by Mary Neasham
As we join them Fourwillow (one of four readers) opens the ceremony Fourwillow: The broomstick or besom is traditionally used to sweep away negativity from the home, and heart. Jumping the broomstick signifies the effort a couple must share, leaving their single, separate lives behind them, united in their new life together. They must be there for each other to give a steadying hand, to guide each other forward. The broom symbolises the hurdles they must face. If they do not jump together they will stumble. Once bonded, the broom will be used to sweep away their past lives, so they may start afresh, making way for a long and harmonious life together.
(Open doors, Ronald & Mandy stand in the entrance.) Fourwillow: Do you Ronald and Mandy enter here today, leaving the past at the door? Couple: We do.
Fourwillow: Are you ready to make your first journey together? Couple: We are.
Fourwillow: Then you are invited to jump the broomstick. (Couple jump the broomstick and walk down the aisle.)
Oakilia: We stand upon this holy earth and in the face of heaven to witness the sacred rite of marriage between Ronald and Mandy. Just as we come together as family and friends so we ask for the Greater powers to be present here within our Circle. May this sacred union be filled with their holy presence, no matter what your own personal beliefs.
Fourwillow: The joining together of man and woman in the sacred Rite of Marriage brings together great forces from which may flow the seeds of future generations to be nurtured within the walls of time. Within every masculine nature lies the feminine, within every feminine nature lies the masculine. The interplay of masculine and feminine forces when flowing freely in a union based upon true love finds many expressions. The union is truly holy.
Reader one reads, ‘The Dance’ A good relationship has a pattern like a dance, and is built on some of the same rules. The partners do not need to hold on tightly, because they move confidently in the same pattern, intricate but gay, and swift and free, like a country-dance by Mozart. To touch heavily would be to arrest the pattern and freeze the movement, to check the endlessly changing beauty of its unfolding. There is no place here for the possessive clutch, the clinging arm, the heavy hand; only the barest touch in passing. Now arm in arm, now face to face, now back to back—it does not matter which, because they know they are partners moving to the same rhythm, creating a pattern together, and being invisibly nourished by it.
The joy of such a pattern is not only the joy of creation or the joy of partnership, it is also the joy of living in the moment. Lightness of touch and living in the moment are intertwined.
Oakilia: Who walks the path of the moon to stand before heaven and declare her sacred vows? (The woman to be married steps forward)
Mandy: I do.
Fourwillow: Who walks the path of the sun to stand upon this holy earth and declare his sacred vows? (The man to be married steps forward)
Fourwillow: Do you Ronald come to this place of your own free will? Ronald: I do.
(Both must walk the symbolic paths of the sun and moon, clockwise and anticlockwise returning to the eastern gate) Oakilia: Ronald and Mandy, you have walked the symbolic paths of the Sun and Moon. Will you now walk together the circle of time, travelling through the elements and the seasons?
Couple: We will.
(Both walk to the northern gate.)
North: Will your love survive the times of stillness and restriction? Couple: It will.
North: Then accept the blessing of the Element of Earth in this the place of winter. May your union be strong and fruitful. (Both walk to the eastern gate)
East: Will your love survive the clear light of day?
Couple: It will.
East: Then accept the blessing of the Element of Air in this the place of spring. May your marriage be blessed by the light of every new dawn.
(Both walk, holding hands, to the southern gate.)
South: Will your love survive the harsh fires of change? Couple: It will.
South: Then accept the blessing of the Element of Fire in this the place of summer. May your home be filled with warmth. (Both walk to the western gate.)
West: Will your love survive the ebb and flow of feeling? Couple: It will.
Fourwillow: All things in Nature are circular—night becomes day, day becomes night and night becomes day again. The moon waxes and wanes and waxes again. There is Spring, Summer, Autumn, Winter and Spring again. These things are part of the great mysteries. Oakilia: Who is the keeper of the rings?
(The keeper of the rings comes forward with the ceremonial cushion.) Ring Bearer: I am.
Oakilia: Then before all present repeat these words.
Woman: (facing the man in order to give him the ring): Accept in freedom this circle of gold as a token of my vows. With it I pledge my love, my strength, my friendship. I will honour you, respect and cherish you, I bring you joy now and forever.
Man: (Facing the woman and giving her a ring) Accept in freedom this circle of gold as a token of my vows. With it I pledge my love, my strength, my friendship. I will honour you, respect and cherish you. I bring you joy now and forever.
Woman: In the name of the Goddess I bring to you the warmth of my heart. (Her first woman brings her a lit taper)
Man: In the name of the God of love I bring you the light of my love.
(His first man hands him a lit taper.)
(Both light a single candle in the centre.)
Reader Two reads a Native American poem May the Sun bring you new strength by day,
May the Moon softly restore you by night,
May the rain-wash away your fears,
And the breeze invigorate your being.
May you, all the days of your life,
Walk gently through the world,
And know its beauty.
Now you will feel no rain, for each will shelter the other. Now you will feel no cold, for each will warm the other. Now you will feel no solitude, for each will company the other. Now you are two persons, but both will lead one life.
Go now to your dwelling to begin the days of your life together. And may the days be good and long upon the Earth.
(Oakilia ties the hands of the couple) Fourwillow: ‘Tying the knot’ is a term we have inherited to describe the marriage of a man to a woman, but its roots can be found in the old pagan tradition of hand-fasting, symbolising the joining of two as one. People holding hands with each other is in itself a sign of unity, but hand-fasting shows that a mutual bond of mutual love and commitment is being made, each to each other.
Hymn. Lord of the Dance, verse by the singers. All sing the chorus Dance then wherever you may be,
I am the Lord of the Dance said he,
And I’ll lead you all wherever you may be,
And I’ll lead you all in the dance said he.
All: May the warmth and love of your union be blessed. (Hands are untied)
Oakilia: Do you swear upon the sword of justice to keep sacred your vows? Couple: We swear.
Fourwillow: Then seal your promise with a kiss.
(The couple kiss)
Fourwillow: Beneficial spirits and the souls of our ancestors accept the union of your children. Help them, guide them, protect and bless their home and the children born of their union. May they work together in times of ease and times of hardship, knowing that they are truly blessed. From this time forth you walk together along life’s path, may your way be blessed.
Reader Three reads the Celtic Blessing
Goodness of the sea be yours,
Goodness of the earth be yours,
Goodness of heaven.
Each day be joyous to you,
No day be grievous to you,
Love of each face be yours.
A bright flame before thee,
A guiding star above thee,
A smooth path below thee,
Today, tonight, and forever more.
Oakilia thanks the four directions
Elemental East, we thank thee
For giving us inspir
ation,
And as we bid you fond farewell,
Give freedom to imagination.
Elemental South, we thank thee,
For giving us courage and passion,
And as we bid you fond farewell,
Our hearts take flight in rhythm.
Elemental West, we thank thee,
For giving us compassion and love,
And as we bid you fond farewell,
Rain peace on Earth from above.
Elemental Earth, we thank thee,
For keeping us safe and secure,
And as we bid you fond farewell,
Prosper forever more.
(The participants are instructed to make the three circles of existence. The couple hold hands to make a circle within a circle. Participants in the seated horseshoe then join hands to form a third circle.)
All:
We swear by peace and love to stand
Heart to heart and hand in hand
Mark o spirit and hear us now
Confirming this our sacred vow.
Fourwillow: This sacred rite of marriage ends in peace as in peace it began. Let us withdraw, holding peace and love in our hearts until we meet again.
Oakilia directs the bridesmaids Bridesmaids leave, scattering flowers for the happy couple to walk on and to go and begin their new life together. Everyone leaves, escorted by bridesmaids. Confetti may be thrown outside the barn.
This example of a modern hand-fasting was kindly lent to me by Oakilia, a self-initiated goddess-oriented solitary practitioner of ‘The Craft’ with over 25 years’ experience, who resides in the beautiful Cambridgeshire countryside and is an often sought out performer of hand-fastings in her area. Whilst visiting Oakilia’s lovely home she agreed to answer some of the most commonly asked questions people normally have on hand-fasting.
MN: How long have you been performing hand-fastings? Oakilia: For about the last three seasons.
MN: Have you ever had to turn anyone down?
Oakilia: No.
MN: Would you?
Oakilia: Yes.
MN: For what reasons?
Oakilia: If I had doubts I would advise the couple to have a tarot reading to look at their suitability. This is because I have complete trust in my readings, and if the result were negative I would trust the guidance and encourage them to think again. MN: What types of hand-fasting ceremonies can you hold for people?
Oakilia: I can adapt to pretty much any path as long as it is not a dark one.
MN: Would you object to a skyclad ceremony?
Oakilia: No, not necessarily, as long as everyone was skyclad, although this is highly unlikely these days.
MN: How long in advance do you recommend couples to plan ahead for? Oakilia: At least six months, ideally.
MN: How many meetings would be required prior to the event?
Oakilia: It depends on how complicated an event they are planning really, several.
MN: Would you have any problems calling on deities you are not familiar with?
Oakilia: No, I would familiarise myself with them and call on them for guidance well beforehand.
MN: If a couple approached you determined to include some sort of pre-celebration sacrifice, how would you advise them? Oakilia: I would advise a symbolic one only. I would never allow any life to be spent or blood to be spilt at one of my ceremonies. MN: Are there any specific times of the year you avoid holding hand-fastings?
Oakilia: Yes, I avoid from 31 October until the end of April, as is traditional, and choose the most auspicious day and moon cycle. MN: This next subject seems to be a bone of contention amongst the pagan community, but, do you think we should be charging for these rites of passage?
Oakilia: Yes, I believe that anyone giving of their time and expertise should receive a fair payment in return. We charge for goods and readings why not rites?
MN: Finally, when carrying out the ritual do you use your own tools?
Oakilia: Yes, I always use my own tools. It’s more reliable and I wouldn’t want to mess with any one else’s.
MN: Thank you for giving of your time so freely today Oakilia, and blessings.
Oakilia: It was a pleasure. The next person I was lucky enough to interview was Kathy Jones, Priestess of Avalon in the spiritual heart of England, Glastonbury. Kathy is a very highly sought after priestess for rites of passage including hand-fastings and has been performing them for fifteen years now. Most of her ceremonies are held in the magical garden of the Chalice Well, a unique and deeply sacred site. I asked her about the types of service she offers and she informed me that like most people in the pagan community she could be flexible. Her only prerequisite was that any couple approaching her must want a spiritual day, as her main role is to invoke divine energy to bless the couple.
She has her own individual method for performing the actual binding that is carried out at the end of the ceremony. This requires the female to bring a hoop symbolic of the goddess and the male a wand symbolic of the god. The complicated binding of the couple’s hands with the hoop and wand results in the couple then being able to remove their hands at the end, leaving the wand and hoop still joined, which they take home and keep thus until such a time, if indeed there is one, that they unbind or choose to renew their vows.
Kathy places great emphasis on the careful selection of these vows and reminds her clientele to be very thoughtful in their
Marriage Blessing Ceremony & Celtic Hand-fasting Programme
Calling of directions, Elements, Goddesses and Gods With invocation of the Divine by ceremonialist Cleansing by Air and Incense
Cleansing of participants with incense Telling the tale of how you first met Purification by Fire
Encircling you with candle flame, the light of inspiration Confession of love to each other Blessing by Water
Sharing a chalice of Holy spring waters Exchange of Solemn vows (to be written by participants)
Exchange of rings
Blessing by Earth and Celtic hand-fasting
Joining hands, hoop and wand, with ribbons, The loving ties which bind us together Closing Blessing
Closing of Directions
It is with gratitude and thanks to Kathy Jones that we have this programme, which she produces for couples who inquire about her services. choice of words. Words have power in themselves and even more so in front of divine witnesses. In theory Kathy is happy to call on most traditional deities but will offer guidance on sensible and/or personally appropriate energetic beings.
I asked her for her opinion on the ethics of charging for services and, like Oakilia and myself, among many others, she said she doesn’t feel it’s unethical to charge for her time. It is valuable, as is her own particular expertise. I agreed with Kathy mainly on principle but also for the sake of commonsense.
Kathy is used to the energy of the place in which she holds her hand-fastings, and is an experienced priestess, making her better placed than some to do the best for any couple she hand-fasts.
Druid Ceremonies Irish and Scottish Celtic Traditions Modern Druid hand-fasting ceremonies don’t vary that much from their Wiccan counterparts in format. If you are on a Celtic path and intend to hold a hand-fasting, then approaching a Druid priest or priestess is the first step. It’s possible that you already know one, but if not then contact either the Pagan Federation or the Order of Bards and Ovates—addresses for both are at the end of the book. Hand-fastings of this kind are almost exclusively held outside, most often in an ancient grove or similar. If the weather is abysmal then you can go inside but it’s a good idea to take plenty of foliage with you. Druid means of the trees and therefore trees are an integral part of any Druid path. Most Druid hand-fastings will have both a priest and priestess in attendance and specific deities will be invoked through them during the ceremony. Depending on how true to ancient paths you wish to be, a contract can be drawn up beforehand and witnessed on the day by anyone you trust to do this, usually a friend or friends—it’s up to you. For
those wanting guidance on writing contracts here is a very simplified example.
Hand-fasting Contract
I (bride) the undersigned promise to take seriously this day of ................................................................................... My hand-fasting to (groom).
With the blessing and approval of my family I will from this day on recognise him as my husband.
To our marriage I bring all my worldly goods and will commit all my income to the betterment of the union. These goods and monies will remain my property throughout. If at any point our marriage dissolves I will claim rights to these properties and half of any accrued in the interim. With the exception of my horse Dobbin. I (groom) the undersigned promise to take seriously this day of ................................................................................... My hand-fasting to (bride).
With the blessing and approval of my family I will from this day on recognise her as my wife.
To my marriage I bring all my worldly goods and will commit all my income to the betterment of the union. These goods and properties will remain my property throughout. If at any point our marriage dissolves I will claim rights to these properties and any accrued in the interim. With the exception of my vintage Ford. Signed (bride).......................................................... Signed (groom) ........................................................ Witness (bride’s witness). ............................................ Witness (groom’s witness) ........................................... Date .....................................................................
Ok, so I’ve trivialised a little, but you get the idea. The above contract bears a strong resemblance to a modern pre-nuptial agreement in very basic form. The idea is to set out the financial arrangements of the marriage and any debating about sharing future costs, etc., can be sorted at this point. Speaking to many divorcees on this issue I found that most would opt for some sort of pre-wedding agreement, as most have experienced money problems and differing ideas on roles they were expected to play within the marriage. Some couples have incredibly long-winded contracts, going into the smallest of details, but you can make it as simple or as complicated as you feel you need, if at all! As already mentioned the marriage contract is optional, but for our forebears it contained all the relevant information required to protect the individual’s property, and it helped to know how many sheep you started out with! This may seem a cold and calculating aspect to the day of romance you are planning, but it must be remembered that in the harsher times of our Celtic ancestors money and property was far harder to come by and seen as fixed, whereas love was understood by many to be transient, and just like today not all marriages lasted, for many various reasons. These were smaller closer-knit communities than the ones we live in today and any disputes over property or actions would be easier to prove. Not only would your witnesses of the day be local people, but others privy to your affairs would be likely to take sides should the relationship break down or be mutually terminated after the first year.