by Kat T. Masen
I needed to get out of here, so I grabbed my keys and closed the door behind me, ready to chase my rainbow.
***
My finger pressed against the doorbell, patiently waiting for Adriana or Charlotte to answer. With my hands in my pockets, I stood there rocking back and forth, willing the nervous energy to disappear before someone answered.
I hadn’t done anything to be ashamed of, though I knew it was only a matter of time, unable to rid my mind of impure thoughts despite my commitment to Sammy, but they were just thoughts.
So what if I enjoyed Charlotte’s company? She made me laugh, made me forget the world existed for a few moments. She’s uncomplicated. My vows were still intact. No, there was nothing to feel guilty about.
Then she stood in front of me like I was in some dream. She captivated me, her beauty leaving me speechless.
“Oh hey, Alex. You okay? You look like you’ve seen a ghost.”
“Hi, Charlotte… I uh…”
Fuck, I had nothing to say. Now wasn’t the time to be giddy. Man up. Okay, so I want to see her naked, every inch of her spread out in front of me. Okay, shit, no more manning up.
She grabbed my hand and pulled me to the living room where her parents sat. She introduced me to her father who simply said, “Hello.” Her mother stood and walked over to me, then she placed her hand on my cheek. How odd, I thought to myself.
“Un ángel camina entre nosotros,” she chanted as she touched my face.
An angel walks amongst us? What an odd thing to say.
I replied in Spanish, saying ‘thank you.’ Thank God, I understood and didn’t look like a complete moron in front of her. Though, I am surprised to see her mother here considering her parents are divorced.
“You understand Spanish?” Charlotte asked with a wide grin on her face.
“Yes, it’s what happens when you’d rather study than play dolls with your sister.”
She laughed and led me to her room where we found Adriana on her phone with some sort of party emergency.
“Hey, Alex.” Adriana waved, then turned to Charlotte. “Sorry I have to love you and leave you. The caterer needs me to pick the final menu.”
“Adriana, you can’t just leave your brother here,” Charlotte rushed, panicked.
“Sure, I can. He’s the computer geek. My Mac is doing some weird cross-eyed guy warning thingamajig. All my songs are on there, and I need them for the party.”
Without any time for either of us to respond, Adriana vanished through the door like Superman on crack.
“I’m not a computer geek, just FYI.”
“You don’t look like a geek,” she pointed out, moving toward her desk where she sat down. “Far from it.”
I stood near the door, unsure of how far I should come in. I’d never been inside Charlotte’s room, and with curiosity, I scanned my surroundings. The color of the walls were olive green, bare and without any picture frames aside from photographs taped on her ceiling. From where I was standing, I couldn’t see the photographs and whose face were in them aside from the fact they look liked they had been taken at school.
Her double bed was sitting in the middle of the room with pristine white sheets, several pillows and a cushion in the middle which said Sleep with Me.
“Nice room,” I mentioned, noticing the books on her nightstand. I’d read the same books in senior high. “What do I look like?”
“Alex… please, you know. You’d be blind not to see it.”
“Well, call me blind.”
“You know you’re hot,” she spoke with poise. “You’re smart. I mean, you’re a doctor! You’re the whole package.”
“The whole package? Obviously, you don’t know me well. I’m not perfect, Charlotte.”
How could I even begin to explain how imperfect I was?
“Maybe not, but you’re pretty damn close…”
It dawned on me that her words were sincere, and I had never heard anyone use the words ‘perfect’ and ‘Alex’ in the same sentence, except for my mother. But the thing which resonated was how confident she was when she said them, leaning back into her chair with her arms stretched above her head, not a single moment of hesitation as the words flew out of her mouth.
As the minutes passed, I found myself unable to look away, caught in the dilemma of wanting her innocence, her purity, but my words came out unexpected.
“What did your mom mean back there?”
“That angel stuff? Long story. Just this legend she believes in. Don’t worry, she’s always trying to bestow her wisdom upon me. I’m eighteen. Isn’t this the time of my life to go wild? You know, get drunk and tattoo some random guy’s name on my ass?” She laughed, biting on a pen while she watched me. “She shouldn’t even be here. My parents are trying to be amicable. Something about trying to settle property they inherited. I kinda zoned out.”
“You’re not like that,” I answered at ease. “Wild and irresponsible.”
“No, I’m not.” She hesitated, distracted by a loud yell that echoed throughout the house. The voices were muffled, but soon I realized it was her parents arguing.
“Alex, you should probably go. This isn’t something you want to hear.” She sighed, her voice saddened by the excessive yelling.
Charlotte threw herself on her bed, staring at the ceiling, her hair a tangled mess around her as a lonesome tear fell down her cheek. Without thinking, I sat beside her, removing a loose strand of hair away from her face.
“Do you want to talk about it?”
“You wouldn’t understand. Hell, even I don’t understand.”
“No, but I’ll listen. That’s the least I can offer.”
She wiped her sleeve across her cheek. “You think I’d be used to it by now, you know, my parents being separated. Mom’s here, and I should be grateful they can sit in the same room together…” She paused as if she was trying to find the right words. “I just don’t understand how you promise that ‘in sickness and in health,’ ‘till death us do part’ that you’ll be with one person. How do you hurt someone you’re supposed to love? Dad’s hurting, I know he is, but he’s too proud to show it. My mom doesn’t understand. He still loves her, though he has a crappy way of showing it. She doesn’t look at him the way she used to, or maybe she never did. All she talks about is the past, the big bad wolf, or she refers to them as the dark angels. How they come into your life and steal what’s yours, your heart and soul. I figured out a long time ago it wasn’t my dad. He didn’t steal her heart… someone else did. She never let it go, and now, my poor dad…” she trails off.
“Charlotte, if it’s not meant to be, then maybe your dad is better off. Give him the chance to find someone who’ll love him the way he deserves to be loved.”
She sits up in a rush, leaning on her elbows for support with overly bright eyes staring back at me. “So, you’re telling me it’s okay to make these promises, place rings on each other’s fingers, make vows before God, your family, and friends, only to walk away when something better comes along?”
Sitting so close to her, I couldn’t help but feel this overwhelming need to touch her, to hold her in my arms. Her honesty and compassion astounded me. She wore her heart on her sleeve, and I wanted nothing more than to place it in my hands and promise to cherish it for the rest of my life. With her big brown eyes staring back at me, my heart began racing, not because I was afraid but because it felt right, and that alone was the most terrifying part. She instilled honesty in me, and I had no choice but to express how I felt—how she made me feel.
“Not something better, Charlotte. Something right,” I whispered, my gaze fixated on her. “And yes, I’d walk away if that’s what you’re asking.”
CHARLIE
Nine Years Ago
“Charlie, do you want to talk about it?”
What was there to talk about? I hadn’t slept. My mom decided to take off again in the middle of the night, leaving my dad to worry relentlessly about her. No note, no nothing. J
ust her belongings gone. How could I understand? I hadn’t been in love before nor had I been married. My opinion didn’t matter even though my life had been turned upside down once again by the two people who were supposed to protect me.
“Not tonight, Adriana.”
I examined my eyes in the mirror. The dark circles were impossible to hide.
“So, listen, since you look like sex on legs, we need to discuss some sort of signal in case you want to get some nookie-nookie.”
“Adriana, did you just say nookie-nookie? Okay, grandma…”
“You know Finn will be here,” she teased.
Here we go again.
If I had a dollar for every time this topic was brought up, I could buy, well, a new pair of Converse. Finn and I had a fling last year after being friends forever. It resulted in us losing our virginity down at the beach. It wasn’t the best place to lose it, mainly because there was sand everywhere. So, I was in no rush to try that again after what could only go down as the worst first time in history. We tried again a month after in his bed, and unfortunately, it was no better than before. There was no sand but also no spark, plus it was damn awkward. He was huge, and I was small, so it just kind of hurt.
I wasn’t sure what the big deal was, especially when I was fully capable of helping myself. Adriana would tell me how wonderful it was to be in love, but she had Elijah, and he’s all she could think about.
“Honestly, he is a great guy, he’s my best friend,” I told her, pulling my skin beneath my eyes to make it look more presentable. It didn’t work, the bags were there to stay. “Stop trying to play matchmaker. If anyone needs the signal, it will be you.”
“I thought I was your best friend?”
“Jealously looks striking on you,” I mocked, with a sardonic grin. “You know what I mean.”
The doorbell rang, and I had never seen Adriana run so fast. She could’ve qualified for the Olympics at the rate she was going. I opened the bedroom door to hear muffled voices. It was Elijah.
I had learned my lesson—give them five minutes before entering the room.
I checked my phone and saw a message from Finn. I quickly responded knowing Adriana would be ecstatic. In her eyes, the more, the merrier. I thought of the aftermath, the cleaning tomorrow morning. Her parents only agreed to this if the house was back to its original condition by ten o’clock the next morning. I didn’t know how Adriana expected to pull it off, but I had no doubt, she’d make me haul some serious cleaning ass.
After ten minutes, I decided to head downstairs. They must’ve finished their make-out session by now.
“Adriana!” I yelled as I raced down the stairs. “Finn said the guys are coming, too.”
Landing in the kitchen, I was surprised to be greeted by Alex and Samantha. My eyes locked into his. Samantha was sitting on his lap.
Everything I felt in the past week had slapped me right in the face. They were here as a married couple. That’s right, married, I had to keep reminding myself. Suddenly, our flirtatious texts seemed foolish and adolescent. What was I thinking? I had no right lusting after a married guy.
But something felt different like it was more than just a crush. He acted different. I couldn’t explain it, but I knew I had no choice but to snap out of it.
“Charlotte, nice to see you again. This is my wife, Samantha,” he introduced her as I awkwardly stood there not knowing what to say.
Samantha was stunning with long, silky, golden blonde hair stopping just beneath her breasts. Her eyes, azul colored, gleaming as she holds onto her husband, caressing his chin with a loving gaze. Adriana’s description didn’t do her justice, neither did the photographs at their house. I reached out my hand to shake hers, but instead, she jumped off his lap and pulled me into a hug.
“Finally, I get to meet you. Adriana talks nonstop about you. It’ll be good to have another friend in this boring, miserable place,” she squealed, holding me too tightly.
I looked at Alex, unsure of what to say. His face was just as confused as mine.
“Oh, wow. Nice meeting you, too, Samantha.”
“Call me Sam, please,” she said, adjusting the hem of her dress. “Samantha is what my parents call me, and this guy when he wants to act formal.”
I forced a smile. “Okay… Sam.”
Thankfully, the doorbell rang, so I excused myself to mingle with some of the guests. As soon as I was out of the kitchen, I took a moment to gather my thoughts, letting out the huge breath I had been holding.
I hated that she was a beautiful woman, and together, they would make beautiful babies. Although I had turned eighteen already, I had never felt so young. I needed to hang out with my own kind and shake myself of these impure thoughts.
The house was filling up, and I started recognizing a lot of people from school. I did my best-friend duty and greeted the guests. Most were already into the punch I assumed had been spiked, and the speakers were blaring the latest pop song. I had been humming along to the beat when I felt a pair of bulky arms wrap themselves around my waist.
“Finn!”
I turned around as he hugged me tight, lifting me. I missed him. He was one of my best friends despite our awkward history. I wrapped my arms around his neck, and behind him, I noticed Alex standing with Elijah. Alex looked at me strangely, almost angry.
Finn put me down, the grin on his face contagious. “Charlie, I’ve missed you. You never visit me anymore,” he complained.
“I know, I know. I’ve missed you, too, Finn. Come on, let’s get a drink.”
We walked over to the drinks table. Finn grabbed a cup of punch, and his facial expression said it all. Yep, it had been spiked, but thankfully, Finn could hold his booze. I, on the other hand, didn’t want a repeat of the last eighteenth birthday party I went to. I grabbed a bottle of Coke, knowing I’d probably be the only sober one here.
Finn put our drinks down and pulled me onto the makeshift dance floor. He had the moves and I’d always enjoyed dancing with him. He grabbed my waist and pulled me into him, then I rubbed myself against his thigh. This is what we did. We didn’t care that people thought we were a couple. We were just having fun.
Once the song had finished, and I pulled away from Finn, out of breath I said, “I’m going to check on Adriana. Behave, Finn.”
I found her standing in the kitchen with Sam, pouring Grey Goose into a new batch of punch.
Alex was standing at the corner doing something with his phone. I made a conscious effort to avoid contact with him at all costs. He was acting weird, and I had no idea why.
“Hey, Char,” she greeted a bit too cheerfully.
“Adriana, why are you spiking the punch? Did we not learn from the last party?”
“Oh, lighten up, Char. I’m eighteen now. Woo!”
This was like a bad scene straight out of Girls Gone Wild.
“So, Charlie, Adriana tells me you and Finn…” Sam teased. Alex instantly looked up from his phone, his face enraged as he gazed at me. “You looked pretty cozy on the dance floor.”
It was so awkward to have this conversation in front of Alex. I felt the need to defend myself.
“It’s not like that. We’re great friends. Have been since we were born.”
Adriana laughed loudly, the punch in full effect. I sensed that what she was about to say would not paint the best picture of me. “Please, Char, good friends don’t just lose their virginity to each other.”
Alex shot me a fierce glare before leaving the room, almost stomping out.
What was his problem?
“Adriana, I can’t believe you said that out loud,” I berated her. “My personal life isn’t up for discussion with everyone.”
I left the room to look for Alex. I wanted to know what his problem was. I continued searching the house but couldn’t find him. Searching the gardens—still no sign of him. Then I walked onto the street where, under the pale moonlight, I saw his shadow leaning against his Jeep.
“Alex?”
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br /> He turned around, his face softening as he saw me. I leaned against the car as well, knowing it was best that I didn’t make eye contact with him.
“Alex, did I do something to make you angry? I’m sorry about that conversation in the kitchen. I didn’t particularly want my sex life announced to the whole world. Adriana will get an earful from me tomorrow,” I joked, trying to lighten this tension between us.
Pressing his lips together with a slight grimace, he asked, “So, it’s true?”
“What’s true?”
“You and Finn are an item?”
“No, we aren’t. I told you, I don’t have a boyfriend.”
“So what? You’re fuck buddies, then? It sure looked like it when you were dancing.”
His hands caught my attention. His fists were clenched, knuckles stark white even in the darkness. I didn’t get why he was so fucking angry, and it was now making me angry. I was shocked at his response. What did he care, anyway? He was married, he had a wife to go home to. Why would my sex life bother him in the slightest?
“First of all, we aren’t fuck buddies. We did it twice over a year ago. It wasn’t good, so we never did it again. Second of all, he’s a good friend, and yes, we like to have fun. It’s harmless. Besides, both of us agree we’re better as friends. And lastly, why would you care? Are you worried I’m going to have unprotected sex like the rest of the teenagers here and get knocked up before graduation?”
“Charlotte, it’s just… you—”
“What about me?”
Without warning, he leaned over, his lips crashing against my own. I could taste his desperation as it was mirroring mine. My head was screaming at me to stop, but my body was aching for it. His hands were now cupping my face, but I wanted more. I needed him to touch every part of me. I grabbed his jacket, pulling him closer to me, the kiss becoming more intense, his tongue searching for more. I wanted to give him everything right then and there. I didn’t want to stop. My heart was beating fast, and my body felt like it was on fire.
He quickly pulled back, a look of shock on his face.