Namely going over to his wife and begging her to talk to him. Begging her to give him another chance. And, maybe even begging himself to try and give her another chance.
If that made any sense at all.
Though, it wasn’t like he made much sense these days. But he was trying. He was damn well trying.
Finally.
“Are you okay over there?” Landon asked, his voice very careful.
Carter opened his eyes and moved from the door of the closet so he could turn and face the other man. Landon leaned against the door jam, his arms folded over his chest. He looked like he had just gotten off work, even though it was Saturday, but Landon tended to work long hours and weekends these days. Sure, the other man was saving, they all were, but he was also hiding from the fact that he had feelings for Kaylee, and was therefore burying himself in work. Much like Carter had done.
“I have no idea what I’m supposed to wear.”
Landon snorted, a smile playing on his face.
“You think that’s funny? You think I like the fact that I’m nervous as fuck going out on a date with my actual wife? I shouldn’t be this nervous, but I’m more so now than I was on the first date we actually had together. In fact, I think my palms are sweaty.” He rubbed his hands on his pants. “Yep. Clammy as hell. What the fuck am I supposed to do?”
Landon held his own hands up, still smiling. “I’m only laughing because I had this exact conversation, well at least close to this exact conversation with Ryan on his first date with Abby.”
Carter perked up. “Yeah?”
“Yeah. Ryan was nervous because it was his first date with her. Apparently, it wasn’t Abby’s first date since losing Max, but it was still an important date to her because Ryan meant something different. As we all know now. And Ryan was so nervous that he was going to fuck everything up, that he tried on like four different outfits until he finally found what he needed to. I was the one who actually picked it out for him, but we’re not going to discuss that.”
“Teach me your ways. Pick me out something.”
“Are you just asking me that because I’m the only bisexual you know?”
“Fuck you.” Carter flipped his friend off just in case his point didn’t get across. “And you’re not the only bisexual I know. You’re not even the only bisexual in this room, dumb ass.”
“Touché. But, I’m pretty sure every single one of us in our little group of friends is bisexual. It’s starting to add up.”
“No, it’s a new world where you’re actually able to talk about your sexuality and figure it out. We get it. You’re allowed to be yourself. But, oh my God, I don’t know if I can actually be myself tonight because I’m going out on a date with my wife. So, let’s digress from sexual identity and politics and go into the fact that I’m going on a date with Roxie and I have no idea what the fuck I’m doing.”
“You sure do ramble a lot when you’re nervous.”
“Once again, fuck you. But please, please for the love of God, help me figure out what to wear.”
“Well, where are you taking her? Not the same place you took that other woman I hope.”
“I’m getting really tired of saying fuck you, but just in case you missed it, fuck you.”
“I’m just trying to help here. You keep telling me to fuck myself, I might just go and do it while you sit here standing in your jeans and your tank top, wondering what the hell to do. But sure, please continue telling me to go fuck myself.”
“Landon.”
“Okay, I know you’re not going to the same place you took Stacia, and the only reason you did is because it was my idea. And, by the way, I didn’t actually realize that you were going out that same night, or I wouldn’t have gone there with Kaylee. Kaylee also said she wasn’t going to talk to Roxie about it unless Roxie wanted to. Even though I know that Kaylee doesn’t like to keep secrets.”
“You don’t have to worry about that, I didn’t actually mention you and Kaylee to Roxie, but I can tonight if you want. But she knows that I went on a date with another woman. And she knows that it was a mistake. And now we’re just trying to start over without actually starting over because it’s the part that we keep not talking about and the other things in our relationship that got us in trouble to begin with.”
“Okay. Good to know. And probably for Kaylee’s and Roxie’s sake, you should probably mention to her that we were there.”
“Well, when Roxie asks me why you were there with a woman that you’re seemingly not dating, what should I say then?”
“Tell her we were there as friends.”
“Bullshit.”
“Only one awkward relationship at a time, Mr. Marshall. So, let’s focus on you and Roxie, and then we can focus on whatever the fuck is going on between me and Kaylee. Not that there’s anything going on between us. We’re just going to ignore that I said that. And, you should wear black tonight, that lovely black shirt that you have that buttons all the way to the top, but don’t actually button it all the way to the top. And then wear your dark gray slacks. With the black shoes that you slide into that don’t actually have ties. Oh, and make sure you wear your watch and wipe as much grease from underneath your fingernails as possible. Not that I think Roxie has a problem with that, considering she married you knowing you’re a mechanic and that’s sort of your thing, but still.”
“I’ve already washed my hands a few times.” Carter held up his hands. “See? Pretty clean.”
Landon looked him over, inspecting. “Good enough. Just make sure that whatever goes on tonight, you’re open. Because I know that you’re completely closed-off most of the time. Hell, I don’t even know as much about you as I probably should, given that you’re living with me. Just not permanently, right?”
Carter let out a breath as he stripped out of his clothes and put on what Landon had told him to wear. “I’m not going to be living here permanently. If and when, or maybe just if Roxie and I decide that it’s not going to work for real, I’m already thinking about what apartment building I’ll move into. It needs to be near the shop but also near an area where I’m not constantly bumping into a Montgomery. That’s harder than it seems because they’re spread out all over the state.”
“I know what you mean. But you’re welcome to live here as long as you want, I wasn’t actually pushing you out. Unless it’s pushing you out into the arms of your wife, then I may be giving you a shove.”
“You’re all heart, Landon. Does Kaylee know how romantic you are?”
“Off-subject, Carter.”
“Or rather, right on the subject, your subject.”
“We’re not discussing this. We are going to discuss what you’re going to talk about with your wife, though.”
“I have no idea. We can’t go too deep into some things because we’re going to be out in public.”
“And where exactly are you going again?” Landon asked.
“A new place. One of those Asian places she loves. I think it’s some Korean and Japanese fusion? At least that’s what the menu said. It got high reviews, and I’ve driven by it a few times. The photos looked pretty mouthwatering.”
“Good call. Don’t go to the place you took Stacia, which now I’m afraid I may not be able to go to again.”
“Sorry about that, though it was your idea to go there.”
“Touché,” Landon replied.
“But, really, a new place where you can start together. Don’t go off down memory lane too far with the actual places while you’re actually talking about it using words. Use your words, Carter. You have a great voice even though you do ramble sometimes. So maybe ramble and tell her exactly how you feel.”
“I did a lot of that last week when I went over to the house. I’m going to do more. Because I have to. I love her, Landon. And I should’ve fought harder when it mattered.”
“It matters now, too. Just don’t fuck it up.”
“There are no wiser words than that.”
He le
t Landon inspect him once more to make sure he had everything in the right places. He had been dressing himself for years at this point, decades really, but if his friend wanted to make sure he was actually looking like a man going on a date with his wife, then he’d go for it. Plus, he was so nervous, he was afraid he would forget to zip up his fly or wear two different shoes or something.
He went to the house that he had lived in, the dwelling that he had slept under the roof of with the love of his life to pick up Roxie. Unlike with Stacia, Carter wasn’t going to meet her at the restaurant. He had asked if he could pick her up, afraid that she would say no, but she had actually said yes.
Now they were going on what would probably be an awkward as fuck first date. But it was a first. It was trying. It had to count for something. Carter just hoped that it didn’t count for everything and nothing all at the same time.
“Don’t fuck it up,” he whispered to himself before he knocked on the door.
She opened it, and he just about swallowed his tongue. She had on a cute black dress that wrapped around her middle. It flared out at the hips and went to her knees. She wore it over black tights with black knee boots. He had just seen a peek of the tights and knew they had an etched design on them, one that he wanted to inspect. But maybe not tonight. Perhaps tonight wouldn’t be that. He shouldn’t think about that at all. Not now, maybe not ever. Not if he actually wanted to have a real relationship with his wife.
Her hair was done up in long waves, but the top of it was pulled halfway back so it sort of bumped up in the back. He really didn’t know what to call it, all he knew was that it framed her face in a way that made her eyes pop.
He fucking loved this woman.
And he hoped that with everything they put into this, that love could be enough.
“Wow,” they said at the same time, and Carter smiled at her.
“You look beautiful,” he said, his voice rough.
“I was going to say the same thing, but then I thought that beautiful wasn’t the right word. I guess you beat me to it.”
“I’m just happy you’re coming with me. I made reservations for seven at Ko. We should have enough time to get there and maybe have a drink at the bar before we have to sit.”
“That sounds wonderful. I’ve always wanted to go there, but I just never made the time.”
He paused as they made their way to his truck. “Then I’m glad we’re making the time.”
He knew he was talking about more than just their dinner tonight. He was talking about so much more.
He helped her into the truck because even though he had the step, she still had to hop up a bit. He put his hands on her hips and helped her in, both of them freezing for a moment, their eyes meeting.
He hadn’t touched her like this in so long.
And yet, at the same time, he didn’t know if he had the right.
One step at a time, he reminded himself. Just one step at a time.
They talked about nothing.
They were quiet in the car, their conversation stilted as if they didn’t know what to talk about with each other. Honestly, he really didn’t. The date was going well, but it had to go better soon.
They were able to get their table right away, so they soon found themselves sitting across from each other, each asking the other about their respective jobs yet not really talking about anything. It had been easier to talk to Stacia the week before, but that was because it hadn’t been important.
Everything between him and Roxie was important.
So, when they sipped their drinks, waiting for their appetizer sushi, he let out a breath and leaned forward. He had to start somewhere.
“Do you remember the first time we met?” he asked, reaching out to rest his hand on hers. She didn’t pull away.
Thank God.
She blinked and then met his gaze. “I do. A flat tire of all things.” A small smile played on her lips.
Carter smiled at that, too. “You called in to the shop, my shop, and I didn’t even know you had our number.”
“I saw it as I was driving by one day, and one of my coworkers said you guys had done great work for her, so I kept the number in my phone just in case I needed it. As it turned out, I did need it.”
“It must have been scary, having a blowout like that when you were on one of the side roads where the speed limit is pretty high.”
“It was. But, somehow, I actually turned the wheel the way I was supposed to even though I didn’t really know how I was supposed to and couldn’t tell you right off the top of my head right now. But I made it, though the flat tire was more than I could handle.”
“I know what you mean. People tend to make fun of others when they can’t do something that simple as they call it. But when a tire blows like that, if you don’t know if the hubcap or anything else is safe, then you need to ask someone for help.”
“I’m not going to lie, I really didn’t want to have to get down on my hands and knees in my suit and deal with it. Not to mention, I’m not the strongest person in the world. Getting those lug nuts off probably wouldn’t have worked out too great for me. My dad and my brother tried to teach me how to do it once, and I listened—and I could probably do it if it was an emergency—but I honestly just needed help.”
“And I drove up, and you were there.”
They met gazes across the table, and he tried not to think about hope. He tried not to think about anything than just the present. Because they were talking more than they ever had. And that counted for something. Maybe if they could talk about the little things like this, they could talk about the big stuff, too. And, holy hell did they have big things. They just had to get there.
“Well, I was grateful that you helped me out. And you were pretty hot. I’m not going to lie.”
He shook his head, moving back as the waiter took away their appetizer plate and put down their food. He had gotten the bulgogi platter, his favorite. She had gone with more sushi and a side of seaweed salad. He knew that if they were going with the way they used to be, she would ask for a little bit of his bulgogi, and he would eat a bite of that ginger and maybe a part of a roll. He just didn’t know if that’s what they were really going to do that day.
He’d always found it weird that he loved sushi and things that weren’t just all-American. His family had been all brown butter and mac and cheese. Hamburgers and apple pie. As Southern all-American as you could get. And, sometimes, the twang in his voice came back, and he went to his roots, but it wasn’t really who he was anymore. He liked to try new things, and that’s how he’d had the courage to ask Roxie out when they were on the side of the road. She was probably scared, but she’d still said yes.
“Do you want to share like we used to? Or are you okay without sushi.”
He blinked, pulling himself out of his thoughts. “I think I’d like to share. You know?”
“I know.”
“I was glad that you asked me out that night,” she said once they had divvied up a few pieces of their meal for each other and began eating. “I mean, in a horror film or some thriller book that probably would have been the serial killer on the side of the road with me, but I took a chance with the hot guy who knew what to do with a wrench, and I said yes.”
He almost choked on his rice and shook his head. “I know what to do with a wrench?”
She grinned, and he fell in love with her all over again. He loved that smile. He damn well missed it. It had been far too long since he’d seen it, and he blamed himself for that. And maybe her a little, too. He just blamed the whole situation. But tonight wasn’t for blame. Tonight, was for beginnings. Tonight, was for a fresh start. Then they could look back. He just hoped to hell they could look forward.
“Of course, you know what to do with a wrench. You are a mechanic.” She said it so primly that anyone else listening would have thought she was indeed talking about just a wrench. But this was Roxie Montgomery-Marshall. He knew exactly what she was talking about.
/> And it was nice to actually know what was on her mind for once. At least for that moment. It had been way too fucking long.
They laughed, even though some awkward spots came up when they tried to talk about her family. Or his. Because they knew all of those things already. They’d had these talks and conversations on their first and second dates back when they first met.
They had burned hot and fast when they first began. So hot and fast that things had slipped their mind and, suddenly, everything had changed.
He had fallen for her, fallen for her before he really understood what that feeling in his heart and his gut meant. And given how she’d told it before, she had fallen for him just the same.
But when she got pregnant, when they thought they were going to be parents, they had decided to get married.
And everything had changed.
They were in his truck on the way back to the house when that thought crossed his mind.
“You’re thinking about it, aren’t you?”
He swallowed hard, risking a glance at her before he took the next turn. “I think about it more than I care to admit sometimes.”
“Same.”
Hell, this was the most they’d said about the fact that she had been pregnant when they got married. They didn’t have to say what it was. They both knew. And they hadn’t talked about it on purpose before. Because it hurt too much.
It hurt right then, too. “I’m glad we went out tonight.”
Carter pulled into the driveway and nodded. “Me, too.”
They weren’t going to talk about it again. They were going to move past that subject. Hopefully, they’d come back to it. And Carter was okay with that. Because he wasn’t ready to talk, at least not about what had happened.
But they had to discuss it. Both of them had to get through whatever was blocking them and just deal with it. But first…first, they had to take these next few steps. And a date, even with the awkward parts, was one. And they were damn well doing it.
“I’m going to walk you in, is that okay?”
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