“Okay,” he said, as he practically bounced around in his seat, so excited to pick our music for the drive.
When we got to Noah's grandparents' house, I walked him to the door. My mother-in-law was civil but not friendly. She took Noah's hand and began walking into the house. At the last second, she turned to speak to me from over her shoulder.
“Are you going to the cemetery?” she asked.
“Of course,” I answered. “It's supposed to be nice out, so I'll stay there the whole time.”
“Can you please not change anything?” she asked, and before I could even answer said “Goodbye.”
Then she shut the door, and that was that. I walked back to my car so damn pissed. She was his mother, but I was his wife. Who was she to tell me what to do to my husband's grave? I was the one that was supposed to be making the decisions on how it should look. I knew in that moment that she'd tossed what I had previously put there.
I stopped at a florist on the way to the cemetery and bought a beautiful arrangement. It didn't matter what she thought. He was my husband, and I was going to do something to show him how much we loved and missed him, so I did.
When I finally got there, I saw just how right I had been. The pictures and plaque I'd left the time before were gone. I shook my head and placed the new arrangement I'd bought in the vase on his headstone. Then I laid out the blanket I had brought, and I sat down with my backpack and phone next to me. I leaned back on my elbows and looked up.
“If that woman wasn't your mother, we'd be going round for round. I can't believe she got rid of the things I brought you. How can one person be so nasty after being so nice before?” I spoke toward the sky. “I've never done anything to hurt her. I let her do everything she wanted for your funeral. When I left, I barely took anything. I get that she's hurting, but so am I. I'm sorry I moved away, but I'm glad I did. I don't think I could have dealt with her all the time. I can't even imagine where things would be. She probably would have thrown me out by now.”
As I thought about my words, I sat up. Would she have done that? Would she have thrown Noah and me out on the street?
Out of the corner of my eye, movement caught my attention. When I looked over, there was a tiny bunny sitting right next to the flower vase. It was staring right at me. I waited for it to move and hop away, but it didn't. It stayed right there with me.
“I hope you can forgive me for moving,” I continued my previous conversation but couldn't take my eyes off the little bunny. “I have two new friends, well old friends actually. There's Sawyer. He was Julia's brother. She was my best friend. I told you about her. Do you remember? He's her brother. I ran into him at Noah's school. He's an okay guy. He's already helped me, and he made me laugh again. That was nice. We're just friends though. I know it's too soon, isn't it? I don't know. It doesn't matter anyway. It can't be him. He can't be the one. He doesn't want kids. I made you a promise, and I will keep my promise. If he can't treat Noah the way you would have, then it will never happen. What am I even talking about? It can't happen anyway. I'm too busy for something like that. My classes are going well, and I'm not messing that up. I'm going to finish school, and nothing is going to get in the way.”
With the little bunny still watching me, I fell back onto the blanket and closed my eyes.
Just as I began to nod off, I felt around for my phone and picked it up. When I tapped the screen and it didn't turn on, I quickly sat up. Shit! I'd turned it off. I hurried to hit the button on the side to turn it on. It had to be on. What if Noah needed me? As I waited for it to come to life, I looked over to see the bunny still watching me, and I honestly felt a tiny bit of comfort in it.
As soon as the screen was on, I heard Sawyer's ding over and over again.
“Seriously,” I let out, as I read the many messages he'd sent.
Sawyer: You have to stop sending me that pic. I'll start thinking of you beneath me, and then my hand will be wrapped around my cock.
As soon as I read it, my eyes went wide, and I looked over at the bunny on the headstone.
“Sorry,” I whispered, as I read on, trying to get that last message out of my head. That was not something I needed to be thinking about, not there, not anywhere.
Sawyer: Are you there yet?
Sawyer: You said an hour and a half. It's been over two.
Sawyer: Now two and a half.
Sawyer: Where the fuck are you, Grace?
I let out a groan and fell back onto the blanket, as I began to type.
Me: Would you chill out. How did I ever survive without you stalking me?
Sawyer: Not funny. I told you to text me.
Me: First of all, you don't tell me anything. You've not earned that right. Wait! Nobody ever earns that right. You could have asked me, but that doesn't matter. I drop Noah off and leave right away. My mother-in-law isn't the most pleasant person to me.
Sawyer: Where are you?
Me: At the cemetery.
Sawyer: Is that where you'll stay?
Me: It's not any of your business, but yes, it's where I'll stay. I have a blanket and my school stuff. I'll study until it's time to go.
Sawyer: I was worried.
Me: Well, don't be. I'm a big girl.
Sawyer: Yeah, I know. You don't need any help.
Was he actually worried? Why?
Me: Look, I've been on my own for almost two years without anyone bothering to give a shit. Now, you're all up in my business. That's not something I'm used to, and I really don't even understand it. Not to mention the fact that you could be gone any second, so you'll have to excuse me for not following your every command.
Sawyer: It's not like that.
Me: Oh really? Well, I don't know if the women you order around comply, but this one isn't.
Sawyer: I just wanted to make sure you were safe.
Wow, I thought, as I read his words. Then the next message came, and that sweet thought flew right out of my mind.
Sawyer: And yes, you are the only woman I know that refuses to listen.
Me: Well, I'm just fine. I'm sitting at the cemetery with a little bunny that doesn't seem to want to leave my side, so I'm good. You can go on about your day like you would have before the night of the dance.
Sawyer: Grace!
Me: Sawyer!!! I have studying to do. Goodbye!
Sawyer: What time do you pick Noah up?
Me: Maybe you should have a tracker implanted into my ass.
Sawyer: I've got something I'd like to implant into your ass alright. What time?
I didn't reply. That was not appropriate, not one bit, and it most definitely would not be something that would happen, not ever.
Sawyer: If you want me to stop texting you, you'll answer.
Me: I'll just shut my phone back off.
Sawyer: No you won't.
Me: Oh yeah!
Sawyer: Yeah! You'll be too worried about Noah, in case he needs you.
Me: Ass!
Sawyer: What time?
Me: Three
Sawyer: WILL YOU PLEASE TEXT ME WHEN YOU GET HOME?
Me: Making it all capitals doesn't make it any better.
Sawyer: Fine. Will you please text me when you get home?
Me: Do you plan to stay away from my house?
Sawyer: For today.
Me: Fine.
Sawyer: See how easy that was.
Me: You do want me to text you, right?
Sawyer: If you don't want me on your front porch, yes!
Me: Go away!
Sawyer: Not a chance, Gracie.
I threw my phone down on the blanket and got my laptop out, but all I could think about was Sawyer. I couldn't help but wonder if he had a lot of women around him. I wasn't on social media, but I was sure he was. I tried to study, but I couldn't concentrate.
After a few minutes, I found myself diving into the world of social media for the first time ever. I created an account but didn't put up a profile picture or anything else. Then I beg
an searching his name. When I saw the picture of his bare chest and muscles flexing, I thought I was going to puke. As I scrolled down through his posts, I saw a few from the last month of him, his sister, and his niece. The post before those was of him, in a bar, with a woman leaning against him. He hadn't posted it. Someone else had added it to his page. There were a few of them actually. I instantly felt sick to my stomach. Was the bar the only place he went, I wondered? I was about to close the browser but accidentally scrolled down with my mouse a bit and stopped the second I saw the next picture. It was of Sawyer, in a hospital bed, with his chest all taped up and tubes coming out of him. My fingers moved over the screen before I could stop them, and I felt a tear slip from the corner of my eye. I reached up to wipe it away before continuing to scroll. There were months in between that one and the next oldest ones. They were of him with a few guys in military uniforms. He wore a fake smile. I couldn't miss it. There was also sadness in his eyes. The ones before that were of him and military guys or of him with a woman. In each of them, he was in his uniform. I couldn't do it. I quickly hit the X in the corner of the screen and I set my laptop to the side.
I fell onto my back, with the bunny still watching me, and I set my alarm. Then I closed my eyes. The cool breeze and sounds of nature quickly lulled me to sleep. I was so comfortable. Then, what felt like a moment later, I heard the sound of my alarm fill the air.
I sat up as a sad and confused feeling filled me and put my things back into my backpack. Then I got up, walked to my car, got in, and let out a long breath as my head fell back against my headrest.
Chapter 14
Grace
I pulled into my mother and father-in-law's driveway, and before I even had the car turned off, my mother-in-law was walking toward me with Noah trailing behind her. She had been waiting for me. Noah walked to his side of the car and opened the door to get in, while she headed right toward my side.
“Who's Sawyer?” she asked, before my window was even down.
“Oh,” I said, with a laugh. “He's the brother of an old friend. He just moved back into town.”
“Really?” she asked, looking at me as if I'd done something wrong.
“Noah and my friend's daughter are good friends,” I said, as if I needed to explain myself to her.
“She's my girlfriend,” Noah said, as he closed his door and leaned over toward me.
“Girlfriend,” she replied, as a disgusted look crossed her features. “He's way too young to be speaking that way.”
“It's not like that,” I said, as I looked away from her and turned toward Noah. “They're like best friends.”
“Hhmm,” she let out, as she rolled her eyes. Then, completely ignoring me, she spoke in Noah's direction. “I'll see you next visit, sweet boy. You look just like your daddy. We miss you. You should have your mom bring you more.”
It was taking all I had to hold back my feelings on the things she had just said to my little boy.
“You could come see him,” I said, as I looked right into her eyes, daring her to go any deeper into what she'd been doing.
“It's a long drive,” she said, as if it were longer for her than it was for me. “Where would we take him?”
“You could stay at our house,” I answered.
“With you?” she asked, as if there was something wrong with me. “No! That wouldn't work for me.”
“Well then,” I said, doing everything I could not to loose my shit all over her. “I guess you'll have to wait for me to bring him.”
Just as I reached for the button to roll my window up so I could close her out of my son's and my world, she spoke.
“Were you at the cemetery?” she asked.
“Yes,” I answered, telling her something I'd already told her before. “I left flowers, but don't worry, I didn't move anything.”
“Oh, I'm not,” she said sarcastically. “I'll go over and clean up a bit.”
“There's nothing to clean,” I said. “I made sure everything was perfect.”
“I'm sure you did,” she said.
Barely hanging on, I had to say something to defend myself. I didn't know why, but I did.
“He was my husband,” I growled out from under my breath.
“Yeah, I know he was, dear, “ she said in a snotty tone. “I'll see you later, Noah. We'll miss you.”
“See you later, Grandma,” Noah said, before turning his attention back to me. “Can we go?”
“We sure can,” I answered, as I raised my window without another word to her.
As I backed out of the driveway, I knew I needed to get out of the mood she'd just put me in. I would not let her ruin my time with my son.
“What did you guys do?” I asked Noah, as I pulled out onto the road.
“Not much,” he answered. “I watched a show while grandma read.”
“What about grandpa?” I asked.
“He wasn't home,” he answered. “He was golfing with a friend. I'm hungry. Can we stop for dinner?”
“When did you eat last?” I asked him.
“Grandma gave me some chips when I first got there,” he answered.
“That was it?” I asked.
“Yep,” he replied.
On the way to the restaurant, I thought about that nasty woman. She had to have known that he hadn't eaten for at least an hour and a half. Then he was with her for three hours. Then it was an hour and a half drive back home. How could she not have fed him? Wasn't that what grandparents did? If she missed him so much and wanted him that much sooner, how could she not play with him and then not feed him? What was the point of even having him there?
“What is this?” Noah asked, as we pulled into the parking lot of a restaurant close by her house.
“This is a restaurant me and your daddy used to like to eat at,” I said. “I thought you might like to try it.”
“That sounds so cool,” he said, as he unbuckled his belt and moved to open his door.
“Hold on a second, Noah,” I said. “We're in a parking lot with lots of cars. You know you can't just jump out of the car. You need to wait for me.”
“I know,” he said, as he smiled. “Hurry up!”
“Okay,” I said, with a laugh. “I'm hurrying.”
Noah really enjoyed the restaurant, I think more because I used to go with his dad than anything. He'd asked where we'd sat and what his daddy had ordered. Then he ordered the same. We had a great time, and I enjoyed sharing things about his dad with him. That was something I knew I needed to make sure to do more often, even though there wasn't too much to tell. We had gone from college, to parenthood and him trying to begin a career, to him being sick. Then he was gone. There hadn't been much time for firsts and special memories.
On the drive home, I'd heard Sawyer's special ding more than once, but I hadn't answered. He had to wait until I was home, and that was that. There really was no other option.
When I rounded the corner onto my street, I looked toward my house and let out a breath of relief that he wasn't there. I took Noah inside, and he took off straight to his room to play. I walked over to our couch and plopped down onto it with my phone in my hand. Then I readied myself for what I knew were going to be sarcastic texts, and I was shocked when there weren't.
Sawyer: Seriously! Are you trying to kill me?
Sawyer: Sorry! I didn't mean it that way. Shit!
Sawyer: It's been almost three hours.
Sawyer: I just worry.
It wasn't the time to mess with him. Something inside of me told me he was being serious. He'd even said sorry after his first text.
Me: Don't! We're fine. You really shouldn't worry so much.
I honestly thought his next text would have a snotty tone, but it didn't. Instead, it was full of emotion. I swore I could feel it in his words.
Sawyer: I've worried about people for years. I guess it's a hard habit to break.
Me: We stopped for dinner. Noah was hungry when I picked him up.
Sawy
er: Didn't they feed him?
Me: No! Just a snack after getting there. She probably thought I'd cook as soon as we got home. It's fine. He was happy to go out to eat. It's not something we do often, so that was a win for him. If he's happy, then I'm happy.
Sawyer: How was his visit with them?
I was surprised he was asking. Who'd want to hear the little details of the day? Not Sawyer. He never cared about that kind of stuff, but I answered him anyway.
Me: Fine. His grandpa wasn't there. He was golfing. Noah said he watched television while his grandma read.
Sawyer: Then what was the point of driving all the way there?
Me: No idea. Picking him up wasn't pleasant either. She asked who you were?
Sawyer: Me! Why? What did you tell her?
Me: I guess he mentioned you. I told her you were my friend's brother.
Sawyer: I wonder what he told her about me.
Hoping it wasn't freaking him out, I tried to lighten the mood.
Me: Probably that you're a pain in the ass. It doesn't matter anyway. He took her mind off of you when he told her Ava was his girlfriend. That got her panties in a twist. You should have seen the look she gave me. The woman is so tightly wound now. I know she lost her son. I feel for her, but she's making it so hard for me to take Noah to see her. I dread doing it, and the craziest part is that she wants me to start bringing him more often.
Sawyer: Tell her to start coming to see him.
Me: I did. She said that wasn't convenient for her.
Sawyer: Then she gets what she gets.
Me: That's what I said. I'm going to go play with Noah. I'll talk to you later.
Sawyer: What are you doing tomorrow?
Me: Sleeping in and having a pajama and movie day with my boy.
Sawyer: You okay?
Me: Yeah! I'm just tired. Goodnight!
Sawyer: Goodnight, Gracie!
As much as I wanted to go off on him, I didn't have it in me to do it. My mother-in-law sucked every bit of energy I had from me. She seemed to be doing it every single time I saw her anymore.
I shut my phone off and set in on the table next to the couch. My son was with me, and he was the only one I was worried about. Anyone else could wait.
On my way to Noah's room, I thought about the day. I needed some time to relax and thought maybe he did too.
A Forever Love, Part 2 Page 6