The Memoirs of Mr. Charles J. Yellowplush
Page 11
CHAPTER V.
THE GRIFFIN'S CLAWS.
Well, master had hit the right nail on the head this time: thanx toluck--the crooked one, to be sure, but then it had the GOOLD NOBB, whichwas the part Deuceace most valued, as well he should; being a connyshureas to the relletiff valyou of pretious metals, and much preferringvirging goold like this to poor old battered iron like my Lady Griffin.
And so, in spite of his father (at which old noblemin Mr. Deuceace nowsnapt his fingers), in spite of his detts (which, to do him Justas, hadnever stood much in his way), and in spite of his povatty, idleness,extravagans, swindling, and debotcheries of all kinds (which an'tGENERALLY very favorable to a young man who has to make his way in theworld); in spite of all, there he was, I say, at the topp of the trea,the fewcher master of a perfect fortun, the defianced husband of afool of a wife. What can mortial man want more? Vishns of ambishn nowoccupied his soal. Shooting boxes, oppra boxes, money boxes always full;hunters at Melton; a seat in the house of Commins: heaven knows what!and not a poar footman, who only describes what he's seen, and can't, incors, pennytrate into the idears and the busms of men.
You may be shore that the three-cornered noats came pretty thick nowfrom the Griffinses. Miss was always a-writing them befoar; and now,nite, noon, and mornink, breakfast, dinner, and sopper, in they came,till my pantry (for master never read 'em, and I carried 'em out) waspuffickly intolrabble from the odor of musk, ambygrease, bargymot, andother sense with which they were impregniated. Here's the contenseof three on 'em, which I've kep in my dex these twenty years asskeewriosities. Faw! I can smel 'em at this very minit, as I am copyingthem down.
BILLY DOO. No. I.
"Monday morning, 2 o'clock.
"'Tis the witching hour of night. Luna illumines my chamber, and fallsupon my sleepless pillow. By her light I am inditing these words tothee, my Algernon. My brave and beautiful, my soul's lord! when shallthe time come when the tedious night shall not separate us, nor theblessed day? Twelve! one! two! I have heard the bells chime, and thequarters, and never cease to think of my husband. My adored Percy,pardon the girlish confession,--I have kissed the letter at this place.Will thy lips press it too, and remain for a moment on the spot whichhas been equally saluted by your
"MATILDA?"
This was the FUST letter, and was brot to our house by one of the poarfootmin, Fitzclarence, at sicks o'clock in the morning. I thot it wasfor life and death, and woak master at that extraornary hour, and gaveit to him. I shall never forgit him, when he red it; he cramped it up,and he cust and swoar, applying to the lady who roat, the genlmn thatbrought it, and me who introjuiced it to his notice such a collection ofepitafs as I seldum hered, excep at Billinxgit. The fact is thiss; for afust letter, miss's noat was RATHER too strong and sentymentle. But thatwas her way; she was always reading melancholy stoary books--"Thaduse ofWawsaw," the "Sorrows of MacWhirter," and such like.
After about 6 of them, master never yoused to read them, but handid themover to me, to see if there was anythink in them which must be answered,in order to kip up appearuntses. The next letter is
No. II.
"BELOVED! to what strange madnesses will passion lead one! Lady Griffin,since your avowal yesterday, has not spoken a word to your poor Matilda;has declared that she will admit no one (heigho! not even you, myAlgernon); and has locked herself in her own dressing-room. I do believethat she is JEALOUS, and fancies that you were in love with HER! Ha, ha!I could have told her ANOTHER TALE--n'est-ce pas? Adieu, adieu, adieu! Athousand thousand million kisses!
"M. G.
"Monday afternoon, 2 o'clock."
There was another letter kem before bedtime; for though me and mastercalled at the Griffinses, we wairnt aloud to enter at no price. Mortimerand Fitzclarence grin'd at me, as much as to say we were going to berelations; but I don't spose master was very sorry when he was obleachedto come back without seeing the fare objict of his affeckshns.
Well, on Chewsdy there was the same game; ditto on Wensday; only, whenwe called there, who should we see but our father, Lord Crabs, who waswaiving his hand to Miss Kicksey, and saying HE SHOULD BE BACK TO DINNERAT 7, just as me and master came up the stares. There was no admittnsfor us though. "Bah! bah! never mind," says my lord, taking hisson affeckshnately by the hand. "What, two strings to your bow; ay,Algernon? The dowager a little jealous, miss a little lovesick. But mylady's fit of anger will vanish, and I promise you, my boy, that youshall see your fair one to-morrow."
And so saying, my lord walked master down stares, looking at him astender and affeckshnat, and speaking to him as sweet as posbill. Masterdid not know what to think of it. He never new what game his old fatherwas at; only he somehow felt that he had got his head in a net, in spiteof his suxess on Sunday. I knew it--I knew it quite well, as soon as Isaw the old genlmn igsammin him by a kind of smile which came over hisold face, and was somethink betwigst the angellic and the direbollicle.
But master's dowts were cleared up nex day and every thing was brightagain. At brexfast, in comes a note with inclosier, boath of witch Ihere copy:--
No. IX.
"Thursday morning.
"Victoria, Victoria! Mamma has yielded at last; not her consent to ourunion, but her consent to receive you as before; and has promisedto forget the past. Silly woman, how could she ever think of you asanything but the lover of your Matilda? I am in a whirl of deliciousjoy and passionate excitement. I have been awake all this long night,thinking of thee, my Algernon, and longing for the blissful hour ofmeeting.
"Come! M. G."
This is the inclosier from my lady:--
"I will not tell you that your behavior on Sunday did not deeply shockme. I had been foolish enough to think of other plans, and to fancy yourheart (if you had any) was fixed elsewhere than on one at whose foiblesyou have often laughed with me, and whose person at least cannot havecharmed you.
"My step-daughter will not, I presume, marry without at least goingthrough the ceremony of asking my consent; I cannot, as yet, give it.Have I not reason to doubt whether she will be happy in trusting herselfto you?
"But she is of age, and has the right to receive in her own house allthose who may be agreeable to her,--certainly you, who are likely to beone day so nearly connected with her. If I have honest reason to believethat your love for Miss Griffin is sincere; if I find in a few monthsthat you yourself are still desirous to marry her, I can, of course,place no further obstacles in your way.
"You are welcome, then, to return to our hotel. I cannot promise toreceive you as I did of old; you would despise me if I did. I canpromise, however, to think no more of all that has passed betweenus, and yield up my own happiness for that of the daughter of my dearhusband.
"L. E. G."
Well, now, an't this a manly, straitforard letter enough, and natralfrom a woman whom we had, to confess the truth, treated most scuvvily?Master thought so, and went and made a tender, respeckful speach to LadyGriffin (a little flumry costs nothink). Grave and sorroflle he kist herhand, and, speakin in a very low adgitayted voice, calld Hevn to witnesshow he deplord that his conduct should ever have given rise to such anunfornt ideer; but if he might offer her esteem, respect, the warmestand tenderest admiration, he trusted she would accept the same, and adeal moar flumry of the kind, with dark, sollum glansis of the eyes, andplenty of white pockit-hankercher.
He thought he'd make all safe. Poar fool! he was in a net--sich a net asI never yet see set to ketch a roag in.