by Kat T. Masen
“Eww!” I squirmed, but he continued to dangle it there, laughing as he did. I ran to the bathroom as he followed me, but sense prevailed, and he placed it in the trash. Then he scrubbed his hands vigorously.
“Wash them real good,” I told him. “Oh God, that was nasty.”
He smirked, still washing his hands. “I bet you would be thinking differently if it belonged to Justin Timberlake.”
“Well, dang, he wouldn’t be wearing one if he were with me.”
Alex laughed and splashed me with the water and I screamed at the coldness.
“Now I’m wet!”
He turned the tap off, drying his hands on the towel hanging on the rack. “Weren’t you before?”
“Oh, wouldn’t you like to know?” I teased as I walked back into the room.
Suddenly, I felt his arms around my waist, my body stiffening in his embrace. He leaned into my neck and whispered in my ear, “Yes, I would, Charlotte. You don’t know how much.” His lips brushed against my skin, and succumbing to my desires, I allowed him to do it. Reaching my arm up behind, I pulled him into me. His hands were still around my waist, then I felt them slowly move up to my breasts. I waited in anticipation before I heard a commotion outside. Like a splash of cold water, we pulled away from each other.
I grabbed the garbage bag and pretended to pick up trash as Alex looked at me with a satisfied smirk before walking out of the pool house.
I heard the voices—it was Sam and Adriana.
“Adriana, seriously, we need to get cracking. Andrew and Emily will blow up, and you’ll be grounded for a year if they see the house like this.”
“I know, I know. The house is done. It’s just the pool now.”
“What about the pool house?”
“Charlotte did it,” Alex lied. “I just showed her where to find the spare sheets.”
“Eww, like people fucked in there?” Sam complained.
“I know,” Adriana wailed. “I’m never drinking again. Or throwing a party.”
“Wait till you get to college,” Sam snickered. “The parties there are wicked.”
“That’s what I’ve heard. I better go find Elijah.”
I heard Adriana walk away as I pretended to clean, hoping they would leave.
“Nice influence, Samantha,” I heard Alex say. “Is that really how you want to tell an eighteen-year-old to spend her time in college?”
“It’s more fun than staying in Carmel,” she bit back sarcastically.
“You want to bring that up again?”
“Fuck, Alex. How can I not bring that up again?” she argued back. “I’m tired of this boring place. Being married doesn’t mean you have to stay at home every day. I miss the city. I miss the crazy parties and the drinking.”
“I don’t want to talk about this anymore. I’m going to finish cleaning.”
“No, I’m sick of you not wanting to talk or do anything for that matter.” Her voice was loud, carrying through the eerily quiet backyard. “God, I even miss the fucking around. It’s like you came here and became a celibate doctor. Do you realize we haven’t fucked in like a month? Even then, it was a pity fuck. I had to beg you for it.”
“Don’t do this now,” he warned.
“I’m so sick of our marriage, Alex. It’s turned stale.” I heard her storm off.
I stood there awkwardly, trying to take it all in. The door opened, and I shuffled to the bedside, pretending to clean. He came up behind me again, turning me around quickly and he crashed his lips onto mine. I dropped the garbage bag and wrapped my arms around his neck. He tasted so good. I kissed him faster, the urgency and thrill of wanting more. As we slowly stopped to catch our breath, he looked me in the eyes.
“It’s you, Charlotte. You’re the reason behind what she said outside. All I think about is you. I don’t want to stop this. Do you trust me?” he pleaded.
I didn’t know what I was thinking. I didn’t know why I believed him, but I couldn’t help but tell the truth, lay my feelings out in front of him.
“I trust you, Alex,” I whispered, my lips brushing against his. “More than anyone else in my life.”
CHARLIE
Present
My head is pounding like a woodpecker constantly banging one spot.
Unable to open my eyes, they feel like they are sewn together, impossible to open the lead weight—ramifications from last night’s events. Vigorously, I rub my eyes before opening them again, slowly, to be met with daylight. The sun is shining through the windows, something I’d normally enjoy but not this morning. I sit up, trying to make sense of everything.
I know the pounding head is because of the alcohol I consumed last night, but I don’t recall how I got home or who I came home with.
Panicking, I run out of my bedroom, stumbling on my shoes and clutch lying on the floor. The pain in my big toe ricochets as I knock it against the wooden floor. Hopping on one spot, I ignore the throb and rush to the living room, immediately noticing the couch is empty.
Thank fucking God. I don’t want to deal with anyone right now.
I take my time limping to the kitchen. Pouring myself a tall glass of orange juice while leaning into the cupboard, I grab the much-needed Advil.
The events of last night replay in my mind as I hobble back to my room. I remember the charity ball and the kiss I shamelessly had with Lex in the ballroom while Julian waited for me. I remember going to the club to have a good time, but that was ruined when Lex showed up.
Eric mentioned it was Lex’s club. That was it.
How did I even get home?
I swallow the juice and Advil, climbing back into my bed to fall asleep again.
***
My eyes spring open, the sun still shining directly into my face. Turning to my side, I lift my phone to check the time. Nine o’clock.
The screen is full of notifications—four text messages and a slew of emails. The first two are from Eric.
Eric: Lunch at Noodle House at noon. We need to talk.
Crap, what have I done? I suddenly feel an urge to vomit, thinking I can’t remember things for a very good reason. Racing toward the bathroom, I topple over the toilet, dry retching as nothing comes out. Peeling myself off the cold tiles, I drag myself back to bed and check my phone again.
Eric: Adriana will be there, but she is meeting us at 12:30. Don’t be late! Check the photos I tagged you in. I look hot AF.
I laugh, regretting it almost immediately as my head spins violently. It’d been a long time since I drank that much, and I vow never to touch tequila ever again.
The next message is from an unknown number.
Unknown number: Hey Charlie. Hope you don’t mind Eric inviting me to lunch. If it’s too much I totally understand.
As much as I don’t want to revisit my past, Adriana holds a special place in my heart. I don’t know why she feels it will be too much for me as long as she steers off the topic of her brother. I let her know I’m looking forward to catching up, moving onto my next message.
Batman: Gorgeous, I’ll be back around 4. Any chance we can have that raincheck dinner tonight? My place around 7? If you’re good, I’ve got a surprise for you. Batman has lots of tricks up his sleeve.
My mood brightens until the dark cloud begins to hover over me. I hesitate to respond. The guilt incinerating me from last night’s actions, and it just isn’t all the guilt of our sordid kiss. Lex has this power I hate admitting starts to weigh heavily on my mind.
I’m not cheating on Lex, we aren’t together.
So why do I feel guilty for having dinner with Julian and quite possibly some good sex in his bat cave? I shake my head, attempting to clear my thoughts, responding right away.
After a few flirty texts back and forth, going back to sleep is impossible. No matter how much I try to distract myself, I can’t be trusted with my thoughts right now. The tension is too much, and the only way to release it, apart from raiding the goody drawer is to go for a run.
&nbs
p; ***
The mornings are full of dedicated runners. I run as if my life depends on it, trying to forget the past twenty-four hours. My body aches as I push myself as hard as humanly possible. I stop by a bench, stretching my muscles, then pull on my hoodie to escape the morning chill. People run past me, some fast, some slow, and some run in groups, some by themselves.
A group is coming my way, running fast, but there’s one guy who runs alone, faster than anyone else. His body tenses as he picks up speed. He wears his hoodie, and I can see his phone strapped to his arm. An illusion, I tell myself, it’s not him. I’ve been down that road before thinking I saw him everywhere I went. He quickly runs past me. Tailing him are the rest of the runners in the group.
I continue to stretch my muscles when a woman slows down, stopping at the bench as well. She bends over, resting her hands on her thighs, trying to catch her breath.
“Sorry, I didn’t mean to intrude, but blimey, I can’t keep up with you lot.”
“Don’t worry, I’m the same.” I smile, noticing her thick British accent. “I think I spend more time as a benchwarmer than actually running.”
She laughs but slows down as she holds onto her rib cage, still trying to recover. Sitting down on the bench, I decide to join her.
“Do you run here a lot?” she asks
“Most mornings. Today I really need it.”
“Tell me about it. I haven’t had a moment to relax since I got here.”
“You’re not from here?”
“Manchester,” she answers proudly. “A long way from here.”
“Sometimes, the distance can be welcoming.”
It isn’t a coincidence I chose to reside in New York City, wanting to be as far away as possible from the West Coast. Not that it matters now, my past has finally caught up with me.
“Yeah, I do miss home.” She gazes wistfully into the sky. “But then again, home is where my man is.”
The feeling of being in love, there’s nothing like it in the world. If you’re lucky enough to have it, then hold onto it. How ironic, I think, the part about holding on. I did until the end, until there was nothing left to hold onto.
“Well, I best head off,” she announces. “I’ve got back-to-back meetings today. Can you believe that? It’s a Sunday for goodness sakes. It was really nice to meet you.”
“Nice meeting you, too.” I smile as she takes off, her long blonde hair shimmering in the morning sun.
***
Eric is already sitting inside at a table. As usual, his hand is glued to his phone. He glances up and stands as I walk toward him. With a kiss on both cheeks, he sits back down and motions for me to do the same.
“How’s the hangover?”
“How much did I drink?” I moan, sinking into the chair. “Everything is such a blur.”
“Let’s see, probably a bottle at the charity event, then maybe…” He starts counting his fingers. Oh God. I hang my head in shame, waiting to hear his response. “Maybe five shots at the club? I don’t know. I lost count after you disappeared on the dance floor.”
He sips his latte, grinning.
“Eric, I need you to be honest. What happened last night? I don’t remember anything after the shots I had at the bar?” I beg of him. I don’t tell him about the quick flashes running through my head, which are possibly my imagination running wild. “I mean, what happened with Lex and me?”
“That gorgeous man was all over you in the VIP area. We left to go dance, then when we came back, he’d disappeared, so you and I decided to dance, but before I knew it you and Lex were all over each other on the dance floor. Then you guys disappeared.”
I freeze, unable to say a single word. Covering my face with my hands, I let out a heavy sigh. Holy shit, did I fuck him in the club? With my eyes shut tight and drowning out the noise of the people around me, I try to remember what happened, but everything is so hazy. We were in a dark room, and I remember something felt cold on my back. My stomach begins to tie into knots, a loss of appetite knowing I’ll never get the answer without confronting Lex.
“Okay, so I take it from the silence you’re worried you fucked him?” Eric is straight to the point. “To be honest, Charlie, when I saw you coming out of the ladies’ room, you didn’t look like you had been fucked.”
“And how in hell would you know what I look like if I had been fucked?”
“I don’t know, legs wobbly, more disheveled?” He scowls, pursing his lips. “Your hair was pretty much intact as was your dress. Maybe he just felt you up. I wouldn’t worry about it too much.”
Maybe he thinks I shouldn’t worry about it too much, but this is Lex we are talking about here. This isn’t any new guy I can simply ignore. Every touch means something, and I crossed the line into dangerous waters without a life jacket.
Suddenly, I think of Julian, and the guilt is accompanied with nausea. I can blame the alcohol, right? You’re not eighteen anymore.
My thoughts are interrupted as Adriana strolls toward us. Eric and I stand, hugging her before we sit down again to order our lunch. My appetite has dwindled to nothing, so I order a salad, but even when it arrives I barely touch it.
We chat about the charity ball and what gossip was splashed on page six this morning. Adriana proudly talks about her boutique, how she started it, and the designs she will stock as well as her own creations. I’m so proud of her and what she’s achieving. She has wanted this for as long as I can remember, and to be successful in New York City is a big achievement in the fashion world.
Eric excuses himself when his phone rings with a potential booty call. Welcoming his absence, I turn to face Adriana when he’s out of sight.
“Adriana, I need to ask you something…” I hesitate, wondering if I should involve her in the mess I’ve created for myself. “Have you spoken to Lex since last night?”
She places her fork down, wiping her mouth with her napkin while grinning. “Yes, I have.”
“Why are you smiling?”
“Were you so wasted you don’t recall last night? So now you’re trying to find out what happened between you and Lex?”
I wring the napkin on my lap, anxiously trying to string a sentence without sounding like a whore. “Yes, kind of. Look, I’m not that kind of girl,” I rush, trying to defend my actions. “I don’t usually go out and get wasted on a Saturday night. Most of the time, I’m at Nikki’s house spending time with her son.”
“Hey, listen, Char…” The nickname brings back the nostalgia of our friendship. “You don’t have to explain anything to me. One look at you, and I know you aren’t that type of girl. You never were. That’s why Lex loved you so much.”
Her words are like tiny knives, stabbing me one by one in the heart.
Loved. That’s why he loved me so much.
Past tense, I keep telling myself.
He isn’t my future anymore.
“Look, he didn’t tell me much, to be honest, only that you didn’t have sex. He was clear on that when I asked him. Oh, and that stupid bitch, Samantha, was there,” she huffs.
“What? Samantha was there?”
My memory begins to clear. We were exiting the club, and I heard laughter, familiar laughter. The feeling of wanting to be violently ill on the sidewalk engulfed me when I saw her face, and Lex trying to restrain her from entering the club.
“Yes, she was. She wasn’t allowed to enter the club, so she made a big scene, and Lex, of course, had to calm her down. It’s not the best publicity for the club since the paparazzi swarm that place.”
Adriana continues to explain what happened. How Samantha was already drunk, and how she’s having massive custody issues with Chris, her ex, regarding their daughter. Adriana had only heard about her through the grapevine after ceasing contact with her after she and Lex split up. A part of me feels sorry for Samantha after hearing what she’s going through, but it isn’t my place to get involved. I’d played a part in ruining her life many years ago and regret still weighs heavil
y on my shoulders for my careless actions.
Eric comes back to the table, excitedly talking about a date he’s going to have with this guy tomorrow night and what he should wear. I point out since the date involves a movie that he might want to leave his Versace suit hanging in the closet. He pouts, as usual, any excuse to wear that suit.
We say goodbye to each other. Adriana and I make plans to have dinner on Tuesday night, just the two of us to catch up on old times.
Back at my apartment, I plonk myself on the couch and try to piece the puzzle together. I didn’t fuck Lex last night, but who knows, maybe I gave him head or something.
Shit. I’m mad as hell at Lex.
No good can come of being around him.
I need to focus on the positive, my fiancé, my future husband.
It’s seven on the dot when I knock on Julian’s door dressed in my off-the-shoulder black dress. The moment his door opens, his loving smile onsets my guilt.
“Geez, Alfred is slacking off. Batman has to answer the door himself?”
He grabs my hand, pulling my body into his, and kisses me deeply. His tongue softly teases mine, desperation in his moans until I pull away momentarily, a reaction of guilt, and play it off as a joke.
“If that’s how you’ll greet me every time, you might as well fire Alfred.”
“Come inside, gorgeous.”
As I walk into his apartment, it still takes me by surprise at how much it actually looks like the bat cave in the movies. The walls are dark but still have a warm ambiance.
We stand in his living room, which is very much like mine, not too large. A brown leather sofa sits in front of a massive flat-screen television. What’s it with men and their obsession with size? Opposite to that are rows and rows of bookshelves. They are crammed with so many books, which is expected considering he writes for a living.
He takes my hand, leading me to the kitchen, where I’m surprised to see the dining table set up with the plates and cutlery perfectly positioned, and two candelabras sitting in the middle of the table, the flames burning brightly.