“I don’t think you’ve ever let me walk to my front door on my own before.”
“I guess that is true.”
He helped her out of the truck, his hands lingering on her hips. He knew that was a mistake, but he missed her. He always missed her.
When he walked her inside, and she closed the door behind them, they just looked at each other. This was the end of the date, the end of a first.
If it had been any other woman, if it had been a different situation, Carter would have leaned his head down just a little bit to brush his lips along hers.
But he was afraid of what would happen if he did.
“I had fun tonight,” she said, her voice raspy.
“So did I. I was afraid it wouldn’t be, and that scared me a bit.”
She half-laughed like he did. “I know what you mean. I was afraid we weren’t going to talk to each other at all and would just sit there in silence. Or I was afraid that we would talk so much that I wouldn’t be able to get out of my chair.”
“We talked a little. But I think we need to talk more.”
“Only not tonight. I hope that’s okay. This was a lot all at once.”
He gave her a tight nod and then leaned forward, brushing his lips across her cheek. It wasn’t the first time he had done that, he just needed to taste her, even if it was just her cheek. But then she tilted her head and brushed her lips along his. He froze, heat scorching his system at that bare touch. Damn it to hell, he missed her.
“I missed you,” he whispered.
“I missed you, too.” His heart practically shook, rattling between his lungs in his ribcage. Because he had needed to hear those words. He needed so much from her.
This was a step. They were all steps, albeit small. But at least they were fucking taking them. Finally.
“I miss everything that we used to have, but I don’t miss how it ended. And so, I don’t want to lead us to a place where that’s going to happen again.” He nodded at her words, and she continued. “So, that’s why I’m not going to ask you upstairs to our bedroom.”
He froze, noting the fact that she said our. Their bedroom. Not just hers. Another step.
“I don’t think we should have sex on the first date. Though we did on our real first date.”
He smiled with her, but he knew it didn’t reach his eyes, just like it didn’t really reach hers.
“I think we have a few more steps to take before we’re ready for that. The sex was never the problem between us.”
“Believe me, that’s the one thing we always got right. But I missed this. I missed going out to dinner and sharing my meal with you. I missed talking about the time we first met. Maybe it’s a start for something more.”
He shook his head. “It’s not maybe. It is. I want to take you out again. I want to spend time with you, I just want to be with you. Can you do that? Can we date? Because when we date, we can ask the questions and figure out who we are separately and together. We can talk. Because I think we need to talk.”
“We’ve both said that a few times. I know we need to talk. I just…this is a lot already.”
He wiped a tear from her cheek and then kissed her lips again, doing his best to ignore the little clutch of heat in his belly.
“I’ll text you to see when we both have time. I know this is your busy time of year, but I want to take you out again. Maybe you can take me out cross-country skiing.”
She smiled then, and it reached her eyes. “You would hate it.”
“That is probably true. I’m not a huge fan of the snow, but if you like it, I would try it.”
“If you want, maybe on our fourth or fifth date.”
Damn it to hell. Now that was a step.
And so he kissed her again, knowing that it could be fleeting. Because they hadn’t talked about the big things. They had mentioned it in passing, though the fact that they’d even thought of the baby in the same space had to count for something.
And she had said yes to a date, had mentioned more than one. So, Carter was going to take that to heart. And as he walked back to his truck, he didn’t have a spring in his step, but he had a clutch in his head. The one that told him that he was going to be okay. Because he had to be.
And because they had to be.
He just knew that the hard stuff was coming, the part that would likely break them both. And if they got to that step—no, when they got to that step—that would be the determining factor of what happened next.
And Carter was just afraid that a first date, even as good as it had been, wouldn’t be enough. After all, it hadn’t been before.
Chapter 14
Second dates were different than first ones, but second-second dates were different than anything.
Roxie had done this before, she had been on a date with her husband. She had even been on a date with her husband recently. This is just a second date. A second-second date.
And if she kept telling herself that, she would probably stress out even more.
But Carter was on his way to pick her up, and they were going ice skating. Ice skating of all things. He enjoyed it but had learned as an adult rather than a child. And she had learned when she’d been just a little girl, flailing around as her dad held her hands above her, trying to make sure she didn’t fall. The two of them had ended up falling more than once. She was truly surprised that she hadn’t cut her dad with those skates of hers.
There was still video of her looking so triumphant right before she fell, her legs going one direction, her arms going another. And the whole time, her dad was trying to keep her up, falling on his butt right at the same time she did. Her father did not have fond memories of ice skating with her and had only done it twice before he gave up and told Shep to do it with her.
She didn’t mind, she was really bad at ice skating.
But she had gotten better, had learned not to tilt her skates to the side and actually use her legs the way she was supposed to.
She didn’t own her own skates, not like she owned her own skis for cross-country skiing. But Carter didn’t own his either, so they planned to rent some at the local rink and skate in circles with the other couples and small children, trying to enjoy their day.
It was probably a weird second date for most people, but it was something they had enjoyed doing back in the day. Okay, so they’d only done it two or three times, but it had made them smile and laugh. They had both fallen on top of each other more than once, but she was pretty sure he had tugged her on top of him. She only knew that because she had made sure to tug him down on her once or twice, too.
She smiled at the memory, at the fact that he had mock scowled at her for daring to pull him down to her level.
So, they weren’t the best ice skaters, but they weren’t the worst either.
“I’m going to be fine. I’m going to be fine.”
Everything would be fine.
Carter rang the doorbell, and Roxie held back a wince. She wished he could just walk in like he had countless times before. But they were setting boundaries with each other as they learned each other again.
The fact that they had mentioned on their date the week before even the concept of what had started to break them apart meant that they were taking steps. Roxie missed the baby they’d never had more than she could breathe, but she and Carter hadn’t really talked about it. But she knew they would have to talk about it soon. They were also going to have to talk about everything else surrounding it, and all the things that they had refused to talk about because it had been too hard.
But she was ready. Or at least as ready as she was going to be. She made her way to the door and opened it with a smile on her face.
Carter was there, looking as handsome as ever in dark jeans and a dark grey Henley long-sleeved shirt. The bomber jacket he wore was open so she could see the way his sweater clung to him.
She loved him in a Henley shirt.
Like, seriously loved him in one. It was a little embarrassing
how much she loved him in one. And she remembered tearing it off of him so she could jump on top and have her way with him more than once.
And there she went, thinking about how she missed sex with her husband rather than everything else that they needed to do. But she really missed sex with her husband.
“Are you ready to go ice skating with me, Miss Roxie?” He asked the question with a smile, but she knew he was as tentative as she was.
Their first date had started off awkwardly, even though they had both tried so hard not to make it so. Roxie still thought it was a step in the right direction. It had been a good date, though maybe not as good as her previous dates with him where nothing had been hard, and everything had been easy.
But then again, maybe they needed hard right now. Maybe they needed to work for it this time.
Because they hadn’t the first time, and they’d failed because they hadn’t realized what they would need to do when times got tough.
“I’m ready. Although I really hope that they give me the correct skates this time. Remember when I skated with two left skates and didn’t realize it?”
Carter shook his head. “Well, the skates they have at the rink pretty much all look the same, so I’m surprised we even noticed at all.”
“I kept skating in circles, I thought it was me.”
“Well…”
“Oh, shut up. It was totally me, too. But let’s not talk about that. Let’s pretend that I’m totally not going to fall on my ass more than once tonight.”
Carter looked down, and she knew that he was probably only pretending not to look at her ass just then, but he was still angling his head just enough to catch a glimpse of it.
She narrowed her eyes at him. “I’m not wearing extra padding back there, so let’s be sure not to let me fall too many times.”
His eyes grew dark. “Are you saying you’re not wearing any underwear?”
She blushed then and wondered why she was blushing when her husband was saying things like that. Of course, it had been far too long since they had joked like this. “I’m wearing normal bikini panties and not a thong because I am wearing jeans, and the idea of that cold ice hitting me sounds horrible.”
“I’m surprised you’re not wearing leggings, that way, you have more movement.”
They were walking to his vehicle, and when he put his hands on her hips to help her into the truck, she put her hands on top of his and met his gaze. She hadn’t known how sensual it could be to get into a truck with him. Of course, she had ignored that for far too long, too.
“I needed the extra warmth because I know I’m going to fall. And it’s not like I really need the extra movement to like do any tricks or anything. It’s going to be hard enough for me to remain upright.”
“Well, I’ll probably be falling with you, so don’t worry about that.”
He winked and then shut the door before walking around the truck to get into the cab on the other side.
Falling with you.
They had fallen together before, in more ways than one. And they were doing this. They were talking to each other. Maybe not about the important stuff yet, but that was right under the initial layer. The fact that they were even asking how they were doing and talking about things other than telling each other they would be home late from work was a step in the right direction. They had already spoken to each other more in these past two days than they had in probably the last month of their marriage.
And that was just sad.
“I didn’t ask before, but are you going to be okay ice skating with your burns? We can go do something else.” She reached out and put her hand on his arm, and he looked down quickly at where she touched him before his eyes went back to the road.
“I’m doing okay, I even asked my doctor if I was allowed to do this, but my skin is all healed up. When they first got me into the surgical room, they were worried that it was third-degree burns, that’s why all the staff was as worried as they were. Hell, I bet that’s why all of the Montgomerys were as worried as they were.”
“It was scary. I really thought it was the end.”
He reached out and gripped her hand, and he didn’t let it go. She tangled her fingers with his and gave his hand a squeeze.
“I’m okay, Roxie. And Thea is okay, too. We’re both okay.”
“And I’m glad for that. You saved my sister’s life, and I’m never going to forget that. No matter what.”
He squeezed her hand again. “And Thea’s bakery is back up and running, and one day soon, she’ll have her expansion, and everything will be fine. But, as for the scars on my legs and arms, and the one on my side…they’re fine. I can work out like I normally do, I can even go swimming now, though I’m not going to want to do that anytime soon because it’s cold as hell out there. But ice skating won’t be a problem. It’s not like I’m going speed skating or playing hockey with someone where I’m just going to slam into them all the time.”
“I don’t know, do you remember us ice skating? We could be falling on top of each other more than once.”
He grinned at her, and she grinned back.
“I think I can handle you landing on top of me,” he said with a wink, and she rolled her eyes.
“We’re really good about bringing up sex in every single situation, aren’t we?”
“It’s sort of what we did. A lot. But I can hold myself back. Barely.”
She snorted, but she was right there with him. It was really hard not to want her husband. It was just hard to be around him in different ways, but she was going to cherish this time, even if they failed at reconciliation. She would cherish it.
They got to the rink and picked out their skates. Thankfully, Roxie had a left one and a right one, the same as he did. Somehow, they wobbled their way out to the ice after Carter double-checked that her skates were tight enough that they wouldn’t fall off. It almost happened only once, but now it was a thing.
As soon as they got on the ice, she put one foot out and almost slid on her butt.
She met Carter’s gaze and narrowed her eyes. “Do not laugh.”
“Oh, I’m really not going to laugh at that. Because you know I’m going to fall as soon as you do. In fact, let’s not even jinx it. Because I’m going to be bruised and black and blue after today, but it’ll be worth it. We actually do like ice skating. Even though we’re on the ice more than we are upright.”
She grinned as he got on the ice, wobbly as her, and they held hands as they did the same circle with everybody else. Some people were going fast around them, moving with grace and agility. Fathers were holding their little girls as the little girls wore helmets. Roxie really wished she would have had a helmet back then, but almost thirty years ago, there wasn’t that type of requirement for safety.
She had probably rattled a few things loose with how many times she had fallen.
“My poor father.”
Carter laughed as they made the curve. “I remember you telling me that. And then I remember Shep telling me about the fact that he had to take over and ended up with more bruises than he’d gotten when he learned to skate.”
“My brother is a bully. And you know he enjoyed skating with me.”
“Yes, it probably gave him tips for how to teach Livvy to ice skate.”
“Oh my God, just the idea of little Livvy or Daisy in little skates and maybe a little tutu… Oh, I really hope they learn how to ice skate soon.”
“I’m sure Mace, Adrienne, and Shep and Shea will take the girls out soon. I think Shep was saying that the girls didn’t want to yet because they were having too much fun sledding or something.”
They were talking like they were a family, a normal married couple on a normal date. She really liked it. Because they hadn’t had that recently. Everything had been so strained, enough that everybody kept watching them and waiting for them to make a move. It was nice to be surrounded by people who didn’t know them, who didn’t want to make sure that everything was just right,
and tip-toeing around them just like they were tip-toeing around each other.
Today was nice.
Roxie knew the hard part was coming, but today…today was nice.
They only fell twice, and she counted that as a win. Of course, both times it had been her fault, but neither of them mentioned that.
“I swear I’m more graceful on skis than I am on ice skates.”
Carter laughed as he parked in her driveway. “Oh, yeah, same here.”
“But are you really graceful on skis?”
He put his hand on her shoulder and shoved just slightly. “You’re mean.”
“I am. But I’m still telling the truth.”
“Yeah, whatever. I didn’t ask, did you want something to eat? I know we had a snack and hot cocoa at the rink, but that really doesn’t constitute dinner.”
“Well, thanks to my sister, I have the makings for a nice charcuterie plate with a selection of cheeses. They should still be good. So, some cheese and crackers, maybe a glass of wine? How about that?”
Her stomach turned and went all warm and bubbly as she looked at him, waiting for his answer. He reached across the cab of the truck and cupped her face before brushing his lips along hers. “I’d like that a lot. You know cheese is my downfall.”
“I think it’s sort of like the number one rule for our group. You have to like cheese. Maybe not to the extent that Thea and Dimitri do, but...”
“I honestly don’t think anyone could love cheese as much as they do. It’s like a sickness. I mean, who picks a football team because of their love of cheese?”
Roxie laughed as the two of them made their way into the house, still laughing as they made the cheese plate and opened up a bottle of red wine. This is nice, she told herself. This was exactly what they needed.
The softness before everything changed.
It hadn’t even been like this the first time. Because the first time they hadn’t had the hardness under that first layer of goodness.
They hadn’t had the past that warred with their present.
But this was nice.
“Okay, so I think the Havarti is my favorite, but this smoked Gouda is amazing.”
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