by Tiana Smith
She opened her mouth like she was going to respond, but I turned and made my way around the group.
Then, like the coward I was, I practically ran away.
Chapter Seventeen
I just had to make it through tonight’s date with my dignity intact. That was all.
I’d been all for canceling this farce, but I was a woman of my word. Besides, I wasn’t about to back out and have Grayson know he’d scared me away or somehow gotten the upper hand.
So, here I was. Doing the thing I wanted to do least because I had too much stinking pride. But I could do hard things. That was what I’d proven last night at the spaghetti dinner performing in front of Grayson’s mom. I’d rocked that performance. She’d even been smiling while she clapped.
My mom had been so proud I had to stop her from telling every person we met on the way out that I was her daughter. Then she’d gone out of her way to introduce herself to Grayson’s parents, and I’d about died right then and there. As if by some unspoken signal, Grayson and I had both steered our parents away from each other as soon as we could while still abiding by polite social norms.
This should be easy-peasy in comparison, but instead I was sitting in the diner booth and stress sweating while I tore a breadstick into little tiny pieces. Carter was beside me to my right, like we usually sat whenever we came to my mom’s diner. Naomi usually sat across from us, her long legs requiring a whole side to herself. An old One Direction song came on over the speakers, making her absence all the more noticeable, because she would have been fangirling over it. I really could have used her as backup right about now, because this was all kinds of awkward. Carter seemed to recognize this, because he kept cracking jokes to make me feel more comfortable.
Across from us, the other side of the table was still empty. Grayson and his date weren’t here yet, and part of me wondered if he’d be a no-show. If someone had roped me into something like this, I wouldn’t have come. I’d say “See ya,” and let them deal with the consequences themselves, thank you very much.
But Grayson was a better person than I was, because at that moment, he walked through the doors of the diner with his date. She was walking slightly behind him, so it wasn’t until they made it to our table that I recognized Grayson’s ex-girlfriend Zara Hayer. He smirked as he sat down.
Maybe he wasn’t the better person after all. Maybe tonight was about to get a whole lot worse.
Grayson and Zara settled into their seats and I tried to smile politely. I didn’t know Zara well. She was one of those gorgeous people who didn’t really mix with anyone I knew. She had jet-black hair that bounced whenever she moved and perfect full lips that made it look like she was always flirting. She seemed nice enough, but why on earth had Grayson invited her tonight? What did it mean? And why did I care? Okay, if I was being honest with myself, I knew why I cared. I just didn’t like it. I was determined not to let Grayson under my skin, but somehow he managed to do it anyway.
Still though, I wondered how Grayson had gotten an ex to say yes. Did that mean they were dating again? Or just that they were part of the 1 percent of people who could actually stay friends after a breakup? And how could she still stand to be around him when he’d done what he had to her? He’d dumped her right before the class elections so she’d lose. Talk about awful. How had she forgiven him?
“Hey, thanks for inviting us tonight,” Grayson said. I couldn’t tell if he was being sarcastic or not. There was no way he was actually grateful to have been bullied into coming. I passed the menu to Zara without saying anything. She shared it with Grayson, and they had to get close to read everything. I forced myself to look away. I wanted to shout that only two months ago, he’d been kissing me, even if it had been a game to him. But I bit my lip and focused on all the holiday decor they’d started putting up around the diner. The stuffed Santa figurine on the counter was slowly falling over and giving up, a live enactment of how well this night was going.
My mom arrived then to take our orders. Saved by Mom.
“Hi, kids.” She reached over and knuckled Carter’s hair. “Oh, hey, I know you.” Then she put an arm over my shoulder in a half hug. “How’s it going, sweetie?” She nodded at Grayson. “Nice to see you again, Grayson. You haven’t been around.”
Please, let me die. Is that too much to ask?
“Hi, Mom.” I handed her our menu. “I’m guessing you know what I want.”
She winked. “Loaded nachos coming right up. And what about the rest of you?” She poised her pen to write it all down. Carter ordered his usual fettuccini Alfredo and Zara got the house salad. My mom turned to Grayson.
“Is it too late to order breakfast?” he asked.
She smiled. “I’m sure we can work something out. What would you like?”
He ordered the pancake stack and my mom left. I turned to Grayson.
“You know, it says right there on the menu they don’t serve breakfast after eleven o’clock.”
“That’s why I asked if it’d be okay. Your mom seemed fine with it.”
“Yeah, well, that’s because she likes you.”
As soon as I said it, I knew it was a mistake. Grayson’s eyebrows raised and a smirk overtook his face. Zara sipped her water quietly, her eyes darting back and forth between Grayson and me.
“So the mother likes me while the daughter hates me. That’s interesting.” Grayson leaned back and crossed his arms all smug like. Again, I wondered what the story was between him and Zara. Would he act this way if they were back together?
“I don’t hate you,” I scoffed.
I hated that I liked him. Those were two very different things. I hated that I’d fallen so easily for his ploy, and even worse, that I still thought about him. And okay, I hated that he’d done that to me when I knew better. But if Zara’s friendship with him was any indication, maybe I’d gotten things wrong. Then again, that was probably wishful thinking talking.
“Could’ve fooled me,” Grayson said. I rolled my eyes and ate a piece of my breadstick. Guys were clueless. I offered the basket of bread to Zara, who took a piece hesitantly. Was she always this quiet? Maybe that’s why Grayson had dated her. Was dating her? So he could hear himself talk all the time. He certainly seemed to like the sound of his own voice.
“Stop acting so naive. You know I don’t hate you.”
“Yeah, she kissed you, didn’t she?” Carter spoke up.
I choked on my bread and grabbed my water glass to chug it. I’d almost forgotten Carter was even there. Now here he was trying to kill me.
“Yes, she did.”
Grayson didn’t have to sound so conceited about it. Insufferable jerk. Besides, why did we have to talk about this now?
As an added bonus, that was when my mom walked up to see if our waters needed topping off. So that was excellent.
Zara’s eyes had gotten really wide.
“Wait, you two kissed?” she asked, her voice raised, pointing between Grayson and me. It was the first thing she’d said all night. And she’d said it loud enough for the entire freaking diner to hear.
I was so glad my mom was here to witness it. Like everyone in the diner who’d turned in their seats to stare at our booth, it was clear she’d heard everything, because she was biting her lip and trying not to laugh. Awesome.
She didn’t top off our drinks. She turned and kept walking, like that had been her goal all along, to pause at our table, laugh, and then veer to a different one. I noticed she didn’t go far. She hovered close enough to hear our conversation, and she didn’t even try to be sneaky about it. That was great.
My entire face was hot enough to roast a marshmallow. If the earth opened up a giant sinkhole beneath my feet, I wouldn’t even be mad about it. I’d welcome it with open arms.
Forget about making it through this date with my dignity intact. I just wanted to make it out of here alive.
“Congratulations,” someone called out. I looked over to see it was the diner manager, Mr. Porter, wh
o was beaming like he found this whole thing incredibly entertaining.
Grayson kicked Carter under the table. I could tell because I felt his foot brush mine on his way to Carter, and Carter yelped and jumped in his seat.
“Not cool, man,” Grayson said.
“What, you’re embarrassed about the kiss?” Carter taunted.
Grayson’s voice was still as smooth as ever when he replied, “No. But Quinn is, obviously. What a way to treat your friend.”
I looked over to see Carter actually seemed shocked by this accusation. For my part, I was still trying to process Grayson’s words and why he thought I was embarrassed over kissing him, rather than this whole episode in front of my mom. I figured it was obvious that this was what I was embarrassed about.
But why had he come to my defense? That wasn’t what we did. We were like cats and dogs forced into close proximity, at each other’s throats whenever possible.
Of course, that was when I realized that Grayson hadn’t been. Ever since our kiss. Even at competitions, he’d kept everything friendly. It was me that brought the frost. I’d attributed his behavior to him trying to weasel his way into my good graces so he could still play his little game, but could there be more to it?
Zara stood up and fidgeted at the side of the table. “I think I should probably go.” She tucked a piece of hair behind her ear. “I mean, I owe you, Grayson, but it’s pretty clear I don’t really need to be part of whatever is going on between the rest of you.”
I didn’t know it was possible to feel worse about tonight’s events, but that statement did it. Zara was an innocent bystander. None of this was her fault. Unless she was dating Grayson again, and then a spiteful part of me wanted her to feel uncomfortable anyway. And what had she meant about owing Grayson? If anything, he owed her.
Grayson stood up, looking guilty. “Sorry, yeah, I’ll take you home.” He grabbed his coat and put his arms through the sleeves, then reached into his pocket and pulled out some cash, putting it on the table. “That should cover ours, but let me know if I owe you more when the check comes.”
There was absolutely no way I was going to stay all the way through dinner until the check came. If Grayson and Zara were bailing, I was on my way out the door right after them.
They left and I turned in my seat to catch my mom’s eye. She’d been waiting. Of course.
She came over and put a hand on my shoulder. “Don’t worry, I’ll cancel your orders if you’d like. Mike hasn’t gotten to them yet in the kitchen, I’m sure.” Her face was full of compassion, and that, more than anything, made me feel like crying. My eyes were tight and prickly, and I could feel the blotchiness creeping over my skin like a disease. I nodded and she squeezed my shoulder before walking away toward the kitchen.
Then I turned to Carter and anger hit me like a linebacker. “What was that?”
I expected him to feign innocence. Like he had no idea he’d behaved badly. But he hung his head and wiped a hand across his face.
“Wasn’t my best moment,” he answered.
“Yeah, well, it certainly wasn’t a great moment for me either. Did you think of that?” I threw a sugar packet at him. It bounced off his cheek and landed on the table. “What got into you?”
He ran a hand through his hair and looked intently at me. “Do you really want me to answer that?”
I crossed my arms and stared him down.
Carter swallowed.
“Jealousy.”
It was one simple word, but it made me stop in my tracks.
“I’m sorry, I know I said I wouldn’t interfere with you and Grayson anymore. But just because he’s being nice to you, I don’t want you to fall for it.”
I stayed silent. I didn’t want to admit that Carter was right. I’d been questioning things again, and Carter was the only one who seemed to see things properly. Some friend I was.
“That was still a sucky way to get your message across,” I said. “I appreciate you looking out for me, but we’ve got to develop some kind of secret signal or something you could give me whenever you think Grayson is up to something shady.”
This made Carter smile. He reached out, took my hand in his, and gave it a squeeze. “You mean like this?”
I pulled my hand from his and put it in my sweater pocket.
Carter’s smile faltered, but then he shrugged and stood up, grabbing his jacket in one hand.
“We can avoid it for however long you want, but don’t expect me to give up.” He motioned for me to stand too. His face had softened a little bit and he didn’t seem upset. Just certain. “Come on, I’ll take you home.”
It was the most direct he’d been about his feelings, and I didn’t want to face it yet.
I shook my head. “I’ll get a ride with my mom.” She didn’t get off for another hour, but waiting here was better than the alternative. Even with the entire diner watching me right now.
Carter released a breath, then nodded. His smile was kind of sad, so I stood up to give him a hug.
I watched him leave, then slumped back to the booth bench with a loud exhale. My mom came to sit on the opposite side of the table.
“You okay?” She reached her hand out and I placed mine in it.
“I will be.” At least I hoped so. Tonight had dipped way into the negative numbers, but things had to turn around eventually. That’s what everyone always said, and I didn’t want to think about the possibilities if it weren’t true.
“So, you kissed Grayson, huh?” She raised her eyebrows. “Or so I hear.”
I rolled my eyes. “It was two months ago, Mom.” And I didn’t want to talk about it.
She nodded and pursed her lips together like she was trying not to say anything else. Eventually, she sucked in a breath.
“Do you really want to go to Boise State? Are you sure?” Her voice was small, and I hated that she trusted Carter’s word more than mine. “I don’t want you to feel like you don’t have a choice. You have so much going for you, kiddo. So much to experience. I can’t be the thing holding you back.” Her voice cracked, and I knew why. Those words were loaded with meaning.
When I was a baby and my dad left, that had been what he’d told her. He’d said she was only holding him back, and that he had so much more to experience in life than simply being a family man. Sometimes I really hated him for that. It wasn’t like I knew the guy well. He never fought for parental rights, so I only saw him once every few years when he happened to be in town. But I hated what he’d done to my mom’s esteem. That was half the reason it’d taken her so long to really believe in this photography goal of hers, and I wasn’t about to let her give up on it now.
“Mom.” I squeezed her hand. “You know how much I’ve been looking forward to their marketing program. Their business school is internationally accredited. Carter’s the one I’ve been lying to.”
Her expression went soft, and her eyes scrunched up. “You mean that? You’re telling your mom the truth and not your friends? Because from all the parenting books I’ve read, it’s supposed to go the other way around.”
I smiled. “You’re a closer friend than Carter will ever be.”
She wiped at her eyes, then took a deep breath in and out. “Okay, enough with the sappy stuff. I love you, but I have an image here to maintain.”
We laughed and I let go of her hand.
Mr. Porter came by then and I thought he’d get mad at my mom for slacking on the job, but he put two pieces of apple pie on the table.
“On the house,” the restaurant manager said. “You need it.”
That was the truth. He smiled as he left, and Mom passed me a fork.
“You know,” she said, cutting off a piece. “I’ve seen a lot of dates here, but that was probably the fastest I’ve ever seen one implode.” She chuckled as she dug into her pie.
“Yeah,” I said, taking a bite. “I have a knack for that.”
A knack for ruining dates, relationships, and anything in between. What a knack to h
ave.
Chapter Eighteen
Naomi often joked about me being antisocial, but it wasn’t like I did it on purpose. Not right now at least.
Carter’d been out of town all of winter break, skiing in Utah with his family. Naomi spent all her time with Dax, which I wasn’t even mad about. I wanted her to be happy and I didn’t want to use my “best friend card” too many times in begging for her company.
Sure, I had other people I was friends with, but they were more like acquaintances. Not the type of people I could text at midnight to ask them if they were binging the same Netflix show as me. No one to stop me from fixating on my mom’s Instagram and rereading all the comments on the picture of Grayson and me. In all honesty, sometimes our followers seemed more real than was probably healthy. I really did need more friends. It seemed like all of mine lately were either online, or mostly in my head, like 15211.
I got out of bed and got the little key from its hiding place so I could open the drawer where I saved all of 15211’s letters. I fanned them out on the desk in front of me, looking through my favorites.
I wished I could text him. Winter break just ended and I had my first new letter in over a week. But even without the break, it was agony waiting a full day before getting a response. I’d never appreciated modern technology as much as I had lately when writing old-fashioned letters with a boy I didn’t even know. I briefly considered asking him for his number, but then thought better of it. If it was Carter, he’d already have my number in his phone and that’d be the end of things.
That was a constant debate I had with myself, whether or not 15211 could be Carter. There were so many similarities. So many boxes I could tick. The facts were there, but the essence wasn’t. I mean, from what I could tell 15211 was a true gentleman in every sense of the word. Carter, on the other hand, did things like tell someone you kissed their ex when you were on a group date.