"I think that's got it." Dad sat back with a satisfied smile and admired our work. I would also admit to a certain amount of pride in the completed job.
"I'll take the tools back to the shop and then I'm heading out for some sun and surf." I grabbed the drill and turned to leave.
"Hold up there a minute, James. I need to ask you something."
I turned back with a sigh. "Yeah?"
"Now don't go getting all riled. Oceanside isn't going anywhere." Humor laced his voice. He lifted his hat and scratched his head, leaving his hat askew. "You know, years ago your mother and I had an argument. I don't even remember now what it was over, but it was the worst argument we'd had up to that point in our marriage. I said some things. She said some things. I probably said some more things because I often can't keep my mouth shut and leave well enough alone. We walked on eggshells around each other for days. Most miserable and lonely days of my life.”
I spent lots of time thinking. That was all there was to do. I saw for the first time, very clearly, what mattered most. I came to the realization that our friendship, our marriage, mattered to me. It was more important than some petty disagreement over who was right and who was wrong. I loved your mother deep into my bones. I loved being with her even when we weren't doing anything in particular. I loved how I felt when I was with her. Everything seemed brighter and happier and more hopeful when she was around. Not having her around wasn't worth whatever stupid, insignificant thing we had disagreed on. I groveled. You can bet I groveled. But I also promised myself that I wouldn't let what mattered most be pushed aside for what seemed to matter right then."
All these years later, I still ask myself, 'what matters most?' I've found we can work through anything when we step back and look at the bigger picture of what will matter five, ten, twenty years from now. And it's not how we spent our money or who took the garbage out last. It's that that beautiful woman downstairs shares my bed with me at night and wants me around tomorrow. I need her, son. Our love forever is what matters. She is what matters most." He straightened his hat, gathered the rest of the tools, and silently made his way down the stairs.
I stepped over and around rocks in the entry portal to Tunnel Beach. The ocean sat perfectly framed by dark, jagged rock that was the entrance. I breathed in deeply and closed my eyes, listening to the sounds of the beach. The receding salt water took the last of my irritation and anger out to sea. What was I left with now? I wondered.
I walked down the beach, stooping to pick up a rock here or a piece of driftwood there. When I had a handful, I faced the ocean, selected a rock, and threw it as hard and as far as I could. What mattered most? I threw another rock. What mattered most? I hurled the driftwood. What mattered most? What mattered most?
"Welcome back, roomie," Andy said on his way into the bathroom early Monday morning. "How are your parents?" He yawned and scratched his head then closed the door.
"Same old." I checked the time on my phone. "Are we still on for basketball tonight?" I called through the closed bathroom door.
"Yeah. Man, you missed out on some good grub yesterday," he called back. The toilet flushed. "I didn't realize that Kaley and Sophie were so tight."
I thought I heard the shower turn on. Or maybe that was just the blood pulsing through my head. I ran a hand over my face. "Sophie was at dinner yesterday?" I called through the bathroom door again. I checked the time on my phone. When Andy didn't answer, I banged on the door with my open hand.
"I'll be finished in a minute," Andy yelled.
I didn't have a minute. I snatched a banana off the counter and took the stairs two at a time down to the parking structure.
"Hey, Doc," Zeke greeted me as I walked into the NICU.
"Hey Zeke. How was your weekend?" I asked, taking the clipboard he extended to me.
"Perfect. Ms. Sophie is a great time." My head snapped up and he grinned. You've got to be kidding me. "Yup. You heard me. I took Ms. Sophie to dinner Saturday night. This time without a chaperone. I do believe I like it better that way. All the charts are up to date.” He handed me a clipboard. “I'm outta here. Have a good one, Doc." The sound of Zeke's happy whistle followed him out of the NICU and down the hall. I suddenly had an inexplicable urge to throw the clipboard across the room. It was going to be a long day.
I dribbled the ball down the court, glancing quickly over my shoulder to see how close Andy was. I put on speed and took it in for a layup. When the ball hit the backboard and bounced off, I dove for the ball to put it up again, tripping Andy in the process.
“Hey man, that’s a foul,” Andy protested. “And watch the finger. What the heck?”
“Quit whining,” I told him and threw the ball to him with more force than was necessary. I was playing angry today. No wonder none of my shots were going in. How many points was I down now? Too many to count. And the thing was, I knew I’d play angry every day until I talked to Sophie.
She'd gone out with every guy I knew over the weekend, it seemed. Had I expected that I was her only link to a social life? I knew that couldn't be farther from the truth. It just rubbed me the wrong way that I couldn't get her off my mind all weekend and she hadn't had any problem focusing on everything except me. Now it rubbed wrong that I even cared. But I did. I had missed her like crazy this weekend. I had missed just having someone to talk to. I had missed connecting with someone the way Sophie and I always seemed to connect so effortlessly. I had missed laughing.
I knew I needed to apologize for overreacting. I had decided to apologize somewhere between the talk with my dad and Tunnel Beach. I should just call her. But what about keeping her at a distance? That’s one reason for the nickname. It kept things from getting personal. She was just one of the guys when I called her San Antonio. Well, that was what I kept telling myself, anyway. It was such a fine line between buddies and something more. And I was having a hard time remembering that friends was where I wanted to keep our relationship. As soon as I was with her, I needed to get closer. I needed contact. The line became non existent and that scared me. Terrified me, really. That made me angry and I had to work hard to not growl out loud.
Andy looked at me with a raised eyebrow as he slowly brought the ball down the court. In a quick move, he pulled up in three-point range and let the ball fly. I shook my head in disgust as it sailed through the basket. Nothing but net. I grabbed the ball while Andy crowed over his lead and blew past him, flying down the court. I pulled up at the three-point line and let it go. It was way wide and I ran up on it, elbowing Andy out of the way. I pulled up for a little two-pointer and watched as it bounced off the rim right back to me. In frustration, I chucked the ball with one hand at the basket. I growled as it missed by a mile. Forget it. I waved the ball off and went to get my water bottle. Dang it, Sophie! I thought. Women… I shook my head with a frown and sighed.
“I know I will regret this,” Andy said coming up behind me and bending over to retie his shoe. "But…something on your mind?”
I grunted in response as I held the bottle out and squirted a stream of water into my mouth. “Why do you ask?” I wiped my mouth with the back of my hand and tossed my bottle back onto my bag.
“Uh, I don’t know. Maybe because I’m wondering what the ball ever did to you. You’re playing sloppy ball, man,” he pointed out then shrugged. “So I just gotta wonder what’s up.”
“Enough yammering,” I told him and swiped the ball off the floor. “Next basket wins.”
“Nice try,” Andy laughed, grabbing the ball from me. “You’re so far behind, we’d have to play for the rest of today and maybe tomorrow for you to catch up. I don’t have that kind of time. I’ve got a date tonight.”
I rolled my eyes and gave him a shove. “Whatever, Romeo. Fine. Paybacks next time,” I promised as we grabbed our stuff and headed out.
“Only if you show up to play next time,” he snorted. “There are too many ladies, too little time to waste on you when your head’s not in the game.”
; “Speaking of heads…how do you even fit on the court with your head that size, bro?”
“Yeah, yeah,” he taunted. “You can try to change the subject, but you still lost.” I punched his arm and his laughter followed me as we walked to our cars.
"It won't happen again," I called to him before he drove off. And it wouldn't. I would apologize to Sophie so I could get over this craziness that had become my life for the past few days.
Chapter 18
Sophie
It had been six days since I’d spoken to James. I missed him more than I thought possible. I looked through the windows of the NICU doors as always. I just wanted an undetected peek. There he was, checking his watch. My breath caught at the sight of him. Oh how I missed him! As he moved to look through the windows, I quickly stood back, out of sight. I knew I had over reacted the other day, but after so many surprises when it came to men, I was ready for straightforward honesty. I wasn’t ready to face him yet, so I found the nearest restroom and hid out for a while until I was sure he would be gone.
Ten minutes later, I squirted some hand sanitizer on my hands and went into the NICU. Ms. Gina was in the office, and seeing her was like seeing a ray of sunshine through dark clouds.
“Ms. Gina.” I smiled. “How has your day been?”
“Well, Ms. Sophie…” she said from her cozy office chair. “I didn’t know if you’d be in today or if Mrs. Mitchell was coming to sit a while. I’m still getting used to this new rotating schedule you people have worked out.”
“You and me both,” I laughed. “I’d better get out to the baby. No one should have to wait on dinner.”
“If I’m not out there when you leave, come tell me goodbye, you hear?”
“Yes, ma’am. I promise.”
I had just settled in the rocker with my tiny bundle and a bottle when I heard the main doors push open. I turned my head to see who came in and froze. James.
“San Antonio?” He asked, coming toward me. “How did I miss you? Did you take the elevator?”
“No. The stairs,” I answered hesitantly.
“But I took the stairs. How did we not run into each other?” I hung my head, guilty, and wouldn’t meet his eyes. I couldn’t take whatever I would see there as understanding dawned. I didn’t want him to know that I’m so immature I had been avoiding him for days; hiding in the bathroom like a child. Apparently my silence was a life sized arrow pointing out my guilt.
I heard him come closer and closed my eyes. I sucked in a breath when I felt him lean over and plant a lingering kiss on the top of my head. “I’m sorry,” he whispered. He stood silently with his forehead resting on top of my head. I couldn’t move. Then he softly said into my hair, “I will tell you someday. I promise. It just needs to be on my terms.” Then he was gone.
I sucked in a ragged breath and buried my face in Dylan’s blanket. I squeezed my eyes shut to hold the tears at bay. I wouldn’t cry, but I would fix this.
“I can’t believe you are really here,” I squealed and hugged Adri close.
“I can’t believe it either. That three hour layover in LA was the pits.”
“I’m pretty sure one week won’t be long enough for all I want to show you. Let’s get your luggage. The carousel is this way.” I turned to lead the way through the writhing mass of travelers, hoping she could keep up and we didn’t get separated.
“Do you want to stop by the hospital on the way to Trevor’s or do you feel airplane gross and need a shower?” I asked as we waited for her bag to ascend from the bowels of the airport.
“I’m really gross and I could stand a meal,” she said, standing on tiptoes to find her suitcase.
“Is it the zebra print one from college?” I asked craning my neck around a woman toting a child, stroller, and carseat.
“Yup. Oh, hey, I see it,” she said pointing and bouncing a little on her toes. “I may need some help lifting it off.”
“Holy cow!” I grunted as I attempted to drag her suitcase off the carousel before it moved away from me. “Are you sure you are only staying for a week? What did you put in this thing?” I tugged hard and felt a vein in my temple bulge. “Adri, are you helping me?”
“Sorry. I couldn’t get past that huge guy. We’ll have to wait til it comes around again,” she said in annoyance.
“You will be staying in my room with me,” I informed Adri in the car. “Dinner won’t be for a while. Are you hungry? We could stop somewhere,” I offered. “They even have a Voodoo Doughnut here. Who did you tell me wanted to have their wedding there?”
“Me,” she said. “But I was just a little girl. My taste in wedding venues has changed dramatically since then.”
“Well that’s a relief,” I said with a laugh.
“Speaking of weddings,” Adri said, “What’s new with the doctor?”
“We haven’t spoken for almost week,” I admitted sadly. "Until today when I saw him for like thirty seconds.
“What? All I've heard from you for over a month is, ‘James this and James that’. Blah, Blah, Blah. It’s been disgusting,” she said in mock annoyance. “What about running and dinner and the haircut? What about the beach and the sand dollar?”
“That day was…I can’t even describe how that was the best day of my life.” My voice took on a dreamy quality. “It was perfect. Then I went and ticked him off,” I admitted.
“What happened?” Adri asked sympathetically.
“I just asked him a question and he went crazy. I was embarrassed, wounded pride and all that, so I didn’t stick around to fix things. Then I’ve been avoiding him at the hospital. Until today. Adri, I think I’m in love with him.”
James
“What’s up with you today, man?” Andy asked as he dribbled the ball down the court.
“What do you mean? I’ve made every shot,” I reminded him as I took a swipe at the ball. I got enough of a hand on it to knock it loose and we both dove for the ball. I came up with it and easily took it in for layup.
“That’s what I’m talking about.” Andy gestured toward the basket. “You’ve made every shot. You are all over the place. I’m ready to call the game.”
“Can’t take the heat today, huh?” I teased, then called a timeout and jogged off the court when I heard a text chime in.
“Hey, where you going? You can’t leave the game for a text,” he whined. “Wait. Is it a girl?”
I waved him off and picked up my phone. I couldn’t help the grin that spread over my face when I saw Sophie’s name.
Sophie: My friend, Adri, is in town.
James: Oh?
Sophie: Can we get together? I’d like her to meet you.
James: I think I could fit you in. :)
Sophie: Gee, thx. When?
James: Tonight.
Sophie: We’ll come to you.
James: That’s what all the ladies say.
Sophie: Ha, ha. I thought I was txting James, not Andy.
James: Ouch.
Sophie: See you at 7?
James: Perfect.
I pocketed my phone and grinned. It had been seven very long days. “Hey, Chia, Sophie and her friend, Adri, are dropping by the apartment in a couple hours. You gonna be around?” I grabbed my bag and gestured toward the door. The game was over anyway. There was no way he was making a comeback today.
“Another lady to add to my collection?” Andy grabbed his stuff and followed me. “Sure. I’m game.”
“Nice, Andy. And you wonder why Sophie ended it.”
“I thought she ended it with you, too, by the way you’ve been moping around the past couple days. I won’t even put you through the embarrassment of mentioning the game the other day where I mopped up the floor with you. What happened with her?”
“She knows I’m keeping something from her and she asked what it is. I freaked out on her. It wasn’t pretty.”
“Are you going to tell her?” Andy asked after a long pause, trying to sound casual. “I mean, ‘cause if you are, that�
�s big.”
“There is something about her that has me doing things I swore I’d never do again,” I admitted and ran a hand through my sweaty hair already thinking about the shower I needed to take before I saw Sophie. “I don’t know. I told her I would tell her. Maybe sometime in the future. If I don’t chicken out.”
“Admitting she may still be in your near future is huge for you, you know,” Andy pointed out, looking down at his shoes. He was trying to make it seem like it wasn’t a big deal when we both knew this was a colossal step for me.
“Who are you anyway? Dr. Phil?” I shoved him good naturedly.
“Okay. I’ve said enough. Just sayin’…”
Sophie
“I’m so nervous,” I said to Adri on the way to James’ apartment. “It’s like first date jitters. I may throw up.”
“Oh, stop. Take a deep breath and tell me about his cousin.”
“Andy is hot. Like GQ hot. But he knows it and that’s the turn off for me. I like a guy with confidence, but just enough insecurity to be humble. That combination of humble and confident means they can lead, but they aren’t afraid to be wrong sometimes. That makes them strong enough for me to break down on, yet soft enough to make my breath catch when they touch me. That’s way hotter in my book.” Like James, I thought and sighed inwardly. I couldn’t wait to see him.
“So is he built?” Adri asked.
“Who?”
“Um, Andy? Who did you think?”
I gave a self-conscious chuckle. “Oh, Andy. Of course. Yes. He’s like those guys on the Calvin Klein commercials except not as skinny looking. Bulkier, maybe. Not that I’ve seen him without a shirt on or anything. You can just tell with the way his shirts hug his muscles…Never mind. You’ll just have to see for yourself.” Oh brother. “We’re here,” I said brightly.
Adri laughed all the way up the elevator and to their apartment door. She knocked quickly and then rolled her eyes when she saw my fists clenched stiffly at my sides. “Would you calm down and breathe. You look like you are going to pass out,” she whispered as the door knob turned. “At least if you do, there’s a doctor in the…Oh my…” she gasped softly when the door opened to reveal a very polished Andy.
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