by Mary Neasham
The very basics you will require are a wand, athame, broom or sword to cast the circle (this should really be the priest’s or priestess’s domain), a container with earth or sand in it or crystals, rose quartz being a good choice and easily obtainable from most high streets these days. You will need at least one candle and it’s a good idea to bring a glass jar or similar to put this in to prevent it being blown out. For the air element, either use some incense (homemade being preferable) or feathers, and finally a chalice or suitable receptacle for holding water. Ideally the water should be pure well water but rain water or tap water can be used and sprinkled with sea salt to purify it.
One very important item not to be excluded is an offering, especially relevant if gods and goddesses are being called. Finding an appropriate item needs careful consideration as it should not only relate to love but to the god and goddess concerned. You may already have something in mind, but if not too sure then consult your priest or priestess who should be happy to guide you in the right direction. The sacrifice of something special thrown into a well, pond, river or the sea if feasible, is very traditional and stems from the bronze age. This magical act was especially relevant from an elemental standpoint, water being the element associated with love. It is still believed to bring luck and operates on a sliding scale of intensity based on the value of the object being sacrificed. The higher its value to you the greater the magical effect and the bigger the reward theoretically.
Interestingly the word sacrifice comes from the Latin sacrificare, to give up, as in ‘to the gods’. At its most basic and simplest, the offering could take the form of a clay goddess model and phallic symbol for the god. Food is often thought a good form of offering, as are flowers (but not a tin of beans and cut flowers from the market!). The spirits prefer all things natural and the more effort you put into making or growing your own the better, so a bunch of home-grown roses and some homemade heart-shaped biscuits or cookies would be better.
If you follow a particular tradition they will have their own customs to adhere to, but be careful not to inadvertently mix your path’s, for example don’t hold a Celtic hand-fasting and wear Nordic jewellery. This will be seen as an insult to the powers that be! Having another table covered and simply dressed with foliage found in the location on the day, for guests to leave their offerings or presents on, is a good idea but always remember to ask first before helping yourself and thank afterwards. This refers to both the owner (if there is one) of the land you are on as well as the actual spirit of whatever tree or shrub you are about to sever bits from.
Seating for guests outside is a very important issue and expecting your guests to stand or just sit on damp earth is not a good idea. Some might not mind but for others it could prove problematic, so sorting out these details in advance will pay off. You might have to bring some form of seating with you or arrange for a friend to prepare this before you arrive. At the very least bring blankets or picnic sheeting just in case, to avoid embarrassment.
I don’t mean to sound patronising, but the lighting of fires is very tempting but doesn’t always go down well, so if planning to light one check first that it will be OK. Fires can get out of control, so have a bucket of water or sand handy just in case. This is extremely relevant if holding your hand-fasting during an especially dry period. You don’t want to be responsible for starting a localised catastrophe and find your hand-fasting making headline news for all the wrong reasons.
Having a simple first aid kit will also be useful, as people can have minor accidents, especially if consuming large quantities of alcohol.
The weather can be unpredictable to say the least in this country, so prepare for the worst and if possible have some form of cover available should rain or worse occur.
Lastly I have prepared a simple check list for you to use as a rough guide that covers the basics, but most of all I wish to emphasise that this is your day and as such should be your day. Use it well and it will remain a beautiful experience you will both remember for the rest of your lives.
1. Priest, priestess or officiate
2. Location location location
3. Date, time and invitations
4. Type, path/spiritual or otherwise.
5. Contract or not
6. Certificate or not
7. Equipment and/or ritual tools
8. Clothing and jewellery
9. Offerings and/or gifts
10. Food and drink
11. Flowers
12. Cake
13. Budget
Personal planning pages can be found on pages 121 onwards. Ritual Guidance If the reason you are reading this book is because you have been asked to perform a hand-fasting and need guidance, then relax while we take a more intensive look into the ritual. It is not necessary for you to be a fully initiated priestess or priest. The bulk of today’s pagans are uninitiated so you are in good company.
First let’s look at exactly what constitutes an initiated person these days. An initiated person is someone who has reached the point on their spiritual journey where they feel the need to dedicate and pledge allegiance to a particular path or coven and declare themselves magical people. This is achieved by the performance of an initiating ceremony or ritual. The potential initiate will be invited by either their coven or mentor to undergo such a ritual when the time is right for them, usually after one to three years of study and practice of their chosen craft. For the solitary practitioners, who by and large make up the majority of pagans today, the decision to self-initiate is the only alternative.
I came to this point about four years ago after approximately one conscious year of deliberate practice, although I had been spiritually aware for at least two years preceding and had been inadvertently following my path subconsciously all my life. The decision to tread a green path was made for me by the spirit of the Green Man who had always been close to me since childhood, not surprising for someone brought up on the edge of such an inspiring place as ancient Epping Forest.
The choice of path or tradition, unless hereditary (not an easy one to prove), is usually obvious to the individual based on their own beliefs, feelings and what they are drawn to. Some instinctively ‘feel’ Celtic, choosing to ‘work’ with a particular god or goddess, some Norse and for many these days Wicca. But you do not have to tread these specific paths at all and therefore a large proportion of today’s practising pagans are eclectic.
For those of you unfamiliar with terms such as ‘practising’ and ‘working’ let me explain. Practising means that you actively pursue a spiritual life by means of example in awareness of spirit, showing reverence to nature, love and greater understanding of self and others, and generally aspire to be essentially as harmless as is possible. It also refers to the optional learning of particular magical arts such as meditation or path workings, healing, raising spiritual energies, celebration and understanding of festivals and moon phases, divination, result magic (spells), rites of passage, creativity, and most importantly self belief amongst many others.
Working is when we refer to a specific magical act, often carried out ritualistically. Whether it is as simple as giving unbiased objective advice to someone during a reading, planting a tree and blessing it or carrying out a high magical rite in a coven, it is all considered work. Working with invoked (called upon) magical energies such as specific ancient deities happens for a variety of reasons. Sometimes these ancient forces will approach you first either during meditations or you can stumble upon them out walking, for example, or you may actively seek them out. Whichever way it happens, you must try to be calm, taking note of any message you feel they may have for you. Even if this doesn’t occur you may still be drawn to a particular force because of an affinity you feel for it or a quality you need from it.
The one thing to remember when ‘working’ with any energetic being, from the dizzy heights of Thor to the humble spirit of your home, is that you must treat them with respect. By actively connecting with the spirit worl
d we open ourselves up on a different and magical level and therefore any traditional practices should be adhered to. The Celtic and northern paths have a rule of a gift for a gift, meaning if you ask them to do something on your behalf then they will expect you to give in return. This doesn’t necessarily mean directly to them, but if for example you ask for money and it works then they might expect you to give some to a charity or other cause you deem virtuous.
So how can you perform the magical rite of hand-fasting if you are not initiated? The answer to this is simple. You can if you are already familiar with (i) raising spiritual energy through meditation, (ii) invoking deities and (iii) protection or circle casting. If not, then it will require you to become so before attempting to perform the rite. The only exception to this is if the couple want a spiritual flavour but are not worried about raising energy.
There are numerous books you can read for basic guidance and courses to go on, so if in doubt of your knowledge or ability contact the Pagan Federation who should be happy to help. Their address is under sources on page 143.
To prepare yourself for the event, meditate on all the elements first and see what they reveal to you, keeping a record of these insights as you progress. Call on the forces you normally work with and write down their responses.
Practise casting big circles if you are not used to it, and if possible familiarise yourself with the intended venue by opening up to the energy of the space and getting a feel of it.
Make sure you have something suitable to wear. It is not necessary to use a cloak and robe but they do look right and are generally what is expected. Women can have an easier time of it where this dilemma is concerned, by choosing to wear a long dress, suitable for the occasion, instead. Use your normal tools and prepare them in advance by cleansing them beforehand. Spend time with your couple and, if you don’t already know, then find out as much as you can about their beliefs. Familiarise yourself with the forces they wish you to work with or suggest they use an energy you already work with. Chances are that’s why they chose you originally.
The basis for any ritual is to open, enter and close, so you need three energy points: (i) the initial opening ceremony allowing access to the veiled world of magic, (ii) the ceremony of love itself when vows are exchanged and hands fasted and (iii) the closing and exiting of the magical world by thanks and farewells.
The protective circle contains any energy raised and the energy within it whilst preventing any negative forces from entering. By calling upon the four elementals we are practising elemental magic, which allows those forces to be present and both strengthens the couple with their qualities and allows for the basic energetic components to be in place for any ritual, blessings, cleansings, enhancing and inspirations to happen, as called for or required through the words chosen to call upon them. I personally find that earth offers structure, air conveys the original thought, fire gives the energy and passion and water allows movement of love in hand-fastings.
Invoking a specific deity allows the force of that manifest being to be present again to energise, bless, cleanse, and so on. Invoking the goddess and god of Wiccan faith has much the same effect but will feel different to each individual present. The whole point of a magical ritual like this is to spiritually strengthen, bind and unite the couple, adding its own unique extra dimension to the occasion.
Broken down very simply it is as follows. 1. The circle is cast of protective light energy raised by the priestess, often carried out physically with a broom, sword, wand or athame in a doesil (clockwise) direction from north if a north-oriented altar or east if an eastern-oriented one, the two being favourite in the northern hemisphere. The circle is symbolically ‘put out there’ three times and it is normally important to contain the circle by the holding of hands or understanding of those in it that it must not be broken during the ritual. It is not essential to cast a circle, but creating a spiritual protective (usually blue or purple) light of love in your mind’s eye around the congregation will suffice, and if you prefer this method noone but yourself will be aware of your magical actions.
2. The couple are introduced, plus any planned reading. Some people like a dramatic entrance including the opening of a magical door in the circle, the crossing of a broom, or opening of an actual physical door. Others opt for simply placing everyone in their places in advance. I prefer a middle road, placing my couple within the sacred space at south and asking them to walk towards me, thus:
Bride’s name and Groom’s name, I invite you to step forward and join us today in performing this your sacred rite of hand-fasting. 3. The elementals are called upon literally or symbolically by use of four ‘quarters’ or helpers, already placed in their correct positions. The elements should be represented in some way. I like to hold each elemental in turn whilst calling upon it so I have a very nice consecrated quartz obelisk that I use for earth, a swinging censer (yes, like a church one) filled with whatever incense the couple have chosen to use, a candle, normally white, and the chalice of blessed pure spring water. To call upon elementals is quite easy if you have spent time and practised meditating on them before. Simply tune in to the energy of that element by focusing on it physically and then go with it and it will reveal itself in whatever way is appropriate for you.
The calling can be done so: I call upon the Spirits of the North of the Earth oh blessed ancient rock that we live upon that has seen all and knows all and contains our secret origins like precious jewels be here and make solid today the joining in love of Bride’s name and Groom’s name.
All: With grateful thanks I feel your presence. I call upon the Spirits of the East of the Air oh blessed breath that we take in that inspires us and creates form and contains our secret origins like whispers of truth be here and focus our thoughts today in the joining in love of Bride’s name and Groom’s name.
All: With grateful thanks I feel your presence. I call upon the Spirits of the South of Fire oh blessed Sun that shines down on us and rises our passions and contains our secret origins rising like a phoenix from the flame be here and warm our hearts and souls today in the joining in love of Bride’s name and Groom’s name.
All: With grateful thanks I feel your presence. I call upon the Spirits of the West of the Water oh blessed Moon that moves our tides and governs our emotions and contains our secret origins like its shadow cast across the land be here and let love flow freely today in the joining in love of Bride’s name and Groom’s name.
All: With grateful thanks I feel your presence. The couple will either be asked to visit each ‘human’ quarter in turn for a blessing or come up to the altar to be blessed, and cleansed if required, by the priestess or priest by the represented elements.
4. The priestess or priest asks each of the couple their intent and establishes their mutual consent. This can be put as: Do you, Bride’s name, wish today to start a life of love, respect and trust with Groom’s name, and are you ready to do this knowing all that it will possibly entail?
(ditto for groom)
I call the witness of the bride.
(ditto for groom)
They normally stand either side of the couple and if there are any pre-nuptial contracts to sign the respective witnesses can read each part if required. I would advise against this if the contract is an especially long one. The contract is signed by both witnesses and the couple.
You can then ask them to be seated again. 5. The invocation by the priestess or priest of specific goddess or god or both. There are various ways in which one can invoke. I personally like to spend time tuning myself into the energy in advance by process of meditation. Some people like to symbolically ‘draw’ invocation pentagrams in the air facing the direction relating to the deity they are invoking whilst calling their name, but this is not necessary. Some face the altar and others face the congregation using a goddess stance, legs apart and arms spread uplifted apart, or god stance, legs closed and arms crossed over chest looking upward, depending on the deity or dieties they are inv
oking. Goddess energy usually comes up from below through the base chakra and god energy from above or crown chakra in my experience. Some like to hold their athame, sword or wand some not—its up to you, but if you have an invocation that you use regularly then use it, adapting where needed. I feel that as long as you are ‘open’ to the energy the ‘calling’ itself is usually all that is required. The words themselves have power, as does the name of the deity you are calling. If the conditions are right they will ‘appear’—not necessarily in the physical sense, although this is possible, but in some way the energy of the space will feel different, even to the uninitiated, as if something far more loving and powerful than us is present. We all have our own methods and whether you have learnt them from a mentor, coven or through your own solitary practice they are all equally valid. So hopefully by the time you are ready to do this you should already be flowing with divine energy and only have to call upon them by name, believing one hundred percent that they will respond. The response is sometimes obviously manifested or can be subtler, depending on what they feel is required, and it can be done thus:
OH deity or deities of (whatever descriptive prose is appropriate) to be here today in this sacred space to join us in celebrating the joining in mind, body and spirit of Bride’s name and Groom’s name, bathe us in your divine power and honour us with your presence and energy throughout this ritual until the time comes that we must say farewell. So mote it be (optional).
6. The couple are invited to make their vows plus any further readings or songs. Normally the couple will be standing in front of you at this point with their backs to your group, so ask them to face one another. You can say something like: