Uncle Wiggily in Wonderland

by Howard Roger Garis

  "Play ball!" suddenly cried the Queen of Hearts, and she struck with hermallet the croquet ball near her such a hard blow that it sailed throughthe air and hit Uncle Wiggily in the coat tails. And then somethingcracked.

  All at once the croquet ball began growing larger! Bigger and bigger itgrew, like a snowball which you roll in the yard, and then it began toroll after Uncle Wiggily. Down the croquet ground the big wooden ballchased after him, rolling closer and closer.

  "Oh, my!" cried the Queen of Hearts, "What have I done?"

  "The ball cracked the magical red stoppered bottle that was in my coattail pocket!" cried Uncle Wiggily over his shoulder, as he ran. "Some ofthe magic, big-growing water spilled on the ball, and now it has turnedinto a giant! Oh, it will crush me!"

  And, really, it did seem as though the big croquet ball would, for nowit was as large as a house and still growing, so strong was the water inthe magical bottle that had been broken.

  Larger and larger grew the croquet ball, and faster and faster it rolledafter Uncle Wiggily. It was almost on his heels now, and the bunnygentleman was running so fast that his tall silk hat flew off.

  "Oh, what shall I do?" he cried.

  Alice thought for a minute, then she called:

  "Quick, Uncle Wiggily. Take out the blue-corked bottle and sprinklesome of that water on the croquet ball! Hurry now!"

  Uncle Wiggily did. As he ran he turned and threw back over his shouldersome of the blue bottle water on the big rolling croquet ball. And, allat once, just as the alligator had done, the croquet ball shrank andshrank until it was no larger than a boy's marble, and then it couldn'thurt Uncle Wiggily even if it did roll on him.

  But it is a good thing he had that bottle of shrinking water with him;isn't it?

  And, if the expressman doesn't take the baby carriage to ride the trunkdown to the five-and-ten-cent store to buy a new piano, I'll tell younext about Uncle Wiggily and the Do-do.

  CHAPTER XVI

  UNCLE WIGGILY AND THE DO-DO

  "I declare!" exclaimed Nurse Jane Fuzzy Wuzzy, the muskrat ladyhousekeeper for Uncle Wiggily Longears, the rabbit gentleman, "Ideclare, I'll never get it done--never!"

  "What?" asked Uncle Wiggily. "What won't you get done?"

  "All this housework," answered Miss Fuzzy Wuzzy. "You see, going over tocall on Mrs. Bushytail, the squirrel lady, last night I didn't wash thesupper dishes, and now I have them to do, and also the breakfast dishesand the sweeping and dusting and I ought to bake a cake, and mend someof your socks and--"

  "Whoa!" called Uncle Wiggily with a jolly laugh, as though he had spokento Munchie Trot, the pony. "That's enough! Don't say any more. You havetoo much work to do."

  "And I'm worried about it," said Nurse Jane.

  "Don't be," advised the rabbit gentleman. "I'll stay and help you doit."

  "No," said Nurse Jane. "Thank you just the same, but I'd rather youwouldn't stay around the hollow stump bungalow when there is so much todo. You might get in my way and I'd step on you. That would give me thefidgets. It is very kind of you, but if you'll go off and have anadventure I think that will be best."

  "Just as you say," agreed Uncle Wiggily. "But I'd like to help. Can't Ibring you a diamond dishpan or a gold wash rag from the five and tencent store?"

  "No! Hop along with you!" laughed Nurse Jane. "I dare say I'll managesomehow."

  So Uncle Wiggily hopped along, over the fields and through the woods,and then he suddenly said to himself:

  "I know what I'll do. I'll play a little trick on Nurse Jane. Sheshouldn't spend so much time in the kitchen. A little is all right, butthere is too much trouble about housework. Here I go off and have anadventure and she has to slop around in dishwater. It isn't right!"

  Then the rabbit gentleman hopped along until he came to a woodlandtelephone, made from a trumpet vine flower, and into that he called,speaking right into his own hollow stump bungalow and to Nurse Jane.

  "Oh, Miss Fuzzy Wuzzy!" called Uncle Wiggily. "Can you come over to Mrs.Wibblewobble's duck house right away?"

  "Why, yes, I can," answered the muskrat lady, "though I have a lot ofwork to do. What is the matter?"

  "I'll tell you when you get there," said the voice of Uncle Wiggily,pretending he was Mrs. Wibblewobble, the duck lady. Then he called upMrs. Wibblewobble herself, told her how he had fooled Nurse Jane, andasked the duck lady, when the muskrat lady housekeeper came, to keep hertalking and visiting as long as she could.

  "And while Nurse Jane is at your house, Mrs. Wibblewobble," said UncleWiggily, over the trumpet vine telephone, "I'll run around the back wayto the hollow stump bungalow and do all the work."

  "That will be a nice surprise for Nurse Jane," the duck lady said.

  Uncle Wiggily guessed so, too, and when he thought Nurse Jane was safelyat Mrs. Wibblewobble's house, he went to the bungalow. He took off histall silk hat, laid aside his red, white and blue striped rheumatismcrutch, and began with the dishes. There was a large pile of them, butUncle Wiggily was brave.

  "When I was a soldier I fought a great many more mosquitoes than thereare dishes here," he said. "I will make believe the plates, cups andsaucers are the enemy, and I will charge on them and souse them."

  And Uncle Wiggily did, with a cake of soap for a gun and washing powderto fire with. But, still and with all, there were many dishes, and whenhe thought of the beds to make, the sweeping and dusting to be done andthe socks to mend, Uncle Wiggily said:

  "Oh, dear!"

  "What's the matter?" asked a voice behind him, and turning, he sawAlice from Wonderland. With her was a queer bird, which had a tail likethat of a mouse.

  "Oh, I'm glad to see you!" said Uncle Wiggily. "But I can't go and havean adventure with you, Alice, as I have to do all these dishes. Then Ihave to do the sweeping and do the dusting and do--"

  "That's enough!" laughed Alice. "There are too many Do-dos. I am just intime, I see. My friend will help you," and she pointed to the queerbird.

  "What?" cried Uncle Wiggily. "Can he do dishes?"

  "He can do anything!" laughed Alice. "He is the Do-do bird, and all Ihave to do is to pinch his tail and he will work very fast."

  "Doesn't it hurt him?" asked Uncle Wiggily.

  "What, to work fast?" Alice wanted to know.

  "No, to pinch his tail."

  "Not in the least," answered Alice. "He's used to it. The only troubleis I have to keep on pinching it to make him do things, and that meansI have to keep my finger and thumb on his tail all the while and followhim around. Now we'll begin to do things, dear Do-do," and she pinchedthe bird's tail.

  At once the bird began to wash dishes, and soon they were all done, andthen when the Do-do started to do the beds Uncle Wiggily thought of anew plan.

  "As long as you have to pinch his tail," said the bunny to Alice, "I'llget Nurse Jane's hair curlers. You can snap them on his tail and they'llkeep pinching on it, and pinching on it all the while, and you and I cango take a walk."

  "Fine!" cried Alice. So with the hair curlers pinching his tail theDo-do bird quickly did all the bungalow housework, and Uncle Wiggily andAlice had a fine walk. And when Nurse Jane came home from Mrs.Wibblewobble's and found the work all done she was very happy. And sowas the Do-do, for he loved to do dishes.

  And if the teacup doesn't try to hide in the milk pitcher, where thebread crumbs can't tickle it when they play tag with the butter knife,I'll tell you next about Uncle Wiggily and the Lory.

  CHAPTER XVII

  UNCLE WIGGILY AND THE LORY

  Once upon a time the skillery-scalery alligator was out walking in thefields near the muddy river where he lived, and he happened to meet abig spider.

  "Good morning, Mr. Alligator," said Mr. Spider. "Have you caught thatUncle Wiggily Longears bunny yet?"

  "I have not, I am sorry to say," answered the alligator chap. "I'vetried every way I know how, but something always happens so that he getsaway. Either he is helped by that funny book-girl, Alice fromWonderland, or by some of her frien
ds. I'm afraid I'll never catch UncleWiggily."

  "Oh, yes, you will," said Mr. Spider. "I'll help you."

  "How?" asked the 'gator, which was his short name, though he was ratherlong.

  "I'll crawl through the woods and over the fields until I find himasleep," said Mr. Spider. "And, when I do, I'll spin a strong webaround and over him so he cannot get loose. Then I'll come and tell youand you can get him."

  "Very good," spoke Mr. Alligator. "Please do it."

  So the alligator went back to sleep in the mud to wait until Mr. Spidershould bring him word that Uncle Wiggily was held fast in the web.

  And now let us see what happens to the bunny gentleman. As he alwaysdid, he started out from his hollow stump bungalow one morning to lookfor an adventure. There had been a little accident at breakfast time.Nurse Jane Fuzzy Wuzzy, the muskrat lady housekeeper, had boiled theeggs too long and they were as hard as bullets.

  "You can't eat them," she said to Uncle Wiggily. "I'll boil you somefresh ones."

  "All right," laughed the bunny. "I don't want to get indyspepsia byeating hard bullet eggs. But I'll take them with me and give them toJohnnie or Billie Bushytail, the squirrel boys. They can crack hard nutsso they must be able to crack hard boiled eggs."

  So it was that Uncle Wiggily, after having eaten the newly boiled softeggs, started from his hollow stump bungalow with the hard boiled eggsin his pocket.

  He had not traveled very far before he heard from behind a big log avoice crying:

  "Oh, dear! It isn't hard enough! It isn't half hard enough!"

  "What isn't?" asked Uncle Wiggily, as he saw a funny looking bird with avery large bill like a parrot's. "What isn't hard enough?"

  "This log of wood," was the answer. "I need something hard to bite on tosharpen my beak, but this wood is too soft."

  "You are a funny bird," laughed the bunny gentleman. "Who might you be?"

  "I am the Lory bird," was the answer. "I belong in the book with Aliceof Wonderland, but I'm out for a day's pleasure, and, as I can't tellwhat I might have to eat, I thought I'd sharpen my bill. But I can'tfind anything hard enough to use as a grindstone."

  "Suppose you try these," said Uncle Wiggily, taking the hard boiledeggs out of his pocket.

  "The very thing!" cried the Lory. "These will be fine for my bill!" Withthat he champed his beak down on the hard eggs and he had all he coulddo to bite them. "Now I'll get my beak good and sharp," said Lory. "Youhave done me a great favor, Uncle Wiggily, and I hope some day to do youone."

  "Pray, do not mention it," said the bunny rabbit, modest-like and shy.Then, having found a good use for the hard boiled eggs, even if hedidn't give them to the Bushytail squirrel boys, Uncle Wiggily hoppedalong, and the Lory kept on biting the shells for practice.

  Now, it was a warm day, and, as Uncle Wiggily felt tired, he sat down ina shady place in the fields, and soon fell fast asleep. And, no soonerwas he in Dreamland than along came Mr. Spider.

  "Ah, ha!" said the spider. "Now's my chance to catch this bunny for thealligator. I'll spin a strong web around him, so strong that he cannotbreak loose. Then I'll go get my friend, the 'gator."

  So while Uncle Wiggily slept, Mr. Spider spun a strong web about thebunny--a very extra strong web, with such big strands that Uncle Wiggilynever could have broken them himself. And when the web was all finished,and the bunny was helpless, he awakened just as Mr. Spider was going offto call Mr. Alligator.

  "Oh, what has happened to me?" cried the bunny, as he found he could notmove his paws or even twinkle his pink nose. "Oh, what is it? Let mego!"

  "No, you can't go!" said the spider. "You are going to stay there untilI bring Mr. Alligator," and away he crawled. Uncle Wiggily tried to getloose, but he could not.

  "Oh, if only some one would come who's good and strong, and would cutthis web, then I would be free!" said the bunny.

  And then, all of a sudden, out from behind the bush came the Four andTwenty Tailors, from Mother Goose. They had their big scissors withthem, and they were led by Alice of Wonderland.

  "I told these silly tailors I'd help them hunt the snail, because theyare so timid that they even fear her tail," laughed Alice, "but we'llstop and help you first, dear Uncle Wiggily!"

  Then the Four and Twenty Tailors, with their shears, sniped and snappedthe strong spider's web until it was all in pieces and the bunny couldeasily get loose. And when the alligator, fetched by the spider, came toget the bunny he wasn't there.

  But the strong-billed Lory bird was there. He had heard about UncleWiggily's trouble from the Do-do bird, and had come, with his strongbill, to bite the spider web into little pieces.

  "But I am too late, I see," said the Lory. "The Mother Goose Tailors gothere first. However, as I want to bite something hard and mean I'll bitethe alligator." And he did and the alligator said "Ouch!" and I'm gladof it.

  And if the telephone bell doesn't ring at the front door and makebelieve it's the milkman looking for old rags, I'll tell you next aboutUncle Wiggily and the puppy.

  CHAPTER XVIII

  UNCLE WIGGILY AND THE PUPPY

  "Oh, Uncle Wiggily! Oh, Uncle Wiggily! Oh, Uncle Wiggily!" called Jackieand Peetie Bow Wow, the two doggie boys, as they ran barking up to thehollow stump bungalow one morning.

  "Well, well! What's the matter now?" asked Uncle Wiggily Longears, therabbit gentleman, as he came out on the porch.

  "Oh, we've got a baby over at our house!" cried Jackie.

  "Come and see it!" barked Peetie.

  "A baby? At your house?" exclaimed Uncle Wiggily.

  "Well, a little puppy dog," said Jackie. "That's the same to us as areal baby is to real persons."

  "To be sure," agreed the bunny uncle. "I'll come over and see the newbaby puppy," and putting on his tall silk hat, and taking down hisred-white-and-blue-striped barber pole rheumatism crutch from theelectric light, Mr. Longears started away over the fields to the kennelhouse, where the Bow Wow dog family lived.

  "There's the new baby puppy!" cried Jackie, as he poked away the strawfrom the bed where something was moving about.

  "I--why, bless my spectacles--I can hardly see him!" said Uncle Wiggily,taking off his glasses to polish them, for he thought maybe he hadsplashed some carrot oatmeal on them at breakfast and that they wereclouded over.

  "He's so small, that's why you can't see him," spoke Peetie. "But he'llsoon grow big like us, Uncle Wiggily."

  "Let us hope so," spoke the bunny uncle. "He's so small now I'd beafraid of stepping on him if I lived here."

  "He's got awful cute eyes," said Peetie. "They aren't open yet, but Ican pull 'em apart a little bit to show you they're going to be bluecolor, I guess," and Peetie began opening the shut eyes of his littlebaby brother puppy. Of course, the puppy whined and Mrs. Bow Wowcalled:

  "Now, what are you boys doing to that baby?"

  "Nothing, ma," answered Jackie.

  "We're jest pokin' open his eyes so Uncle Wiggily can see 'em," answeredPeetie.

  "Oh, you doggie boys!" cried Mrs. Bow Wow. "You mustn't do that! I'mglad Uncle Wiggily came to see our baby, but now you run out and play,Peetie and Jackie, while I visit with Mr. Longears."

  So the doggie boys ran out to play with Johnnie and Billie Bushytail,the squirrels, and Mrs. Bow Wow told Uncle Wiggily what a nice babyWuff-Wuff was. Wuff-Wuff was the new puppy's name.

  "I'm sure he'll grow up to be a fine dog," said the bunny. Just then thetelephone bell in the kennel house rang, and when Mrs. Bow Wow answeredshe said, after listening awhile:

  "Oh, dear! This is your friend Nurse Jane Fuzzy Wuzzy talking to me. Shewants me to come over to show her how to make a strawberry longcake, asthere is a lot of company coming for supper. A short cake won't be largeenough."

  "Are you going to my hollow stump bungalow?" asked Uncle Wiggily.

  "I'd like to, only I can't leave Baby Wuff Wuff," said Mrs. Bow Wow.

  "Oh, I'll stay and take care of him," said the bunny uncle. "I think Ican do it, and it may be an a
dventure for me. Trot along, Mrs. Bow Wow."

  "Very well, I will. If Wuff Wuff gets hungry, just give him some milkfrom this bottle," and she handed a nursing one to Uncle Wiggily. SoMrs. Bow Wow went over to help Nurse Jane, the muskrat lady housekeeper,make the longcake, and the bunny man stayed with the puppy baby.

  Uncle Wiggily sat in the kennel house, while the little doggie nestledin the straw. The bunny rabbit was just wondering who the company couldbe that were coming to his bungalow, when, all of a sudden, there was abig noise outside the kennel, and a big voice cried:

  "Now I know you're in there, Uncle Wiggily, for I saw you hop in withJackie and Peetie. And I know they're gone, for I saw them go out. And Iknow Mrs. Bow Wow is out. So you're there all alone and I'm going to getyou!" And Uncle Wiggily saw the big skillery-scalery alligator standingoutside the door.

  "Oh, my!" thought the bunny rabbit gentleman. "He'll surely get me thistime, for he can knock the kennel house apart with one flip-flap of hisdouble-jointed tail. But maybe, if I keep real still, he will think I'mgone."

  So Uncle Wiggily snuggled down in the straw with the baby puppy, but thealligator cried:

  "Oh, I know you're there, and I'm going to get you!"

  "Oh, if only this puppy was a big, strong dog, like Nero!" thought UncleWiggily, "he could save me from the alligator." Just then the puppybegan to whine, and the bunny rabbit said:

  "Oh, don't do that, Wuff Wuff! Don't whine, and make a noise, or thealligator will get you, too."