by L. E. Bross
“He’s in prison for life, no chance for parole. The state stepped in and took me, and I ended up here.”
He sucks in a shaky breath and lifts his head. His stare is focused on the pool now as he fights to get himself under control. I want to tell him it’s okay to break, as long as there are people to help put you back together, but I’m not really sure that’s true.
I’m covered in sharp, uneven pieces that I’m not sure will ever be fixed.
“Sometimes when shit gets bad, when those fucking demons sink their teeth in me, that,” he waves his hand at the pool, “is how I exorcize them. If I’m exhausted enough, I don’t dream.”
There’s nothing I can say that will change what happened and I hate that he had to go through all that. God, I can’t even imagine. Losing Belle ripped a part of my heart out of my body, but she’s still out there somewhere. To have the kind of burden Baz carries around?
He’s amazing. And kind. And strong. My heart swells with emotion.
“Baz…” I trail my finger over this temple then cup his cheek. He leans into my hand, craving the touch, and tilts his face toward me. I meet his stare as two hurt souls recognize each other.
When he leans toward me it's the most natural thing in the world to meet him halfway. He needs connection, comfort, and I want so badly to take his hurt away. To let him know that someone understands, that someone cares about him.
That I feel his pain and it’s okay to hurt, but it’s okay to lean on someone else, too.
His lips are cold from the water, but soft. Hesitant. When I don’t pull away, he pulls my bottom lip between his teeth, gently nipping before moving back into place.
His tongue coaxes me to open and I do, sinking into the kiss as warmth starts seeping into my bones. Baz groans and lifts one hand to the back of my neck, stroking the side as he tilts my head and deepens the kiss. His tongue glides against mine and I feel the metal ball teasing with every stroke.
I lose myself in the sensations, sliding my fingers along his arm until I reach his shoulder. Muscles bunch and twitch under my touch and his moan turns deeper. More desperate.
The broken parts of him fits perfectly against the ragged edges inside me.
He has to feel it, too.
With a low groan, Baz rips his mouth free and closes his eyes.
“Fuck, fuck, fuck,” he chants. His eyebrows draw down like he’s in pain, and when he opens his eyes, shame dulls the brightness. “Riot’s going to fucking kill me.”
Guilt rushes through me and I reach for him as he stands. He turns away but not before I see evidence of how much he wants me. It’s hard not to when his wet trunks cling to him like that. It sends a rush of mixed emotions racing through me. How can I be with one of them and feel this way about another?
Maybe Trey is right. Maybe I am a slut. Because I wanted to kiss Baz just as much as I wanted Riot’s hands on me earlier tonight. A chill washes over my skin. They’ve already lost so much and it’ll be my fault if I come between them.
When I leave, they’ll still be here. A family.
“Baz…”
“Shit.” He drives his fingers into his hair and clenches them tight, yanking his head down. I hate the way he’s beating himself up, but he’s not the only one to blame. I’ll accept my part in this.
I lay my hand on his back and feel him flinch away.
“I need to go,” he croaks out.
“Baz,” I call after him but he just shakes his head and disappears inside. Tears burn my eyes and I sink down into a lounge chair and bury my face in my hands. What have I done?
The seat shifts as someone sits next to me and I feel an arm around my shoulder, pulling me against a familiar chest. I bury my face in his neck and brace for his anger. His hand soothes up and down my back, but he says nothing.
I feel like I should apologize, but at the same time, it really doesn’t feel like I did anything wrong. Except the thought of Ry being mad at Baz makes my stomach twist into knots and I know I have to say something..
I push back enough so that I can look up into his eyes.
Confusion and anger swirl together but I also see a raw vulnerability that makes it hard to breathe.
“It wasn’t his fault,” I whisper.
He nods but his gaze slips from mine. My stomach tightens even more and I lay my hand on his cheek, urging him to lift his face.
“Riot, if you’re going to be mad, be mad at me. I didn’t push him away.”
He shifts so he’s sitting back on the lounger and pulls me next to him, closing his arms around me, holding me tight against his chest.
“I’m not mad, Peep. Just…” He closes his eyes and tips his head to rest on the back of the chair. “I saw it all. I heard what you said to him. What he told you. You have no fucking idea, Peep, none at all. What he did tonight? He opened up to you. Baz never talks about that night, about how much it fucked him up. I watch him fight with his fucking demons but I can’t help him. He doesn’t let us try. I feel helpless as fuck.”
Something akin to awe settles behind his eyes.
“He let you in, not only that, he let you comfort him. Fuck, Ever, you brought me to my knees just by caring. You are wrapping us around your finger one at a time and you don’t even know it. Just by being you.”
Riot slips his hand around my neck and pulls me close, resting his forehead against mine.
“He fucking needs you, Peep. This isn’t about me right now. There is so much more going on. So no, I’m not mad. Not even close. I’m fucking speechless. I never thought someone like you existed. You fit us.”
I swallow against the lump in my throat. I’m not sure how to take this version of him, but there’s relief in knowing that what happened won’t drive a wedge between brothers.
“He needs to know that. You need to go tell him that before he beats himself up even more.”
Riot nods, but as he looks at me, his eyes darken. “There is one thing I need to do before I go talk to him.”
His gaze drops to my lips, still swollen from Baz’s kisses. He grips my neck tight and slams his lips down on mine. He kisses like he does everything else in life, like it’s the last thing he’ll ever do.
I respond because I can’t not. Parts of Riot and I connect on a level I’ve never experienced before. I wind my arms around his neck and twist until I’m straddling his legs.
Baz is like a slow burning fire that warms from the inside, building steadily brighter. Riot is an all-consuming inferno. Just when I reach the point of no return, Riot rips his mouth away.
Possessiveness burns deep in his eyes and his grip on the back of my neck tightens.
“I got to touch you tonight, but you gave Baz your lips first. When we get there, and I have no doubt we will, I’m the first one inside you, you get me? Because no matter what happens, you are mine first. I love my brothers and whatever happens, we’ll figure it out, because I think we all need you, Peep.”
His next kiss is softer, sweeter.
“Your with us now. You’re in all our heads and it’s all that matters.”
I can't look at him anymore, not when he’ll see the truth in my eyes, but he cups his fingers along my jaw and forces my head up. He runs his thumb along my scar, the touch so damned intimate that it brings tears to my eyes.
I’ve never been such a chick in my life as I am tonight. It’s like the orgasm Riot gave me unlocked some secret well of emotion and now I can’t stop letting it out.
I blink rapidly to keep the tears from falling and see stormy madness swirling around his pupils.
“No one will ever fucking hurt you again, I promise.”
I nod, but push off him quickly, turning my head so he doesn’t see the tears spilling down my cheeks.
“Go see Baz,” I whisper before my throat gets so tight I can’t speak.
I run back into the house, through the darkness and up the stairs until I’m safely in my room. Sobs burst from my throat the minute I slam the door shut. My lungs co
nstrict and I fight to get air into them.
Riot might promise that no one will ever hurt me, but he doesn’t know that I’m going to end up hurting them. The pain in my chest expands until I’m panting. They’ve already had enough loss in their lives. Can I really hurt them more?
Can I really betray them to get what I want?
It’s after ten when I stumble into the kitchen. After I broke down, I realized that things have changed. I’ve changed. There has to be another way to get what Peter needs, and I’m going to have to make him see that it’s for the best.
He can’t want his boys to hurt even more.
He has to see that this is the best solution.
I pull up short when I see X sitting at the table shoveling cereal into his mouth. When he looks up he freezes, then his lips turn up in a knowing smirk. The stare off continues as heat climbs my neck.
“What?” I grunt.
He sets the spoon down and leans back, spreading his arms wide along the back of the bench. If he grinned any wider his face would split open.
“You rode Ry’s fingers and kissed Baz. Gotta say, babe, I can’t wait to see what we get to do.”
He winks and my face goes so hot that I’m surprised it doesn't burst into flames. Oh my god. Even my toes are bright red. I cannot believe Riot told him that.
“That’s...how...I can’t believe…” Words sputter from my lips but my brain has short-circuited.
I grip the edge of the island because I’m pretty sure my knees are going to give out.
X’s eyes light up, then he looks over my shoulder.. “I think your girl’s gonna go to her knees for me, man.”
I hear a growl behind me before a strong arm wraps around my waist, pulling me back against his chest.
“Shut the fuck up, asshole.” Riot presses his lips to my neck and goose bumps explode on my heated skin. “Morning, Peep,” he murmurs in my ear.
I squeak and try to pull away but he holds firm.
X watches with amusement, but I see heat in his eyes, too. When he runs his tongue over his bottom lip, gaze roving down to where Ry is running his thumb over the exposed skin above my shorts, I can’t deny that I like it.
Ry’s deep chuckle tells me he knows it, too.
What the hell have I started?
Noise has me turning and I see Baz shuffle in, head down, not meeting my gaze. He goes to the coffeepot and pours a cup while the silence in the kitchen grows. Riot loosens his hold and when I look over my shoulder, he tips his head toward Baz.
I can see it in his eyes. They’re both good. It’s my turn to let Baz know everything is okay.
I pad across the tile with bare feet and watch the muscles in Baz’s back tighten when I touch his shoulder. I nudge him and he turns reluctantly, still not meeting my eyes. Without a word, I step against him and wrap my arms around his waist. His heart beats a furious tempo under my ear, but after a moment’s hesitation, I feel his arms go around me and his body relaxes.
I run my fingers up and down his spine and he lets out a shuttering breath and buries his face in my neck. I hold him until he lifts his head.
“Thank you,” he whispers in my ear.
I lean back enough to press a soft kiss to his lips.
“Thank you for trusting me,” I whisper back.
I’m extremely aware of the boys behind me and I can feel Riot’s stare on my back. I step back and slide my arms free. The almost shy smile on his face makes my heart happy.
“So I was wondering if maybe...you could teach me how to swim?”
His eyes widen with surprise but his smile gets bigger. He doesn't miss what this means. Riot moves behind me and once again wraps his arms around me. Now I’m practically sandwiched between both boys. Ry nuzzles my neck while the heat in Baz’s eyes shines brighter.
“The fuck,” X grumbles, pushing out off the bench. “Assholes don’t get to leave me out anymore.”
He comes over and flings his arms around his brother’s shoulders, squeezing me between them so I’ve got a Lost Boy on every side.
There’s no room for escape.
“See, told you, Peep, you’re ours now.”
I try to ignore the contentment that settles in my chest at Riot’s words.
How quickly everything has changed.
I went from having no one, to having three someones.
I just hope it doesn't all fall apart when they learn the truth.
~
“Now kick,” Baz says and I dig my nails into his shoulders as I flail wildly.
Water splashes everywhere when I try to move my legs like he showed me. I don't like this feeling of floating, especially when I could sink at any second. Why the hell does anyone needs to submerge themselves in water anyway?
What’s the point?
“I’m not gonna let go, Ever, trust me.”
“I do, it’s water and gravity that I don’t.”
When I asked Baz to teach me to swim, I didn’t know he’d drag me out to the pool less than an hour later. I found a pair of shorts and a tank top to wear because a bathing suit wasn’t something I ever thought I’d need. The wet material clings to every inch of me, giving away the fact that I thought a bra was pointless. Pointy more like it. God, it’s a hundred degrees out and the pool is like bathwater, yet my nipples think it’s cold.
And I know it hasn’t escaped anyone's notice. Baz tries to keep the lesson professional, but as soon as Riot sank down into a lounge chair, his gaze went to my chest. And it hasn’t strayed. X came out in low-riding swim trunks and cannonballed into the deep end, then started to float around us, trailing his fingers over my legs. When I try to kick him, I get a mouth full of water as I dip under.
“He’s trying to kill me,” I sputter.
Baz assures me that if I wanted, I could put my feet down and stand up, that I’m not going to drown in four feet of water, but I’m not one hundred percent sure.
“Okay, time for lesson number two,” X says, swimming over to me. The gleam in his eyes makes me so nervous I stop kicking and my legs sink down. As I feel myself going down, I pull myself against Baz, wrapping my limbs around him like a baby spider monkey. He grunts in approval and presses a hand against my lower back, holding me close.
“Nope,” X says. “You’ve both had a piece of her. It’s my turn for a little lovin’.”
At his exaggerated wink I laugh, but when he moves closer, his eyes grow serious. He’s the easy-going one, the jokester, and his serious face makes me equal parts apprehensive and curious.
“Trust me?”
I swallow because for whatever reason, I do. I trust them all.
And nothing proves it more than the fact that I am outside in broad daylight, with no makeup hiding my ugly, in front of three amazingly hot guys. It’s so unlike me that I can’t even begin to comprehend how it happened. Except I really do know why. We’re all the same. Some of my scars may be on the outside, but we’ve all been hurt in ways that most people won’t ever understand.
It bonds us.
X reaches out and unwinds my hands from around Baz’s neck. Holding firmly to my wrists, he pulls me through the water until I’m up against him, then guides my hands around his neck.
“Feel free to wrap your legs around me, babe, while I take you places you’ve never been before.”
The flirty grin is back and I laugh.
Hunger and a little bit of devilry flashes in his eyes as he starts to walk backwards.
The water raises up past my shoulders and a wave of panic rolls through me when I can't touch the bottom anymore. My feet bump against X’s legs as he walks us deeper. I match his step until I’m up on my tiptoes. He’s six feet tall, so by the time the water is up to his neck, I’m definitely in trouble.
“X…”
“Babe,” he says with a wicked grin.
Baz starts to swim laps and the water ripples against my chin every time he passes us. I pull myself closer to X and my legs naturally wind around his waist to keep fro
m bobbing up and down and possibly under.
My heart is pounding so fast it’s dizzying.
“Relax. I got you.” He dips his hands under the water and cups my ass, lifting me up so that we are eye to eye. My heels cross and dig into his lower back.
“It’s really hard to focus on anything except impending death,” I mutter.
X presses forward until we’re nose to nose. The gold specks in his eyes are brighter in the sunlight and this close I can see bits of green and brown. The longer I stare, though, the bigger his pupils get.
“I’d never let anything happen to you.”
God, these boys are killing me.
“But I am going to hold you hostage. Both these fuckers have got to feel your lips on them. And more. Are you feeling me, too, or is this just something happening between the three of you? Or can I be part of this harem you’re building?”
The vulnerability in my flirty golden boy’s eyes kills me.
“You don’t seem to want for company, X.” I brush my nose over his, our lips dangerously close together. “I’ve only been here a week and you’ve had a different girl on you every day.”
His deep sigh washes over my mouth.
“I fucking hate being alone,” he admits, but his gaze is searching. “I’d give them up, though. If you asked.”
My heart starts to pound. “Why? You’ve known me for a week.”
“A week’s long enough to know that you fit. I saw it when you strolled into the kitchen that first day with that fuck you look all over your face. You didn't back down when Ry got in your face, you didn’t shrink away when Baz and I boxed you in, you fucking screamed your lungs out cheering for us at our races. Yeah, babe, you might not see it clearly yet, but you’re one of us. We aren’t letting you go.”
This time he brushes his nose against mine.
“So belonging to you? Fuck yeah, I’d do it in a heartbeat.”
I can’t hear anymore. He's tearing my heart to shreds. I press my lips to his to make him stop, but quickly lose myself in the feel of his lips. They all kiss different, but it’s just as devastating to my senses. X groans and shifts me higher, so that I’m a few inches taller than him. Our lips break apart and he holds me there, looking down at him.