Waiting on Life

by Parker Williams

  “I do. You did something I never had the balls to do. I could have taken Tammy up on her offer years ago, but I wouldn’t. Too stubborn for my own good. But having a life with you? That’s more important than anything in the world to me. We’ll have to make plans, but once I give notice and we can pack up, I’m ready to go start our new life together.”

  All my fears and angst over this evaporated when he smiled at me. Like I said, I would do or give anything to never lose that from my life.

  Which was about to start with Kyle.

  Chapter Eighteen

  One Year Later

  Kyle

  I stood at the window that overlooked our garden, letting the smell of our lavender plants wash over me. Our property was a veritable cornucopia of different sights, scents, and sounds. From the animals that called our place home, to the babbling brook where we learned early on to stay away from when it flooded. From the day we finished hauling in and unpacking the last box, we never regretted it.

  Okay, I admit that I still missed Pete. He’d been my source of strength for the longest time. When I finally came clean to him about what happened with Frank and Carl, Pete insisted that we gorge ourselves on ice cream and talk shit about the small-dicked bastards. I thought I hadn’t needed it, but I discovered that the story was always going to require reliving when I opened up to others.

  And Toby was right. Pete was my best friend, and nothing, not even distance, would change that. He’d visited twice already and seemed quite taken with the town, such as it was. Toby told him one night over dinner that he was welcome to come out to live with us if he wanted. I got the feeling that Pete was considering making the move.

  I stirred the pot on the stove, the scents of sweet orange and lemon creating a zesty aroma that wafted through the house. Our house. Mine and Toby’s. I would never get used to saying that. Even though I thought I’d be bored off my ass, I found that I liked the quiet. The sounds of the night lulling us to sleep. Waldo, who’d been a lazy cat in Toby’s apartment, loved to sit in the window box and watch the birds at the feeder. He was particularly taken with a chubby squirrel who climbed up and chittered with him almost daily.

  “Kyle!”

  Toby’s pained bellow echoed through the house, putting me on alert. He’d done something stupid and hurt his back. Again.

  I turned off the stove and went to wash my hands. “In the kitchen,” I called. “Sit down. I’ll be right out.”

  “Bring the liniment,” he groaned.

  Which was already on the counter within reach.

  After drying my hands, I hurried out to the living room and found Toby lying on the couch. He’d stripped his shirt off and buried his face in the pillow. I sat beside him and put a few daubs of the liniment we’d started selling on him. He sighed as the cool lotion soothed his skin.

  “Should I even ask?”

  He shook his head. “Don’t talk, just rub.”

  I massaged his back, feeling the tightness of his muscles. Since the day he tried to push the car out of the mud, he’d done one thing after another to aggravate it again. Of course, I couldn’t tell him to rest, because that word wasn’t in his vocabulary. He insisted he had harvesting to do if I was going to make more notions and potions, as he called them.

  “Okay, is it feeling better?”

  He turned his head slightly so his words weren’t muffled. “Yes.”

  “Now tell me what you did.”

  “No. You’re going to laugh at me.”

  “I would never,” I insisted. “Tell me what happened.”

  He sighed. “I was playing with Little and wanted to give him a treat. I bent over to pick up a carrot from my basket. The annoying fucker ran up from behind me, jumped up onto my back, and proceeded to prance around like he was king of the goddamn hill.”

  I tried to bite it back, I really did. The problem was, I could picture Little, one of our miniature goats, doing that. He was forever trying to get to the highest point on the farm, and Toby made a pretty good mountain. It was a lost cause as peals of laughter burst out.

  Toby groaned. “See, I told you.”

  I continued to massage. “Oh, baby. That’s adorable and sweet and I’m sorry it hurt, but come on. It’s funny.”

  His lip quirked into a grin. “Okay, I might have laughed until I stood up. His tiny little hooves can really do a number.”

  “Don’t worry. The liniment and some rest will have you better by tomorrow.”

  He tried to sit up. “But I have to finish the—”

  I pressed gently on his back, pushing him to the couch again. “You have to lie here and follow doctor’s orders.” I nudged his hip. “Move over.”

  The couch wasn’t made for two people, but we made it work before. Toby wrapped an arm around my waist and held me close to him.

  “Have I told you how happy I am that I listened to you? I’ve never been at peace as much as I am now.”

  It showed. Gone was the nearly constant scowl I’d seen after he came home from the bar, and in its place was an almost perpetual smile. Despite having hurt his back, Toby looked forward to getting up in the morning, to getting his hands dirty by working in the soil, and coming in at night to help me make dinner. Then, after we ate, we’d sit in front of the fireplace and snuggle.

  It was a life I never thought I could have. In my mind, I wasn’t worthy of Toby’s dream, but every day he showed me differently. The people in the town? Okay, when we started living here, they did give us a wide berth, but I talked one shop into carrying a few of my products, and that led to others asking. Toby, who was so afraid of being looked down on, found that he was welcome in the community when the people found he had soil in his veins, just like they did.

  We’d both discovered a home, not only in each other, but in the community that was coming to accept us. I wasn’t stupid enough to think we’d be welcome with open arms into their homes. At least not right away. We hoped that would change one day, since we’d begun making ourselves known to more people by volunteering, working at the farmer’s market—one of the biggest draws of the summer to our sleepy community—and making ourselves available when one of them needed help. They were always surprised that this big guy with tattoos and a bald head and a little slip of a twink strolled into a room, rolled up their sleeves, and got to work.

  “I’m glad,” I replied. “I never thought I’d belong anywhere. As much as I thought I wanted a home, I tended to push people away.”

  And it was true. It took me getting away from the city, to the country where I could sit beneath the night sky and stare up at the stars, before I understood that what I really needed was to take time to breathe. In order to find a life, I had to stop chasing it, wait for it to come to me, and be open to accepting it.

  So that’s what I was doing: taking every day I was allowed to walk this earth side by side with Toby as a gift. One that I would accept happily. Because there are no guarantees in life, so we need to grab what we want and hold on with a fierceness that might surprise us.

  But in the end, it’s so goddamn worth it.