The Memoirs of Mr. Charles J. Yellowplush

by William Makepeace Thackeray

  CHAPTER VIII.

  THE END OF MR. DEUCEACE'S HISTORY. LIMBO.

  My tail is droring rabidly to a close; my suvvice with Mr. Deuceacedidn't continyou very long after the last chapter, in which I describedmy admiral strattyjam, and my singlar self-devocean. There's very fewservnts, I can tell you, who'd have thought of such a contrivance, andvery few moar would have eggsycuted it when thought of.

  But, after all, beyond the trifling advantich to myself in sellingmaster's roab de sham, which you, gentle reader, may remember I woar,and in dixcovering a fipun note in one of the pockets,--beyond this,I say, there was to poar master very little advantich in what had beendone. It's true he had escaped. Very good. But Frans is not like GreatBrittin; a man in a livry coat, with 1 arm, is pretty easily known, andcaught, too, as I can tell you.

  Such was the case with master. He coodn leave Paris, moarover, if hewould. What was to become, in that case, of his bride--his unchbackedhairis? He knew that young lady's temprimong (as the Parishers say) toowell to let her long out of his site. She had nine thousand a yer.She'd been in love a duzn times befor, and mite be agin. The HonrabbleAlgernon Deuceace was a little too wide awake to trust much to theconstnsy of so very inflammable a young creacher. Heavn bless us, it wasa marycle she wasn't earlier married! I do bleave (from suttn seansthat past betwigst us) that she'd have married me, if she hadn't beensejuiced by the supearor rank and indianuity of the genlmn in whosesurvace I was.

  Well, to use a commin igspreshn, the beaks were after him. How was he tomanitch? He coodn get away from his debts, and he wooden quit the fareobjict of his affeckshns. He was ableejd, then, as the French say, tolie perdew,--going out at night, like a howl out of a hivy-bush, andreturning in the daytime to his roast. For its a maxum in France (and Iwood it were followed in Ingland), that after dark no man is lible forhis detts; and in any of the royal gardens--the Twillaries, the PallyRoil, or the Lucksimbug, for example--a man may wander from sunrise toevening, and hear nothing of the ojus dunns: they an't admitted intothese places of public enjyment and rondyvoo any more than dogs; thecenturies at the garden-gates having orders to shuit all such.

  Master, then, was in this uncomfrable situation--neither liking to gonor to stay! peeping out at nights to have an interview with his miss;ableagd to shuffle off her repeated questions as to the reason of allthis disgeise, and to talk of his two thowsnd a year jest as if he hadit and didn't owe a shilling in the world.

  Of course, now, he began to grow mighty eager for the marritch.

  He roat as many noats as she had done befor; swoar against delay andcerymony; talked of the pleasures of Hyming, the ardship that the ardorof two arts should be allowed to igspire, the folly of waiting for theconsent of Lady Griffin. She was but a step-mother, and an unkind one.Miss was (he said) a major, might marry whom she liked; and suttnly hadpaid Lady G. quite as much attention as she ought, by paying her thecompliment to ask her at all.

  And so they went on. The curious thing was, that when master was pressedabout his cause for not coming out till night-time, he was misterus;and Miss Griffin, when asked why she wooden marry, igsprest, or rather,DIDN'T igspress, a simlar secrasy. Wasn't it hard? the cup seemed to beat the lip of both of 'em, and yet somehow, they could not manitch totake a drink.

  But one morning, in reply to a most desprat epistol wrote by my masterover night, Deuceace, delighted, gits an answer from his soal's beluffd,which ran thus:--

  MISS GRIFFIN TO THE HON. A. P. DEUCEACE.

  "DEAREST,--You say you would share a cottage with me; there is no need,luckily, for that! You plead the sad sinking of your spirits atour delayed union. Beloved, do you think MY heart rejoices at ourseparation? You bid me disregard the refusal of Lady Griffin, and tellme that I owe her no further duty.

  "Adored Algernon! I can refuse you no more. I was willing not to lose asingle chance of reconciliation with this unnatural step-mother. Respectfor the memory of my sainted father bid me do all in my power to gainher consent to my union with you: nay, shall I own it? prudence dictatedthe measure; for to whom should she leave the share of money accorded toher by my father's will but to my father's child.

  "But there are bounds beyond which no forbearance can go; and, thankheaven, we have no need of looking to Lady Griffin for sordid wealth: wehave a competency without her. Is it not so, dearest Algernon?

  "Be it as you wish, then, dearest, bravest, and best. Your poor Matildahas yielded to you her heart long ago; she has no longer need to keepback her name. Name the hour, and I will delay no more; but seek forrefuge in your arms from the contumely and insult which meet me everhere.

  "MATILDA.

  "P.S. Oh, Algernon! if you did but know what a noble part your dearfather has acted throughout, in doing his best endeavors to furtherour plans, and to soften Lady Griffin! It is not his fault that she isinexorable as she is. I send you a note sent by her to Lord Crabs; wewill laugh at it soon, n'est-ce pas?"

  II.

  "MY LORD,--In reply to your demand for Miss Griffin's hand, in favor ofyour son, Mr. Algernon Deuceace, I can only repeat what I before havebeen under the necessity of stating to you,--that I do not believe aunion with a person of Mr. Deuceace's character would conduce to mystepdaughter's happiness, and therefore REFUSE MY CONSENT. I willbeg you to communicate the contents of this note to Mr. Deuceace; andimplore you no more to touch upon a subject which you must be aware isdeeply painful to me.

  "I remain your lordship's most humble servant,

  "L. E. GRIFFIN.

  "THE RIGHT HON. THE EARL OF CRABS."

  "Hang her ladyship!" says my master, "what care I for it?" As for theold lord who'd been so afishous in his kindness and advice, masterrecknsiled that pretty well, with thinking that his lordship knew he wasgoing to marry ten thousand a year, and igspected to get some share ofit; for he roat back the following letter to his father, as well as aflaming one to Miss:

  "Thank you, my dear father, for your kindness in that awkward business.You know how painfully I am situated just now, and can pretty well guessBOTH THE CAUSES of my disquiet. A marriage with my beloved Matilda willmake me the happiest of men. The dear girl consents, and laughs atthe foolish pretensions of her mother-in-law. To tell you the truth, Iwonder she yielded to them so long. Carry your kindness a step further,and find for us a parson, a license, and make us two into one. We areboth major, you know; so that the ceremony of a guardian's consent isunnecessary.

  "Your affectionate

  "ALGERNON DEUCEACE.

  "How I regret that difference between us some time back! Matters arechanged now, and shall be more still AFTER THE MARRIAGE."

  I knew what my master meant,--that he would give the old lord the moneyafter he was married; and as it was probble that miss would see theletter he roat, he made it such as not to let her see two clearly intohis present uncomfrable situation.

  I took this letter along with the tender one for Miss, reading bothof 'em, in course, by the way. Miss, on getting hers, gave aninegspressable look with the white of her i's, kist the letter, andprest it to her busm. Lord Crabs read his quite calm, and then theyfell a-talking together; and told me to wait awhile, and I should git ananser.

  After a deal of counseltation, my lord brought out a card, and there wassimply written on it,

  To-morrow, at the Ambassador's, at Twelve.

  "Carry that back to your master, Chawls," says he, "and bid him not tofail."

  You may be sure I stept back to him pretty quick, and gave him the cardand the messinge. Master looked sattasfied with both; but suttnlynot over happy; no man is the day before his marridge; much more hismarridge with a hump-back, Harriss though she be.

  Well, as he was a-going to depart this bachelor life, he did what everyman in such suckmstances ought to do; he made his will,--that is, hemade a dispasition of his property, and wrote letters to his creditorstelling them of his lucky chance; and that after his marridge he wouldsutnly pay them every stiver. BEFORE, they must know his povvaty wellenough to be
sure that paymint was out of the question.

  To do him justas, he seam'd to be inclined to do the thing that wasright, now that it didn't put him to any inkinvenients to do so.

  "Chawls," says he, handing me over a tenpun-note, "here's your wagis,and thank you for getting me out of the scrape with the bailiffs: whenyou are married, you shall be my valet out of liv'ry, and I'll trebleyour salary."

  His vallit! praps his butler! Yes, thought I, here's a chance--a vallitto ten thousand a year. Nothing to do but to shave him, and read hisnotes, and let my whiskers grow; to dress in spick and span black, and aclean shut per day; muffings every night in the housekeeper's room; thepick of the gals in the servants' hall; a chap to clean my boots for me,and my master's opera bone reglar once a week. I knew what a vallit wasas well as any genlmn in service; and this I can tell you, he's genrallya hapier, idler, handsomer, mor genlmnly man than his master. Hehas more money to spend, for genlmn WILL leave their silver in theirwaistcoat pockets; more suxess among the gals; as good dinners, andas good wine--that is, if he's friends with the butler: and friends incorse they will be if they know which way their interest lies.

  But these are only cassels in the air, what the French call shutterd'Espang. It wasn't roat in the book of fate that I was to be Mr.Deuceace's vallit.

  Days will pass at last--even days befor a wedding, (the longist andunpleasantist day in the whole of a man's life, I can tell you, excep,may be, the day before his hanging); and at length Aroarer dawned onthe suspicious morning which was to unite in the bonds of Hyming theHonrable Algernon Percy Deuceace, Exquire, and Miss Matilda Griffin. Mymaster's wardrobe wasn't so rich as it had been; for he'd left thewhole of his nicknax and trumpry of dressing-cases and rob dy shams, hisbewtifle museum of varnished boots, his curous colleckshn of Stulz andStaub coats, when he had been ableaged to quit so suddnly our pore dearlodginx at the Hotel Mirabew; and being incog at a friend's house,ad contentid himself with ordring a coople of shoots of cloves from acommon tailor, with a suffishnt quantaty of linning.

  Well, he put on the best of his coats--a blue; and I thought it my dutyto ask him whether he'd want his frock again: he was good natured andsaid, "Take it and be hanged to you." Half-past eleven o'clock came,and I was sent to look out at the door, if there were any suspiciouscharicters (a precious good nose I have to find a bailiff out, I cantell you, and an i which will almost see one round a corner); andpresenly a very modest green glass coach droave up, and in masterstept. I didn't in corse, appear on the box; because, being known, myappearints might have compromised master. But I took a short cut, andwalked as quick as posbil down to the Rue de Foburg St. Honore, wherehis exlnsy the English ambasdor lives, and where marridges are alwaysperformed betwigst English folk at Paris.

  . . . . . .

  There is, almost nex door to the ambasdor's hotel, another hotel, ofthat lo kind which the French call cabbyrays, or wine-houses; and jestas master's green glass-coach pulled up, another coach drove off, out ofwhich came two ladies, whom I knew pretty well,--suffiz, that one hada humpback, and the ingenious reader will know why SHE came there; theother was poor Miss Kicksey, who came to see her turned off.

  Well, master's glass-coach droav up, jest as I got within a few yards ofthe door; our carridge, I say, droav up, and stopt. Down gits coachminto open the door, and comes I to give Mr. Deuceace an arm, when outof the cabaray shoot four fellows, and draw up betwigst the coach andembassy-doar; two other chaps go to the other doar of the carridge, and,opening it, one says--"Rendez-vous, M. Deuceace! Je vous arrete au nomde la loi!" (which means, "Get out of that, Mr. D.; you are nabbed andno mistake.") Master turned gashly pail, and sprung to the other sideof the coach, as if a serpint had stung him. He flung open the door, andwas for making off that way; but he saw the four chaps standing betwigstlibbarty and him. He slams down the front window, and screams out,"Fouettez, cocher!" (which means, "Go it, coachmm!") in a despert loudvoice; but coachmin wooden go it, and besides was off his box.

  The long and short of the matter was, that jest as I came up to the doortwo of the bums jumped into the carridge. I saw all; I knew my duty, andso very mornfly I got up behind.

  "Tiens," says one of the chaps in the street; "c'est ce drole qui nous afloure l'autre jour." I knew 'em, but was too melumcolly to smile.

  "Ou irons-nous donc?" says coachmin to the genlmn who had got inside.

  A deep woice from the intearor shouted out, in reply to the coachmin, "ASAINTE PELAGIE!"

  . . . . . .

  And now, praps, I ot to dixcribe to you the humors of the prizn ofSainte Pelagie, which is the French for Fleat, or Queen's Bentch: but onthis subject I'm rather shy of writing, partly because the admiral Bozhas, in the history of Mr. Pickwick, made such a dixcripshun of a prizn,that mine wooden read very amyousingly afterwids; and, also, because,to tell you the truth, I didn't stay long in it, being not in a humer towaist my igsistance by passing away the ears of my youth in such a dullplace.

  My fust errint now was, as you may phansy, to carry a noat from masterto his destined bride. The poar thing was sadly taken aback, as I cantell you, when she found, after remaining two hours at the Embassy, thather husband didn't make his appearance. And so, after staying on and on,and yet seeing no husband, she was forsed at last to trudge dishconslithome, where I was already waiting for her with a letter from my master.

  There was no use now denying the fact of his arrest, and so he confestit at onst: but he made a cock-and-bull story of treachery of a friend,infimous fodgery, and heaven knows what. However, it didn't matter much;if he had told her that he had been betrayed by the man in the moon, shewould have bleavd him.

  Lady Griffin never used to appear now at any of my visits. She kep onedrawing-room, and Miss dined and lived alone in another; they quarld somuch that praps it was best they should live apart; only my Lord Crabsused to see both, comforting each with that winning and innsnt way hehad. He came in as Miss, in tears, was lisning to my account of master'sseazure, and hoping that the prisn wasn't a horrid place, with a nastyhorrid dunjeon, and a dreadfle jailer, and nasty horrid bread and water.Law bless us! she had borrod her ideers from the novvles she had beenreading!

  "O my lord, my lord," says she, "have you heard this fatal story?"

  "Dearest Matilda, what? For heaven's sake, you alarm me!What--yes--no--is it--no, it can't be! Speak!" says my lord, seizing meby the choler of my coat. "What has happened to my boy?"

  "Please you, my lord," says I, "he's at this moment in prisn, nowuss,--having been incarserated about two hours ago."

  "In prison! Algernon in prison! 'tis impossible! Imprisoned, for whatsum? Mention it, and I will pay to the utmost farthing in my power."

  "I'm sure your lordship is very kind," says I (recklecting the seanbetwixgst him and master, whom he wanted to diddil out of a thowsandlb.); "and you'll be happy to hear he's only in for a trifle. Fivethousand pound is, I think, pretty near the mark."

  "Five thousand pounds!--confusion!" says my lord, clasping his hands,and looking up to heaven, "and I have not five hundred! Dearest Matilda,how shall we help him?"

  "Alas, my lord, I have but three guineas, and you know how Lady Griffinhas the--"

  "Yes, my sweet child, I know what you would say; but be of goodcheer--Algernon, you know, has ample funds of his own."

  Thinking my lord meant Dawkins's five thousand, of which, to be sure, agood lump was left, I held my tung; but I cooden help wondering at LordCrabs's igstream compashn for his son, and Miss, with her 10,000L. ayear, having only 3 guineas is her pockit.

  I took home (bless us, what a home!) a long and very inflamble letterfrom Miss, in which she dixscribed her own sorror at the disappointment;swoar she lov'd him only the moar for his misfortns; made light of them;as a pusson for a paltry sum of five thousand pound ought never to becast down, 'specially as he had a certain independence in view; andvowed that nothing, nothing, should ever injuice her to part from him,etsettler, etsettler.
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  I told master of the conversation which had past betwigst me and mylord, and of his handsome offers, and his horrow at hearing of his son'sbeing taken; and likewise mentioned how strange it was that Miss shouldonly have 3 guineas, and with such a fortn: bless us, I should have thotthat she would always have carried a hundred thowsnd lb. in her pockit!

  At this master only said Pshaw! But the rest of the story about hisfather seemed to dixquiet him a good deal, and he made me repeat it overagin.

  He walked up and down the room agytated, and it seam'd as if a new litewas breaking in upon him.

  "Chawls," says he, "did you observe--did Miss--did my father seemPARTICULARLY INTIMATE with Miss Griffin?"

  "How do you mean, sir?" says I.

  "Did Lord Crabs appear very fond of Miss Griffin?"

  "He was suttnly very kind to her."

  "Come, sir, speak at once: did Miss Griffin seem very fond of hislordship?"

  "Why, to tell the truth, sir, I must say she seemed VERY fond of him."

  "What did he call her?"

  "He called her his dearest gal."

  "Did he take her hand?"

  "Yes, and he--"

  "And he what?"

  "He kist her, and told her not to be so wery down-hearted about themisfortn which had hapnd to you."

  "I have it now!" says he, clinching his fist, and growing gashlypail--"I have it now--the infernal old hoary scoundrel! the wicked,unnatural wretch! He would take her from me!" And he poured out a volleyof oaves which are impossbill to be repeatid here.

  I thot as much long ago: and when my lord kem with his vizits sopretious affeckshnt at my Lady Griffinses, I expected some such gamewas in the wind. Indeed, I'd heard a somethink of it from the Griffinsesservnts, that my lord was mighty tender with the ladies.

  One thing, however, was evident to a man of his intleckshal capassaties;he must either marry the gal at onst, or he stood very small chanceof having her. He must get out of limbo immediantly, or his respectidfather might be stepping into his vaykint shoes. Oh! he saw it allnow--the fust attempt at arest, the marridge fixt at 12 o'clock, andthe bayliffs fixt to come and intarup the marridge!--the jewel, praps,betwigst him and De l'Orge: but no, it was the WOMAN who did that--aMAN don't deal such fowl blows, igspecially a father to his son: a womanmay, poar thing!--she's no other means of reventch, and is used to fightwith underhand wepns all her life through.

  Well, whatever the pint might be, this Deuceace saw pretty clear thathe'd been beat by his father at his own game--a trapp set for himonst, which had been defitted by my presnts of mind--another trap setafterwids, in which my lord had been suxesfle. Now, my lord, roag as hewas, was much too good-natured to do an unkind ackshn, mearly forthe sake of doing it. He'd got to that pich that he didn't mindinjaries--they were all fair play to him--he gave 'em, and reseav'dthem, without a thought of mallis. If he wanted to injer his son, it wasto benefick himself. And how was this to be done? By getting the hairissto himself, to be sure. The Honrabble Mr. D. didn't say so; but I knewhis feelinx well enough--he regretted that he had not given the oldgenlmn the money he askt for.

  Poar fello! he thought he had hit it; but he was wide of the mark afterall.

  Well, but what was to be done? It was clear that he must marry the galat any rate--cootky coot, as the French say: that is, marry her, andhang the igspence.

  To do so he must first git out of prisn--to get out of prisn he mustpay his debts--and to pay his debts, he must give every shilling hewas worth. Never mind: four thousand pound is a small stake to a reglargambler, igspecially when he must play it, or rot for life in prisn; andwhen, if he plays it well, it will give him ten thousand a year.

  So, seeing there was no help for it, he maid up his mind, andaccordingly wrote the follying letter to Miss Griffin:--

  "MY ADORED MATILDA,--Your letter has indeed been a comfort to a poorfellow, who had hoped that this night would have been the most blessedin his life, and now finds himself condemned to spend it within aprison wall! You know the accursed conspiracy which has brought theseliabilities upon me, and the foolish friendship which has cost me somuch. But what matters! We have, as you say, enough, even though Imust pay this shameful demand upon me; and five thousand pounds are asnothing, compared to the happiness which I lose in being separated anight from thee! Courage, however! If I make a sacrifice it is for you;and I were heartless indeed if I allowed my own losses to balance for amoment against your happiness.

  "Is it not so, beloved one? IS not your happiness bound up with mine,in a union with me? I am proud to think so--proud, too, to offer such ahumble proof as this of the depth and purity of my affection.

  "Tell me that you will still be mine; tell me that you will be minetomorrow; and to-morrow these vile chains shall be removed, and I willbe free once more--or if bound, only bound to you! My adorable Matilda!my betrothed bride! Write to me ere the evening closes, for I shallnever be able to shut my eyes in slumber upon my prison couch, untilthey have been first blessed by the sight of a few words from thee!Write to me, love! write to me! I languish for the reply which is tomake or mar me for ever. Your affectionate

  "A. P. D."

  Having polisht off this epistol, master intrustid it to me to carry,and bade me at the same time to try and give it into Miss Griffin's handalone. I ran with it to Lady Griffinses. I found Miss, as I desired, ina sollatary condition; and I presented her with master's pafewmed Billy.

  She read it, and the number of size to which she gave vint, and thetears which she shed, beggar digscription. She wep and sighed until Ithought she would bust. She even claspt my hand in her's, and said, "OCharles! is he very, very miserable?"

  "He is, ma'am," says I; "very miserable indeed--nobody, upon my honor,could be miserablerer."

  On hearing this pethetic remark, her mind was made up at onst: andsitting down to her eskrewtaw, she immediantly ableaged master with ananswer. Here it is in black and white:

  "My prisoned bird shall pine no more, but fly home to its nest in thesearms! Adored Algernon, I will meet thee to-morrow, at the same place, atthe same hour. Then, then, it will be impossible for aught but death todivide us.

  "M. G."

  This kind of flumry style comes, you see, of reading novvles, andcultivating littery purshuits in a small way. How much better is itto be puffickly ignorant of the hart of writing, and to trust to thewriting of the heart. This is MY style: artyfiz I despise, and trustcompleatly to natur: but revnong a no mootong, as our continentialfriends remark: to that nice white sheep, Algernon Percy Deuceace,Exquire; that wenrabble old ram, my Lord Crabs his father; and thattender and dellygit young lamb, Miss Matilda Griffin.

  She had just foalded up into its proper triangular shape the noattranscribed abuff, and I was just on the point of saying, according tomy master's orders, "Miss, if you please, the Honrabble Mr. Deuceacewould be very much ableaged to you to keep the seminary which is to takeplace to-morrow a profound se--," when my master's father entered, and Ifell back to the door. Miss, without a word, rusht into his arms, burstinto teers agin, as was her reglar way (it must be confest she was ofa very mist constitution), and showing to him his son's note, cried,"Look, my dear lord, how nobly your Algernon, OUR Algernon, writesto me. Who can doubt, after this, of the purity of his matchlessaffection?"

  My lord took the letter, read it, seamed a good deal amyoused, andreturning it to its owner, said, very much to my surprise, "My dear MissGriffin, he certainly does seem in earnest; and if you choose to makethis match without the consent of your mother-in-law, you know theconsequence, and are of course your own mistress."

  "Consequences!--for shame, my lord! A little money, more or less, whatmatters it to two hearts like ours?"

  "Hearts are very pretty things, my sweet young lady, but Three-per-Centsare better."

  "Nay, have we not an ample income of our own, without the aid of LadyGriffin?"

  My lord shrugged his shoulders. "Be it so, my love," says he. "I'm sureI can have no other reason to prevent a u
nion which is founded upon suchdisinterested affection."

  And here the conversation dropt. Miss retired, clasping her hands, andmaking play with the whites of her i's. My lord began trotting up anddown the room, with his fat hands stuck in his britchis pockits, hiscountnince lighted up with igstream joy, and singing, to my inordnitigstonishment:

  "See the conquering hero comes! Tiddy diddy doll--tiddy doll, doll, doll."

  He began singing this song, and tearing up and down the room like mad.I stood amazd--a new light broke in upon me. He wasn't going, then, tomake love to Miss Griffin! Master might marry her! Had she not got thefor--?

  I say, I was just standing stock still, my eyes fixt, my handspuppindicklar, my mouf wide open and these igstrordinary thoughtspassing in my mind, when my lord having got to the last "doll" of hissong, just as I came to the sillible "for" of my ventriloquism, orinward speech--we had eatch jest reached the pint digscribed, when themeditations of both were sudnly stopt, by my lord, in the midst of hissingin and trottin match, coming bolt up aginst poar me, sending me upaginst one end of the room, himself flying back to the other: and itwas only after considrabble agitation that we were at length restored toanything like a liquilibrium.

  "What, YOU here, you infernal rascal?" says my lord.

  "Your lordship's very kind to notus me," says I; "I am here." And I gavehim a look.

  He saw I knew the whole game.

  And after whisling a bit, as was his habit when puzzled (I bleavehe'd have only whisled if he had been told he was to be hanged in fiveminits), after whisling a bit, he stops sudnly, and coming up to me,says:

  "Hearkye, Charles, this marriage must take place to-morrow."

  "Must it, sir?" says I; "now, for my part, I don't think--"

  "Stop, my good fellow; if it does not take place, what do you gain?"

  This stagger'd me. If it didn't take place, I only lost a situation, formaster had but just enough money to pay his detts; and it wooden soot mybook to serve him in prisn or starving.

  "Well," says my lord, "you see the force of my argument. Now, lookhere!" and he lugs out a crisp, fluttering, snowy HUNDRED-PUN NOTE! "Ifmy son and Miss Griffin are married to-morrow, you shall have this; andI will, moreover, take you into my service, and give you double yourpresent wages."

  Flesh and blood cooden bear it. "My lord," says I, laying my hand uponmy busm, "only give me security, and I'm yours for ever."

  The old noblemin grin'd, and pattid me on the shoulder. "Right, mylad," says he, "right--you're a nice promising youth. Here is the bestsecurity." And he pulls out his pockit-book, returns the hundred-punbill, and takes out one for fifty. "Here is half to-day; to-morrow youshall have the remainder."

  My fingers trembled a little as I took the pretty fluttering bit ofpaper, about five times as big as any sum of money I had ever had in mylife. I cast my i upon the amount: it was a fifty sure enough--a bankposs-bill, made payable to Leonora Emilia Griffin, and indorsed by her.The cat was out of the bag. Now, gentle reader, I spose you begin to seethe game.

  "Recollect, from this day you are in my service."

  "My lord, you overpoar me with your faviors."

  "Go to the devil, sir," says he: "do your duty, and hold your tongue."

  And thus I went from the service of the Honorabble Algernon Deuceace tothat of his exlnsy the Right Honorabble Earl of Crabs.

  . . . . . .

  On going back to prisn, I found Deuceace locked up in that oajus placeto which his igstravygansies had deservedly led him; and felt for him, Imust say, a great deal of contemp. A raskle such as he--a swindler, whohad robbed poar Dawkins of the means of igsistance; who had cheated hisfellow-roag, Mr. Richard Blewitt, and who was making a musnary marridgewith a disgusting creacher like Miss Griffin, didn merit any compashn onmy purt; and I determined quite to keep secret the suckmstansies of myprivit intervew with his exlnsy my presnt master.

  I gev him Miss Griffinses trianglar, which he read with a satasfied air.Then, turning to me, says he: "You gave this to Miss Griffin alone?"

  "Yes, sir."

  "You gave her my message?"

  "Yes, sir."

  "And you are quite sure Lord Crabs was not there when you gave eitherthe message or the note?"

  "Not there upon my honor," says I.

  "Hang your honor, sir! Brush my hat and coat, and go CALL A COACH--doyou hear?"

  . . . . . .

  I did as I was ordered; and on coming back found master in what'scalled, I think, the greffe of the prisn. The officer in waiting hadout a great register, and was talking to master in the French tongue, incoarse; a number of poar prisners were looking eagerly on.

  "Let us see, my lor," says he; "the debt is 98,700 francs; there arecapture expenses, interest so much; and the whole sum amounts to ahundred thousand francs, moins 13."

  Deuceace, in a very myjestic way, takes out of his pocketbook fourthowsnd pun notes. "This is not French money, but I presume that youknow it, M. Greffier," says he.

  The greffier turned round to old Solomon, a money-changer, who had oneor two clients in the prisn, and hapnd luckily to be there. "Les billetssont bons," says he. "Je les prendrai pour cent mille douze cent francs,et j'espere, my lor, de vous revoir."

  "Good," says the greffier; "I know them to be good, and I will give mylor the difference, and make out his release."

  Which was done. The poar debtors gave a feeble cheer, as the greatdubble iron gates swung open and clang to again, and Deuceace stept outand me after him, to breathe the fresh hair.

  He had been in the place but six hours, and was now free again--free,and to be married to ten thousand a year nex day. But, for all that, helookt very faint and pale. He HAD put down his great stake; and when hecame out of Sainte Pelagie, he had but fifty pounds left in the world!

  Never mind--when onst the money's down, make your mind easy; and soDeuceace did. He drove back to the Hotel Mirabew, where he orderedapartmince infinately more splendid than befor; and I pretty soon toldToinette, and the rest of the suvvants, how nobly he behayved, and howhe valyoud four thousnd pound no more than ditch water. And such was theconsquincies of my praises, and the poplarity I got for us boath, thatthe delighted landlady immediantly charged him dubble what she wouldhave done, if it hadn been for my stoaries.

  He ordered splendid apartmince, then, for the nex week; acarridge-and-four for Fontainebleau to-morrow at 12 precisely; andhaving settled all these things, went quietly to the "Roshy de Cancale,"where he dined: as well he might, for it was now eight o'clock. Ididn't spare the shompang neither that night, I can tell you; for whenI carried the note he gave me for Miss Griffin in the evening, informingher of his freedom, that young lady remarked my hagitated manner ofwalking and speaking, and said, "Honest Charles! he is flusht with theevents of the day. Here, Charles, is a napoleon; take it and drink toyour mistress."

  I pockitid it; but, I must say, I didn't like the money--it went againstmy stomick to take it.