by Grace, Hazel
And I need to go before I throw up on him.
Which he’d deserve, but I’d rather not deal with the mess.
“You can go fuck yourself, I’m done. Don’t come near me again.” I turn on my heels and start for the exit of the locker room, holding in every sob and tremble that’s about to break through my body any second now.
I don’t want him to see me upset, that he crushed me.
That every thought I ever had of him was a weaved-up lie to hide who he truly was. I blinded myself with every kind thing he ever did for me and walked around like everything was good. I ignored Taylor and her warnings. I belittled all the gossip floating around school that he was caught making out with another girl and blamed Colson for it.
He isn’t what you’re looking for, trust me.
“Sawyer,” Gavin calls from behind me, and I’m thankful that I don’t hear him following me. His tone isn’t apologetic, more like annoyed that he got caught.
Thing was, half of this was my fault. Ever since word got out that he took my virginity, we haven’t been the same, but I stayed. I should’ve had enough courage to reevaluate what was going on with us. His kisses felt cold and grimy, another thing to run back to his friends about. We haven’t had sex since our first time, I always faked a reason not to.
I can’t hang out.
I need to work late.
I’m on my period. I thanked Colson in my head for that one.
All the same, I wasn’t happy anymore, but I wanted to be, thinking it was just something we needed to get past and get it over with. But the more days that elapsed, the more excuses I ran out of, and I tried to come up with ways to make us “normal” again.
I let myself get wrapped into a guy that just wanted me to be his puppet.
He used me.
I hate him.
I was wrong.
I feel like a used piece of shit.
Clearing the doorway of the locker room, I let my tears fall freely on their own. Then immediately regret my decision when I bump into another body on the way out. Hands catch me before I stumble back, which makes a choked sob escape from my body.
“Bases.” My breath halts in place.
Of every single person in this small school, I run into the guy who contributed to my feelings changing for my now ex-boyfriend.
I can’t blame Gavin for that, maybe I deserve being cheated on after I’ve had so many wild thoughts about Colson that I practically slept with him in my head.
I tense in Colson’s arms, embarrassed and defeated. I just want to go home.
“Bases,” he repeats again. His voice caresses my whole body but doesn’t ease the tautness that has taken over my body.
I hate his voice.
I hate that it warms my body.
I hate how he sounds like he gives a shit.
I hate how I want to talk to him about this.
“What’s wrong?” I refuse to look up at him.
He won’t see me like this, broken and disappointed in myself for thinking of him when I was committed to someone else. Every threat he delivered sizzled through my boring life and set me on fire.
I wanted him to follow through with them.
His finger hooks under my chin, and he lifts my face to meet his. I can’t see, thank God, because my vision is blurred with tears.
“Who the fuck hurt you?” His timbre turns angry, deep and low. He wipes underneath my eyes with his fingers, and I blink. His eyes are narrow at me in worry then dart to the locker room like I just filled in the blanks for him. “You okay?”
“I just...I need to go,” I blubber, covering my face with my hands. His arms wrap around me, squeezing me gently against his chest. He smells like soap, and as hard as his chest is, it’s comforting.
Too comforting.
I step back, breaking from his grasp. Just because I’m free of Gavin doesn’t mean I’m ready to jump to whore number two of the school.
“You heard?” he asks me.
He knows.
Humiliated. It is the only word I can think of that describes how I feel right now. I’m such an idiot. I should’ve just ran the other way. I should have never showed up at Moonlight Ridge that night and just dealt with my breakup with Logan like a big girl.
“I’ll drive you home,” he says lightly, still watching me like I’m going to faint to the floor.
“I’m fine,” I grit out, adjusting my jaw because I’m so wound up, and Colson is the last person I want around me while I wallow.
“Sawyer.” My real name in the air spreads goosebumps over my whole body, hardening my nipples, making it harder to be in his presence.
He inches forward, but I’m rooted to the tiled floor, soaking him in. Reveling in the way that I can feel him everywhere when he’s not even touching me. His fingers graze my forearms then squeeze, pressing his forehead to mine.
“Please stay here. Don’t leave.” It’s a plea, there is no mistaking it for anything else. It’s the second time I’ve heard him vulnerable, asking instead of demanding. He waits for me to respond but is just greeted by my sniffles. “Promise me?”
“Colson...I—” He presses his forehead harder against mine, silencing my next words. The ones he so desperately needs to hear.
“I’ll be back,” he exhales the words but doesn’t part from me. Instead, he cocks his head over to my right cheek and presses a kiss to it. It’s long and full of unspoken feelings that sink into my bloodstream and course through my body.
He straightens, fixing me with a solemn look before squeezing my arms one more time. “Wait for me.”
He disconnects from me, a temporary life support that helped me breathe normally for a minute. A white painted wall shows up in my line of vision as I hear his footsteps walk toward the locker room to my left and the threatening, deep tone that leaves his lips.
“I’m going to fucking kill you, asshole.”
They're going to fight over me again, for the third time. And I break my silent promise of staying and head for the exit door to leave.
Colson can’t be my lifeline. He’ll be my demise.
Strike is my sixth book, I never thought I’d say that.
I couldn’t do this without my family, the people in my tribe that follow me, talk with me, support and love me. There are no words for the amount of love I feel for each and every single one of you that has taken a few seconds out of your day, to tell me how excited you are for my book babies.
None.
This is a dream, that started as a simple hobby. I never thought I’d be here writing an acknowledgement for a book, let alone my sixth.
Dee Garcia, Bae, my sister, my irrational to my irrational - I’d never stay sane without you. Our daily talks, our “palm tree” moments. I am so blessed that you’re in my life. I love you.
Keke and Sue - holy cow, my two PA’s. What have you gotten yourselves into? My left and right hand, thank you for pushing, fan-girling and being such a huge support system.
To my Athenas - my girls, oh my goodness, I love you all so much. Half of you are newer to me, the other half have been with me since the beginning and beyond. You all are never over looked, I notice each one of you and wish I could hug you all.
To new readers, thanks for giving me a chance, I hope you enjoy Colson and Sawyer as much as I love writing them.
Here’s to Double Play :)
Xoxo, Hazel