by Kat T. Masen
“Ah, yes, quite an interesting article.”
“So, Alex, are you from New York? Your accent is very Hugh Grant. God, I loved him in Notting Hill. Anyway, love your Armani suit,” Eric rambles on.
For God’s sake, Eric’s obsession with older British men is borderline creepy. Hugh Grant? I know what Eric is trying to do, though. He has that mischievous look on his face, the one he has every time he’s trying to get me laid. But Batman’s fucking me, I want to yell at him.
“Actually, it’s Lex. Not Alex,” he corrects Eric, never breaking my gaze.
Pretentious bastard.
Fine, if he wants to play that game, I’ll treat him like we have no past. Therefore, Alex no longer exists. It will be Lex, just like he wants it.
He continues, “I live in London. Our Manhattan office is currently being remodeled, so I’m planning to stay here for a while.”
So, he lives in London, totally explains the hot accent. The distance is somewhat comforting, but then he said he’ll be in Manhattan more often. The city isn’t that big, not when your ex is suddenly lurking around every damn corner.
Again, the cogs are turning, and I think to myself, why London? I need to stop asking myself these questions. I don’t need to know anything about him. He shouldn’t be in my life in the first place. Period.
“And thank you, my sister chose the suit. She lives and breathes fashion. I’ll introduce you later.”
“Adriana is here?” I ask, nervously.
I haven’t seen her since the day when she asked me to leave her family alone, in the middle of a busy street, and straight-out called me a whore. The past is quickly coming back to me like a freight train, and I don’t know what to do.
Scanning the room, I don’t see Adriana anywhere.
Surely, Alex has to know how uncomfortable all this is for me.
“Somewhere floating around with Elijah.”
“Her and Elijah are still together?”
I don’t know why I asked or why I’m surprised. Those two were destined to be together, but then again, I thought that about Alex, I mean Lex and me, once upon a time.
“Yes, they’re still together. I don’t think anyone else could put up with her. They live in Brooklyn. Adriana owns a boutique store downtown.”
The music softens as the MC announces dinner is about to be served. People start walking back to their tables, and as I follow Julian, Eric, and Emma, Alex’s hand wraps around my arm. Reluctantly, I turn around slowly.
Avoid his scent.
And avoid his eyes.
Taking a deep breath, I wait on edge for his words, knowing that whatever comes out of his beautiful mouth, will turn my world upside down. Leaning closer into me, I force my eyes to remain open.
“You look breathtaking, Charlotte,” he whispers in my ear before walking away.
Somehow, I manage to walk toward the table without my legs giving way or gushing all over the floor. I’m annoyed at myself for even thinking of him that way.
Breathe, pull yourself together, and remember whose ring is weighing down your left hand.
“Are you okay, gorgeous?” Julian runs his finger down my cheek, staring at me lovingly.
“I will be soon.” I smile, eyeing the waiters walking toward us. “Champagne and no food are a lethal combination.”
We chat as we eat our meals, and thankfully, Julian doesn’t bring up my history with Lex. Everyone is impatiently waiting for the guest singer to appear later in the evening. I look at my plate, a sudden loss of appetite as I close my eyes, his words echoing in my mind. You look breathtaking, Charlotte. I still can’t believe he’s here, not to mention Adriana. I’ll bet all the money in my checking account, she’s still angry with me. What will I say to her?
A cold gush of air sweeps across my skin, causing me to break out into goosebumps like I’m being watched. Alex, sorry Lex, can be sitting anywhere in this room, and wherever that may be, his stare will be boring into me and questioning me in a million and one ways of why I’m engaged to Julian without opening his mouth.
“So that’s him?” Nikki whispers in my ear.
She’s sitting on my right, Julian on my left. Thank God, Eric is telling some ridiculous and probably inappropriate story, which has Julian’s full attention.
“Yes, it is.”
“In a million years. What a coincidence. Okay, for the record, he acts like an arrogant prick. But damn, Charlie… hello, Momma. He must be huge. Is he?”
“Oh, geez.” I laugh, welcoming her shallow question. “Eric is so rubbing off on you.”
Nikki rubs my shoulder, knowing how tense I am and offers a sympathetic smile.
After the next course is served, and people finish their meals, the clusters of groups start forming again. The dance floor is filling up with the band playing ‘The Way You Look Tonight.’ Classic Frank, classic New York.
“Babe, let’s show these rich folks how it’s done.” Rocky takes Nikki’s hand as she follows him onto the dance floor.
Eric and Emma have already left the table. I can see them across the room hovering around Sarah Jessica Parker. How predictable, I think. If I know Eric, he will bombard her about Sex and the City questions like ‘who was the biggest bitch on set’ or ‘why did she agree to wear those knee-high socks with heels.’
“Penny for your thoughts?” Julian asks, placing his hand on mine. “You’re quiet.”
I lean over and gaze into his warm hazel eyes. It isn’t fair to him, this whole Lex thing, except there’s nothing going on but in my crazy imagination.
“I’m just thinking how nice it would be to have you all to myself on the dance floor.”
“Well, gorgeous, you’ll be happy to know I’m thinking the same thing.” He grins.
Julian stands, and like the true gentleman he is, he holds out his hand as I place mine in his.
“Gorgeous, do you know how happy you make me?”
“Mmm… the same as how happy you make me?” I smile, allowing his loving gaze to consume me.
His face relaxes like he’s been waiting all night to hear those words. “I like hearing you call me your fiancé.”
“I could’ve introduced you as my partner, but that sounds like we’re lesbian lovers or something.”
“I won’t object to eating you out all the time,” he teases.
“Neither would I.”
I’ve always loved the banter between us, never taking our relationship too seriously. It’s one of the best things about our relationship—the butterflies over such simple conversation, except tonight, my happy butterflies are battling, or more like knocking the living shit out of the nauseous ones. I’m not doing anything wrong, so why do I feel so guilty?
We laugh as we dance, his body against mine. I close my eyes, enjoying this moment of bliss. Make this work, Charlie, I keep chanting in my head. I deserve someone who will love me and only me.
“Mind if I cut in? For old time’s sake?”
The blood drains from my body as he speaks the words. It’s one thing to talk to him but another to be in close physical contact.
Julian narrows his eyes with a pinched expression, but being the gentleman he is, he quickly kisses my cheek and tells me he will be over by the bar. Lex grabs my hand without consideration for Julian leaving and places the other on my hip. The tightness in my chest causes my smile to waver. The sheer touch of him is causing a massive meltdown inside. He smells just like I remember—home.
Careful not to close my eyes, I refuse to go back to that place. What was once a meadow filled with love, promises, and sunshine has become a dungeon torturing me with pain. Nine years of trying to escape him, and now, he’s holding onto me on the dance floor as if nothing ever happened between us.
I dance quietly, the band singing ‘How Deep Is Your Love’ by the Bee Gees. Trying to focus on anything besides him the lyrics sound in my head, making the moment more intense than it should be. The band needs to switch it up, play some heavy metal rather than
a song about belonging to each other.
“Charlotte, you really do look beautiful. Your favorite color, I see.”
I still remember when I told him emerald was my favorite color on the dance floor at prom night. This is déjà vu, only this time without the happy ending in the classroom. The memories, all of which have been bottled up, begin to leak painfully slow.
Pulling away, slightly, to distance myself from him, I stare him right in the eye. “What do you want, Lex?”
“I see you at the restaurant, and you ran from me. I run into you again, and you avoid me. Can’t two long-lost friends catch up after nine years?”
“Why do you keep saying we were friends? Because from memory, you upped and left. Friends don’t do that.”
“But we are, or should I say were? According to you, it was just a fling. It meant nothing,” he deadpans.
He has me there. I was kidding myself by saying that, but I wanted more than anything for him to believe it. Why should he have the satisfaction of knowing how much pain he put me through? The jerk ruined my life. And I’ve spent a long time trying to fix what he so easily broke.
I quickly change the subject. Now isn’t the time nor the place to dig up old memories, and I don’t want Julian staring at us, wondering why my face looks ready to attack.
“Why are you here, anyway?”
“One reason… Adriana. She drags me to these things and makes me donate a shitload of money.”
“So, you’re no longer practicing medicine?”
“There’s so much we need to talk about, Charlotte. I don’t think the dance floor at this charity ball is the place. Meet me for a drink tonight and we can talk properly then.”
He sounds so controlling. I mean, he always had that trait, but now I look at him differently. The weak man who chose his wife over me, instead of fighting for what he claimed he always wanted. I ignore his comment, avoiding being alone with him at all costs.
“How long have you and Julian been together?”
And there it is.
I’ve been waiting for him to bring up Julian.
The anger takes over again, ruining the moment. “Why, Lex? Does it matter? What about you? I’m guessing you’re no longer with Samantha since you hooked up with another blonde.”
I can feel the temperature in the room rise, or maybe it’s just me.
“Calm down, Charlotte. Samantha and I are no longer married, and Adriana set me up with Brooke for tonight only.”
This feeling of jealously is an emotion I’m no longer accustomed to. I have no right questioning his personal relationships like he has no right questioning mine.
“Why do you ask?” A smirk widens across his face. “Are you jealous?”
Some nerve. Thankfully, the band stops playing, and the crowd ceases dancing to applaud them. Releasing my hand from his grip, I take the opportunity to say goodbye. “Thank you for the dance, Lex.”
Walking away, I leave him alone on the dance floor, spotting Rocky and Nikki standing by our table. I need my friends to drag me kicking and screaming into the present. These flashbacks are getting the better of me, and I know it’s a vicious cycle to fall into.
“Some dance partner you got there, Charlie.” Rocky snickers.
“Who Ale… I mean Lex?”
“Uh, yeah, Lex Edwards. Billionaire CEO. Mr. Playboy. You might be his first brunette.”
“How do you know all this?”
“Charlie, he’s always in the social section, you know… who he’s dating, what he’s wearing.”
“Hold up. You read the social section?” I question, trying to hold in my laughter.
“Yes, but if it makes you feel any better, he’s not seeing anyone now.”
Surprisingly, it does make me feel better, but I quickly swallow the feeling. Why do I even care?
“Can I have my girl back?” Julian’s arms wrap around my waist. He rests his head on my shoulder, holding onto me tight, kissing the side of my neck. I wrap my arm behind his head, welcoming his touch with a loving smile.
But inside, the wall I built up many years ago has begun to crack.
And across the room Lex’s eyes find mine, his gaze stripping me bare. His lips are pulled back, baring his teeth with a vehement expression.
With every ounce of strength I have within me, I turn away, moving my body so I’m face to face with Julian.
This is the man I’m going to marry.
This is the man I am going to spend the rest of my life with.
I tilt my head, moving my lips toward Julian as I desperately kiss him whole. As we both pull away, I gaze into his caring eyes and remind myself of who I love.
But my heart falls silent, the silence screaming of my weakness.
And just like that, Lex’s voice lingers in my ear, tearing down the wall of its last pillar of strength.
CHARLIE
“Gorgeous, when do I get to make you my wife?”
Julian breaks my thoughts, and unknowingly, I need the reality check more than ever. We haven’t spoken about the actual wedding planning, given he only proposed days ago, but deep down inside I question whether he senses my hesitation and is trying to steer me back in the right direction.
“That depends. Are you going to whisk me away to your bat cave now?”
He grins, pulling me closer toward his body. “For you, anything.”
Lost in this moment, filled with promises of a new life together, I smile as I hold onto him. I need, more than anything, to feel wanted, to feel loved. My eyes meet with Lex’s across the room. He’s never broke from my gaze. The guilt is rushing through me, torn in ways I never imagined would happen again.
But this time, the tables have turned and I have someone to call my own. I’m not the person looking in from the outside, racking my brain as to what went on behind closed doors.
Finally, I’m happy, my world no longer broken. Looking at Lex, I know I can’t go back there. Every happy memory I have of him is overshadowed by the tragic ending. I can’t look at him without dragging up our past. What we had isn’t some high school crush, no matter how much I tried to sell that story to myself.
“Charlie?”
I turn and see Adriana standing next to me. The one person who meant so much to me but again, she hurt me, leaving me to clean up my mess. Judging me when she only knew half the truth.
“It’s y-you.” Her voice quivers, the emotion building up as she attempts to get her words out. “Charlie… I’m so, so sorry.” Tears trickle down her beautiful face, her eyes clouded with tears. She was young at the time and had done what most girls would do. Yet, I couldn’t ignore the hurt of her betrayal for leaving me behind without allowing me even to explain myself.
But I was the one who had played with fire, or should I say her brother.
I let go of Julian, wrapping my arms around her into a tight embrace, willing to forgive her so we can resurrect our friendship. Everything about her feels familiar, and for a second, I wonder if this is what it would feel like to be inside Lex’s arms.
“Adriana, please stop crying. You’ll ruin your mascara and mine.” I chuckle as a tear slides down my cheek.
Her smile radiates. Adriana has always had beautiful classic features with almond-shaped green eyes, not quite as bright as Lex’s yet similar since they are related. The last time I’d seen her, the color of her hair had been natural mocha. True to her always-changing style, she had changed it to honey blonde with ombre running through it.
“I’d say wipe it on your dress, but wow, Charlie, what the hell has happened to you?” She beams through her tears. “You look stunning. Dolce & Gabbana? I’m in love with this dress.”
Just like that, the old Adriana I knew and loved is back. It’s easy to forgive her. She had been my best friend since I was eight, and some things were never meant to be broken.
“The moment I saw it, I knew we were soulmates.”
As I speak about the dress, I notice Julian and the rest of the gang stand
ing there, obviously waiting for an introduction.
“Oh, sorry. Adriana, please meet Rocky and Nikki. We’ve known each other since college. Nikki and I are partners in our own firm,” I say proudly.
“Firm? As in lawyer?”
I nod, grinning. “This is Eric, my assistant, and Emma is Nikki’s assistant. This handsome man here is my fiancé, Julian.”
Adriana extends her hand toward Julian, shaking it in a very professional manner, but I can tell by the way she bit the corner of her lip this is anything but professional.
“Okay, so has anyone ever told you that you look like Christian Bale?” Adriana doesn’t hold back, asking in her flirtatious tone as she fixates on him. Oh, how I remember that voice.
“Who, me? Never,” he sarcastically responds.
I swat his arm as he laughs along with the rest of the group.
“So, from what I hear, you and Elijah are still together. Married, right?”
“Ah, yes and no.” She lowers her voice. I knew something wasn’t right, but I’m not going to pry in front of everyone. “It’s kind of a long story we’ll have plenty of time to catch up on later.”
I nod my head, knowing we need to talk in private. “Do you guys mind if Adriana and I grab a drink from the bar?”
“Go ahead, I’ve got Eric here to keep me company,” Julian says. Eric is beside him and he’s already drunk on champagne.
As we walk toward the bar, Adriana links her arm in mine just like we had done a thousand times over inside the hallways of our school.
“He looked for you,” she reveals, the second we get to the bar.
“Adriana, look… the past is the past.”
“Charlie, Lex isn’t the same. Not since you. You have to understand he was under a lot of pressure back then.”
“I know he isn’t the same. I’ve run into him twice now, and everything about him has changed,” I tell her, not oblivious to the stranger who claims to be Alex, or Lex, or whatever. “He isn’t the Alex I once loved.”
“I know he comes across cold, but deep down he still has something for you, Charlie. You were the love of his life.”