by Mary Neasham
Some couples have the strangest clauses added to their contracts. I’ve seen one where the bride insisted that her husband agreed to always take out the rubbish every week and she in turn promised to iron his work shirts. Another had a clause that the bride would take complete control of all the finances and pay her husband a set amount of pocket money, he being a recovering gambler. Most of the property argued about in the past consisted of mutual homes and livestock, so if they managed to double their flock of sheep they could each claim fifty percent of the extra bred throughout their time together.
Contracts helped couples to know exactly where they stood financially and avoided many disputes that could evolve without them. The earliest Celtic contracts would have been memorised by the ovate and witnesses, because writing as we know it didn’t exist then. Only the priesthood had any form of written language and that was Ogham, reserved for marking graves, leaving secret messages for each other, and directions or names. Not until the arrival of Latin do we see any evidence for the written word being used for such purposes. This began as the exclusive domain of only a few scholars who knew how to read it, so enormous trust was placed upon those who did.
You can design your own contract regarding money and property and add any clauses you so wish as long as you are both happy to sign it, then, as with any written and signed contract, it can be considered legally binding—unlike the hand-fasting itself, which remains outside modern-day laws. You would be advised to procure at least one witness but it’s preferable to get two if possible.
The drawing up of a contract can apply to any form of marriage. It is not considered to be essential in Celtic marriage but will lend an air of authenticity to the event. So, you have your priest and priestess and have decided on the date and location of the event. Now for the ceremony itself.
The mistletoe is the most sacred plant of the Druid path and although it is not essential that it plays a part in today’s rites of passage it is traditional. Oak trees are also especially sacred to Druids, but if you cannot get access to a grove of oaks then some oak leaves will suffice. The holly should also be represented if you choose to hold your hand-fasting during the winter. Other trees thought appropriate are crab apple, hawthorn and birch. The modern apple owes its origin to our native crab apple and has long been associated with love. To cut one width-ways reveals a five pointed star, and lovers would often share apples this way to strengthen their bond together. The hawthorn is a tree of love and fertility. Bringing a sprig of blossom into the bed chamber on the night of the hand-fasting will ensure a prosperous and fertile marriage. This is very powerful tree magic though, so if you are not intending to start a family in the next few months leave the hawthorn outside. The birch represents new beginnings and it’s a nice idea to drain some sap beforehand to drink or make some birch sap wine in spring to drink at the ritual. This act of reverence will give the couple a clean and pure start to their relationship from which to build.
Most Druid orders wear white for performing rites of passage and therefore as the couple being wed you may prefer to wear an alternative colour. Green or yellow are good choices for both bride and groom as they are seasonally appropriate colours for Beltane and Lammas, the seasons most often chosen as the festivals to hold hand-fastings.
The priest and priestess will have four attendants to call the directions or quarters and bless the elements. The actual format of the ritual will largely depend on the tradition of the particular order you belong to or have ascribed to for the occasion but it is very similar to the Wiccan one laid out in the previous chapter. As modern Wicca has evolved mainly from the Celtic tradition this is not surprising.
Apart from only casting the one circle and calling on a particular Celtic goddess or god, the rest is pretty much the same.
The choice of deity is important and any decent priest or priestess will have gone into your path in detail before the event to discuss such details. She or he will want to know which deities you normally work with and may require you to prove your relationship with them in some way. This is important as, when calling on these ancient powers, one must be respectful. To call upon the blessing of a force neither of you is familiar with could be detrimental and taken as an affront by the deity concerned.
If the weather permits it is traditional to hold an open air celebration of the marriage afterwards. Some couples like to keep the day as authentic as possible and choose food and wine appropriate for the day, so if you need inspiration I have included a few recipes towards the end of the book.
The jewellery chosen for the occasion needs consideration also and any of a silver Celtic design would be in keeping. There are silversmiths who specialise in the making of bespoke jewellery for these rites and a couple of these are listed under sources on page 143.
The majority of couples choosing a Celtic marriage nowadays are usually already on a Druid or Green path and definitely do want the spiritual element to be there. If you doubt the spiritual element but feel strongly environmental then you may still be able to get a Celtic wedding, but I personally would design the day on a more humanist and non-religious basis. The most important consideration is the love and commitment between the couple, but many Druids may turn you down if you lack spirituality.
The jumping of fires, as mentioned earlier, could occur in Scotland and broomsticks in Wales with greater emphasis being put on music and dancing.
Again the priestess or priest may be giving of their time voluntarily and unlike the modern Christian clergy they don’t have free accommodation, or a wage, so please don’t forget to give back in return. This follows the traditional path and will be appreciated.
Viking Weddings We can only presume that Viking weddings were similar to Celtic in so far as they were held in the open air, as were all important ceremonies of northern persuasion. The Norse seriously believed that any matter of importance, including all rites of passage and judgements, should be carried out this way so as to ensure that all was open and above suspicion in full view of the gods. An interesting example of this is Parliament Hill in London. Once an island, it was thought to be a spot used by the Vikings who held important meetings there.
To follow the procedure to the letter as found in the sagas, it is customary for the groom to approach the father of the bride before proposing. If he and his family consider it a good match, then an offer is made for the bride. The bride’s family then consider the offer and, if happy for the wedding to take place, they see if they can match it in a dowry. The wedding itself is nothing more than a declaration of this agreement in front of at least two witnesses, then the couple are declared husband and wife, followed by feasting and copious drinking, which could go on for several days.
The morning after the ceremony it was traditional for the groom to give his wife a gift, the keys to his property, and equal access to his funds. It was up to the witnesses to remember the terms of the contract and one would presume the more complicated this was the more witnesses were required. This was then drawn up as a written contract, the precursor to a modern marriage certificate or pre-nuptial agreement.
Today’s Norsemen and women can imitate this type of wedding symbolically and some do. There are in fact many similarities to modern marriages.
The feasting and merrymaking afterwards make for much fun anyway, and it’s nice to try to emulate the food and drink side of things. Costume is optional but looks great and the more authentic you try to be the more atmosphere you are lending to the event. How religious an affair you wish to make it is up to you. There is no evidence of circle casting or priests and officials, although Viking/Christian converts may well have had one.
Calling upon an appropriate god or goddess is permissible but not essential, but asking them all for their blessing of the marriage is entirely likely to have occurred. To divorce yourself from the agreement at any stage you simply declare your intent in front of either the same witnesses as at the wedding or new ones if this is not possible. All goods now have to be
split between the parties—nothing much changes really.
If you haven’t already realised, there’s not a single mention of hand-fasting, although the Vikings may well have adopted it from the Celts and used it as many of those on a Northern path do today.
Roman Weddings
These were usually fairly complicated affairs but if you wish to replicate them today it can be done and often is. A simplified version would be to refrain from the customary month-long search on suitability of the couple by both families and get on with it.
The costume for the groom is a basic tunic and leather sandals. The tunic can be made of expensive material if you want, but it doesn’t really matter except to avoid man-made fabrics with the exception of silk. He would wear his best belt and probably have a large buckle depicting the latest Emperor or a specific deity. He would have a ritual bath beforehand and anoint himself with relevant oils.
The bride would have a special bridal gown prepared for this singular use and it was usually white. She wore a veil, most often red, and matching colour for her footwear. Her hair was divided into six locks and twisted to form a cone shape on the top of her head, supposedly to offer protection from evil forces. Her girdle consisted of three ropes and was tied in a complicated knot that was hard to undo. Hence the origins of today’s expression of ‘tying the knot’—perhaps it should be untying?
The custom of weddings in Rome was to hold them in the morning, with the entourage meeting first at the bride’s house. Her father would hand her over to the groom, who paid his symbolic penny to his new father-in-law. They would then exchange words along the lines of Ubi tu Gaius, ego Gaia,or Where you are Gaius (male), I am Gaia (female). The matron of honour would then join their hands together and the couple would exchange rings, then raise their hands symbolically above before offering up a sacrifice, frequently a pig. To emulate this practice in Britain is illegal. Only registered abattoirs are permitted to do so.
The contract that had already been drawn up would now be presented to the bride by the priest and it was then signed by between five and ten witnesses depending on how high the status of the couple was. They all now sat down for a wedding breakfast, the food having been previously paid for by the groom, including the wedding cake, a simnel fruit cake that was broken over the couple’s heads to ensure fruitfulness. Gifts were now presented to the couple by their guests.
After this they went through an elaborate gesture whereby the bride would be symbolically tugged from her mother’s arms into the waiting arms of three of the groom’s friends, the groom having already departed for his own property. The procession of the bride, her family and guests would now commence, bringing cheer to all en-route. Once arrived at her new home the bride would often make an offering of a domestic nature by the door to show her new status in society, and her groom would help her across in some form whilst they repeat the words exchanged earlier.
The couple would then go separately up to the bedchamber, bride first, and her mother who would help her undress and probably at this point give her some instant sex education such as, lie back and think of Rome dear.
Once the mother of the bride returns downstairs the groom would ascend and the couple would at last be alone. They were expected to consummate the marriage at this point but it wasn’t obligatory. The feasting and merrymaking would continue downstairs below them. So it seems all you need for a Roman wedding is a priest, five witnesses, a contract, a penny, wedding attire, food and drink, and two homes within walking distance—and, of course, a consenting couple.
Humanist Weddings Funnily enough the majority of people who approach me about hand-fastings are atheists looking for a non-religious ceremony. This in itself would normally be frowned upon by most of today’s pagan community. I prefer not to be so biased: as long as the couple are devoted and serious in their intent, then why shouldn’t they have the option to hand-fast? And who knows what the day could open up to them.
I would obviously remind them that they can obtain a legal marriage at their local registry office but it is often this that puts them off. Not everyone these days wants that as their only alternative and many turn to the pagan world for help. If their love for each other is the only spiritual element to be present deliberately then it seems a good enough starting point for me. It is important that both of them are equally keen to be handfasted, any reticence being considered as a reason for me to advise them to go home and think about it.
Considering that we know most ancient weddings were indeed very simple affairs and the religious aspect came later in our history as a pre-requisite for marriage, I feel it is perfectly ethical to carry out such a ceremony. The only content-related advice I can offer to anyone approached in such a way is to let the couple themselves design their day. As a rough guide, however, I would ask some simple questions regarding, location, guests and suitability on all counts. Non-religious hand-fastings can be as simple or complicated as the couple want and their imaginations and budgets allow. Questions you may wish to ask are:
1. Where?
2. When?
3. Officiated or not?
4. Guests?
5. Reception/party after?
A popular form of humanist wedding is to hold it at a venue of significance to the couple or just somewhere they really like, either indoors or outside, and to have a briefed officiate. The role of such a person is to introduce the couple to their guests and to state their intention to marry, as well as any handfasting required. The couple then take it in turns to declare their love and feelings for one another, after which they are declared married and bound.
Here is an example of a non-religious ceremony held on a beach in summer. The couple’s names are Roddy and June they have been together for three years now and have a two year old daughter, Lucy, who is also present. They arrive with guests at mid-day (their choice), complete with barbecue and wine for afterwards. Roddy is dressed in his birthday suit as is June and most of their guests. Again this was their choice. As regular naturists they are used to such behaviour and the beach is a private one hired for the event. A friend (no, it wasn’t me) officiates.
Friend: Greetings everyone and thank you for being here today at Roddy and June’s hand-fasting. June, you express a wish to become hand-fasted to Roddy today in front of your friends and family as a sign of your love and devotion to him. Is this so?
June: It is so. Friend: Roddy you too have expressed a wish to become hand-fasted to June today in front of your family and friends as a sign of your love and devotion to June. Is this so?
Roddy: It is so. Friend: June and Roddy, by binding your hands today we will be witnessing a strengthening of your commitment to each other and a deepening love. Are you happy with this?
June: I am.
Roddy: I am.
Friend: June, I would like you to read to Roddy the words you have written especially for him today. June: Roddy, you are my enlightenment, you encourage me to shake off convention and embrace new experiences, you have widened my horizons and given me the most wonderful child. All this I thank you for, and love you deeply for, but most of all I thank you for loving me.
Friend: Roddy will you now please read the words you have chosen for June.
Roddy: June, I love you with all my heart and cannot imagine my life without you in it, you are my best friend, the mother of our child and my lover. I want you to think of this day as my declaration of total commitment to our love. May it last for ever.
Friend: June and Roddy, now you have said these words I will bind your hands together symbolic of the oneness you have found. I bind once, for you, June. I bind once, for you, Roddy. And lastly for your love together. Please feel free to kiss.
They do this and are showered with rose petals brought along by family.
Friend: June and Roddy, you are now hand-fasted and I ask you to be seated while we listen to a song sung by our minstrels here today. (They asked friends with musical ability to attend and play for them) In this case the co
uple remained physically bound until all friends had been individually thanked for coming and the food was ready to be eaten, then they carefully placed the binding material (in this case ribbon) in a box prepared earlier. Now I don’t for one minute want you to think that anyone having this sort of ceremony has to be skyclad (nude) and Roddy and June’s wedding was a highly unusual but entertaining event by all accounts. Most humanist hand-fastings are of the fully-clothed variety but it made for an interesting example.
As a pagan I found this hand-fasting intriguing, for as much as the couple expressed their strong, almost evangelical, atheism they inadvertently emulated several spiritual practices not uncommon to us in today’s pagan world.
They chose a beautiful outdoor location.
They chose to be skyclad or naked, considered a Gardnerian custom. They expressed eloquently their love for each other. They used rose petals as confetti.
They ate food prepared on an open fire.
All the elements were present, earth (sand), air (the wind), fire (the barbecue), and water (the sea). Although the word ‘spirit’ didn’t come into it, the day apparently felt very spiritual, to those aware of it, ironically.