by Joan Burrows
jessie: Young? You’re all turning forty. She’s hard to keep up with. Maybe it’s time you started to let them know the real Eva. I think they’d like her.
She takes eva’s hand.
She seems pretty special. Worrying about her little boy.
eva: Not too boring?
jessie: Not at all. I hope she’s the one I see from now on.
eva hugs jessie. peggy runs past the window and appears in the doorway, somewhat surprised at seeing these two together.
peggy: Ma! What’s taking so long? Did you lose your purse?
jessie: No, it’s right here.
jessie opens the refrigerator and removes her purse.
peggy: Ma, why do you keep putting your purse in the refrigerator?
jessie: Because I read somewhere that it’s the safest place to put it when you’re travelling or when you have strange workmen in the house.
peggy: And the day Kerry was there for her fitting? Wasn’t the furnace guy in the basement?
jessie: Yes, for the annual checkup. Why are you asking?
peggy: Uh . . . no reason.
eva: Smart move, Mrs. Mac. I’m gonna remember that from now on!
A car horn sounds loudly.
peggy: Oh my gosh, we’d better go before Leslie has this baby in the van. Try to keep her calm on the drive, Ma.
jessie: No problem. I’ll sing all the Broadway tunes I know.
jessie hurries out humming one of them. peggy stares at eva.
peggy: So . . . not really a diva after all?
eva: No. Just . . . me. Just Eva.
peggy: And just Eva is the one who hugs my mother?
eva: (laughing) Yeah. How about that? I’m glad you brought her, Peg. If anyone was gonna get rid of the Diva, it would be her. She’s . . . she’s a very smart person. You’re lucky to still have her in your life.
peggy: Yes, I am. Tell Jimmy we’ll be back soon. We won’t miss the wedding.
eva: Gotcha.
peggy exits and eva picks up her phone and dials.
Hi, sweetie! Sorry I had to hang up earlier but we’re having a baby here . . . Leslie . . . Yes, she just left for the hospital . . . She’ll be fine. Peggy’s mom’s with her so she’s definitely in good hands . . . I could come home now and skip the wedding . . . Really? Are you sure? . . . Oh, Steve, you’re too good!
eva looks at her wig.
Tell you what, for being a super dad and a super husband I’ll have a special reward for you tonight . . . You’ll find out . . . Let’s just say it’s a final performance . . . Of what? . . .
In her best Southern accent.
I’m calling it the Kindness of a Red-Headed Stranger . . .
She laughs.
Me too! See you later, darlin’.
She hangs up and starts toward her room, tossing her wig in the air.
Nice to know she’s still there . . . when I need her!
She exits to the bedroom.
Blackout.
Scene 3
Lights up on the cabin later that afternoon. The sound of a hair dryer comes from the bathroom door. jessie, dressed for the wedding, comes out of her bedroom. A muffled ringing cellphone is heard. She follows it to gloria’s purse. She holds up the purse and walks toward the bathroom door.
jessie: Gloria!
(louder) Gloria!
The hair dryer stops. gloria appears in the bathroom door. She is also ready for the wedding, except for three rather large curlers on the top of her head.
gloria: Did you call me?
jessie: Your purse is ringing. Maybe it’s the hospital.
gloria comes into the room and struggles with the purse, trying to find the phone.
gloria: Oh, God . . . Hello? Hello? . . . No, Eva, no news . . . Yes, Eva, as soon as I hear . . . Are the girls dressed? . . . Soon. I’m still getting ready. Bye. God, this is the third time she’s called in the last half hour. When is this baby going to come?
peggy comes out of her bedroom dressed for the wedding.
peggy: Is there a baby?
jessie: No. First baby could take a few hours yet.
peggy: What if the baby comes during the wedding? How rude would it be to keep our cellphones on in church?
gloria: Maybe if we sit right at the back no one’ll notice. I’ll keep mine on vibrate. If I jump up suddenly, you’ll know why.
peggy: (suddenly realizing) I left mine in the car. I’ll take it into the church, too. We should get going, Ma. I promised Kerry I’d meet her and the girls at the back of the church for any last-minute adjustments. You head down to the car. I’ll get my coat.
peggy heads into her bedroom.
jessie: Okay, dear. Oh, Gloria, before I forget, I think this is yours.
jessie pulls out a piece of paper from her pocket and gives it to gloria.
gloria: It’s just my cell number. This is the paper I gave to you.
jessie: It’s what’s on the back. I didn’t know if it was important to you or not.
gloria turns the paper over and reads what’s written on it out loud.
gloria: “Will you be my date for the wedding?”
Beat.
Oh.
jessie: One question. At the top of the page like that. Just seemed peculiar. Did you write it?
gloria: No.
jessie: Oh.
jessie looks at her.
Suddenly guy, formally dressed for the wedding, rushes past the window and through the door.
guy: It’s a boy! It’s (French) Guy Claude. But it could be (English) “Guy” Claude.
jessie: A boy?
peggy runs from the bedroom while putting on her jacket.
peggy: Leslie had it?
guy: Yeah. She tried to call you and then Gloria, but your line was busy.
gloria: Eva! Ahhh! How is she? Did you talk to her?
guy: Yeah. She sounded great. She put the phone to the baby so I could hear little Guy Claude breathing.
peggy: What are you talking about? I thought they had decided on Jean.
guy: Leslie was so relieved that I got her to the hospital, she said she’d name the baby after me. Only in French. It’s not official yet. She has to argue with Claude. But knowing Leslie, she’ll win.
jessie: That’s wonderful, Guy. You’re sort of a godfather in name.
guy: Yeah. How about that?
peggy: Can we phone her? Do you know what room she’s in?
guy: She said she’d call you later. After the wedding.
peggy: Thanks for running up with the news, Guy. Wow! Don’t you look handsome? Are you on your way?
guy: Yeah. In a couple of minutes.
peggy: Well, let’s go, Ma. The girls’ll be waiting. Don’t forget your purse. Is it in the fridge?
jessie heads into the bedroom.
jessie: No, in here. And I’ll get my jacket. I’m right behind you.
peggy: (to gloria) Maybe we can drive over to see Leslie after the ceremony?
gloria looks at guy.
gloria: Uh . . . let’s talk about it at the church, okay?
peggy exits the cabin.
There is an awkward moment as guy and gloria face each other.
guy: So . . . Leslie . . . Wow.
gloria: Yeah . . . Wow.
guy: So you’re gonna go see her?
gloria: She might be too tired. Might be better if we go tomorrow.
guy: Yeah? Because I was wondering . . . that is, if you think you should wait until tomorrow to go . . . I thought that maybe . . .
jessie enters from the bedroom as she’s putting on her jacket.
jessie: Well, I’m off. I suppose you’ll be on your way soon. Gloria, you might want to . . .
jessie motions t
o gloria’s hair rollers, but gloria does not take her eyes off guy.
guy stares at gloria.
guy: Goodbye, Mrs. Mac.
jessie suddenly realizes she is in the middle of something important.
jessie: Oh, I see. Yes. Well. Goodbye, you two. See you at the church.
She hurries out the door and crosses in front of the window when she suddenly sees that she doesn’t have her purse. She turns to go back in the room but realizes that she might be interrupting the two inside. She looks helplessly between the parking lot and the door and then turns her attention to gloria and guy.
guy: Where were we?
gloria: Yes.
guy: What?
gloria: The answer to your question. Yes.
guy: But I didn’t even ask you a question.
gloria: Yes, you did. Last night. We just never got to it. Until now.
She holds up the paper.
After all these years, this was the only question you could come up with?
guy: It was the only one that mattered. All the other ones would’ve been about the past. This one was about tomorrow. Or, I guess now, today. And you’re saying yes?
gloria: Yes.
guy: I really want to kiss you at this moment. But I can’t.
gloria: Why not?
guy: Because Mrs. Mac is staring at us through the window.
A car horn sounds impatiently. jessie looks toward it and suddenly turns toward the door. She enters.
jessie: I’m not here. I’m not here. Silly me. I forgot my purse. I’ll just be a second.
jessie goes to her room, but not before giving guy a thumbs up.
guy: I’m having a déjà vu moment. It feels like that time I saw you on the other side of Main Street. And I wanted to cross over to talk to you. But then that transport came along and blocked you from me, and when it moved forward you were gone. I feel like if I don’t cross over to that side of the room in the next two seconds . . .
gloria is oblivious to jessie, who is tiptoeing out of the room whispering to guy, “I’m not here.”
gloria: But we’re not on Main Street. And there isn’t any truck.
guy: Trust me. There is.
jessie backs out the door, motioning for guy to make his move. She closes the door and crosses in front of the window.
gloria: Is it gone?
A beat as he expects jessie to return to the window.
guy: I think so.
gloria: Well, then?
She gives him her awkward nod.
He smiles and nods in return. Then he strides over to her, takes her face in his hands, and gives her a long, lingering kiss.
jessie reappears at the window, obviously pleased. She turns to go, then suddenly stops and walks to the cabin door. She opens it, steps in, and begins humming before breaking out into song:
jessie: (singing) “ . . . the second time around.
And Gloria, dear, you’ve got some rollers in your hair . . . ”
gloria and guy laugh and hug each other as the lights fade to black.
Blackout.
End of play.
Acknowledgements
I would like to thank Ron Cameron-Lewis for dramaturgical support at the Aurora Cultural Centre’s 2008 Writers’ Springboard; Jane Carnwath and Brandon Moore, who organized the readings and casts who offered much for me to think about in our discussions; and, especially, Annette Procunier for her dramaturgy after the readings at the 2013 Writers’ Springboard. I would also like to thank the production support received from the Alumnae Theatre’s 2012 New Ideas Festival, specifically Brenda Darling, Pat McCarthy, and Carolyn Zapf for their work in producing the festival. Thank you to FireWorks 2013 and all those involved in this first full production of the play; to the many involved with the readings produced at the Aurora Cultural Centre’s 2013 Writers’ Springboard; to the cast and crew of the production by the Blackhorse Village Players in 2016, especially Denise Kennedy, my stage manager, who recorded all of my revisions; and to Marnie Jutzi and Alison Jutzi at the Guelph Little Theatre, 2018. And to all those, too numerous to mention, who helped with the various readings over the years.
Joan Burrows is a member of the Playwrights Guild of Canada and has won several ACT-CO and Theatre Ontario awards for her work as a stage manager, director, and playwright. She has also been a long-time volunteer with TAPA (Toronto Alliance for the Performing Arts). Her other plays include Staff Room, The Photograph, Willow Quartet, and Four Hours. She is currently working on a musical adaptation of Willow Quartet with Ron Cameron-Lewis and Jason Saunders at Sheridan College and completing her sixth play, Persons of Interest, a comedy about the American Internal Revenue Service.
Gloria’s Guy © Copyright 2018 by Joan Burrows
First edition: March 2018
Jacket art by Megan Stulberg
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Library and Archives Canada Cataloguing in Publication
Burrows, Joan, author
Gloria’s Guy / Joan Burrows.
A play.
Issued in print and electronic formats.
ISBN 978-1-77091-888-7 (softcover).--ISBN 978-1-77091-889-4 (PDF).--
ISBN 978-1-77091-890-0 (EPUB).--ISBN 978-1-77091-891-7 (Kindle)
I. Title.
PS8553.U6946G46 2018 C812’.6 C2018-900471-1
C2018-900472-X
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