The Provost

by John Galt

  As I have said, my third provostry was undertaken in a spirit ofsincerity, different in some degree from that of the two former; butstrange and singular as it may seem, I really think I got less credit forthe purity of my intents, than I did even in the first. During the wholeterm from the election in the year 1813 to the Michaelmas following, Iverily believe that no one proposal which I made to the council wasconstrued in a right sense; this was partly owing to the repute I hadacquired for canny management, but chiefly to the perverse views andmisconceptions of that Yankee thorn-in-the-side, Mr Hickery, who neverdesisted from setting himself against every thing that sprang from me,and as often found some show of plausibility to maintain hisargumentations. And yet, for all that, he was a man held in no esteem orrespect in the town; for he had wearied every body out by his everlastingcontradictions. Mr Plan was likewise a source of great tribulation tome; for he was ever and anon coming forward with some new device, eitherfor ornament or profit, as he said, to the burgh; and no small portion ofmy time, that might have been more advantageously employed, was wasted inthe thriftless consideration of his schemes: all which, with my advancedyears, begat in me a sort of distaste to the bickerings of the councilchamber; so I conferred and communed with myself, anent the possibilityof ruling the town without having recourse to so unwieldy a vehicle asthe wheels within wheels of the factions which the Yankee reformator, andthat projectile Mr Plan, as he was called by Mr Peevie, had insertedamong us.

  I will no equivocate that there was, in this notion, an appearance oftaking more on me than the laws allowed; but then my motives were soclean to my conscience, and I was so sure of satisfying the people by themethods I intended to pursue, that there could be no moral fault in thetrifle of illegality which, may be, I might have been led on to commit.However, I was fortunately spared from the experiment, by a sudden changein the council.--One day Mr Hickery and Mr Plan, who had been for yearscolleaguing together for their own ends, happened to differ in opinion,and the one suspecting that this difference was the fruit of some secretcorruption, they taunted each other, and came to high words, and finallyto an open quarrel, actually shaking their neeves across the table, and,I'll no venture to deny, maybe exchanging blows.

  Such a convulsion in the sober councils of a burgh town was never heardof. It was a thing not to be endured, and so I saw at the time, and wasresolved to turn it to the public advantage. Accordingly, when the twoangry men had sat back in their seats, bleached in the face with passion,and panting and out of breath, I rose up in my chair at the head of thetable, and with a judicial solemnity addressed the council, saying, thatwhat we had witnessed was a disgrace not to be tolerated in a Christianland; that unless we obtained indemnity for the past, and security forthe future, I would resign; but in doing so I would bring the causethereof before the Fifteen at Edinburgh, yea, even to the House of Lordsat London; so I gave the offending parties notice, as well as those who,from motives of personal friendship, might be disposed to overlook theinsult that had been given to the constituted authority of the king, soimperfectly represented in my person, as it would seem, by the audaciousconflict and misdemeanour which had just taken place.

  This was striking while the iron was hot: every one looked at mysternness with surprise, and some begged me to be seated, and to considerthe matter calmly.--"Gentlemen," quo' I, "dinna mistake me. I never wasin more composure all my life.--It's indeed no on my own account that Ifeel on this occasion. The gross violation of all the decent decorum ofmagisterial authority, is not a thing that affects me in my own person;it's an outrage against the state; the prerogatives of the king's crownare endamaged; atonement must be made, or punishment must ensue. It's athing that by no possibility can be overlooked: it's an offence committedin open court, and we cannot but take cognizance thereof."

  I saw that what I said was operating to an effect, and that the twotroublesome members were confounded. Mr Hickery rose to offer someapology; but, perceiving I had now got him in a girn, I interposed myauthority, and would not permit him to proceed.

  "Mr Hickery," said I, "it's of no use to address yourself to me. I amvery sensible that ye are sorry for your fault; but that will not do. Thelaw knows no such thing as repentance; and it is the law, not me nor ourworthy friends here, that ye have offended. In short, Mr Hickery, thematter is such that, in one word, either you and Mr Plan must quit yourseats at this table of your own free-will, or I must quit mine, and mineI will not give up without letting the public know the shame on your partthat has compelled me."

  He sat down and I sat down; and for some time the other councillorslooked at one another in silence and wonder. Seeing, however, that mygentle hint was not likely to be taken, I said to the town-clerk, who wassitting at the bottom of the table,

  "Sir, it's your duty to make a minute of everything that is done and saidat the sederunts of the council; and as provost, I hereby require of youto record the particularities of this melancholy crisis."

  Mr Keelevine made an endeavour to dissuade me; but I set him down with astern voice, striking the table at the same time with all my birr, as Isaid, "Sir, you have no voice here. Do you refuse to perform what Iorder? At your peril I command the thing to be done."

  Never had such austerity been seen in my conduct before. The wholecouncil sat in astonishment; and Mr Keelevine prepared his pen, and tooka sheet of paper to draw out a notation of the minute, when Mr Peevierose, and after coughing three times, and looking first at me and syne atthe two delinquents, said--

  "My Lord Provost, I was surprised, and beginning to be confounded, at theexplosion which the two gentlemen have committed. No man can designatethe extent of such an official malversation, demonstrated, as it has beenhere, in the presence of us all, who are the lawful custodiers of thekingly dignity in this his majesty's royal burgh. I will, therefore, nottake it upon me either to apologise or to obliviate their offence; for,indeed, it is an offence that merits the most condign animadversion, andthe consequences might be legible for ever, were a gentleman, soconspicable in the town as you are, to evacuate the magistracy on accountof it. But it is my balsamic advice, that rather than promulgate thismatter, the two malcontents should abdicate, and that a precept should beplacarded at this sederunt as if they were not here, but had resigned andevaded their places, precursive to the meeting."

  To this I answered, that no one could suspect me of wishing to push thematter further, provided the thing could be otherwise settled; andtherefore, if Mr Plan and Mr Hickery would shake hands, and agree neverto notice what had passed to each other, and the other members andmagistrates would consent likewise to bury the business in oblivion, Iwould agree to the balsamic advice of Mr Peevie, and even waive myobligation to bind over the hostile parties to keep the king's peace, sothat the whole affair might neither be known nor placed upon record.

  Mr Hickery, I could discern, was rather surprised; but I found that I hadthus got the thief in the wuddy, and he had no choice; so both he and MrPlan rose from their seats in a very sheepish manner, and looking at usas if they had unpleasant ideas in their minds, they departed forth thecouncil-chamber; and a minute was made by the town-clerk that they,having resigned their trust as councillors, two other gentlemen at thenext meeting should be chosen into their stead.

  Thus did I, in a manner most unexpected, get myself rid and clear of thetwo most obdurate oppositionists, and by taking care to choose discreetpersons for their successors, I was enabled to wind the council round myfinger, which was a far more expedient method of governing the communitythan what I had at one time meditated, even if I could have brought it toa bearing. But, in order to understand the full weight and importance ofthis, I must describe how the choice and election was made, because, inorder to make my own power and influence the more sicker, it wasnecessary that I should not be seen in the business.

  CHAPTER XLVI--THE NEW COUNCILLORS

  Mr Peevie was not a little proud of the part he had played in the stormof the council, and his words grew, if pos
sible, longer-nebbit and morekittle than before, in so much that the same evening, when I called onhim after dusk, by way of a device to get him to help the implementing ofmy intents with regard to the choice of two gentlemen to succeed thosewhom he called "the expurgated dislocators," it was with a greatdifficulty that I could expiscate his meaning. "Mr Peevie," said I, whenwe were cozily seated by ourselves in his little back parlour--themistress having set out the gardevin and tumblers, and the lass broughtin the hot water--"I do not think, Mr Peevie, that in all my experience,and I am now both an old man and an old magistrate, that I ever saw anything better managed than the manner in which ye quelled the hobleshowthis morning, and therefore we maun hae a little more of your balsamicadvice, to make a' heal among us again; and now that I think o't, how hasit happent that ye hae never been a bailie? I'm sure it's due both toyour character and circumstance that ye should take upon you a portion ofthe burden of the town honours. Therefore, Mr Peevie, would it no be avery proper thing, in the choice of the new councillors, to take men of afriendly mind towards you, and of an easy and manageable habit of will."

  The old man was mightily taken with this insinuation, and acknowledgedthat it would give him pleasure to be a bailie next year. We thencannily proceeded, just as if one thing begat another, to discourse anentthe different men that were likely to do as councillors, and fixed atlast on Alexander Hodden the blanket merchant, and Patrick Fegs thegrocer, both excellent characters of their kind. There was not, indeed,in the whole burgh at the time, a person of such a flexible easy natureas Mr Hodden; and his neighbour, Mr Fegs, was even better, for he was sogood-tempered, and kindly, and complying, that the very callants at thegrammar school had nicknamed him Barley-sugar Pate.

  "No better than them can be," said I to Mr Peevie; "they are likewiseboth well to do in the world, and should be brought into consequence; andthe way o't canna be in better hands than your own. I would, therefore,recommend it to you to see them on the subject, and, if ye find themwilling, lay your hairs in the water to bring the business to a bearing."

  Accordingly, we settled to speak of it as a matter in part decided, thatMr Hodden and Mr Fegs were to be the two new councillors; and to make thething sure, as soon as I went home I told it to Mrs Pawkie as a statesecret, and laid my injunctions on her not to say a word about it, eitherto Mrs Hodden or to Mrs Fegs, the wives of our two elect; for I knew herdisposition, and that, although to a certainty not a word of the factwould escape from her, yet she would be utterly unable to rest until shehad made the substance of it known in some way or another; and, as Iexpected, so it came to pass. She went that very night to Mrs Rickerton,the mother of Mr Feg's wife, and, as I afterwards picked out of her, toldthe old lady that may be, ere long, she would hear of some great honourthat would come to her family, with other mystical intimations thatpointed plainly to the dignities of the magistracy; the which, when shehad returned home, so worked upon the imagination of Mrs Rickerton, that,before going to bed, she felt herself obliged to send for her daughter,to the end that she might be delivered and eased of what she had heard.In this way Mr Fegs got a foretaste of what had been concerted for hisadvantage; and Mr Peevie, in the mean time, through his helpmate, had, inlike manner, not been idle; the effect of all which was, that next day,every where in the town, people spoke of Mr Hodden and Mr Fegs as beingordained to be the new councillors, in the stead of the two who had, asit was said, resigned in so unaccountable a manner, so that no candidatesoffered, and the election was concluded in the most candid and agreeablespirit possible; after which I had neither trouble nor adversary, butwent on, in my own prudent way, with the works in hand--the completion ofthe new bridge, the reparation of the tolbooth steeple, and the biggingof the new schools on the piece of ground adjoining to my own at theWestergate; and in the doing of the latter job I had an opportunity ofmanifesting my public spirit; for when the scheme, as I have related, wassome years before given up, on account of Mr Plan's castles in the airfor educating tawny children from the East and West Indies, I inclosed myown ground, and built the house thereon now occupied by CollectorGather's widow, and the town, per consequence, was not called on for onepenny of the cost, but saved so much of a wall as the length of mineextended--a part not less than a full third part of the whole. No doubt,all these great and useful public works were not done without money; butthe town was then in great credit, and many persons were willing andready to lend; for every thing was in a prosperous order, and we had aprospect of a vast increase of income, not only from the toll on the newbridge, but likewise from three very excellent shops which we repaired onthe ground floor of the tolbooth. We had likewise feued out to advantagea considerable portion of the town moor; so that had things gone on inthe way they were in my time, there can be no doubt that the burgh wouldhave been in very flourishing circumstances, and instead of beingdrowned, as it now is, in debt, it might have been in the most toppingway; and if the project that I had formed for bringing in a supply ofwater by pipes, had been carried into effect, it would have been a mostadvantageous undertaking for the community at large.

  But my task is now drawing to an end; and I have only to relate whathappened at the conclusion of the last act of my very serviceable andeventful life, the which I will proceed to do with as much brevity as isconsistent with the nature of that free and faithful spirit in which thewhole of these notandums have been indited.

  CHAPTER XLVII--THE RESIGNATION

  Shortly after the Battle of Waterloo, I began to see that a change wascoming in among us. There was less work for the people to do, no outgatein the army for roving and idle spirits, and those who had tacks of thetown lands complained of slack markets; indeed, in my own double vocationof the cloth shop and wine cellar, I had a taste and experience of thegeneral declension that would of a necessity ensue, when the great outlayof government and the discharge from public employ drew more and more toan issue. So I bethought me, that being now well stricken in years, and,though I say it that should not, likewise a man in good respect andcircumstances, it would be a prudent thing to retire and secede entirelyfrom all farther intromissions with public affairs.

  Accordingly, towards the midsummer of the year 1816, I commenced in a faroff way to give notice, that at Michaelmas I intended to abdicate myauthority and power, to which intimations little heed was at first given;but gradually the seed took with the soil, and began to swell and shootup, in so much that, by the middle of August, it was an understood thingthat I was to retire from the council, and refrain entirely from the partI had so long played with credit in the burgh.

  When people first began to believe that I was in earnest, I cannot butacknowledge I was remonstrated with by many, and that not a few werepleased to say my resignation would be a public loss; but theseexpressions, and the disposition of them, wore away before Michaelmascame; and I had some sense of the feeling which the fluctuating gratitudeof the multitude often causes to rise in the breasts of those who haveettled their best to serve the ungrateful populace. However, Iconsidered with myself that it would not do for me, after what I had donefor the town and commonality, to go out of office like a knotless thread,and that, as a something was of right due to me, I would be committing anact of injustice to my family if I neglected the means of realizing thesame. But it was a task of delicacy, and who could I prompt to tell thetown-council to do what they ought to do? I could not myself speak of myown services--I could ask nothing. Truly it was a subject that cost meno small cogitation; for I could not confide it even to the wife of mybosom. However, I gained my end, and the means and method thereof mayadvantage other public characters, in a similar strait, to know andunderstand.

  Seeing that nothing was moving onwards in men's minds to do the act ofcourtesy to me, so justly my due, on the Saturday before Michaelmas Iinvited Mr Mucklewheel, the hosier, (who had the year before been choseninto the council, in the place of old Mr Peevie, who had a paralytic, andnever in consequence was made a bailie,) to take a glass of toddy withme, a way and method o
f peutering with the councillors, one by one, thatI often found of a great efficacy in bringing their understandings into adocile state; and when we had discussed one cheerer with the usualclishmaclaver of the times, I began, as we were both birzing the sugarfor the second, to speak with a circumbendibus about my resignation ofthe trusts I had so long held with profit to the community.

  "Mr Mucklewheel," quo' I "ye're but a young man, and no versed yet, as yewill be, in the policy and diplomatics that are requisite in themanagement of the town, and therefore I need not say any thing to youabout what I have got an inkling of, as to the intents of the newmagistrates and council towards me. It's very true that I have been longa faithful servant to the public, but he's a weak man who looks to anyreward from the people; and after the experience I have had, I wouldcertainly prove myself to be one of the very weakest, if I thought it waslikely, that either anent the piece of plate and the vote of thanks, anybody would take a speciality of trouble."

  To this Mr Mucklewheel answered, that he was glad to hear such acompliment was intended; "No man," said he, "more richly deserves ahandsome token of public respect, and I will surely give the proposal allthe countenance and support in my power possible to do."

  "As to that," I replied, pouring in the rum and helping myself to thewarm water, "I entertain no doubt, and I have every confidence that theproposal, when it is made, will be in a manner unanimously approved. But,Mr Mucklewheel, what's every body's business, is nobody's. I have heardof no one that's to bring the matter forward; it's all fair and smooth tospeak of such things in holes and corners, but to face the public withthem is another sort of thing. For few men can abide to see honoursconferred on their neighbours, though between ourselves, Mr Mucklewheel,every man in a public trust should, for his own sake, further and promotethe bestowing of public rewards on his predecessors; because lookingforward to the time when he must himself become a predecessor, he shouldthink how he would feel were he, like me, after a magistracy of near tofifty years, to sink into the humility of a private station, as if he hadnever been any thing in the world. In sooth, Mr Mucklewheel, I'll nodeny that it's a satisfaction to me to think that may be the piece ofplate and the vote of thanks will be forthcoming; at the same time,unless they are both brought to a bearing in a proper manner, I wouldrather nothing was done at all."