Handfasting
Page 4
Certificate of Hand-Fasting Celebrated this day of May 1st The love and pledged lifetime commitment of love between Gavin Bruce & Dianne Brown Witnessed by
................................................................................... (witness)
................................................................................... (witness) and bound together in love and honour of the God & Goddess by
................................................................................... (priest/priestess) Love binds us Love strengthens us Love is our creed Blessed Be
This is a basic example just to give you an idea of what can be achieved. Interestingly this does not apply in Scotland as you can still be tried for ‘acts’ of witchcraft there. They vary considerably depending upon the region in which they are held, local traditions and those the couple follow. The majority fall into one of these groups: Celtic, Norse, Anglo-Saxon and more recently Wicca, in these Isles anyway.
Looking back on the common traditional legacies as mentioned in chapter 2, we find that most of these are covered by today’s handfastings. It’s interesting to see that, of all the recorded history of marriage, the binding of hands remains the most elusive to prove and yet the most popular part of modern ceremonies.
Most modern pagans prefer to hold their marriage out of doors and are quite particular about where they marry. If choosing to hold your ceremony on common ground do not automatically assume you can without checking with the local council concerned for any by-laws that may prevent you from doing so. Similarly if you wish to use any National Trust land or land belonging to any conservation group it is best to ask first or risk having your day ruined by objectors. Many modern pagans use a garden, whether their own or someone else’s, and that’s possibly the safest option.
Who you choose to officiate at your wedding will depend on a number of factors, one being the tradition you belong to and its current policy on hand-fastings, another being personal preference for a particular initiated priest or priestess (some require one of each), and lastly if you are eclectic or solitary then you can use whomever you want, really initiated or otherwise.
Just like our pagan ancestors, modern practitioners of the craft are relaxed and open minded in their attitude to marriage ritual and ceremony. Some modern traditions are developing guidelines for rites of passage and Wicca is one such example.
Wiccan Hand-fastings A Wiccan couple wishing to be wed today are given several options. One is to hand-fast for a year (and a day if they wish) and then decide whether to renew their vows for life. This kind of betrothal/trial marriage is probably a very good idea, especially for the younger pagans or those who have not been married before.
Some couples decide on a set number of years, which I personally find rather strange. It’s like saying I’ll love you for x years, no more no less. They can of course extend this option if they require. Some opt for saying ‘as long as love survives’ which is honest and realistic at least. The most popular hand-fasting is intended for life, theoretically, but it shows the couple are committed and devoted to one another.
The bravest of souls decide to hand-fast for eternity, not something to be entered into lightly I feel. Once you decide which period of marriage to opt for then approach an initiated priest or priestess; some branches of Wicca prefer both to be in attendance. The priest/priestess will then ask the couple a number of questions about how they want their day to go. The most important factors are:
1. Why do you want a Wiccan marriage?
2. Where do you want to hold the ceremony?
3. When do you plan to have it?
4. What sort of ceremony do you want?
5. Who do you wish to attend?
These questions are very important and give both the couple and the priest/priestess a chance to get to know one another if they don’t already.
The answer to the first question decides whether the couple really know what is meant by Wicca—an important consideration for both parties—and you would be amazed at how many people have just heard a little about it but don’t really understand the depth of spirituality involved, which can put some couples off!
The second question will need to be looked into for its feasibility. You’d be surprised at some of the places people want to be hand-fasted these days!
The third is important from both a religious and a weather perspective. Some days are better than others and some times of year too, another consideration some couples don’t seem to have gone into!
Beltane (1 May) or Lammas (1 August) are by far the most popular dates, and days chosen between these dates would be considered auspicious. Due to their popularity they are booked up quickly, so get in early to avoid disappointment. Choosing a day on either a waxing or full moon would be advisable, as waning and dark phases are probably better for separation or divorce rather than marriage. Mid-day is ideal, and likely to be the most convenient time for your guests, with dawn OK for betrothals and sunsets good for older couples or second timers.
This is not to say that you cannot consider alternative times of year and for any couple who especially love autumn then fine, go ahead, but think about the moon’s phase and avoid Samhain, 31 October, altogether for obvious reasons.
Next, do you want an informal or formal hand-fasting? This is very important to agree on, as the priest/priestess will need to know how many other people could be needed officially for the ceremony.
Finally, the fifth question is important, as you must consider your guests and their comfort throughout the day.
Once all these formalities are decided then you are set on the road to your hand-fasting. On the day of the marriage some couples still follow some of the more modern superstitions regarding marriage, and brides for example could be wearing something old, something new, something borrowed, something blue, etc. Grooms might not have been allowed to see their bride the day before the marriage.
How you arrive at the venue is up to you, and many different ways can be found. A horse and carriage is popular, and walking also if one is close enough, such as in your garden. Once assembled the priest/priestess will cast two circles, one the inner sanctum, which may contain an altar, and an outer circle for guests and other officiates if present. Not all Wiccans cast two circles and it is not strictly necessary.
The circumference of the outer circle is largely dictated by the size of the group, but the inner one is usually nine or twelve feet in diameter.
What the couple wear is completely up to them, although placing some symbolism can strengthen the magic of the day. If a couple decides to marry at Beltane then they may like to wear green and appropriate spring flowers like hawthorn and crab apple blossom, which has the added bonus of smelling delicious. They can choose their own binding material and many nowadays opt for stripped bark or ribbons, which can be very colourful and also significant.
Rose is the flower most associated with marriage—it represents the beauty of the bride combined with the strength and virility of the groom. For our more eternal friends, lilies are a good choice, being symbolic of re-birth originally—not death as more commonly believed.
The priest/priestess will have already discovered the direction of north and the wedding entourage will be asked to orient themselves accordingly to the four quarters or ‘directions’ of north, south, east and west. Once happily assembled the priest/priestess will ask his or her helpers, if there are any, to call in the directions or quarters. This is simply asking for the spirits of the north (earth), east (air), south (fire) and west (water), to be present and bless the couple. Just in case you need guidance in this it can be done as follows:
North: I call upon the spirits of the north, of earth, the rock of ages, from which our needs are met, that contains all knowledge and bears testament to our deeds upon it to be here and energise this binding of love today.
East: I call upon the spirits of the east, of air, our life breath, the inspiration, from which words flow, make them only
of love and energise this special day.
South , I call upon the spirits of the south, of fire, the energy and passion rise within your flame, let the sun shine down on us and energise this special day.
West: I call upon the spirits of the west, of water, that allows the movement of love and healing for all living things, let the moon’s tide energise our love today.
Then the goddess and her consort the god are called, during which the guests, if any are present, are normally holding hands to contain the energy raised and add to it. There are several ways in which Wiccan’s approach the calling of these two primal forces from simply
‘ I call upon the energy of the Goddess to be here and bless this couple, I call upon the energy of the God to be here and bless this couple’ to longer and more formal callings
‘ Oh great mother, Goddess, I call you in the name of .............. and .............. to be here in our sacred circle cast in your honour to bless this loving couple on this day of joy and happiness. May your love flow through them in their life together and enrich every moment that they are together and give them strength for any times apart. Share with them your beauty, gentleness, wisdom and healing that they may grow closer together. Protect them from any that wish them harm and banish the influence of those who do so. Let your light and love become part of their journey together and may it shine on others in their midst.
The bride can now give her goddess gift to her groom saying something along the lines of
This symbol of the goddess within me is yours to keep as is my heart and soul, to your body I will remain faithful, and your honour I will defend.
The groom accepts the gift and now the priest/priestess calls in the god Oh great father our god, I call you in the name of .............. and .............. to be present here in this circle cast in honour of the goddess and you her god, bless this loving couple on this day of love and happiness. May your love flow through them and fertilise their union sealing their fate together as one. Share with them your strength, enthusiasm, wildness and knowledge that they may build a secure future. Let your love and light shine down on their path ahead.
The groom now gives his bride a god gift saying, for example, This symbol of the god within me is yours to keep, as is my heart and soul, to your body I will remain faithful, and your honour I will defend.
This is a powerful part of the ceremony and can be overwhelming for those who have not experienced it before, so I feel it helps if the priest/priestess explains all this beforehand.
The couple then stand facing each other as the official asks them to declare their personal pre-written intentions and love for each other, an example of which can be seen at the start of the book. After this the priest/priestess asks them to join their left hands and winds the binding material around their wrists.
This is usually done in one of two ways, the first being that the couple take hold of each other’s arms just above the wrist, allowing the priest/priestess to bind around the outside of both wrists three times, once for the goddess, once for the god, and once for their love. Any words spoken during this part of the ritual are done so by the priest/priestess and may go along the lines of
Now you have declared your love for each other in the presence of the Goddess and God and these witnesses here present I fasten you, once for the Goddess, once for the God and once for your spirits which are now bound as one.
The second method is mainly for couples who wish to become fastened for life or eternity and involves the cord being threaded between the couple’s hands in a figure of eight. The rest is pretty much the same with the exception being that the priest/priestess declares their intent for life or for ever.
The couple are now blessed by the elements which should be to hand, which is why it’s nice to organise a pretty wedding altar in advance. This is achieved by the priest/priestess holding out either a bowl of earth or crystal for the couple’s bound hands to touch, then incense or feathers representing air (blowing on the couple’s hands is also acceptable), letting a candle or suitable flame very lightly skim their hands (this is potentially dangerous so be sensible, and if worried just hold it near them—you don’t want them to catch fire!), and lastly a bowl or chalice of preblessed purified water for them to dunk their fingers in, or you can sprinkle some over them. Natural spring water is best.
The married couple must thank the goddess and the god and bid them farewell, then treat the elements with the same respect. This is normally done thus:
Priest/priestess: We give our love, light and thanks to the Goddess for blessing us with your presence and bid you farewell. We give our love, light and thanks to the God for blessing us with your presence and bid you farewell.
(It is often a good idea to practise this with the couple beforehand so they can say it with you.)
North: We give love, light and thanks to the spirits of the North for blessing us with your energy and bid you farewell.
East: We give love, light and thanks to the spirits of the East for blessing us with your energy and bid you farewell.
South: We give love, light and thanks to the spirits of the South for blessing us with your energy and bid you farewell.
West: We give love, light and thanks to the spirits of the West for blessing us with your energy and bid you farewell. There are endless permutations of this ritual, and it must be stressed that all this book is setting out to achieve is guidance and at the end of the day it will be down to the couple concerned to decide, with help from a priest or priestess, what is best for them. The emphasis is usually on creating a special magical and deeply spiritual day unique to that couple, not a fancy dress competition or hours of ritual that reduces your guests to tears of boredom and despair. I would advise you to keep it to about half an hour at most, as any longer can result in aching limbs, full bladders and very hungry folk put off hand-fastings for ever.
Going back to the gifts exchanged between the couple during the ceremony, these can be whatever you wish but many couples like to use something spiritually significant.
A groom could give his bride an acorn, promising her strength and a love that will endure. The bride could give her groom a lock of her hair as a token of trust and a keepsake for when they are apart. The ideas are limitless, and it’s very much up to personal preference in the end.
If the couple have decided on any broomstick or fire jumping, now is a good time to do it. Some couples like to ask guests to bring offerings, which can be an alternative to wedding presents. Now they are married and all that is left is to thank the official who may have given of his or her time freely, and party!
Variations occur throughout the Wiccan world, which like most paths is constantly evolving and adapting to the modern world. Some Wiccan ceremonies can be much humbler affairs but set somewhere so beautiful that they frequently feel the most magical.
It must be noted that many priestesses and priests give of their time without expecting payment, but to offer travelling expenses, a gift or gratuity and a free feed would be very much appreciated by many. The matter of fixed payment for services rendered amongst the pagan community is hotly disputed and one feels we may have to all agree to disagree over this subject. Personally I feel that if some priests and priestesses are more popular than others, either by self election or otherwise, one cannot expect them to give up their valuable time free and gratis, but at the end of the day it is up to the couple concerned whether they want to pay or not. Some will do it for free and others not but we should not judge their suitability on this alone. If in doubt, leave that one out, is my advice. Personal recommendation is probably the best reason for your choice.
Eclectic Hand-fastings
Many of today’s practising pagans are eclectic, drawing energy from two or more traditions and their deities. Purists would possibly frown on this, but it has to be remembered that all paths ultimately grew from the same seed and more or less reach for the same goal. I feel the key to travelling several paths at once is to blend that w
hich they have in common without mixing deities or symbols thereof. For anyone considering calling on a mixed family—beware, just like us mere mortals they don’t always get on!
It is, however, perfectly possible to mix various wedding traditions such as jumping the broomstick, decorations of woodland foliage, wedding favours, binding of hands, fire jumping, etc., without upsetting the natural order of things or jeopardising your day in any way. It is also possible to hold a pagan handfasting without it being overtly pagan. For some of you on an eclectic path, the following order of service is superb, managing to include several traditional practices and expressing the couple’s spiritual message without the need for any high ritual. If you are of mixed paths within the relationship, this type of service might suit both parties and is unlikely to cause offence to any other religious denominations present.
We are invited to look back at Mandy and Donald’s handfasting, held on 21 June 2002 inside a beautiful ancient tithe barn deep in the Northamptonshire countryside, England. Inside their families and friends are already gathered, sitting on rows of rustic benches, able to admire the heavily laden beams draped with garlands of leaves and flowers above them and also the flickering flames of the many candles. Their bridesmaids, who will also play the role of elementals during the service, hold four pretty posies, having been positioned correctly in the quarters aligned with an eastern altar. Across the inside of the arched oak doors lies a broomstick, which the couple will cross before making their way past the facing aisles of their expectant audience. The priestess and her assistant ‘readers’ await their arrival in front of the altar with its grand church candles burning brightly, creating a focal point for all.