Struggles of Psycho

by Rhyam O'Bryam

  ‘“It’s the garda, sir, from Wexford. We got a call from Tewksbury in England. From the police station. Your sister believes you’ve been kidnapped. Have you?”

  ‘“Thank you, officer, but no. I want to be here.”

  ‘“But why?” blurted out the junior of the pair.

  ‘“You tell them, Amy.”

  ‘“Haven’t you come across BDSM games before?” I looked hard at the guard who had asked the question.

  ‘He shook his head. “BDSM, what’s that?”

  Amy Philips looked at me, then McCarthy. ‘Of course, that was a different age. Even I didn’t really know much about the mistress-slave relationship, I’d only read up a little and it all came from books. This was before the internet got going.

  ‘Nowadays, there’s almost a code of practice and the number of subdivisions runs into the hundreds. There’s a community for every taste. Back then, it felt new. Although of course it has always existed, as long as there have been humans.

  ‘I’d read de Sade, which I didn’t like. It was boring and had no ideas for me. Venus in Furs was much better and gave me an insight into how Mike’s sexuality was connected to a need to be dominated.’ Philips smiled a bitter smile. ‘But I digress.

  ‘I stared at the young guard and then explained the term to him, articulating each word carefully. “Bondage, domination, submission and masochism.”

  ‘Both of them still looked bemused.

  ‘“He gets off on being my slave. Don’t you, slave?”

  ‘“Yes, Mistress.”

  ‘“Tell the nice policemen that you love it here.”

  ‘“Officers. I love it here. And I love my mistress.”

  ‘His extra line annoyed me and I would punish him for it later. Mike wasn’t stupid, he was quite clever in fact, so he realised that I needed him to act up and ensure the guards didn’t give me a hard time. But I was afraid he’d overdo it and they wouldn’t believe him. It might sound like he was acting but was secretly desperate to escape.

  ‘In any case, the younger guard blushed bright red and even the older one stared at Mike, then me, open-mouthed.

  ‘“So you see, Sergeant, everything here is consensual and that letter is just part of our game.”

  ‘“Right so. We’ll be off then. Come along, O’Neill.”

  ‘I walked with them back to their car. “Are you sure? You’re welcome to a cup of tea.”

  ‘“No. We’ve better things to be doing than this.”

  ‘And with that very satisfactory remark, as far as I was concerned, the portly and now irritated garda sergeant started his engine and soon drove off.

  ‘I returned to Mike, who looked at me expectantly.

  ‘“Did I do well?”

  ‘“Mistress.”

  ‘“Did I do well, Mistress?”

  ‘“Not bad.”

  ‘“Can I have a reward?”

  ‘“Yes you can.” I drew out a Mars bar from my pocket. “You can choose. You can have your daily blowjob now. Or you can have this.”

  ‘“Oh, Amy, that’s cruel. You promised me a blowjob. Don’t torture me.” His sunken eyes never left the chocolate and I moved it slowly from side to side, just to watch his eyeballs move to match.

  ‘“Mistress, not Amy.”

  ‘“Oh, God. This isn’t fun any more. Maybe we should just stop. Ivy went to the police, didn’t she? We can’t make her come.”

  ‘“Don’t be a fool, Mike. She just played her only card and it has proved to be useless. She’ll come. Especially when your ribs start to show.” I unwrapped the Mars bar and even though I didn’t want to give him oral sex, I couldn’t resist eating it in front of him. When I was finished, I had just one small piece of chocolate on my fingertip, which I balanced as I made my way over to him. On putting it in his mouth, he sighed.

  ‘“I’ve never tasted anything so good. Have you got another one?”

  ‘“No. And we need you to be thinner. So you’re not getting one until Ivy comes.”

  ‘After I gave Mike his sexual pleasure, I left him again, to go and write to Ivy.

  ‘“Dear Ivy,” I wrote, “I’m disappointed you went to the police instead of getting the ferry. You really are putting Mike’s life at risk. But you don’t understand, he is not here against his will. He wants this. It is a game to him, a dangerous one. As you know, people can starve themselves to death, certainly to ill health. And that’s what’s happening with Mike.

  ‘“Admittedly, I’m encouraging him and helping him in this foolishness. But I will stop as soon as you are here and we’ll feed him up. So do please come at once.

  ‘“Your loving Amy.”

  ‘Still, there was no response. So I kept up the mistress, slave game. It was getting serious now. After two weeks, Mike was in a bad way. He was getting so lethargic, he didn’t have so much interest in sex and when he came, it was only with a dribble. Which, by the way, suited me just fine. He shivered a lot, even though I provided him with lots of blankets.

  ‘And he muttered barely audible questions about when would Ivy arrive. But on the plus side, his ribs were striking. Even his cheekbones were impressively sharp. And his dark, hollow eyes must have haunted Ivy whenever she looked at his picture.

  ‘With the last letter I sent her, I remembered to add my phone number. And, amazingly, because even I was beginning to doubt her, when we were coming up to three weeks, it rang.’

  Chapter Nineteen

  ‘I held the phone in my hand and there was just silence. Then inspiration struck. “Ivy, that’s you, isn’t it?”

  ‘“Oh, Amy, what are you doing to him?”

  ‘“What is he doing to himself you mean? Starving, starving, starving.”

  ‘“Stop it. Don’t sound like you are enjoying his suffering.”

  ‘“Come as soon as you can, Ivy.” And I hung up on her.

  ‘You’re probably wondering why I didn’t plead more with her…’

  McCarthy shook her head. ‘No, I’m wondering why you are putting all this on record. You do realize the jury will hear it all and realize what a…’ she hesitated, probably so as to avoid any mistakes on her part showing up in the transcript. If we called Amy mentally unwell, for example, that would give her another defence against the murder charge: diminished responsibility. ‘What a callous woman you are.’

  ‘I’m giving you all the details precisely with the intention that the jury hear this.’ Philips leaned back and looked at us both for some time. I was wondering whether to start up again by asking a question when she smiled and moved forward to rest her folded arms on the table. ‘They have to understand why I feared for my life that night. Can’t you see it too?’ She looked up at me. ‘Superintendent?’

  ‘See what?’

  ‘Why my relationship with Mike was a dangerous one for me. Why he snapped and went for me?’

  ‘Not really.’

  ‘Well, let me tell you.’ She paused, then took a drink of water. ‘I didn’t want to stay on the phone with Ivy, because I felt I had her hooked. Yet it was delicate. If I pulled hard, if I argued with her, she might revolt and escape. I was giving her line to run, knowing I could pull her in later.

  ‘And I was right. The next day Ivy rang again.

  ‘“Amy.” It was extraordinary how distraught a person can sound when saying just one word. “Amy. What do you want?”

  ‘“I want you to visit my lovely home in Wexford.”

  ‘“And?”

  ‘“And enjoy yourself.”

  ‘“I don’t want sex with you, Amy. I don’t like women that way and I don’t like you at all. In fact, I hate you. Looking back, you ruined my school years and I don’t want you in my life now.”

  ‘“You love your brother, don’t you, Ivy?’

  ‘“Of course…”

  ‘I said nothing and let her draw her own conclusions. This time, it was her who put the phone down. After a moment, holding the receiver, thinking about Ivy’s state of mind, I put it down and w
ent to the kitchen. There, I made a cheese sandwich and took it with me across the courtyard to the stables.

  ‘“Good news, Mike. Ivy rang again.”

  ‘“Is that for me, Mistress?” His avid eyes were fixed on the sandwich.

  ‘“It is. You need to look after yourself now. It would be a shame if anything happened to you.’

  ‘Mike grabbed the bread out of my hand, stuffed it in his face and tipped his head back as he chewed noisily. I could see the shape of his skull very clearly through his pale, somewhat translucent skin. At last he managed to swallow it all. A few crumbs of cheese had escaped him and he carefully dabbed his fingertip on each one and placed them in his mouth. There were sores around the corners of his lips.

  ‘“My God. Who knew a cheese sandwich could taste so delicious!’ He slumped back against the wall. “What did Ivy say?”

  ‘“Not much. But the important thing is, she rang.”

  ‘“You know, I feel a lot better. Is it time for my reward, Mistress?’

  ‘“I suppose so,” I replied and as he struggled to his feet so that I could undo his zip and reach inside, I regretted having made him the sandwich.

  ‘Ivy arrived three days later. It was a Wednesday and I was expecting the bread van. Our local bakers did deliveries on Wednesdays and Saturdays. I was always partial to their cherry Bakewells and as soon as I heard a vehicle outside, I put the kettle on ready for tea, cake and a go at the crossword.

  ‘To my very pleasant surprise, however, it wasn’t a van, it was a taxi and standing at my door was Ivy. You can always tell a person’s age by their haircut. People cling to their haircut. Yours, for example, Superintendent, with its side parting, puts you – like me – in your fifties.

  ‘Well, Ivy still had her Lisa Minnelli black bob, the ends of which swayed from beneath a grey beret. Her figure was hidden by a large, brown duffle coat, but her legs, clad in white tights, were slender and beautiful. And so were her eyes, dark brown and soulful, if a little spoiled by a redness around the eyelids.

  ‘She had become a very attractive young woman.

  ‘“Welcome, Ivy. I’m so glad you could make it. I hope you like it here.” I gestured to the farm and especially to the castle. Although I had nothing by way of income – and even with the rents that my uncle was receiving, no one would have called me rich – I did have the land and the castle of an ancient Protestant family. I was proud and I very much hoped she would be impressed. “Let me take your suitcase.”

  ‘As the taxi drove away, leaving the three of us in peace and six miles from the nearest house, I felt contented. Ivy was here, at my home, where it all began. She was in my life again.’

  Chapter Twenty

  ‘The first thing I did when I placed Ivy’s suitcase on my bed was open it. It was easy to flick the metal catches up. When I didn’t see what I was looking for, I pushed Ivy hard against the wall and as she screamed with shock, grabbed her handbag.

  ‘Crouched, panting, dishevelled, she looked up at me. “Give that back.”

  ‘“All right.” I took her passport, her purse and a folder with an Irish Ferries ticket sticking out of it. Then I gave her the handbag back.

  ‘“They are mine.”

  ‘“And you’ll have them back when you leave.” She never did get them back. I still have them today.’

  ‘Where are they?’ I asked.

  Amy Philips smiled. As always, it was a cynical expression. ‘Behind a lose brick in the pantry.’

  ‘Where, exactly.’

  ‘Down low, in the far wall, on the right hand side.’

  ‘Go on.’

  ‘Where was I?’ She licked her lips thoughtfully. ‘Ivy was sitting on the floor of my bedroom, visibly shivering, arms wrapped around her knees.

  ‘“There’s something deeply wrong with you, Amy.”

  ‘“I know.”

  ‘This answer surprised her and she looked up hopefully. “Will you let us go?”

  ‘“Of course. You’re free to go. Mike always has been.”

  ‘“Where is he?”

  ‘“Come on. I’ll show you.”

  ‘We went down the stairs and out into the yard. There was a light rain, but we ignored it and went to the stables.

  ‘“Not here, surely?” Ivy was horrified by the cold, damp and dirty environment.

  ‘“That one.” I let her push past me and look through the grille.

  ‘“Oh, God! Mike. What has she done to you?”

  ‘“Hello, Ivy. Good to see you. Thanks for coming.”

  ‘Ivy turned to me, face completely white, a combination of horror and fury. “I’m calling an ambulance.”

  ‘“That’s not necessary, we’ll bring…” but she pushed past me and strode towards the house, causing me to have to hurry after her. “Calm down, Ivy. He’s not that bad.”

  ‘Ivy did not reply but went to the phone on the hall table. I kept going to where the wire joined a small box and grasping it, pulled it hard.

  ‘“Hello? Hello?” Ivy tapped the phone then looked at me. Then she turned her eyes to the open door.

  ‘“It’s six miles.”

  ‘“All right.” And she walked outside.

  I was concerned for her. The rain was nothing to worry about if you were just going across the yard, but the grey, damp day would make her cold if she were out for any length of time.

  “Don’t go, Ivy. You’ll catch your death. And you don’t know your way. It’ll be dark…” but I was shouting at a retreating figure.

  ‘You can tell a lot about someone by their walk, don’t you think, Superintendent? I mean, you must be very observant in your line of work. I’ve always felt I could judge someone by their walk. Not merely if they are happy or sad, which is fairly obvious, but deeper qualities.

  ‘Like, conservative, timid people, they walk carefully, in a compact way, while expansive people who are comfortable with themselves have a relaxed swing to their arms. It’s not something I can always put into words, but I read somewhere about the best actors mastering how to walk in character and I realised it was true. I’ve put some thought into this over the years.

  ‘Would you like me to tell you what I make of your walk?’ Philips leaned forward, so far over that her breasts rested on the table top and she folded her arms around them.

  ‘No,’ said McCarthy.

  I just shook my head.

  ‘Well, I’ll tell you anyway. Detective Sergeant here was brought up in a rough working-class area where she had to walk with a roll and a swagger to demonstrate that she was unafraid. While you, Superintendent, covered a lot of ground with a powerful, efficient walk. A sheep farmer, perhaps?’

  ‘And this digression is relevant because—’ I prompted her, with what I hoped was an uninterested intonation. Because, annoyingly, I had grown up on a farm in Kerry and was often walking miles after the sheep.

  She smirked and sat up straight again. ‘Ivy had a new walk. It was womanly. There was a sway to it and I wouldn’t be surprised – I thought this with some jealousy – if she had a boyfriend. She was probably no longer a virgin.

  ‘When she was around the curve of the bend of our drive (the drive alone was nearly a mile), I put on the immersion heater and then went to the stables.

  ‘“Time to come in.”

  ‘“Yes, Mistress.”

  ‘While Mike had a shave, I made him some soup. Then I gave him a bath. When his cock sprang up as I sponged him, I didn’t mind, for once. I needed him in his very best form. The truth was, he did look like a visit to hospital was in order. He had sores everywhere and his skeletal frame was really severe, especially his ribs.

  ‘“Ivy’s gone for an ambulance. They might try to get you to leave me. But you won’t do that, will you, slave?” I reached down into the warm, soapy water and began to massage his cock.

  ‘“No, Mistress.”

  ‘“Good boy.” I even leaned over, so that with a groan, he came on my lips and cheek. Not a bad effort considering his em
aciated condition. “If they ask questions,” I dried myself on his towel, “tell them the truth.”

  ‘“Yes, Mistress.”

  ‘After his bath, I had him dress in a vest, a shirt and two jumpers, the thick outer one hiding the thinner one beneath. By the time the ambulance came – it took a little under two hours for Ivy to get back – Mike was comfortable in the lounge, enjoying tea and a read of the paper, his feet up. In the dim light, you couldn’t see anything wrong with him at all.

  ‘It was dusk and the flashing blue light lit up the roof and walls of my house. I came to the door and opened it for the ambulance. Ivy, arms crossed, holding a hospital blue blanket over her shoulders, set off for the stables.

  ‘“He’s in here,” I gestured.

  ‘Both the ambulance workers were men. You get more women these days. They nodded to me politely enough as they came past.

  ‘“Good evening,” said Mike. “I’m sorry if my sister got you out here for my sake, but I’m perfectly fine.”

  ‘“No, he’s not. Examine him.”

  ‘“Would you mind, sir?” asked the first ambulance man.

  ‘“Well, as it happens, I would.”

  ‘The two ambulance men exchanged a look. It was hard to interpret, but they weren’t impressed. This left me hopeful.

  ‘“Care for tea, gentlemen?” I asked.

  ‘“No, thanks, miss.”

  ‘“Can I just take your blood pressure and pulse, sir?” The first one tried again.

  ‘Mike looked towards me and I nodded. “Very well.”

  ‘“Take a proper look at him. He’s nearly starved to death!”

  ‘“Tea, Ivy?”

  ‘“I don’t want a fucking cup of tea.”

  ‘The two men looked up sharply and I had to suppress a smile.

  ‘As the ambulance man took Mike’s readings, he did look concerned. My heart was beating fast. I knew that everything depended on this moment. If Mike went to the hospital, Ivy would escape. I felt ill. It was one of those situations where you cannot do anything, yet you are feeling the need for flight or fight.