by E. M. Leya
"That's an understatement." He leaned back in the chair. "I find myself wanting to try all this stuff, but I'm scared of it. I don't want to hurt anyone."
"That's good. Don't let it scare you. A good Dom doesn't want to hurt. He wants to give pain, but not injure. He wants to take his sub to a place only a trained expert can. It's your job to help your sub find subspace. Is this best friend your sub?"
"I want him to be, but we're both new to all this. He doesn't know any more than I do. We have a friend who has been guiding us a bit through video chat, but we only meet once a week." He went on to explain about Al and how he'd ended up involved with Jess and Al's weekly thing. "See, this is all so weird. I didn't mean to get involved, but now that I am, I want more."
"You need to talk to Jess and see what he wants. See if this lifestyle is of interest to him. It's one thing to enjoy a simple spanking, but I get the sense your desires are much more intense."
Andy nodded.
"If Jess isn't into this, you'll find someone who is. There are parties where you can go and meet subs. Once you're a little more knowledgeable, I'll invite you to one. For now, I think you're on the right path with reading and watching videos."
"But that doesn't help me know how to do it. I watch, trying to see how hard they spank, how hard they flick the whip. I'm scared I'll do more than Jess can take."
Maggie smiled. "That's normal. It's a learning process. If I can arrange it, would you like to sit in on one of my scenes? I'd need to approve it with my Daddy, but if he's willing to let you watch and learn, so am I." She caressed the collar around her neck. "He's one of the best. You couldn't learn from a better man."
"I'd just watch? I wouldn't have to do anything sexual?"
"Nope. You could join in on some stuff if Daddy allows it. Maybe learn how to use some of the whips. How hard to hit. You won't hurt me. I can take a lot." She said it smugly as if she was proud of how much pain she could take. "What we do isn't always sexual. A lot of scenes are done without the sex, but sex does add a lot to it for me. I like keeping Daddy satisfied. He might fuck me with you there, but you won't have to take part unless you want to. Of course, with Daddy's permission. I just want to give you a chance to see how a scene might play out. For you to see how he mixes the pleasure and pain for me."
"I'd love that if you both don't mind."
"I'll talk to Daddy tonight and see if he's okay with it. I'm betting he will be. He used to train a lot of newcomers, but it's been a while since he has." She jumped down and handed Andy her phone. "Put your number in there and I'll text you if he says okay. If not, we can talk here and try and work on some things to get you comfortable."
He took her phone and entered his info. "I'm Andy by the way."
"And you know I'm Maggie." She pointed to the name tag she wore. "Now, tell me a bit more about this guy. Your best friend. What makes you so sure he's a sub?"
He handed her phone back. "Well, he admits to getting off on pain. Like anal stretching, spanking, and he loved the crop. He says the pain grounds him somehow."
She got a dreamy look in her eyes and nodded. "I know what he means."
"I've read about and think I understand the desire for pain, but does that mean Jess is a sub or just likes it a bit rough? I'm not sure he could go all out like I want to. Hell, I'm not sure he'd do it with me even if he wanted to. Remember, I'm the straight best friend."
"Maybe it's time to let him know you aren't as straight as you thought you were. He might be fighting an attraction to you, but scared to say anything because he thinks you're straight. It's time for a long talk about how you feel. Be honest with him. If the friendship has lasted this many years, it will get through this talk." She seemed so confident.
"I guess." He sighed. "I'll work on that." He'd be with Jess all day Saturday at his parents. Maybe they'd have time to talk then.
"Thanks, Maggie. This helps a lot." He was excited to hopefully train with someone who knew what they were doing. "Coming in here and meeting you was the best thing I've ever done."
She grinned. "Now, what's on the agenda for this Friday night?" She ran her hand over a display of nipple clamps.
"Nothing this week. Al's out of town so we're taking the week off. I'll have to come up with something for next week. Maybe if I meet with you and your…" He couldn't say daddy. It just didn't feel right.
"Master Tony," she supplied.
"If I meet with you and Master Tony, it will give me some ideas." He fought the excitement inside him. He wanted this all to happen now.
"I'm sure we'll have a lot of ideas for you. Until we meet, see what Jess thinks about things. Talk about some of the stuff in the book or stuff you watch online. See how far he's willing to go. Everyone has limits, learn his." She came over and touched his cheek. "The fact you are so worried about all this is good. It is what will make you a strong and respected Dom. Those who just jump in without knowledge are going to fail or hurt someone. You're doing it the right way."
"Thanks." He smiled, feeling a bit better. He stood. "Any other books you can recommend while I'm waiting for the rest of this to come together?"
"Of course." She led him over to the bookshelf on the other side of the store. "I suggest these three. Each one will teach you something different, but together, these three books will combine to make you into a great Dom. I'll even throw in my employee discount if you want to get them."
He eyed the price of the books. They were a lot more than he could honestly afford to spend, but thanks to his Friday nights with Al and Jess, he had a little extra. "Deal. I'll take all three."
Maggie gathered them in her hands and held them against her chest as she made her way to the register. "I can't wait until I can start helping you pick out supplies." She glanced over at a display of floggers. "I'll show you my favorite when the time comes."
"Thanks." He liked Maggie. She was going to get him through this. Without her, he'd have nothing but online information to go by, and most of that didn't feel right to him. He wanted to know the right way to do things. If he was going to be a Dom, he was going to be a good one.
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
Jess grabbed his shirt off the bed and pulled it on just as he heard the front door open. "I'm almost ready."
"No rush. We've got time," Andy called back.
Jess gathered his wallet and the gift he'd gotten for Andy's mom and headed to the living room where he found Andy sitting on the couch. "Hey, sorry I didn't respond last night. I fell asleep and didn't get your text until this morning."
"I figured as much. You pick up an extra shift yesterday?" Andy asked.
"Yeah, I figured since we didn't have a call with Al, I might as well get the extra hours. We're short two servers now so I can get the overtime." Jess rolled his shoulders. "I'm beat, but it's worth it."
Andy stood. "Need me to grab anything?"
"Nope. I've got a gift for your mom and I made a pasta salad to bring with. The one with that vinaigrette you like so much." Jess picked up a bowl from the coffee table where he'd set it so he didn't forget.
"Yum, give me. You can drive while I eat." Andy reached teasingly for the bowl.
"Nope, you can wait. I made plenty. I knew you'd enjoy it. I haven't made it in over a year." Jess nodded. "Let's go."
They headed out the door and Jess reluctantly handed Andy the bowl so he could lock the door. Once Andy had it, there would be no getting it back. He pulled open the top and picked a thick pasta shell out. "God, I love this stuff."
Jess rolled his eyes. "I'm not driving so you're going to have to set it down." He grinned at his friend. "If I didn't know any better, I'd think you love me for my pasta salad."
"Nah, not only that, but it's a big part of why I keep you around." Andy clicked the fob, unlocking his truck. He put the bowl on the floor of the passenger side. "Don't kick that over. My truck will smell like that salad for weeks and drive me insane with hunger."
"As if smelling like dirt and sweat is any better
," Jess teased.
"I'll clean it later this weekend. You can come help if you want."
"I've got a shift at ten tomorrow. Today's my only day off until next Friday. Between work and school, I'll hardly be home." Jess relaxed once he had his seatbelt on.
"No new dates with that guy?" Andy glanced over at him.
Jess sighed. He didn't want to explain everything to Andy. How did you tell someone that you decided not to date because of sex? It made him sound picky or self-centered. "No, we're going to stay friends, but we mutually decided dating wouldn't work. He's a great guy, and we have a ton in common, but the spark wasn't there."
"I'm sorry. I know you hoped it would work out." Andy seemed to relax some and a look of relief crossed his face.
What was that about? Jess stared at his friend. "You look like your happy it didn't work."
"No, not at all." Andy held up a hand. "I didn't have an opinion either way. I just want you happy. If it didn't work out, that just means there's someone better out there for you."
"If I only had the time to find him." Jess leaned his head against the window as Andy backed out. "What about you? Have you met anyone?"
"I haven't been looking. I've worked late most nights. By the time I get home, I'm too tired to go out. I'm not in any hurry to find someone at the bar and I really don't go anywhere else. Like you, I'll just wait for the right one to show up."
They drove in silence for a while and Jess wondered if he would ever find someone. It wasn't easy to meet people, especially if you didn't go out a lot. There was always online dating, but he'd done that for a while and the results were scary. He'd ended up meeting guys he wouldn't have set up with his worst enemy. Half the guys who claimed to be his age ended up being much older. He couldn't trust what he read online. For now, he was happy with doing videos for his clients, and since Andy had joined with him and Al, it was even more exciting. He looked forward to seeing what they would do next.
He still wasn't sure how to feel about Andy jacking him off and coming on his ass. It turned him on more than he wanted to admit. It didn't make Andy gay, but it had been more than he expected from his friend. More than he thought Andy would ever do. He wanted more, but this time he didn't want to be blindfolded. He wanted to look in Andy's eyes as he did it.
Falling for his best friend couldn't happen, but he could enjoy the playtime they had while it lasted.
"Did you read any of that book I left you?" Andy asked.
"I did. There's a lot more to a Dom and sub than I ever thought. I can relate to the sub stuff. When I feel the pain, it puts me in a state of mind that I can't explain. It calms me and makes me forget how shitty my life is. For a little while, I'm a different person in a different place. I know that doesn't make sense, but it's the only way I know how to describe it." Jess glanced at Andy. He probably thought he was crazy. What kind of person asked for pain? Craved it?
"I understand. It makes perfect sense. Is it something you want to keep exploring?" Andy asked.
"You mean do I want my best friend to keep spanking and whipping my ass?" He gave a wry grin. "Yeah, I do if he doesn't mind doing it. I just don't want you uncomfortable about things. I don't know that I could trust anyone else to do it, but with you, I feel safe."
A look of pride covered Andy's features. "I love doing it. I'm learning a lot about myself I never knew. Like you, I find peace in wielding the whip or using my hand. I've been reading a lot more about being a Dom and I think it's something I might want to get into. I have a long way to go, but I plan on learning all I can about it."
Jess grinned as an image of Andy dressed in leather filled his mind. It turned him on to think about it. Not that he'd tell Andy that. "I think you'd be good at it. I can see you with some woman kneeling at your feet."
"Would you kneel at my feet?" Andy asked.
Jess froze, unsure what Andy was saying. "Me?"
"Why not? You enjoy the pain. I want to learn how to give it. We could work together for this."
"Isn't sex part of it?"
"Not always, but usually. It doesn't mean we have to have sex or do more than we've already done. There are a ton of ways to play that doesn't have to do with actual sex." Andy's knuckles were white as he held the steering wheel. "I understand if you say no. I know this is strange, but like you said, we trust each other. I know you'll be honest with me if I do something wrong, or even let me know if I do it right. I'd like to practice, but I don't have any clue how to do that. I don't want to join some local club without at least looking like I know what I'm doing."
It made sense, but Jess wasn't sure he could do this with Andy and not want more. Already, he was finding himself thinking of Andy in ways he shouldn't. "Can I think about it a bit? We can talk about it later when you're not trying to focus on the road?"
Andy laughed. "Yeah, that's probably a good idea. Just don't feel like there's any pressure. It's just something I've been thinking of. We'll have to check with Al if we're going to do it on Friday nights. He's the one paying for the hour. We need to give him what he wants, not what we want."
"That's true, but that doesn't mean we can't practice at other times." Jess took a deep breath. "I'll think about it."
"That's all I ask." Andy grinned. "Now tell me what you got my mom." He gestured to the wrapped box on the seat between them.
"It's a necklace with an infinity heart. It reminded me of her when I saw it. I actually bought it three months ago and have been waiting for a reason to give it to her. It's not nearly enough for her, but I hope she likes it."
"She'll love it. She's always loved you. Brad and I used to joke you're her favorite child," Andy teased.
"That's hardly true, but I love your parents. They've always been there for me. After Brad told them he was gay, I knew I could tell them about me. It was nice to have someone to talk to about it who wasn't a friend. They helped me figure out how to tell my parents, though that all backfired. It was your parents who helped me get over being disowned. I might have lost my blood family, but I've always had yours." Jess reached over and touched Andy's arm. "Thanks for sharing them with me."
"It wasn't a choice I had to make. You just fit in with us. I'm glad they're there for you." He turned into his parents' driveway. "It's just the four of us and Brad said he'd try to call, but you know how that can go. We'll eat and sit out back, but there's really not a lot planned. My aunt was going to come over, but she ended up having to take my cousin to some dance thing in Dallas this weekend."
"I'm good with a small party," Jess said.
"Me too. More salad for me." Andy grabbed the bowl with a huge grin.
Jess shook his head and followed him inside. The moment he entered, Jess's mother dropped what she was doing and came straight to him.
"Jess, it's about time you came to visit." She wrapped her arms around him and gave him a tight hug that had him choking back emotion. He missed having a mother around. "How are you?"
He swallowed the lump in his throat and smiled. "I'm good, Mrs. Steller. I've missed you guys. I'm sorry I haven't been by sooner, but between work and school, I haven't had a lot of time."
She took his hand. "You graduate soon, don't you?"
"Yeah, in a few months."
"You let us know when and we'll be there." She released his hand. "We're so proud of you."
Jess fought back tears at the idea that Jess's parents would attend his graduation. He'd thought he would be there alone without anyone to celebrate with him. Sure, he'd have Andy, but he didn't think even Andy would go to the graduation ceremony. It meant more to him than anything. "Thanks, I'll get you invitations when they come out." He blinked, unable to hide the wetness in his eyes.
She gave him a knowing smile and looked at the box in his hand. "Is that for me?"
"It is. Happy Birthday." He bent and kissed her cheek.
"You didn't need to get me anything." She took the box.
"No, I didn't, but when I saw this, I thought of you, so I got it f
or you. I hope you like it."
"I'll set it with the others and open it later. I'm sure I'll love it. Now come say hi to Mike." She turned and walked to the kitchen.
Jess followed, not surprised to find Andy scooping pasta salad into a bowl. He narrowed his eyes at Andy, then turned to say hi to his dad. "Mr. Steller, it's good to see you again." He shook the man's hand.
"You as well, Jess. You need to stop hiding. We've missed you around here. Andy keeps us up to date on what you're doing, but you should drop by and tell us yourself."
"I wish I had the time," Jess explained. "Once I'm done with school, I promise to be by more often."
"I see you brought Andy's favorite salad." Mrs. Steller smacked Andy's arm. "You could wait until we sit down to eat."
Andy grinned, his mouth full of pasta. "Sorry, Mom."
"You lie. You're not a bit sorry, and don't talk with your mouth full." She picked up a plate with hamburgers and hot dogs. "The grill is ready if I can convince one of you to cook these for us." She handed Jess the plate.
"I'd love to," he lied. He hated grilling, but he would never tell her that.
"I'll help." Andy followed him outside. "You notice you're the one who got hugs and greetings when we got here, right?"
Jess laughed. "That's only because they see you every weekend and haven't seen me in months. You were too focused on the salad."
"Can you blame me? I don't know why you don't make it more often."
"Because when I'm home, the last thing I want to do is cook." Jess started to put the burgers on the grill while Andy put hot dogs on.
"This is why we need an apartment together. That way I can make sure you're eating."
"I eat. I get a free meal at work every day and I grab stuff on campus." Jess knew it wasn't enough, and more days than not, he skipped meals, but eating took time he didn't have. "I'll have two burgers tonight if it will make you happy."
"It would." Andy smiled. "Get some meat on that boney ass of yours."
"My ass isn't boney." Jess protested.
"No, honestly, now that I've seen it, I can say it's not, but it would still look better with a little more plump to it." Andy leaned in close. "I can just imagine those welts then."