

  "Oh, dang," June hissed, jumping out of bed, wrapping herself in the top sheet, and yanking all of the blankets off the bed in the process. She turned back to Ravi to tell him to hide in the closet, but when she saw him lying there nude, the contours of his muscles, and his cinnamon skin contrasted against the white fitted sheet drove all logical thought from her head.

  "I'll be right back," she breathed in a dreamy voice as she felt the remnants of last night's bliss coursing through her. She went to the door and popped her head out.

  "You guys are big boys now," she said to her youngest sons. "I'm going to trust you to go to breakfast without me or your big brothers, but you have to stay at the lodge and wait for me, okay? Don't come back on your own."

  "Yes, ma'am," Jeremiah said, and Elijah nodded.

  "Ask Aunt Dani or Olivia to text me when you get there so I know you made it safely," she called out as they left, then she locked the bedroom door and turned back to Ravi.

  "Don't worry. The inner ring is safe," he assured her, and she stared at him with a blatant hunger, watching his mouth intently as he spoke.

  "I know," she said, nodding slowly.

  "And the other residents know your boys. They'll look out for them," he said.

  "Uh-huh."

  "Plus they're smart kids..."

  "Ravi, aren't there better things you could be doing with that tongue than babbling?" she asked in the most seductive voice that had ever come from her lips as she sat down on the bed.

  "My lady," he said in a delighted growl, pushing her onto her back, and with the morning sunlight shining in through the windows, she didn't even close her eyes and pretend he was anybody else.

  June's Journal

  Day 56

  Last night when Ravi came over for dinner and found that the boys were all gone for the night, he asked me if I had done what he requested. I asked him if he wanted to go on the mission to the prison and risk dying without ever fulfilling his promise to me. He just smiled and shook his head, realizing he wasn't going to win this one.

  "I promise I won't fall in love with you," I assured him.

  "My lady, you will fall in love with me. I just need you to promise that the first time you say it won't be while your taste is still on my lips."

  "Don't be crass," I said because I didn't want to admit that his words excited me, but he knew. And when he stood and held out his hand before we even sat down to dinner, I took it.

  "Once I'm finished with you, I'll be the one telling you not to be crass," he said, then he led me down the hall to my bedroom. I was nervous. I've always been nervous before sex. The first time I was with Jimbo, I was a complete wreck, though in under a minute, I was just lying there disgusted and trying not to cry. I never understood what the hype was all about until recently, and even then, it was only the promise of what might happen. I could feel that promise tingling within me, more than I ever had before, even with Alek. I was planning to think about him while I was with Ravi because I wanted the best results, but as Ravi took me in his arms where we stood beside my bed, I realized I didn't need to do that. It was Ravi himself turning me on, and every single touch was an amplifier.

  He looked into my eyes, brushing my hair behind my ear as he tormented me with his patience, and when he finally kissed me, it took my breath away. Desperate, I responded like I never had before, attacking his mouth with mine, taking his head in my hands, twisting my fingers in his soft, jet-black hair as I completely lost myself in the moment. I went for the buttons on his shirt, hurriedly removing it, and when I'd exposed the tight, cinnamon flesh of his chest, I found myself overcome by the urge to follow the lines of his muscles with my tongue. In a moment of uncharacteristic abandon, I did it, letting my desire guide me where my experience had never tread, making my way slowly downward until I was sitting on the edge of the bed, tracing his six pack, my hands on his hips, tugging at his pants. If he hadn't stopped me, I don't know what I would have done. I had never been in that position before, but I wanted something - anything - new.

  "Slow down," he warned me, lifting my chin with his index finger. I looked up to see him smiling down on me as he added, "Ladies first." Then I smiled, and he gently pushed me onto my back, but even though I was fully committed to whatever came next, I was still shy about my body, my legs clapped tight together because I was ashamed of how I would look with them spread, ashamed of what it would say about me if I were comfortable spreading them. No man had ever looked at me from that angle, not even in dim light. My husband had no reason to look at it, and Jobe seemed more interested in aiming his penis at it than anything else. Ravi was different, though, and since I knew what was ultimately going to happen tonight, I was at least glad I had given myself a trim down there. I never knew I was supposed to until I overheard Dani once making jokes about looking like a sasquatch in the apocalypse if Olivia hadn't looted that Rite Way truck. I didn't want Ravi to think I looked like a sasquatch, but I didn't think I should shave it all off either. Maybe I should have just asked him. I just couldn't imagine myself bringing up that subject, and as he began to gradually coax me into relaxing, I realized I was just going to have to hope he liked what he found. I wasn't even sure how my lady parts looked compared to others. I hadn't even seen my friends' since we were eleven or twelve, and then it wasn't gynecological views.

  I have to laugh at myself because here I am rambling as I write this, which is exactly what was going on in my head last night because I was so nervous, but Ravi had a way of chasing it all away. He leaned over me, kissing me softly as his hand slowly explored my body, spending long moments just caressing my face, my neck, my shoulder before he even began to undress me. Then he pulled off my shirt and unhooked my bra with expert skill. He gently cupped it as he brought his lips toward it, then he stopped and looked up at me.

  "You have beautiful breasts, June," he whispered, and my gaze instinctively followed his as it rolled back down to his target. I never considered them beautiful or even nice. They're small, despite that I breastfed four times, but seeing them through Ravi's eyes was different. My skin is soft and flawless, and so pale without any freckles since they never saw the sun, and as he extended his tongue to make a circle around my nipple, it grew hard and dark pink, almost matching the color of his lips. Then he closed them over me, and I felt a bolt of lightning shoot down my body, striking me right between the legs.

  Oh, my! I thought...or maybe I said it. I don't know. I just know that I was instantly having difficulty remembering why I was feeling shy a minute ago. I closed my eyes and laid back, allowing my body to bend entirely to his will, and instead of taking it as an invitation to go straight for the goal, he lingered at my breasts, teasing me with his tongue until I began seriously considering pushing his head downward. I would never do it, but I thought about it. My breathing was heavy, my hands clenched into fists as I desperately begged him inside my head, and once he finally settled on his knees on the floor before me, I heard myself breathe an involuntary yes as I felt his hands on my inner thighs, pushing them upward and apart and pulling my panties out of the way. I didn't fight him, letting him spread them until my knees bent and my feet rested on thei
r sides on his shoulders. If I had taken a second to think about it, I might have been mortified, but he didn't give it time to get inside my head. He began immediately, his tongue sliding over me in a leisurely rhythm as his hands massaged my thighs, and I cannot even begin to describe how that felt. It was like nothing I had ever experienced before. It was agony and ecstasy at the same time. I wanted it to end, and I wanted it to go on forever. Touching myself never produced a sensation like this. Nothing ever had.

  Then he went faster.

  Oh, my God!

  It felt so good, it burned, radiating outward like lava coursing through my muscles toward the extremities, chased by a pleasure so intense, it's all I knew in that moment. I was nothing more than the rapture building inside me that finally reached its absolute limit, and he balanced me there, his tongue unrelenting and knowing what to do as if it had explored my body a million times. I started shaking, something was going to happen, something wonderful.

  Then everything went black for a second.

  I was suddenly outside my body looking down on Ravi, his face buried in my thighs. I saw my hands grab my own breasts as my back arched and my feet slipped off his shoulders. I was frozen in this ecstatic moment, so overwhelmed by the strange, new pleasure, I remained utterly disconnected until a loud scream came barreling out of my throat, summoning me back into my shell. I sucked in a deep breath, and cried out again. I don't know what I said. My mind was wrecked, and my body responding in ways it never could if I were in control. With his arms beneath my thighs and wrapped around, Ravi's hands pressed down on my belly, the only force keeping me from floating away as he somehow made it keep going until I felt like I couldn't possibly survive another glorious second. I writhed as the words continued to pour from my abandoned mouth until finally, he released me from his power with only slow, soft kisses on my inner thighs. As the orgasm slowly subsided, it left me enveloped in a warm, delicious peacefulness as two desires fought it out inside my mind. I wanted to sink into the soft mattress and drift away, but I also had an aching need for something more.