To Find a God

by Mary Hamilton

  He paused his sharpening and set the sword aside. “Maybe a little. But we will be coming back, and I can see everyone then. And besides, Elle and Rys will be there too.”

  “But what about your family?”

  “What about them? My mother and father will remain here. I will think of them and they will think of me. They will be fine, and I will be fine.” He moved to a large tree and leaned against it facing Marzi. “I know that you think I am a child sometimes. But I am old enough and wise enough to understand how things work. I am a dark elf. All that I am and hope to be is connected to the Bough. When I decided to go with you that day, I knew full well what I was doing. I would do the same thing again. The three years—it is merely the part that comes next—a learning experience and a part of life.”

  She had never heard Ran talk like this. He was right that sometimes he seemed almost childlike. But there, at that moment, he seemed as Rys had the night before. It occurred to her that he and the others had done this for her. She eased over and put her arms around him, squeezing tightly. But it was pretty strange, since with her height, her embrace was around his hips.

  He chuckled and rubbed her hair. “Whatever else you may think of me, Marzi, please know that I am your friend.”

  After a moment, she stepped back and wiped her eyes. She seemed to be in tears a lot these days. “Yes, you will always be my friend too. I guess I should go now, though. The empress wants to see me this morning.”

  Ran patted her shoulders and smiled. “You had better go then. Do not keep her waiting.”

  Chapter 22: Marzi

  She thought that Ariessa looked tired but Marzi also saw a glint of something in her eyes—maybe happiness, love, or even contentment. She got her daughter back. Of course, she’s happy. But the empress hadn’t really gotten Arien back. It was just a visit. The reality was that, when all was said and done, Arien was an elf of the cliffs. That was her home, her place in the world. Would the dark elves of the Bough and the outcasts of the cliffs ever be reunited as one people? Could they be?

  “I trust you slept well, Marzi. Thank you for meeting with me again.” Ariessa sat across the table as she always did, although that morning, there were no other High Council members present.

  “Yes, I did sleep well. I am grateful for Lord Lothran’s kindness.” Marzi shifted on her makeshift elevated seat, trying to find that one comfortable position.

  Ariessa’s words came with a casual tone. “I would speak of your upcoming journey. Saryn and Arien accompany you to the north, where you seek audience with the frost elves. Lapis, of course, has made known his intention to accompany you.” She shook her head and smiled. “He has a mind of his own, that one.”

  That eased Marzi’s mind. The thought of venturing into the wilds was daunting, but the noble wolf had a way of making her feel safe. “I’m glad of that. Thank you.”

  “Yes, well, you can thank Lapis. I wanted to make a request of you. As you know by now, three of our own are going north within a few days. I humbly ask that they be allowed to travel with your party as far as you can accompany them.”

  The day brightened and Marzi’s heart warmed. “You mean Rys, Ran, and Elle? Yes, certainly. That would be wonderful. I’d love that. Thank you.” She could hardly contain her excitement and couldn’t wait to tell her friends.

  “You will likely have difficult days ahead. You and your companions will face challenges that, as yet, you probably cannot imagine. While I have confidence in your friends from the caves, having elves of the Bough along will provide added protection.”

  Marzi couldn’t help but notice that Ariessa had not yet referred to her daughter specifically. “Yes, thank you. And I promise that we will do everything we can to protect Arien.”

  The empress smiled and nodded. “Thank you for that. These things are sometimes hard to understand. You know the pain of separation from your mother. Know also that this holds true for all sentient beings. The bond of motherhood is universal. We show it in different ways, that is all.”

  ◆◆◆

  “It only seems right.” Elle stood in the forest clearing, leaning against a large tree trunk. “We accompanied you on your journey. And now you get to return the favor.” A hint of a smirk coursed across her face.

  Rys and Ran, both sitting beside the bubbling stream chewing on dried meat, seemed to pay no attention. They each seemed lost in their own thoughts.

  “Do you know where it is you are supposed to be going?” Marzi had only heard banishment to the north, which meant almost nothing to her.

  “The Stormhill Wilds, they call it. It is perhaps five days’ journey. But the hardest part is that we must traverse a set of hills, beyond which the climate changes. We will have to learn to live with cold and snow.” Elle turned her head toward the north as she spoke. “There will be lots of game for the taking. I am told that there are nuts and edible roots year-round. And in the summer, wild greens and other vegetables abound. And, of course, we will take a goodly supply of meal for baking bread and an occasional cake.” She gave a dubious laugh. “We certainly will not starve.”

  Marzi thought about her own destination. “How close is it to where the frost elves live?”

  “I do not know. I am not sure where they live. Perhaps Lapis will know how to find them. Or, more likely, they will find you as you get close.”

  Ran seemed to take notice of the conversation. “Hopefully they will talk before they decide to attack you.”

  Marzi stared wide-eyed at him. “Attack? Why would they attack us? We’re just coming to talk to them.”

  “From what I understand, frost elves do not talk—they fight.”

  “But why would they fight us?”

  The young man stood and brushed the remaining crumbs of lunch from his jerkin. “Because, little rat, you are not a frost elf. We are told that they see themselves as apart from everyone and everything else. Their world is built around fighting. They live every day expecting war. At least that is what I have heard. They may see you as an invading force,” he smirked.

  “That’s crazy. Look at me. Do I look like an invading force?”

  “No but remember that you will have with you two elves of the cliffs. And they do look as though they could be fighters.”

  “But we’re not going there to fight them.”

  “And if they give you a chance to speak, you can tell them that.” Ran was apparently having fun. His wide grin conveyed pure joy in taunting her.

  Chapter 23: Marzi

  Damn you, Moon. This is all your fault! I wouldn’t be here in this predicament if it weren’t for you.

  Then it dawned on Marzi that had it not been for the moon, she would never have found her friends—the three—nor would she have known the others who had become so important to her, Lothran, Rintaur, Saryn, Arien, and even Ariessa and Saige in their own ways. And, of course, there was Lapis. She never felt as safe as when she was in his company, that is unless… unless it was when she was with Ran. He had become her big brother and protector, although she would never tell him that.

  Marzi missed her parents and brother, little weasel that he was, but would it be so terrible to be stranded here? After all, this had become her new home and the elves her new family. She sat on the terrace contemplating the possibility—probability—of remaining. The notion that these elves had become so important confounded her. Were they more important than her own family? No—there was room for both. She just didn’t know how to achieve that. She wiped a few tears that had coursed down her cheeks and headed quietly back toward Lothran and Ryshara’s door.

  On opening the door from the sky terrace, Marzi could see in the dimness that Lothran and Rys were huddled on a chaise. Lothran held his daughter in his arms, while her head was laid on his shoulder. They held each other without speaking, perhaps trying to catch up for the years with each other that they were about to lose.

  Not wishing to disturb them, Marzi walked quietly through the room to the bedchamber she shared
with Rys.

  ◆◆◆

  Marzi flew. Flying fast—the wind hard in her face. It felt good, refreshing, and it smelled of… Pangrove, if that was even possible. It just smelled clean like home. Beneath her feet a moonbeam appeared—an emerald green moonbeam, upon which she rode.

  To her right, Tovi rode his own beam—a bright blue one. A huge smile painted on his face. He waved as he passed her by.

  To her left she saw a man older than herself but still youngish—obviously Jarek, the beam keeper. He waved to her from his red beam.

  Tovi headed down toward a beautiful oasis in the middle of a desert. She reached out for him. “No, Tovi, don’t go.” But it was too late. He had disappeared.

  Then she looked to the left in time to see Jarek flying over an area with meadows, fields, and even a swamp. And he quickly disappeared.

  She looked up at the big, bright moon—the one she had just seen from the sky terrace, what, a few minutes, hours, or days ago? Then she looked beneath her. There, standing outside their front door in Pangrove, were her parents looking up, smiling and waving to her. She called out to them “Mom? Dad?” They didn’t answer.

  Marzi tried to redirect her green beam down toward her parents but it picked up speed on its own and raced toward a dark green forest with the beautiful Bough situated high in the trees. And beyond that in the distance was the Silver Sea, shining beneath a bright full moon and sparkling with millions of dots of reflecting starlight. She suddenly found herself hovering over the Ruins of Koror before landing with a thud. Darkness enveloped her.

  ◆◆◆

  “Marzi?"

  What? What happened? Am I dreaming?

  “What do you think, dear? Are you dreaming?”

  Valyn, I know it’s you, but I just had the most incredible dream and I fear I can no longer tell reality from dreams. I wouldn’t exactly call you a reality. Marzi heard Valyn laugh and it again reminded her of the crystal prisms in her mother’s wind chimes, tinkling gently in a soft summer breeze.

  “Marzi, I know the dream of which you speak. Perhaps you saw in that dream many parallels to your current situation. You saw yourself, your brother, Tovi, and Jarek, the beam keeper, each on a different colored beam—each to his new home, at least for now. And whether it is for better or worse, that is your reality.”

  But are they okay? Tovi and Jarek? And will I ever see Tovi again?

  “Yes, dear, but all in good time. There are events that must first play out.”

  You mean like the event where my friends had to face Ariessa and the High Council alone? You mean that one? The one where they were banished from the Bough and their families? Marzi practically shouted her frustration at Valyn. Why weren’t you there for us? You know that my friends did nothing wrong. Everything they did was for me. You could have made yourself known to Ariessa and saved us all a lot of time and grief.

  “I said certain events must play out. There are many things you do not and cannot know at this time, but events unfold as they should. You have been doing as you must.”

  I don’t understand. I’m not doing anything. Most of the time I feel lost and don’t know what to say to anyone any more. Why don’t you help me? Without you I just end up trying to figure things out on my own.

  “On your own happens to be the right way, at least for now. But I will tell you this—you must never feel guilty. Your friends acted on their own knowing full well the possible consequences. Jarek, the beam keeper, hopped on a moonbeam of his own accord—that was not your doing. And even Tovi made his own choice. You cannot have the credit or the guilt for your brother’s actions. Marzi, there are other forces at work here, ones over which you have no control.”

  Other forces? What do you mean?

  “I will tell you that the darkness in Menalor and the other realms is spreading like a plague and that haste is of the essence. There is an evil presence called Dredwyn who is attempting to take over these worlds and others.”

  Dread wind? Who or what is this dread wind?

  “Dredwyn is the evil one who is corrupting the hearts and minds of men. He spreads his hatred and darkness across the realms. That is why the elves must come together as one, and then join with the ogres as well as with whatever good men remain in the realm of humans.

  “But you and Saryn first have the more immediate task of convincing the frost elves to cooperate with the Bough elves and the elves of the cliffs—for the sake and safety of all.”

  But what will I say to them? And how will we find them?

  “As always, Marzi, you will know what to say. The frost elves are to the northwest in the Quel’dethain Mountains. But first you must go north. You will find something there. Keep your face into the teeth of the storm.”

  What do you mean, the “teeth of the storm”? Saryn says we must turn to the northwest at the crossroads.

  “Yes, but first you must go north, into the teeth of the storm. Just remember, the teeth of the storm.”

  She sensed that Valyn had finished with her and she would be of no further help. Valyn? Please don’t go yet. Out of frustration, Marzi blew a stray hair out of her eyes and, for the first time during the last hour or so, she realized that she was still on her pallet in Rys’ bedchamber and Rys was sleeping soundly not far away.

  Valyn? You still there?

  Valyn’s words played over in her head. What did she mean—“teeth of the storm?” She worried what Saryn would make of it. Marzi sensed that he would not be easily swayed from a path he thought to be the right one.

  The last thing she remembered was the lingering scent of jasmine, lilac, and lemon. Then her eyes gave way to weariness and for the remainder of the night, she slept a long, hard and dreamless sleep.

  Chapter 24: Tovi

  Tovi drifted in and out of sleep that night. When awake, every little knock or other sound made him wonder if it was more humans. But in sleep, he was left alone. Except, of course, for the intrusion of the voice.

  “We have much to discuss tonight, my young friend.”

  In sleep, Tovi escaped his weariness and sense of doom. Whatever part of him was aware held its piece and listened.

  “The leaders of this kraal will confront you. They will question whether you are sent to help solve their problems or whether you are the source of the sadness and grief that has visited them. With all that you have done, it would seem only natural that you lash out at them. But you will be well served by remaining silent. In the end, your deeds and actions will define you and they will see you for what you are. For your part, patience is what you need.”

  Why do they think that I caused their problems?

  “It is complicated. From where they stand, you came to their kraal followed closely by death. From your accounts, you were there when their fallen members met their end. They are frightened. There is nothing in their culture that prepares them for this.”

  It’s not fair.

  “No, it is not. And there is nothing I can say or do that will make it fair. Just know that they will come to the truth in time.”

  Tovi’s dream self sighed in frustration. So, what do I say to them?

  “What you have said all along. Speak from your heart.”

  Tovi started to ask the voice to be more specific but knew better. This was as good as it was going to get. What else? You said there was much to discuss.

  “Yes, I did. In our past discussions, I spoke of an approaching darkness. I told you that it had arrived. What now seems clear is that this darkness knows about you. It is not randomly wandering around the land. Where you go, it seems to follow.”

  Terror shook the young Azyrean awake. He stared wide-eyed into the darkness. It was just a dream, that’s all.

  “I regret that it was not. Awake or asleep, you must listen to me carefully. It is not just this world that is at risk. You are in danger as well.”

  Tovi shook his head wildly. Why are you doing this to me? I just want to go home. He felt tears gather in his eyes.

&
nbsp; A moment of mental silence preceded the soft answer. “I am not doing this. I seek only to help you.”

  No. That’s wrong. You told me before that you brought me to this world. It was you that made the moonbeam that brought me. It was you that forced me to be here with the ogres. You said that. Now this. It is your fault.

  “Sadly, you are right. I do bear some responsibility. And I cannot fault your anger and suspicion. I hope that one day I can make this up to you. But for today, we—you and I together—must take this as it comes. And that means that you are going to have to deal with this darkness.”

  What darkness? Is it the dreaded wind or whatever you told me before?

  “Dredwyn, yes. And more than anything, right now, it wants to prevent the ogres from joining together to oppose it. While it is great and powerful, without real beings, such as the humans to do its bidding, it cannot force its will on a land. And if the ogres band together, domination using these small groups of men would be more difficult. As you have seen, though, if the kraals remain isolated, then Dredwyn’s work is much easier.”

  Tovi tried to digest everything he was hearing, but none of it made much sense. You talk to me, why not just talk directly to the ogre chiefs. Tell them what they need to do. I’m just a kid. They’re not listening to me.

  “They listen more than you think they do. Also, your deeds add to your words. Although you are young, your courage is helping them in a way that I could not. It is more complicated than I can tell you here and now but speaking to you works better than trying to speak to them.”

  Tovi sighed in resignation. Okay. What do I do next?

  He felt what seemed like a smile coming from the voice, although Tovi didn’t understand how that was possible.