“That came out wrong.” He rubbed at the back of his neck. “I don’t think you’ll hate me. I just need to get this out.”
With my arms wrapped around my middle, I wondered what could be so big it would bother him this much. “What do you need to tell me, Cade?” I snapped, not meaning to, but I was still irritable from the meeting and my bed was beckoning me.
Stopping in his tracks, his gaze hardened, and he let out a heavy breath. “I told you about my past, who I used to be.” He paused, licking his lips while rubbing his hands together. “I told you about Darrel, and you even had the privilege of meeting him, but I didn’t really tell you what he does because it didn’t matter. Anyway, he works in music. He’s actually who got me the job at the station. He’s an agent, and he’s been trying to get me to move toward that end of the business. I never wanted it before. I don’t want to be him, ever. But two weeks ago, I thought we were done.”
The pain of his statement shot through me. I did too. Damn, emotions suck. I wanted to tell him it wasn’t over then, I just had my own stuff to deal with, but he shook his head, keeping me from saying anything.
“So, I took him up on setting up an interview for an internship at his agency in Seattle for me to start after graduation.” It all came out in this tumble of words I had to piece together.
He stopped, watching me closely. My mouth dried out, feeling as if I ate a fistful of cotton. Two weeks, we had only been dating two weeks, and I was considering giving up my dream, while he already had plans to go somewhere else. I felt like an idiot—one of those girls who fell in love after like two dates. God, such an idiot. I had to compose myself—he was still watching me. I couldn’t let him see how much I really cared. I had to play cool and tough. I was tough.
Trying to take on a look of encouragement, I half smiled. “That’s really great.” With a nod, I squeezed my sides, my fingers digging into my ribs. “When’s your interview?”
He cringed. Rubbing his hands over his face, he sighed again, and I kept myself from snapping at him to spit it out. Shoulders slumping, he mumbled, “It’s tomorrow afternoon.”
Ouch.
He must have known about this for at least the last two weeks, and he was just then telling me? The day before the interview? Ugh. Plaster on a freaking smile, Ava, and be supportive. That’s all I could tell myself. I couldn’t focus on the hurt, the betrayal, especially because I was betraying him too. I still hadn’t said anything to him about Vanderbilt, mostly because I hadn’t decided whether I was going there—but still, I wasn’t being forthcoming either. It was also because I had been planning on giving my dream up because I was in love with him. Obviously, we weren’t on the same page. Damn, it hurt.
I didn’t know what to say, but I had to say something, had to make it so he wouldn’t know how much it hurt. “Wow, that’s really great,” I kind of croaked, but cleared my throat to cover it up. “Shouldn’t you get home, you know, to get some rest for your interview. I bet you have to leave early.”
“That’s it?” he demanded, eyebrows raised. “I tell you I have an interview to start a job in another state, and you send me on my way with a congratulations?”
“Well, what do you want?” I demanded, throwing my arms out. “We’ve only been dating two weeks. It’s not as if I’m going to demand you stay here.”
Moving forward, he got in my space again, crowding me against the desk. “I would at least expect you to be honest. It may be only two weeks, but we’ve been friends a lot longer than that.”
He got me there. And I really was never one to lie. But how could I tell him the truth without professing my love to him? So I remained a coward and simply shrugged, causing a deep growl to build up in his chest. The sneer he wore when he leaned back hurt every bone in my body.
“You know, your mom brought up you getting accepted somewhere a few days ago, but you interrupted her before she could say where,” he said all casual like, but my eyes widened. I was hoping he’d forgotten about it. No such luck. “I’ve been waiting for you to say something, but you haven’t. Where’d you get accepted to, Ava?”
I wanted to tell him, really, but it would have made me just as bad as him. Ha, great reason to lie, Av. Composing my face, I tried for impartial. “I got accepted to the University of Portland, into their engineering program.” It wasn’t really a lie, especially since I was considering not going to Vanderbilt, but it still left the distinct taste of battery acid in my throat.
His brow scrunched up. I usually couldn’t convince him so easily, but he was so caught up in his own stuff, he couldn’t detect the lie. “This would be so much easier if you’d demand I stay here.” He chuckled darkly, shaking his head.
I jerked back in surprise, feeling so much for him in that moment. He was troubled, seeking help with a huge life decision—I couldn’t deny him that. “You really want a girlfriend like that?” I raised my eyebrows when he gave me a sad smirk, his eyes sparkling. “Is this something you want, Cade?”
“I don’t know,” he groaned, and I went to him, twining our fingers together. His pleading look told me more than any words could. “I don’t know if I necessarily want this, to be an agent or whatever, but I want to work in music, and he said he’d pay for my college if I did this. I don’t think I can pass his offer up.”
With a squeeze of his fingers, I gave him a weak smile. “Then there’s your answer.”
“But that doesn’t mean the end for us.” His eyes grew wide. “Seattle isn’t far—only a three-hour drive. We can work something out if you’re staying here. And, even if I get the internship, we still have a few weeks left of school to figure everything out.”
“Yeah, we’ll figure something out.”
But the sad smile wouldn’t go away. It wouldn’t work. I had to go to Vanderbilt. I would never ask him to give up his dream for me, and I knew he would never ask it of me, either. Giving up the chance to go there would haunt me for the rest of my life. Sorrow ripped through my heart, but I plastered on what I hoped looked like a smile and not a grimace.
“Yeah?” he asked, eyes full of hope.
I only nodded, not trusting my voice. Wrapping his arms around me, he beamed before crushing his mouth to mine. He didn’t stay long after that because he really did have to get up early. I sent him on his way with one last steamy kiss for good luck and a heart full of guilt.
Chapter Thirty-One
Cade
The next morning, Darrel was at the house to make sure I got up in time to make it to my interview. He gave me way too many pointers before I had to make the three-hour drive. I tried pretending I was okay with him being around—really, it hadn’t been too bad, but I knew how this ended.
My mood wasn't the greatest that morning, but it had nothing to do with my upcoming interview. When I left Ava’s the night before, I felt better after talking to her, but something weighed on me—as if something about her reaction was wrong. She sent me a text early in the morning with two words. “Good luck.” That was all it said. I could imagine her returning from her run, dripping in sweat, breathing hard. The image should have made me smile, but it only pissed me off.
The curt text had a pit growing in my stomach. There had to be something, something I missed. I thought her staying in Portland and me only being a few hours away would have left her happy, but I knew her. The girl I left the night before was not happy. I didn’t know what to do about it or if there even was anything I could do—not if she wasn’t being honest with me.
My pissy mood got even worse when my mom and Darrel excused themselves to her bedroom. I bolted from the house when the gross noises echoed down the hall, making me want to drive them out of my head with a power drill. The long drive would be a reprieve.
Three hours later, I pulled into the parking garage of a large building in the middle of Seattle. Following Darrel’s instructions, I found the correct suite on the sixteenth floor and told the receptionist who I was. She told me to wait in the decorated lobby with a h
uge smile, then wished me luck, saying she hoped I got the job. With a big show of batting her eyelashes, she flipped her long, blonde hair over a shoulder. Sure, I probably looked nicer than usual in my pressed gray slacks and black dress shirt, but getting hit on right before an interview made my stomach hurt.
When they finally called me up, I was a bit nervous but kept it together. A big, beefy man with no hair up top interviewed me. He spoke about Darrel a lot, but I only pretended I liked him and tried moving the conversation toward music. At the end, Mr. Preston gave me a firm handshake and told me the position was mine. I stoically shook his hand back and acted as if I was excited to come work for them in the summer. It was a shitload of acting.
On my way out, I ignored the receptionist’s congratulations and left the building. It had been a waste of a long trip. I was glad for the position, really, especially because I would be able to hold Darrel up on the free college, but now I had to take the next few weeks to figure out what was wrong with Ava. I thought about seeing some old friends so the trip wasn't a total waste, but knew it wasn’t a good idea. We’d reminisce, then probably end up smoking a bowl. Yeah, not a good idea.
Instead, realizing there was something I hadn’t done yet, I rushed back to Portland. When I got back in town and had what I needed, I sent a quick text to Ava.
I’m back. Mind if I come over?
Her replay came when I was almost to her house.
Sure.
Another curt response. Damn, I hated those. What I was about to do would hopefully help get her out of this funk, at least enough for her to talk to me. Or something like that. I didn’t know. Relationship shit wasn't my strong suit, but at least I was trying. We’d only been dating two weeks, but I hadn’t screwed up royally yet, which surprised the hell out of me.
I parked a few houses down from hers, so she wouldn't know I was there yet. It was lucky the weather was decent for once, so my plan wouldn’t get screwed up. Her car was parked in the driveway, and a few lights shined bright in the house. It was dark out, since it was almost seven, so getting everything in place without being seen was easy enough. When I was done, I sent her another text.
WTF! Someone painted your car again?!!
It was mean, sure, but I needed her outside. She flew out the front door wearing sweats and a tank top, looking all flustered, her parents following behind her. They stopped in their tracks when they saw me leaning against her car, which I had covered in daisies—her favorite flowers. Her mom beamed, giving me a wink, before shoving Jim back inside the house. Ava moved toward me, a smirk playing at the corner of her lips, her eyes resting on the word “PROM?” painted on her back window.
When she was only a foot from me, her lips pursed, she crossed her arms over her chest. “That was really mean.” She tried for a glare, but it didn’t quite work with the smile tugging at her lips.
With a bouquet of daisies held out to her, I raised my eyebrows in question. Still smiling, she took them from me and smelled them. “Sooooo?” I drew out, going a little crazy with anticipation.
With a smirk, she considered the flowers. “Prom’s next weekend.” She gave me a smoldering look from under her eyelashes, making my blood rush. Man, she had no idea what she did to me. “What makes you think I don’t already have a date?”
With a chuckle, I moved closer. I brushed a hand over her cheek, making her sigh—my freaking favorite sound in the world. “I’m sure you do, but you’re gonna have to blow them off for your boyfriend.”
She shoved my shoulder, laughing. “Of course, I want to go with my boyfriend.”
Smiling, I scooped her up in a hug, then crushed my mouth to hers, needing to touch her, to feel those silky lips against mine, kissing her long enough and deep enough to leave us both gasping for air. When I put her down and we caught our breath, she gave me a serious look.
“How’d your interview go?” she asked, pressing a hand to my chest, spreading her fingers wide.
I bit back a sigh. I didn’t want the serious shit right then. I wanted to enjoy the moment, but I couldn’t not tell her. “I got the internship.” I tried to smile, but the corners of her mouth drooped before she could plaster a fake smile on. “But, hey.” I hooked a finger under her chin, tilting her head up. “Let’s not think about the future crap right now. Let’s just be for a while, ’kay?”
She nodded with a small smile, and I kissed her forehead before we went inside to talk to her parents. I stayed for a while, listening to her laugh and plan with her mom, while Mr. Hart talked to me about the internship. He wanted to know about what I would be doing, where I was going to school, what I’d be studying. Even though I didn’t want to talk about it, I couldn't be rude.
Ava kept giving me weird looks. She seemed excited about the prom stuff, but something was still off—I only wished she would tell me what. She didn’t, though. She sent me on my way, telling me she’d see me on Monday, since she was going to be busy Sunday.
It took all my control not to hit something on my way out. What the hell was wrong with her? I couldn’t read her mind, obviously. Was I supposed to just sit around and wait for her to say something? Again, I didn’t know how to do any of the relationship shit, but I was pretty sure you were supposed to share and stuff when you were in one. She wasn’t sharing—I couldn’t force her to—so there we were.
Chapter Thirty-Two
On Sunday, I texted her throughout the day, but her replies remained curt. I wasn’t sure if I was supposed to ask what was going on or if I should leave it and wait for her to come to me. It sucked. Monday was more of the same. I saw her between classes, we ate lunch together, but she was still distant. At the end of the day, she said she wouldn’t be able to make it to the station because she had prom stuff to iron out. I was the supportive boyfriend, telling her I understood, whatever. When her odd behavior continued through the week, my shit hit the fan.
I didn’t know how to handle any of it, but I was sure punching a hole in a wall wasn’t the answer. My mom noticed something was wrong and kept trying to get me to talk, but I didn’t want to. Her and Darrel were all mushy happy, making me even more pissed. Darrel was ecstatic I landed the internship, so every time I was around him, he would talk to me about the job, but I wasn’t in the mood to listen.
My mom did seem excited about prom and even took me to get my Western suit. With the help of Mrs. Hart, we made sure it would match Ava’s dress, since she wasn’t any help in that area. I was supposed to order her some corsage or something, but that seemed too cliché, so I got her something I hoped would mean more. I thought Ava would be excited about all the prom stuff, since we were going together, but it didn’t change her mood.
It was Hell. I thought being in a relationship was supposed to be fun—not the miserable mess it had turned into in under a month. By Friday, I was ready to kill someone. She was still being short with me, practically acting like I didn’t exist. We were one fucking day away from prom, and she would barely look at me. I was determined to force her to talk to me that night, but when I told her we needed to talk, she said she was way too busy with prom decorations to get away.
During lunch, she kept checking her phone, and I got a short glimpse of an unknown call coming through while peeking over her shoulder, but she ignored it and didn’t say anything about it. What the hell was that about? Was someone bugging her? Or was it someone she didn’t want me to know she was talking to? I had no idea, but I wanted to beat my head against the fucking wall.
Whatever was going on, she seemed to be getting more and more stressed. I noticed she hadn’t been eating at lunch all week, and the dark circles under her eyes suggested she wasn’t sleeping. Even Rabia noticed and tried getting her to talk during lunch, but she brushed it off with one of her fake smiles.
That night, driving around with Band of Skulls blasting, I tried sorting through all of it, tried to figure out what the hell I was supposed to do. I didn’t have to work, but I was tired of being a hermit. The gloomy weather f
it my mood perfectly, a steady drizzle coming down the whole time I drove.
After a couple hours of wandering aimlessly, I ended up parked in front of her house. It was almost nine, and I was glad to see her car in the driveway. The rain had almost completely washed the paint off her back window, which bummed me out for some reason. God, this mood was pissing me off. Giving up on leaving her alone, and pissed at the cold shoulder she’d been giving me, I texted her.
Come outside.
Just the two words, but I hoped she would listen. I was ready to hash this out, maybe yell a little, whatever it took to get my Ava back. The rain had stopped, so I got out of the car and sat on my hood while I waited for her. She didn’t respond but did come out of the house after making me wait for about ten minutes.
She sauntered toward my car with her arms crossed over her chest, hiding most of the logo on the huge sweatshirt she wore, which hung so low it almost completely covered her cut-off sweats. Her messy curls hung in her face, as always. I had to remind myself I was supposed to be frustrated with her.
As she drew nearer, she wore a look of apprehension, saying “Hey,” with a weak smile.
“Talk to me,” I said through gritted teeth, surpassing social niceties, making her jerk back. It looked as if she might argue, so I reached out, gripping her shoulders with a hard look. “I know something’s up, but I can’t read minds. Please tell me what’s going on.”
With her bottom lip pinched between her fingers, her eyes shifted back and forth. Sighing, she whispered, “I’m so stressed out.” I knew she was stressed, but I didn’t know what was stressing her out this much. “I haven’t told you, but someone’s been calling me… like four to five times a day. It’s an unknown number, and they never say anything, but it’s freaking me out.”
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