Blue

by Ford, Brynn

  She sighed, finishing up her typing of what I assumed to be a work related email before closing the lid of her laptop and pulling off her reading glasses.

  “Yes and no? I don’t know.”

  “Do you wanna talk about it?”

  “Definitely not. I can’t even process it all right now. There’s a big murder case we’re going to trial on in two weeks and I’m completely overwhelmed with that as it is.”

  “Innocent or guilty?”

  “My client? He’s innocent, but the prosecution has some damning evidence.”

  “You’ll win. You always do.”

  She grinned, “Not always, but most of the time. So,” she paused, “What happened tonight? You’re home pretty early.”

  I chuckled, running my fingers through my hair, “It could be over now. I really don’t know.”

  She paused, “Over? Wait. You mean with Desi and Vaughn?”

  I stepped inside the room, unbuttoning my shirt as I crossed to the walk-in closet, “Yeah.”

  “God,” she sounded surprised, “What happened? Are you okay? Is she okay? I thought you and Vaughn had been talking.”

  I undressed just inside the closet as Ris spoke, not bothering to pull the door closed because it didn’t matter. Ris had seen me naked plenty of times before and we weren’t the kind of people who were shy about our bodies or concerned with who saw them. I pulled on a pair of black sweat pants over my boxer briefs and came back into the room shirtless.

  Sighing I told her, “Desi’s fine. I mean, I didn’t exactly say goodbye.”

  I sat on the edge of the bed and told Ris everything, every minute detail of what happened between me and Desi and Vaughn. I told her about every touch, every feeling, every moment I felt something for Desi. She came over and sat beside me on the bed, our legs dangling side-by-side over the edge.

  “I’m at a complete loss for words, Law. And you know that’s unusual for me,” she smiled.

  I chuckled through my sadness, “Yeah, no, shit.”

  “You knew what you had with her would end sometime. She’s married. She’s in love with Vaughn. And he's good for her, it's a good thing.”

  “I know, but it doesn’t make it hurt any less to think that she and I will never have what I want.”

  Ris nodded and put her arm around my waist, leaning her head over onto my shoulder in a friendly manner of comfort, “I’m so sorry, Law, I know you fell for her.”

  I leaned my head on top of hers, appreciating the closeness and physical comfort, “Was it that obvious?”

  “Oh, sweetie, so, so obvious,” she lifted her head to smile at me and her pure kindness comforted me enough to return it, “I know she reminds you of Audrey –”

  “Ris, I don’t want to talk about her right now. You’re not wrong. But even thinking about that comparison feels like a punch in the gut.”

  “I’m sorry,” her tone soothed, “I know. But you have to recognize that Desi is a different person. And she has Vaughn. She’s strong. She’s going to be okay. She’s going to be okay if you have to let her go.”

  I thought Audrey was strong, too, but she wasn’t okay.

  I had to force those thoughts out of my head before I spiraled. Thankfully, Ris knew me well enough to let it go.

  She sighed, “Honey, for what it’s worth, I don’t think it’s done for good. I know you’ll see her again. Maybe not in the fun way you did tonight,” she grinned, “I’m kind of sad I missed it. Must have been one hell of a show.”

  “It was definitely something.”

  I knew she caught the hopelessness in my tone.

  “Sweetie, what can I do for you?”

  Ris was a helper, a mender, a caregiver, a fixer. It was a natural way with her with people she cared about. It was an endearing quality that I really loved about her. Once she decided you were a part of her tribe, her loyalty and willingness to do for you knew no bounds.

  “What can you do for me? What can I do for you? You’re the one who’s really had a shit night.”

  She shook her head, “I’ll be fine, I always am. But I’m worried about you.”

  I wrapped my arms around her, pulling her against me in a tight hug, “Asher doesn’t deserve you. You’re too good for him, Angel.”

  I hadn’t intentionally used her trigger name for submission. I had given her the name when I was her dominant a few years ago and it stuck with her, even when she moved on to a new relationship.

  In true submissive form, she asked, “What do you need, Law?”

  I had no interest in taking advantage of her, but if she was offering to be here for me, then I would let her, because I needed it.

  “Sleep with me here tonight. Let me hold you.”

  She pulled away to look at me with an easy smile, “Sure thing.”

  I stood, pulling her up with me and turned down the bed, motioning for her to climb in. She crawled in wearing just her panties and the white t-shirt she’d borrowed from my dresser, which was all she’d been wearing when I came home. She slid to the middle, rolling to face away from me.

  It was comforting falling back into bed with Ris for the first time in years. It was familiar, easy. I turned off the light and crawled in behind her, scooting close to spoon her, letting my body envelop hers entirely.

  It was far too early for me to sleep, given that I was usually out working at any one of my three nightclubs until the bright and early hours of the morning on the weekends. Tonight though, I couldn’t wrap my head around going back out or working, so I was leaving everything in the hands of my very capable general managers. I felt mentally exhausted anyway, and just wanted to lie here and decompress with one of my oldest and closest friends.

  Ris immediately put her freezing feet against my shins and I smacked her hip, “I thought you were supposed to be comforting me. Not fucking freezing me to death, woman.”

  Ris chuckled, “Listen, you want comfort? You keep my feet warm. Fair is fair.”

  “Fine. I keep you warm, you keep me sane?” I offered in compromise.

  “Deal,” she replied.

  I sat up just slightly to press a chaste kiss to the side of her head, “Good night, Christine.”

  “Good night, Jasper.”

  I snuggled her closer, like a child would hold a favorite stuffed animal. I followed her breaths, trying to match them, a trick I used to calm my nerves and ease my anxiety. It gave my muddled brain something to focus on and it relaxed me so I could fall asleep. It was something I taught all of my subs to do when enduring pain or intense sensation.

  Her breathing was slow and steady. Too steady. As if she knew exactly what I was doing, which, of course, she did. I didn’t think anything of it. But then her chest heaved unexpectedly as one sob, then another escaped her. She was crying.

  I lifted my arm from around her waist and brought it to her shoulder, lifting myself up to look down at her in the city lights shining in through the window. I wasn’t going to ask if she was okay. Obviously she wasn’t. But before I could say anything at all, her crying ebbed rapidly, stoicism returning in true Ris fashion, and she spoke.

  “We should hang out more, you know? I kind of miss hanging out with you. Things with Asher lately have been…lonely. ”

  It sounded like a simple, forthright statement, and I would’ve taken it at face value if it weren’t for the fact that she’d just had an unexpectedly vulnerable moment in my arms. Ris didn’t cry easily. When she was mine, it always took an intense amount of pain to elicit the tears from her that my sadistic soul craved. So I knew there was something more to read into her words, I just didn’t know exactly what.

  I didn’t want to press as she appeared to be in an unusually delicate state tonight. I really didn’t know what to do with that because it was so unlike her. It tugged at my heartstrings to see Ris struggle this way and I made a mental note to check in with her more often after tonight, to give her some support that she clearly needed.

  “I miss you, too, Ris. We’ll make
plans to see each other more often. Outside of Black Ties. I promise.”

  She nodded in the dark and turned her head back toward me, seeking comfort of her own. I stroked the side of her head as she let me care for her. She closed her eyes, relaxing under my gentle petting. The feeling of being needed, the sensation of caring for someone worthy of my attention made my chest rise with pride.

  I've been lonely, too, Ris.

  It had been a long time since I’d truly looked at Ris and I took the opportunity to study her face in the dim light. She really was a beautiful woman with her long, golden blonde hair and striking blue eyes that matched mine. Her features were feminine, soft, but the intensity of her fierce personality sharpened the lines of her face, demanding that she be taken seriously.

  My hand drifted down her side, skimming unashamedly over the swell of her breast, following the dip of her waist, and gliding down over her hip. I wasn’t trying to start anything, but sometimes my hands had a mind of their own. I was heart sick over Desi and the comfort of Christine’s familiar curves beside me was stirring.

  Her eyes popped open and landed on mine, “What are you doing, Law?”

  “Nothing. It’s just comforting to have you beside me.”

  “Your hand on my ass doesn’t feel like it’s just a comfort touch.”

  “I’ll remove it if you ask me to.”

  “I’m not asking you to.”

  “I’m heartbroken and half-hard, Christine, and I’m holding a beautiful woman in my bed. Forgive me if I’m being too forward to put my hands on you for comfort. I’ll open the guest bedroom for you if you like.”

  She rolled to face me and rocked her hips forward, pressing against my rapidly growing erection.

  “It’s not okay for you to take advantage of me in my vulnerable state, Law.”

  “Is it taking advantage if you want me to do it?”

  My hand rubbed in a smooth circle on her hip, being careful not to dip behind her so I could grab a fistful of her ass and hold her body against mine. I exercised a great deal of self-control to stop myself from doing just that and from commanding her as mine. Even after all these years, it was an impulse with her that I had to keep in check.

  “Law, we can’t.”

  “I know. You're with Asher. You're not mine. I won't break the rules. It wouldn’t be fair to you anyway because I’m only seeking comfort."

  We stared at each other. I really didn’t know what I thought would happen. We were both upset. We both needed a distraction. We both knew sex would just be a temporary release that might have some seriously negative backlash for our friendship.

  But then her hand was on my naked chest and it was moving lower.

  “I don't belong to Asher anymore. I called him as soon as I got here. Told him it was over. It has to be."

  My hand stopped moving, "What? You broke up with Asher and didn't say anything? Just hanging out, cool as fucking ice?"

  "Cool as fucking ice. I have to be. I'm trying really hard not to fall apart. I've got too many people depending on me to keep it together right now."

  I narrowed my eyes at her with furrowed brow, "Who?"

  "You, for one."

  "You know I don't need you to keep it together for me. I'm the last person you need to keep it together for."

  "I'm the last person you need to keep it together for," she echoed.

  My palm twitched unintentionally at her hip with the urge to discipline her smart mouth. I hoped she hadn't noticed, but she did, of course.

  She noticed everything.

  She put her hand over mine in acknowledgement and that just electrified my need to dominate even more. She had to have known it would jumpstart my reflex to punish.

  Christine Warren was a deliberate vixen and she knew exactly what she was doing.

  "I’m hurting right now, Law," her hand left mine and slipped across my torso before sliding to a stop on the side of my waist, "You are, too."

  My palm betrayed me, doing exactly was I was trying to avoid as I let it fall from her hip to her backside. I dug my fingers into her deliciously full ass cheek.

  “If I fucked you tonight, I'd be thinking of Desi. You know that. You don't want that. And I don’t want to fuck up our friendship, Ris. I care about you and I need you to stick around for the long haul.”

  “Sex would complicate things," she agreed with her mouth, but her eyes were locked on mine, telling me something very different.

  “Sex complicates everything.”

  “We shouldn’t be this close, Law.”

  “So move away, Ris.”

  I was leaning down over her now, hovering above her face. Our lips were close, so close. I could kiss her if I moved an inch lower. She licked her full, pink lips, drawing my attention to their softness. My eyes were glued to her mouth, thinking only of how badly I had wanted to kiss Desi when she looked up at me from the table at Black Ties with lust in her stare.

  If Ris had caught her bottom lip with her teeth just then in the way Desi always did, I wouldn't have been able to control myself.

  I couldn’t kiss Desi. I might never be able to kiss her. Christine’s lips, though, were enticing and inviting and right there for me to taste and lick and suck.

  “I wanna kiss you, Ris. Let me. Just once and then we'll sleep. Nothing else.”

  "You really think you can stop after just one kiss?"

  "I'm the king of control, Ris. You know that."

  She didn't reply and her expression was indecipherable, intentionally so. Quiet moments passed in stillness. Then finally, she spoke.

  "I don't think I could stop after just one kiss with you. I would want more. But I don’t want to go there with you, it would hurt me too much, especially knowing you’re just fantasizing of Desi while kissing me," she smiled but it was sad, "When I was yours, it was Audrey in your fantasy. It was never really me you wanted. I don't know if I can handle you using me that way tonight."

  She paused, shaking off the serious tone and I was glad for it. One more mention of Audrey tonight and I might crumble, my hardened exterior might melt from my skin and leave me exposed. The way she phrased it though, as if I used her, it struck me. My immediate reaction was to jump down her throat and tick off all the reasons why she was wrong. I couldn't do that though, because I couldn't think of a single reason why she was wrong. Probably because she was right.

  She went on in a brighter tone, "I’m here for you tonight, Jasper. I’ll let you hold me, I’ll let you pet me, but nothing more. Please don't tempt me further."

  I felt her rejection in my chest, adding to the already heavy feeling of my heart. Not to mention the way she'd just cut me down to size.

  In my own home.

  In my bedroom.

  In my bed.

  The weight lifted ever so slightly when her eyes darted down to my mouth and her tongue swiped along her bottom lip. My body reacted to it like a sex signal before my mind could catch up. I swooped down and caught her lip between my teeth, giving her a quick tug before releasing it.

  "You know you're more than just a fantasy replacement, Angel. You're a whole different kind of fantasy. You know that. You also know what you have to tell me if you really don't want it," I reminded her quickly before running my tongue over the pink flesh I'd just sunk my teeth into.

  "When did I agree to follow your rules tonight?"

  "When you climbed into bed with me."

  She flipped the script, per usual, pushing me onto my back and rolling to climb on top of me. She straddled me as she sat up, sitting back on my thighs, squeezing her knees against my hips. I hated it when she tried to take control with me, but I still wanted to sink my dick inside her and forget about the way my heart hurt.

  "I've said Red enough tonight, Law. I don't want to say it again."

  I snatched her wrists and pulled, forcing her to bend down over me, "Then put your tongue in my mouth, sweetheart, and I'll keep it occupied so you don't have to say another word."

  She
swallowed and her eyes met mine with intense sincerity, "No. You and I kissing is something I can't handle right now. Hard limit. Hard limit."

  She paused and a loaded silence filled the space between us as I waited, patiently impatient, for her to finish her thought. I knew we shouldn't be doing this. I shouldn't be tempting her, tempting myself. I could name a hundred different reasons why this was a terrible idea, but the only one I needed to continue on this path was so much louder than all the rest. That reason was that we both wanted it. Her confirmation of that came dripping from her plump, rosy lips.

  "Bend me over your bed and beat me with your belt, Sir, and I'll let you have my pussy for a quick and dirty fuck."

  Control me, hurt me, dominate me, is what I heard her say and it echoed around my mind on loud speaker.

  I let go of her wrists and turned us, slamming her onto the bed as I rolled on top of her. I grasped her hips and flipped her body over so she was face down on the mattress. I settled my weight on top of her to hold her down, slowly molding my body over her curves as I dipped my hand between us to grab hold of her ass again.

  "I don't need a fucking belt to give you what you need, Christine."

  I felt the air leave her as I laid heavy on her chest and gave her rear a good slap.

  Her tone was breathless, "You might need a belt if that's the best you can do."

  The corner of my mouth turned up in amusement as my mind sifted through the many ways I wanted to punish her for being so sassy. I pulled her long, blonde hair back from her face and kissed her cheek while I tugged her panties down with the other.

  "Come on, flip that switch for me, Ris. Let me take you to subspace."

  As my fingers traced the line of her crack, dipping low between her legs to slip across the folds of her pussy, already slick with arousal, she stilled in acceptance of my control. I let my head drop, nuzzling my face into the side of her neck in gratitude for letting me have this small piece of her, for giving me what she knew I needed when I didn't have the emotional facility to face my real life problems.

  Hierarchy.

  Control.

  Rules.

  Peace in mutual expectations.

  Neither of us held out long enough for a proper play session, both too desperate to get lost in something. We rushed through rough foreplay and a hasty fuck session with her bent over the edge of my bed while I stood and took her from behind. She kept her promise after that, to let me hold her, her head resting on my naked chest and my arms wrapped around her tightly, quietly in the dark.