The Curse of Flight

by R. G. Hendrickson

  After dinner, when Steve followed him again to the gym, things were not as they seemed. Often the case in this town, where one crossed the street from Paris to Rome and a pyramid lit the moon, one would never suspect that Josh was there with Steve, who kept his distance across the room, at least until the ellipticals.

  “There’s a party coming up on Monday at Dan and Genie’s house. Are you going?” Steve asked.

  “They invited me.” He focused on the screen in front of him and his progress, two miles to go.”

  “I’m going to be there.” Steve said it like a surprise.

  It wasn’t. “I know. Dan told me.”

  Steve raised an eyebrow. “He wasn’t supposed to.”

  “He didn’t mean to. Why didn’t you tell me?” Josh asked.

  “I just did.” Steve raised both palms in the air and somehow managed to maintain his balance on the machine, though he stumbled for a second. “Don’t tell Genie. If you’re not surprised, she’ll be mad.”

  “Why would I tell her? I don’t even know her, despite the fact she summoned me to her house. What should we do?”

  Steve shrugged. “She’ll want to know everything. I don’t think I’m ready to talk about it, what with the curse and all. It’s too complicated.”

  “Is it?” He didn’t like the sound of that but turned it on its head with a wink. “You could tell her we’re getting married. I’m sure she’d understand that without too much explanation.”

  “Married? Are you proposing? That was quick.” Steve scoffed. “Does this mean I’m the pretty one?”

  “I don’t know what that means?” He wasn’t accustomed to this obscure reference, no doubt from a movie if it came from Steve.

  “It’s from a movie. The guy asks the other guy to marry him or something, and he says yes under one condition, if anyone asks, I’m the pretty one.”

  “I don’t know that movie.”

  “It was a good one. No happy ending though. Damn, what was the title?” Steve fiddled with his phone.

  Josh’s elliptical beeped, and the graph sloped up. “I guess it’s a little early to talk about marriage, but what does being pretty have to do with it?”

  “Conventional gender roles, I think. You know, like when straight dudes ask which is the girl.”

  The fine hairs on Josh’s neck bristled. “I hate that.”

  “Me too. By the way, is this you?” Steve showed a Cruisre profile on his phone, Circus 702.

  “No! That’s not my ass.” He took offense that Steve suggested it was. Josh’s profile had a picture from the front. “Show me yours.” No doubt Steve had a profile, and surprisingly, it never occurred to Josh to look for it. He loathed online encounters, so impersonal and unreliable.

  “You didn’t look?” Steve tripped up a little on the machine.

  “No. I screen out locals. Now I’m curious.”

  Steve obliged and handed over the phone to Josh, who scanned through the screens. Nice smile, no surprises in the attributes, until he got to the preferred sexual position. Steve was a top, or so he said in the profile. Perhaps Josh’s fears had been justified. He should have asked before. Now what? Should he bring it up? His stomach tightened. God help him. Just let it lie. After all, it was only a preference. Wasn’t it? That was the category as stated, preferred sexual position, not the exclusive one. Steve would come around. They all did, at least in Josh’s experience.

  “I can’t believe you asked me to marry you.” Steve guffawed. “We haven’t even had sex yet, except once. I’ll never forget that. Show me yours.”

  Josh pulled up his profile on Steve’s phone and handed it back to him.

  “Sweet.” Steve grinned from ear to ear. Nice chest shot.

  “We’re going to have to delete those apps if we stay together.” Josh wasn’t going to have Steve ogling every guy in town online. Who was this Circus702, anyway? The profile was disgusting, and why did Steve think it was him?

  “I like the gay trivia contest. You play?” Steve asked.

  Josh gave him a dubious look and changed the subject. “Can we cancel on the thing with Dan?”

  “Why? Genie’s going to be disappointed.”

  “It’s before the show. I don’t like to eat before I perform.” It wasn’t just that. He had to prepare for Steve that night as well. For both performances, a light stomach was in order.

  “We can’t cancel. Genie won’t have it. She’ll tell Dan to reschedule, and he does whatever she says. We’ll end up going back there some other time, and no matter what we tell her, she’ll find out everything.”

  “Don’t get me wrong.” Josh made a little sigh. “Dan’s a great guy to work with, but I’m not sure I want to hang out with him.”

  “You’ll have to, sometimes, if we’re together. I’m probably his best friend.”

  “Probably?” Josh asked. “If you were, wouldn’t you know that?”

  “I mean, I think I am. We never really talked about it. Why would we?”

  Of course, they would. Steve clearly didn’t understand the question. Dan should have told Steve, if Steve was his best friend. “It sounds like you boys have a wonderful relationship. I’m happy for you, both, but I don’t want to go there Monday. Tuesday starts at midnight. Remember?”

  “How could I forget? But the dinner’s early, and we said we’d be there. Let’s just do it. We don’t have to tell them anything.”

  “What’s to tell, anyway?” The screen on Josh’s machine marked his progress, almost to the end.

  “Exactly!”

  Steve agreed so emphatically. It set Josh back a bit. He was going to say something, but Steve interrupted. “I was thinking about going to The Pariah tonight for a drink. Want to go? We could pick up a sandwich on the way.”

  “That’s where we met.” Josh didn’t go there to drink.

  “I know. I used to see you sometimes. Not very often, just once a while, it must have been a Tuesday. I didn’t introduce myself right away.”

  “Why not?”

  “I don’t know. You were a little intimidating.”

  “Really? For a big guy like you?”

  “Well, it was pretty clear you didn’t even notice me.”

  “I wasn’t sure if you were my type when we met, but you surprised me, pleasantly.”

  “Do you want to go then?” Steve asked.

  “I don’t know. I don’t drink much, and as you pointed out, it isn’t a Tuesday, is it?”

  “We could dance.”

  “After that show you’re in and this workout, you still want to dance?” Josh asked.

  “I need to blow off some steam.”

  Impressive, how much steam did this guy have? “If I don’t join you, will you go anyway?” He was sorry he asked. It sounded pathetic.

  “No.”

  Josh’s clock ran out on the elliptical. He went to the locker room. Steve followed in a minute. They showered and got dressed, keeping their distance. Steve walked him to his bike.

  “So, are we going out?” Steve asked.

  “No, I’m going home.”

  Steve kissed him softly on the lips. “I guess I’ll go home too.”

  A doubt crossed Josh’s mind as Steve got in the car and drove off.

  The way home on his bike, he swung by The Pariah to see if Steve’s car was in the lot. It wasn’t. He felt guilty for suspecting, though there was nothing wrong with checking. Like the adage said, trust but verify.

  Chapter 25

  After his show, Steve lay in bed at his apartment. It wasn’t like him to mope or navel gaze, but he did. Tomorrow was Monday, and at the end of it Tuesday. Today, Sunday, he rested and made no effort to see Josh, who didn’t bother to call.

  Steve’s initiative was all that kept this thing going. Maybe he forced it and needed to step back. No more breakfast burritos. True, early on, Josh did call him, as a client, if not without ulterior motive. When was the last time, though, that Josh called him for fun or texted out of the blue? Hardly ever.
It was all Steve’s own doing that kept this ship afloat, and he was getting tired of it.

  His belly button called for a rub, and his balls itched. He tended to them. That’s what he needed tonight, a little me-time.

  * * * *

  Josh went home after the show and lay in bed, where he read a new romance. He put down the book. Steve hadn’t called today. Strange. Steve always called him. Why not today? Of course, the phone worked both ways, and he could call Steve as easily as Steve could call him. It was nicer, though, from Josh’s point of view, to receive the call than to give it.

  It occurred to him that this habit might cast him in a traditional gender roll, a dated definition of man and woman. Men were assertive. He was not. Though he disliked labels, it was undeniable. He picked up the phone. As assertive as the next guy, he hoped to be insertive as well. The ring stopped short with a click of his finger. He wasn’t desperate. Let Steve call him. If that guy was a top, the least he could do was call, and if he didn’t, so much the better.

  The whole distinction was sexist. Not that Josh believed in the labels, tops were all talk, and traditional roles irrelevant. That’s why he chose versatile for his profile, the only sensible thing.

  * * * *

  Steve picked up the phone and clicked Josh’s number. He canceled the call. Had it rung yet? No. Sex no more than once a week was one thing, but no attention in between, that was where he drew the line. After all, like Genie said, romance wasn’t sex but what happened in the meantime. That was the best part. He wanted some. Josh should call him once a while. It wasn’t too much to ask. Was it? To feel wanted.

  It hadn’t been such a good idea maybe. He couldn’t really picture himself holding out from Tuesday to Tuesday, not for long anyway. If it was anyone else but Josh, he’d be done with this, and it puzzled him that he stayed until now. This situation was crazy. There must be something wrong with him. It wasn’t like him. He didn’t recognize himself anymore, and it was all Josh’s fault.

  * * * *

  Josh closed the book mid-chapter. With his kind of luck, he might find out Steve wasn’t versatile at all. He’d heard those stories, not about Steve in particular. Probably an urban myth, the total top never did anything else. No one wanted a guy like that, too uptight, like those closet cases he’d read about. They thought if they never took it, they weren’t homosexual, regardless of whatever else they did or wanted. If he was on that road with Steve, it wasn’t going to work. On the other hand, Steve identified himself as gay and proud of it. Maybe Josh’s worries were unfounded.

  Too bad he hadn’t made it clear from the beginning, he should have, and he still could if it weren’t so awkward. It shouldn’t be. Most guys spelled out these expectations up front. Why shouldn’t he as well. Steve said nothing either, like he tried to hide it, except for the Cruisre profile of course. Josh’s phone beeped.

  A text came in from Steve. You up?

  Josh replied. I was just about to call you.

  Chapter 26

  At home on Monday afternoon, Steve got ready for Genie’s dinner. The cold shower sprayed his chest. Like Josh’s touch on the night they met, the water followed the narrow valley between his pecs and channeled through the gullies in his abs. That was what Josh had called them, gullied. That boy had a big imagination and an interesting way of seeing things. It opened up Steve’s mind and thrilled his fantasies.

  The water’s fingers traced along those veins, which ran across the lower torso and popped up a bit beneath the skin, making minor channels to the hair below. There the flow slowed a bit before cascading of his dick, now flaccid. He shivered.

  He’d taken the harsh measure of a cold shower after some discomfort and reading on the computer that a four-hour erection could cause harm. The tactic was extreme for someone bred in the hot dry desert. Though shocking to his system, it did provide relief.

  Before taking the plunge, he’d considered jerking off instead but decided against it and strived to achieve an equal playing field with his friend. When the time came, he must be ready and above par.

  Though cured of the physical manifestation, no amount of water washed away the desire. It hid somewhere below the surface. The heart or the mind harbored it, or maybe the blood in the veins. Who knew where, but the boy on the flying trapeze lived inside him, with him always.

  Good to go now, and in a precise order, Steve turned off the water, got out, dried off, applied deodorant, combed his hair, shaved, put on his cloths, went to the car, and headed for Josh. Then it started again, that pressure south of the navel and deep within. It intensified not to a burn but an irritation, not a pain but a heat needing escape. He knew the sensation well and what relieved it.

  In the old days, he would go to The Pariah, call a buddy like Chris, or maybe find someone online. Things were different now. He wanted Josh, who might find out and never talk to him again. What happened in Vegas stayed in Vegas, no help there. They always found out.

  He had jerked off more times that week than he cared to admit to himself. This didn’t count for infidelity by his standards. He didn’t know Josh’s take on it, but anyway, no one was talking.

  Josh never touched himself, so he said, except on Tuesdays maybe. This was unbelievable to Steve. What willpower that guy had? No wonder there were wet dreams.

  Today was Steve’s cold turkey, no choking the chicken. He resigned himself to discomfort until the clock struck midnight. It was going to be a long evening. First Genie’s dinner, then Dan got them tickets for the show. Josh was performing. Steve took the night off so he could see him on stage.

  He pulled into Josh’s carport. Covered and unused, it beat parking in the sun. Mike must have heard the car. His floppy hat bobbed behind the fence before his eyes peeped over, and he waved. Steve gestured back. Mike’s head dropped out of sight again.

  He sat in the car for a minute and thought about ice water. It didn’t help. Josh made him crazy. All week long, he wanted him so bad and couldn’t have him, couldn’t even let it show, or Josh inched away and might bolt.

  It was showing. He rearranged himself. It didn’t help. Ice water. Think ice water. Sit a minute.

  A noise came from the passenger door. The handle clunked. It was locked. Josh tapped on the window. Oh shit! He hit the button to unlock. Josh got in and looked great as he buckled up over a crisp button-up shirt tucked under a woven leather belt.

  Steve, himself, had to go more casual today. He left his pullover hang out, which covered his lap. “You look nice.” He touched Josh’s arm.

  That made Josh smile. “Thanks. So, do you.”

  Relieved that the bulge didn’t show, Steve backed out of the carport. Maybe he would settle down before they got to Dan’s house, a short drive. He worried it would worsen with Josh in the car, but it didn’t. Something about Josh’s presence intimidated him. Even after all this time, like before they met, when he saw him across the dance floor and couldn’t find the nerve to talk to him. Steve didn’t like feeling this way, out of control. “Remember. Don’t tell them we’re together. We decided at the gym. Right?”

  Josh twirled his hair. “When we show up together, won’t they know?”

  “Oh, yeah. I didn’t think of that. I’ll drop you off down the street.” That didn’t sound right.

  Josh looked aggravated. “Why don’t we just tell them? What are you worried about?”

  “We’ll get twenty questions. I don’t want to have to explain everything.”

  “What’s to explain?” Josh asked.

  “The curse. She’ll find out. Genie has a way of doing that. What am I supposed to say about it?”

  “Nothing. If you’re really worried, just drop me off. We’ll pretend we don’t know each other.” Josh huffed.

  Oh great, now he’d hurt Josh’s feelings, but it was the truth. Josh didn’t tell him about the curse for weeks. It was hard to explain and harder to understand. He pulled to the side of the road a few houses down from Dan, and Josh got out.

 
The car pulled up to Steve’s destination. He went to the door and knocked. The pressure got worse, a slow burn, but he managed to get to the dining room table without embarrassing himself. A few minutes later, Josh knocked. Genie lead him to a seat beside Steve.”

  “Look who’s here,” she said. “What a surprise. Have you guys met?”

  “No. It’s a pleasure.” Josh extended a hand to him. “I’m Josh.”

  Steve let Josh’s hand hang in the air for a minute before standing and shaking. “I’m Steve.” Why did Josh act like they’d never met? Of course, they’d met, when Steve wrote on Josh’s hand and when Steve showed him that apartment on the North Strip. Why did Josh make it sound like he didn’t remember him?

  Genie looked askance. “What can I get you guys to drink?”

  “A beer would be great.” Steve sat back down.

  “Sparkling water if you have it. Thank you.” Josh sat next to him.

  Genie left the room with an odd expression on her face.

  Josh’s posture slumped, unusual for him. Steve gave him a quick rub on the neck and enjoyed it more than Josh did from the look on Josh’s face before he sat up straight and bristled. Josh’s hand brushed Steve’s fingers away.

  Dan brought in a tray of ribs from the grill. “Hi guys.” He put the tray on the table and sat down across from Steve. “Hungry?”

  Genie came back with two beer mugs, one for Dan and one for Steve. She made another trip and returned with water glasses for herself and Josh. Covers came off bowls on the table. Steve helped himself to everything, coleslaw, baked beans, collard greens in bacon, corn bread, and roasted sweet potatoes with butter.

  Genie never made so much before. This was quite a spread and no packages in sight. She worked full time as a nurse, and he’d never known her to cook like this, maybe a salad or something. Could it be a side effect of pregnancy, domestic stuff, like all the match making? Maybe she was nesting.

  “It’s so nice to meet you, Josh,” she said. “I’ve heard a lot about you.”

  “Thanks for inviting me.” He took one rib from the platter, a small serving of greens, and a little bread, the crispy corner piece, which Steve knew he liked.