by Mary Neasham
Bride’s name , I invite you to face Groom’s name with love and honesty to make the vows of intent for your relationship in full view of your family, friends, the elemental spirits and goddess or god, who are here today to offer their light, love and blessings to this spiritual union.
(Repeat for groom) Vows are made, bride first.
7. Rings and personal spiritual gifts, if any, are exchanged and
the priestess or priest performs the actual hand-fasting. Some people like the idea of having a best/first man and best/first lady to bring the rings to the couple on a cushion but it’s up to you. If you decide against this then one can simply ask for the priestess or priest to have them ready on the altar or otherwise. Normally the priestess or priest will say a few words along these lines:
Bride’s name , Please take the ring you have for Groom’s name, and place it on his chosen finger (this can be any one you like but most people opt for the traditional) saying these words.
Bride: I give you this magical ring to wear as a symbol of the love between us and the spiritual bond we have as one. (Repeat same process for groom)
After this ask the couple if they have any special gifts for each other and invite them to exchange them, each saying a few words explaining what the gift is for and why they are giving it. Now it remains for you to bind their hands in the manner you have already practised and agreed to. It is important to announce this bit a little louder to emphasise the importance of this spiritual heart of the ceremony such as:
Bride’s name , You have expressed your intent, made your vows, exchanged your rings and offered gifts in the name of the love you share with Groom’s name, and in the love and light of everyone here in the presence of invoked deity (plus any reverent description of said being: for example, the great mother goddess etc.) and
Groom’s name, You have expressed your intent, made your vows, exchanged your rings and offered gifts in the name of the love you share with Bride’s name, and in the love and light of everyone here in the presence of invoked deity (plus any relevant description again). By the power of your love for each other, those that you love and love you, in the name of invoked deity, I ask you to join your left (or right, or both) hands as I bind you with this cord today once for (fill in as required), twice for (if applicable) and thrice etc. For a year and a day (betrothals), for (set period), for as long as love survives or for ever (state which as applicable).
You are now hand-fasted and are bound as one together in love, light and understanding. Let no one come between you and may your union be one of love, respect and consideration to each other and all living things from this day forth.
8. The couple are encouraged to embrace and/or kiss. Blessings from invoked energy or energies and priestess or priest are made. It would be almost impossible for me to guide you verbally on this subject, as I cannot possibly know which energy or energies you are planning on calling, but you can introduce it by saying something like:
I bless this couple in the name of invoked deity, wishing you a happy, healthy loving future on your path together as one. Priestess or priest may choose to touch the point of the binding at this point with an athame, wand or sword but could choose just to use his or her hands. Any spiritual personal gift could be given at this juncture also.
10. Reading from priestess or priest (which can be anything from a poem to a more personal message from the priestess or priest and is very much down to personal preference).
11. The giving of thanks and farewells to invoked energy or energies. This is very easy but must be done and can be put thus: We give light, love and gratitude to invoked deity (plus descriptive prose as before) for blessing us with your divine energy and blessing the hand-fasting of Bride’s name and Groom’s name here today and now must bid you farewell.
12. The giving of thanks and farewells to the elements or quarters. If you have human quarters then face each one in turn from north or east depending on the orientation of your altar. If not then face the altar and bid farewell that way instead. For human quarters you can say:
With light, love and thanks for your presence here today and we bid farewell to you the Spirit of the North of Earth
then nod respectively as they nod back in acknowledgement. (Ditto for the rest.) You can say pretty much the same when facing the altar but touch each one in turn as you do. Some couples are instructed to visit each quarter in turn whilst still bound as this is done, but it’s optional.
13. Priestess or priest officially closes the ceremony, saying, for example: All that is left is love and that is what we shall all take with us today as we leave this sacred space to celebrate further the joining of this magical couple in a life of spiritual harmony and unity. Blessings be to you all and farewell!
The couple may wish to be released from their physical binding at this point. Don’t forget to close your own energy points afterwards. As with most views on circle casting it is not usually necessary to un-cast, as the protective light will fade on its own.
This is a basic formula that works and is usually quite easy to reproduce, the most important thing being to remember to relax and enjoy it. Be strong and positive, and practise projecting your most loving, caring, voice in advance so everyone will hear you on the day. I know someone who went to the lengths of putting cotton wool in her ears several hours before her first public ritual. Her temporary hearing deprivation ensured her voice sounded loud enough to all but her, ironically.
It is important to be prepared to open up completely to the energies you wish to raise and to some extent the role of priest or priestess is that of complete belief and trust in his or her abilities to do this. To expect to gain overnight success in this is unrealistic, as normally it takes years of practice, although for those totally walking the walk, as it were, and living a purely spiritual life, doors can open fairly quickly. Meditation is the key to learning how to raise spiritual energy and one needs to be reasonably proficient at it to succeed.
Your appearance on the day is important, and like the couple you are about to hand-fast you need to present yourself in a clean and pleasant manner. But contrary to the opinions of some it is not necessary to don the biggest pentagram you can find. If planning to enlist the use of others during the ritual, then have opportunities for everyone to meet beforehand and rehearse all their parts thoroughly. It is ultimately your responsibility to ensure everyone knows their roles and it is you they will look to if unsure. To avoid any lapses of memory print out the order of service in advance, letting all participants have a copy.
As priestess or priest it is up to you to give confidence and structure to the event, so keep yourself focused in the now during the ceremony and try not to get distracted. Make sure you are happy with the format and the words you intend using, trying if possible to commit them to memory. If unfamiliar with the ceremony you may have to approach it like an actor does. Method acting of course. There is a certain dramatic quality to these ceremonies so if you are not happy to be centre stage in rituals then back out gracefully and try to help your couple find someone else.
I am not going to go into depth on guiding you verbally as I personally feel only those concerned can really decide on how they wish to express their love. I will say, however, that you have the blessings and permission of the creators of the example rituals in this book to use any for guidance. It is perfectly permissible to draw from other people’s ceremonies but bear in mind that your own words often carry the most power and hopefully most of them will be divinely inspired anyway.
Your couple may choose to give you a free rein on format and wording, trusting in your wisdom, but encourage them to create their own vows. These are words they will be promising spiritually to live by, so extra guidance and higher wisdom is required when making them, and the potential consequences of breaking them need considering also. Whatever you do don’t say anything you are not happy with or go along with any ceremony that raises energy but doesn’t close properly. If there are any serious doub
ts in your mind then think again before agreeing to doing it. There maybe someone else better placed than you to meet their requirements. It is also equally possible that, come the day, you will do such a brilliant job that you could find yourself being asked again and potentially it could snowball, so give these possibilities careful consideration.
To enter into the world of holding rites of passage may encroach on your everyday life more than planned and it could prove problematic. As far as charging is concerned I would let your conscience be your guide. If you instinctively feel it is wrong then don’t do it and give selflessly. The universe is sure to give back in some way, but if on the other hand you see it as part of the way or the only way you earn a living then charge accordingly. The only advice I can give is to charge by what you feel you are worth on a sliding scale. If you feel you have something unique or special to offer then increase your worth slightly. This could be access to a recognised ancient sacred site or a high degree initiation from a well-known coven or path. If you are the only uniqueness to offer, then charge a mean average of all your hourly rates. If needing more insight then simply contact some of the popular priestesses or priests of your area through moots or the Pagan Federation and find out what they charge.
I also think it is a nice touch to bring a gift for the couple that you have blessed in advance. If you are exceedingly emotionally driven be prepared to keep a dry eye until after the event. Breaking down in tears of happiness is the domain of the respective parents, not ours, and looks very unprofessional. If properly charged with magical energy this shouldn’t occur. For those of you unable as yet to feel confident in your ability to raise energy then don’t offer what you can’t deliver. It’s better to save face and let them find someone more experienced. If your couple aren’t particularly worried about this then go ahead, but your initial interview should tell both parties all they need to know about mutual suitability.
For anyone intending to officiate without deliberately raising energy (I say deliberately as many people do it uncontrollably!) then you can follow the same basic structure in a simplified version, thus:
1. Open your ceremony by thanking everyone for attending. Explain briefly the origins of the ceremony; for example: We are here today to celebrate the love of .................... and .................... by performing the ancient Celtic tradition of hand-fasting in the joining of our couple as one in mind, body and spirit.
2. Ask the couple if they know any reasons why they should not be joined and then bless them alternately with the four elements describing why you do this as you do it, thus:
I bless you .................... with the element of Earth. May your physical needs be met and good health and fortune come your way.
I bless you .................... with the element of Air. May your love be inspired and your thoughts and words be truly honest and positive.
I bless you .................... with the element of Fire. May your love be passionate warm and as generous as the Sun.
I bless you .................... with the element of Water. May your emotional bonds grow with each cycle of the Moon.
3. Giving and receiving of rings and exchanging of pre-written vows with couple facing each other.
4. Any special readings and/or songs.
5. Perform the binding explaining as you go thus:
.................... and ...................., you have asked me here today to perform the task of hand-fasting and now that you have declared your love for each other and made your sacred vows I ask you to join your left hands as I fast you once for ...................., once for ...................., and once for your souls now joined as one. As one you are stronger and can enjoy the dance of the male and female inside you.
6. Song or hymn of celebration if possible or reading by invited
speaker if not.
7. Blessing by you thus: I bless you both on your path together, ready to face the world as a couple bound in love, freely, wildly, enthusiastically, thoughtfully, compassionately, honestly and if it is your wish may the union prove fertile (or along those lines).
8. Making of offerings placed either on the altar or in specially pre-decided spot, e.g. a well (make sure its eco friendly and permissible), and/or exchange of gifts.
9. Invite the couple to kiss.
10. Any broomstick jumping or fire jumping if planned. Some couples do a circuit of the perimeter of the space whilst still bound.
11. Thank everyone again for being there, declare the couple are hand-fasted then remove the binding if they wish you to, and announce the end of the ceremony.
12. Party! It must be stressed that this is simply a guideline for you and you should really let your imaginations run free as far as your budgets will allow. The one thing I didn’t want to do is lead you by the hand every step as my path is definitely mine and will invariably be different from yours, so use the first ceremony as guidance, if you need it, for wording on the second ceremony where appropriate. By seeking advice from someone more experienced you can get invaluable insights and ideas that books such as these cannot offer. There is nothing so good as first-hand experience. It is very flattering to be invited to hold a hand-fasting and reflects well on you that people in your sphere of influence see you as such a caring and responsible being. Enjoy it!
Final Preparations for the Couple Most of you already familiar with ritual will instinctively prepare yourselves spiritually for the event by process of meditation and physical cleansing. You may also wish to purge or cleanse internally as well by de-toxing a few days before. For those of you unfamiliar with such practices I urge you to at least consider deeply the rite you are about to go through if you haven’t already.
Whether you are spiritually aware or not, you will be declaring your intimate love and bonding to another in front of the universe as well as any family and friends present. Regardless of your path or beliefs you will still have your own conscience to deal with if indeed the marriage does fail, and this does need careful consideration.
This example serves to inform you of the depth of soul binding you will be going through by engaging in a spiritual hand-fasting. It is not necessary to be separate the night before, but I think it is a good tradition as it gives both parties a last chance to be alone with their thoughts and the true feelings of their hearts.
For those of you who opted for the traditional hen or stag night the night before, hangovers could be a problem and many a wedding starts this way, sadly. Spiritually this will leave you toxic and tired, not the best start to a life of wedded bliss! I would recommend such activities occur several nights before the planned day, allowing tradition to have its way but ensuring you make the event refreshed and ready.
A pre-wedding bath specially prepared with appropriate herbs, oils and flowers will relax you and set the mood, cleansing more than just your body. Don’t use any perfumes or oils you are not familiar with, though, as the last thing you need is an allergic reaction to deal with and the prospect of greeting your loved one looking like a bloated lobster.
Make sure all your wedding attire is laid out ready the night before and any last-minute floral headgear can be put together just prior to setting off, providing the flowers are readily available, which they should be!
For those of you concerned with hair who are planning a special and elaborate style for the occasion, then getting a hairdresser to visit at home is easiest and infinitely preferable to running around the district like a headless chicken getting panicky and flustered. It cannot be emphasised strongly enough that the more planning and preparation you put into the day, no matter how simple an affair you are having, the smoother it will go and the more you will be able to enjoy it.
As bride and groom you should try to delegate as many jobs as possible among family and friends, who hopefully will be only too pleased to help.
In an ideal world all you should have to worry about is turning up dressed and ready to be hand-fasted, with everything else just slipping into place. I would
recommend you draw up a prewedding plan well in advance and update it as required as you get closer to the date. This plan should get smaller as you gradually account for all eventualities. To help you with this I have included pages for notes on the various requisites on pages 121 onwards.
Asking your priest or priestess for a pre-wedding blessing is a good idea and will help to strengthen your belief in the day and resulting union, so aiding positive energy to work in your favour.
I would definitely hand over the responsibility of last-minute food preparation to someone willing to do it, as cooking in bridal clothes is not to be recommended even if you have helped up till the day itself.
Recording Your Day You may have drawn up a contract and or certificate to remember the day with and may also be planning to preserve your binding material in some way, but what about photography? Obviously our ancestors lacked this magical art but we have it and photographs of the day will, like any wedding pictures, be lasting mementos of your special day. You can of course hire a photographer for the occasion, but remember what was said earlier about mixing the non-pagan with pagan elements. If you are lucky enough to have a pagan or pagan-friendly photographer to use, then brilliant, but if not what are your options?
I would try to find someone among your family and friends to take the photos and use a decent camera if possible. Most SLR cameras have an automatic setting that makes them easy for anyone to use and they generally produce the best pictures. Any camera with a panoramic setting will be useful for larger group photos. Another very popular innovation is the digital camera, giving you instant access to your pictures directly after the event. Camcorders are widely used at all forms of weddings and again can give you immediate results, although they vary in quality widely, as do their users!
Your priest or priestess may possibly object to the rite itself being recorded as it could upset the elementals, so ask if you can pose in a circle briefly after the event as an alternative.