All I See Is You

by Lily Hammond

  But almost as much as the teddy bear, she’d loved the magic show. She’d watched in silent wonder as the man on the stage had pulled bunny rabbits from his top hat, and flowers from his sleeves. Her eyes had almost fallen out of her head when he’d opened his mouth and tipped his head back to draw out an seemingly never-ending string of silk handkerchiefs, all knotted together. Even her mother had looked impressed at that one, and her mother was never one to be taken for a fool.

  Photography was like magic, she decided. It gave her the same feeling of marvellous wonder. Except now she knew how the tricks were done. Looking at the photographs in her lap, she nodded her head over them. Knowing how the tricks were done was a funny thing. She would have thought it would make the magic less – tarnish it somehow. But it didn’t. It was even more exciting. She looked up and grinned across at Clemency.

  ‘They’re wonderful photographs,’ Clemency said, glancing down at the pictures Eliza was smoothing out in her lap. ‘You’ve a talent for it.’

  The words of praise had Eliza picking up the pictures and hugging them to her chest in happiness. She couldn’t wait for the next day so that they could get in the big car and drive back to the studio and Eliza could help Clemency all day again and have another lesson with the cameras and the darkroom.

  ‘By the end of the week I doubt I’ll even have to tell you how I want the lighting,’ Clemency said, and she meant it too. ‘You’re an extremely fast learner.’ Now they were turning onto the Port road and bumping along the dirt and gravel. She reached over and laid a hand on Eliza’s thigh, the warm flesh under the fabric of her skirt bringing an almost inexplicable rush of well-being to Clemency. She patted Eliza’s leg, letting the emotion wash over her. A moment later, Eliza’s hand closed over her own, and she remembered the first time they drove around this road together, and how Eliza had taken her hand then and held it, and how Clemency’s heart had knocked against the side of her chest, as though to tell her something important was happening.

  Clemency listened to her heart now, and it was knocking again. Knocking and knocking and all she had to do was open the door to it, and it would burst through, full of – what? Love?

  Yes, Clemency thought, staring out over the harbour, which lay placid under the hazy, early evening light.

  Yes, she thought. Love.

  Chapter Fifty-Five

  Eliza wore her green dress. She couldn’t help but smooth the soft silk crepe de chine down over her hips and sigh with contentment. It was her favourite, and she thought it almost glowed in the sun streaming down into Ruth’s garden, where everyone was gathered for the party welcoming Maxine back. February was nearing the end of its run, but summer was not letting go easily, and Eliza basked in the warmth, admiring the way the last flowers tilted their pretty heads towards the sun, and admiring too, all the women in their best dresses, wearing their gladdest smiles. Eliza looked down at herself and touched the fabric of her dress again, only half able to believe how lucky she suddenly was. She’d filled out, in the two weeks since she’d turned up on Clemency’s doorstep a bedraggled waif. Riley had made sure the hollows in Eliza’s cheeks were grown round and smooth, and the good food had done wonders for her hair and complexion too. She’d wanted to cut her hair like Clemency’s, but when she’d managed to make Clemency understand that, Clemency had laughed and said no, absolutely please don’t do that.

  So now, Eliza wore her hair bundled up at her neck, and didn’t mind at all. Every time her hand strayed to the neat knot there that Dot had done for her that morning – Dot, it turned out, had a sister who was a hairdresser, and had quite the touch of her own – Eliza found herself smiling in the warm secret knowledge that Clemency loved her long hair, wanted it just the way it was. Clemency didn’t dictate what Eliza had to wear, or anything else about her person, which just made Eliza love her all the more for almost begging her not to cut her hair short just yet.

  Dot was here too, and Eliza waved at her. Dot was talking in a gaggle of women, the ones still living at Ruth and Maxine’s house. Some of them had moved on in the last weeks, finding jobs that paid well enough for them to find their own accommodations, or work in other towns. Patty was still there, though, and Eliza crouched down on the lawn as Patty’s little girl came toddling up to her. Daisy had a wooden cat toy with her, dragging it behind her on its wheels with a grubby string. Plopping down on her bottom, she picked up her cat and showed it to Eliza, who promptly sat down on the grass with her, both of them bending over the toy and rolling it along the grass. It waggled its head from side to side as it rolled, and Eliza smiled widely as Daisy held her tummy and laughed.

  ‘You’re good with children,’ Clemency said, appearing at Eliza’s side.

  Eliza gazed up at her, feeling as she always did when she saw Clemency, the rush of love that washed over her as though she swam in an ocean of it. Standing up, she scooped up Daisy and held her on her hip as she smiled back at Clemency.

  ‘I’m afraid I might drop the new baby,’ Clemency said in a low whisper, turning slightly so that she stood hip to hip with Eliza, Eliza’s body sun-warmed and comforting against her own. Somewhere in the back of her mind she marvelled yet again at the desire to touch Eliza whenever she was near. It wasn’t enough to simply stand beside her. Always – always, Clemency wanted to reach for her. Touch their hands together or stand close enough so that they bumped up against each other, like now. She’d given up questioning this need. She just went along with it, giving in to what everything inside her said she needed.

  Eliza’s smile widened into a grin and she shook her head. Clemency was too dexterous ever to drop a baby.

  ‘Laugh all you want,’ Clemency said companionably. ‘But I’ve never held a child before, and don’t they wiggle and squirm?’ She pointed her chin at Daisy. ‘Case in point,’ she said.

  That made Eliza roll her eyes and a moment later she’d tipped Daisy into Clemency’s arms. Clemency stared down at the startled little girl, who gazed back up at her with round brown eyes before breaking into a sunny smile.

  ‘Well,’ Clemency said after a moment. ‘This doesn’t seem to be too much trouble.’ The little girl goggled up at her, and she goggled back until they both laughed. ‘I think I might like this being an Auntie business after all. At least a little.’ Clemency winked over at Eliza. ‘You don’t want one of these things for yourself, though, do you?’ She jiggled Daisy and smiled down at her. ‘No offense, kid.’

  Eliza thought about that question. Clemency was asking her if she wanted a child? That nest of doubt in her mind suddenly disintegrated, and she let go of it, of the fear, and let herself relax wholly into the sunny day, into Clemency’s warm thigh against her own, into those sea-green eyes holding her own gaze steady. So what? Eliza thought suddenly. So what if it doesn’t work out – because what if it does? It was working right that moment and she dived into it, feeling Clemency’s love silky and soothing around her.

  She shrugged. Scrunched up her nose and held her hands out, palms up, then flapped them away, shaking her head. She mimed putting a camera to her eye instead, and moved her finger – snap, she pressed the imaginary shutter button.

  That’s what she wanted to do. Take photographs, love Clemency. Anything else, if it came, could come in its own sweet time. She needn’t do anything more than stand here in the sunshine, feeling Clemency’s nearness, and laughing over little Daisy’s wooden cat.

  Clemency nodded and put Daisy back on the ground, watching as the child toddled serenely off with her little wheeled kitty clack-clacking behind her. Clemency put her arm around Eliza and pressed a kiss to her summer-warmed hair. ‘You’re right,’ she said against Eliza’s forehead. ‘Let’s take photographs together and leave the future to its own devices.’ She looked down at the watch on her wrist. ‘I have to go pick up Maxine now. The happy moment is almost here.’

  Eliza nodded and gazed out over the lawn. Everyone was there – Dot, Riley, all the women from the house, and several other people Eli
za hadn’t met. Elspeth, the doctor was there, and Eliza waved at her when she glanced over at them. Then Eliza saw Ruth and happiness and excitement threaten to finally swamp her. She turned and tapped Clemency on the chest, then pointed to Ruth and shivered delightedly.

  Clemency followed Eliza’s gaze and looked at Ruth, who stood under the banner the women had made and which hung between two trees, the painted words spelling out welcome home baby. Ruth had told her that the women had painted it this way deliberately, finding its double meaning hilarious, because baby could refer to both Maxine and the child, from Ruth’s point of view. Clemency had told Eliza this, pointing out the sign and reading it to her, and Eliza had leaned against her and giggled in silent convulsions that Clemency was utterly charmed by.

  Ruth stood still, all her frantic coming and going stopped momentarily, and she looked dazed with a happiness she couldn’t quite believe. Clemency kissed Eliza on the forehead again.

  ‘I’ll see you soon,’ she said. ‘It’s time.’

  Eliza looked up at her and nodded, feeling her skin tingle in anticipation and happy, sunny, pleasure. She tapped the camera case strung over her shoulder and nodded again. Clemency beamed down at her.

  ‘That’s right,’ she said. ‘We’d best not forget to capture the happy event on film.’

  Maxine looked relieved to see her waiting for them on the station platform. Clemency waved and went over to help.

  ‘Clemency, thank goodness we’re here at last,’ Maxine said. ‘The trip was its usual nightmare.’ She sighed with pleasure and gestured formally to the tall girl standing next to her with a baby tucked under her chin. ‘Ko Hahana tenei.’

  Clemency smiled widely at the girl and leaned forward to greet her with a hongi, gently pressing her nose and forehead to Hahana’s.

  ‘Kia ora, Hahana. Ko Clemency t̅oku ingoa. Haere mai.’ she said, introducing herself and welcoming Hahana in the language she’d learnt as a child alongside Maxine. ‘Everything is ready for you,’ she told her. ‘I secured you the best rooms in the Hall of Residence and I’m hoping you’ll find everything you need there. If not – all you have to do is tell me, and I’ll get it for you.’

  ‘T̅en̅a rawa atu koe,’ Hahana said, thanking Clemency and looking around the platform. ‘This is a very impressive railway station.’ She gazed around, eyes lit up. ‘I’m here at last,’ she said, and drew in a deep breath, excitement dazzling her like sun in her eyes.

  Clemency checked there was a porter picking up the luggage. She nodded at him in thanks and herded everyone towards the car park. ‘You wait until you see the university,’ she said. ‘And the building you’ll be living in is lovely too.’

  Hahana nodded, head swivelling to take everything in. The baby, whose face was sweet and round and long-lashed against her chest slept on. She breathed deeply of the city air. ‘I’ve been waiting a long time for this,’ she said, shaking her head in stupefaction that her most cherished desire was come true. ‘I’ve dreamed of studying to be a doctor forever.’

  ‘And now it’s happening,’ Maxine said and opened the motor car door for Hahana and the baby to slip into the back seat. She closed the door and turned to Clemency, embracing her.

  ‘You smell different,’ Clemency said.

  Maxine barked out a laugh. ‘I smell of baby.’

  ‘Hmm. Like I said. Different.’

  Maxine grinned at Clemency. Closed her eyes for a moment. Opened them again. ‘I am a very lucky woman,’ she said.

  ‘Yes,’ Clemency agreed. ‘And no one deserves it more than you and Ruth.’

  Maxine nodded. ‘She’ll fall in love with him,’ she said, glancing in through the motor car window at Hahana and the baby. ‘It only takes a moment to happen.’

  ‘I am so glad for you,’ Clemency told her with feeling. ‘How is Hahana managing?’

  ‘Well. She’s a determined young woman – she knows what she wants, and she’s going to make it happen.’ Maxine nodded. ‘She’ll be able to spend as much time as she wants with Timoti. It will work out for everyone.’

  They got in the motor car and Clemency joined the traffic.

  ‘Now, you have about three minutes to bring me up to date,’ Maxine said, looking sideways at Clemency who laughed.

  ‘That is not nearly long enough,’ she said.

  Maxine waggled a finger at her. ‘Then you and I must have ourselves a tipple and a smoke under the tree, this afternoon, before you go home.’

  ‘Done,’ Clemency agreed. ‘But you might find yourself hard pressed to find the time this afternoon. I’ve a thought we might have to make it a later date.’

  Maxine turned questioning eyes on her. ‘Why?’ she asked, but they were turning into the driveway then, and there was a great whooping roar of excitement.

  Clemency parked at the top of the driveway and looked at the crowd of Maxine’s friends, come to welcome little Timoti and Hahana to the family. They surged forward for a moment, then drew back as Ruth walked slowly, eyes wet with tears, towards the car. Clemency leapt out the door and hurried around to open the doors for both Maxine and Hahana.

  ‘Because of this,’ she said. ‘Because of this, my friend.’

  Chapter Fifty-Six

  The evening had bunched her skirts about her and settled down over the house. Maxine put two glasses on her table under the tree and poured generous measures of her father’s favourite scotch in each. Ceremoniously, she handed one glass to Clemency and held her own up in a toast.

  ‘To us,’ she said simply. ‘To life.’

  ‘To love,’ Clemency replied.

  ‘To love.’ Maxine drank, sighed, and set her glass down, reaching for pipe and tobacco. ‘It’s good to be back home, my friend,’ she said. ‘And that was some shindig you helped organise. I haven’t had the chance to properly thank you.’ She tamped a plug of tobacco into the bowl of her pipe and lit it, blowing out the smoke in unconcealed pleasure.

  ‘And you,’ she continued, looking across at Clemency in the hazy twilight. ‘You are positively glowing.’ She narrowed her eyes slightly, and it wasn’t because of the smoke. ‘I’ve never seen you look like this before.’ She blinked. ‘And I’ve known you since you were still in long bloomers.’

  ‘A long enough time,’ Clemency said, leaning back in her seat, the whisky warm in her belly, and looking toward the house where the windows were bright with the electric lights, and every now and then she could catch a glimpse of Eliza’s red hair as she passed from one room to the next. She was wearing it in a twisted little knot at the back of her neck and tendril had escaped from it to frame her face. Clemency wanted to photograph her again and smiled at the thought – she already had near on a hundred pictures of Eliza.

  ‘You’re smiling,’ Maxine said.

  Clemency looked at her. ‘Is that new too?’ she asked.

  Maxine laughed. ‘Actually, yes. It’s been a while, at least.’ She shifted slightly and looked toward the house too, searching out the lighted window behind which Ruth sat, holding the baby. She’d been right – it had only taken a moment for Ruth to fall in love with the little one. She’d taken one look at Timoti, nestled against Hahana’s neck and tears and tracked down her cheeks. When Hahana had handed the child over, gently and with a look of great seriousness on her face, Ruth’s tears had flowed faster. She’d taken the child and held him, christening him with her tears of gratitude and joy.

  ‘We’ve both turned out to be the luckiest women in the world, I think,’ Clemency said. She took another sip of the Scotch and let the alcohol warm and mellow her even more.

  Maxine dragged her gaze away from the house and examined Clemency in the ambient light. It was a still evening, cool with oncoming autumn, but the leaves above them barely rustling, and the birds and cicadas sang the sun down to her rest. Clemency’s face was relaxed, that frown of hers, so often creasing her forehead in the last months, had melted away, and her eyes were clear, lips tilted upwards.

  ‘I believe you are in love,’ M
axine said, hearing the almost baffled wonder in her own voice. ‘I’ve seen you excited before, stimulated, in lust, but I don’t believe I’ve ever seen you in love before.’ She blinked and shook her head. ‘It looks good on you, I have to say.’

  ‘Are you going to begrudge me it?’ Clemency asked.

  ‘Hell no.’ Maxine laughed. ‘I’m feeling a lot less uptight these days.’ She held up her glass. ‘And it’s nothing to do with this. If that girl has melted your cool cool heart, then all the best to you both.’

  Clemency shook her head, blonde hair gleaming in the waning light, but she was smiling. ‘I’m pleased to hear it.’

  ‘Have you told her yet?’

  ‘Told who, what?’

  Maxine nodded her chin towards the house. ‘Told the girl…’

  ‘Eliza.’

  ‘Told Eliza that you are head over heels and stupidly in love with her?’

  Clemency turned her face towards the windows that shone yellow in the gathering dusk. She couldn’t see the kitchen from here, otherwise she might have been able to watch Eliza’s fine features as she helped with the last of the supper dishes.

  ‘Not in so many words,’ she admitted.

  ‘In any words at all?’ Maxine asked, and she huffed out a great cloud of fragrant smoke. ‘Women like to hear it in words, you know.’

  ‘I should know that,’ Clemency remarked. ‘Being a woman.’

  Maxine barked a laugh. ‘And yet, you’ve not told the girl.’

  ‘Eliza,’ Clemency corrected again. She changed the subject. ‘We went to see Elspeth.’ She waggled her glass at Maxine, who leant forward to grab the bottle and pour a refill. ‘Thanks,’ Clemency said. ‘Would you believe, it’s practically impossible to learn sign language here in New Zealand?’ She shook her head and sipped at her drink. She still couldn’t believe it herself. ‘Apparently, there was a decision that all deaf people in this country should be taught to speak orally, and only taught that. It’s unbelievable. I find it unbelievable.’