The Trustworthy One

by Shelley Shepard Gray

  Well, until today. Today, he’d seemed intent on spouting his opinions and not exactly listening to anything she was saying. It was beyond irritating.

  “Naomi, are you sure the right place for you is with Kendra?” Chris asked from across the table.

  He’d picked her up from Tried and True in his Jeep and taken her over to Millersburg for supper and a trip to the Walmart. Naomi had been excited to spend some time with her English brother. He was so different from the rest of them that it was sometimes easy to forget how things were when they’d all lived at home. With Chris, she could simply concentrate on their present, not the mistakes or worries of their past.

  That was why she wasn’t too happy with his comment. “I’m sure, Chris. I like living with Kendra.”

  After a pause, in which she could practically see him weigh his words, he blurted, “Kendra has a lot of demons, you know.”

  “No, I don’t.” What was he talking about, anyway? He knew as well as she did that Kendra was the most unselfish member of the whole family. She was kind, too.

  “Come now. Think of how she talked to our mother the other day.”

  “What did you expect her to say? Mamm wanted Kendra to visit our father in the hospital. You knew that was never going to happen.”

  “See, that’s what I’m talking about. She is so angry. She calls Mamm Rosanna. That’s disrespectful, don’t you agree?”

  “She has her reasons, and you know what they are.”

  “Of course she does. Of course, all of us have reasons not to trust our parents. But, that said, she’s a grown woman now.”

  “Doesn’t that mean Kendra gets to decide how she wants to live her life?” Naomi countered. After all, she was doing the same thing, choosing to move in with Kendra and attend a different school.

  But instead of acknowledging that Naomi’s point was valid, her brother only looked even more out of sorts. He pushed the roast beef sandwich he’d only half eaten to one side. “Naomi, I know you think the world of our big sister, but she isn’t perfect. She’s never moved on. She’s refused to let the past go, and it’s making her bitter. Jeremiah and I are afraid she’s influencing you, too.”

  But weren’t they all marked by their life in that house? “She’s angry about our childhood, but that’s not a shock, Chris. All of us bear scars from the things that happened.” Feeling knots in her stomach instead of the hunger pangs that had been there an hour earlier, Naomi studied her big brother. “I’m kind of surprised you are saying all of this. I mean, Daed wasn’t good to you, either.” Their father had attempted to beat him with a belt the night Chris had announced he was leaving in the morning.

  Chris looked troubled by the reminder. After another pause, he said, “Naomi, that’s my point. All of us were abused. But while Kendra has held close to her bitterness, Jeremiah and I have moved on.”

  Naomi swallowed hard. He hadn’t been exactly right when he said all of them had been abused. She’d had a different experience than her older siblings. Their mother had mainly ignored her, and their father’s anger had been far more focused on her four older siblings than on herself. Then, of course, they’d all shielded her and even moved her out so she wouldn’t have to live in that house without them.

  But what if no one had ever stepped in to shield her? That was the point, of course. No one had ever been there to help Kendra.

  “I might be eight years younger than Kendra, but even I remember how much harder things were for her. You know that, too.”

  “You’re right. She did have it worse. But what can we do? When all of that was happening, we were all victims. It wasn’t like we could save her.” He cleared his throat. “That isn’t the point, though. What I’m trying to say is that you can’t change the past. All you can do is make peace with it.”

  Everything he was saying was probably true, but it also seemed awfully neat and tidy… and improbable. “You are expecting the person who was hurt the most to do the most forgiving and peace-making.” She raised a brow. “Or is that what you already told Mamm? Or maybe you advised Daed to make amends and beg Kendra for forgiveness?”

  He grunted. “You know I didn’t do that.”

  She folded her arms over her chest as she lowered her voice. “You can pretend that you’ve moved on, but I think you are living in denial.”

  “Whoa. Sounds like you’ve learned all kinds of fancy terms with your higher education.”

  “Feel free to be as sarcastic as you want, Chris. But Kendra is still Amish and living in Walnut Creek. You abandoned everything about this place. You are living as an Englischer in the big city. Do you even tell any of your Englischer friends about your past?”

  “Just because I’ve taken my own path and don’t choose to tell strangers about my baggage doesn’t mean it’s wrong.”

  “If you really believe that, then you shouldn’t be finding fault with Kendra’s choices.” Naomi looked around the beautiful dining area and felt sick. They weren’t getting anywhere, and all Chris was doing was making her want to leave the table as soon as possible.

  “Just tell me this. Has she been sober?”

  The question came out of nowhere. “What are you talking about, Chris?”

  “She had a drinking problem. A serious one.” He raised an eyebrow. “Nanny, you look surprised to hear that.”

  “That’s because I am.”

  “Really? Kendra never told you about the way she used to live her life?”

  Her brother’s voice had turned hard. Chiding. The change in tone felt like sandpaper grating on her skin, and she ached to get away from him.

  But as much as it hurt, she knew she needed to hear it. Reluctantly, she shook her head. “What did she do?”

  “Well, back in Columbus, she had a terrible drinking problem and she even started taking pills.”

  “Pills? Like medicine?”

  “Nee, pills that are bad for ya. Opioids. They are real addicting.”

  “Kendra was addicted to drugs?” She could hardly wrap her mind around that.

  “Oh, jah. She had to go to rehab to get better.”

  “I didn’t know about any of this.” She was shocked, and hurt, too. She had thought she and her sister were close, but maybe they weren’t as close as she’d thought. How could Kendra go through something so big and never tell Naomi about it? It just didn’t make sense.

  Chris pressed his palms on the table. “Everything she did? Well, it was bad.”

  He might as well have been talking in riddles. “What do you mean ‘bad’? Was she sick? Did she hurt herself?” All kinds of worst-case scenarios began running through her head. Had Kendra gone into the hospital? Had she almost died?

  For the first time since they’d started talking, Chris looked unsure. He shifted in his chair, then took a sip of his iced tea. “I’m not exactly sure about all that.”

  “Why not? How did she look when you saw her? What did the people say who were looking after her?”

  “I never went up to Columbus to see her.”

  “Who did? Jeremiah? Mary?”

  “None of us did.” When she gaped at him, his voice turned defensive. “Oh, come on, Nanny. That was eight years ago. I was still at home, taking care of you. All of us were.”

  She blinked. Chris was giving her more questions instead of answers, and she didn’t understand any of it. She wasn’t that much younger than the rest of the family. Had everyone kept it from her… or had they just pretended it didn’t concern them?

  Instead of giving her any real, concrete information, Chris murmured, “Now, I’m not saying that she could have a relapse, but things could happen.”

  “Why would you think that? I’ve been with Kendra a lot. She’s never even been tempted to have a sip of beer. I know that.”

  “You are getting off track, Nanny. What I’m trying to tell you is that if you don’t want to leave our sister’s haus, then at least promise me you’ll call me if you start to suspect she’s drinking again.”

&n
bsp; Though he wasn’t saying Kendra was going to relapse, he sure was insinuating that, which made her feel slightly sick. “Chris, I think instead of saying all this to me, you should be talking to Kendra. You know, see if she needs your help or anything…”

  “She wouldn’t appreciate me bringing it up.”

  “She might. Sure, she might be embarrassed, but don’t you think it would be better if this were out in the open? I mean, if you offered to help her now, at least she’d know you cared…”

  He sighed. “Will you just promise to call if she gets bad again? Please?”

  It was real obvious that he wasn’t going to let her out of his sight until she did. “Fine. I promise.”

  “Danke.” Just as she was about to tell him she was ready to leave, he said, “Now, we’re not far from the hospital. Will you go with me to see our father?”

  “I don’t know.”

  “I think you should. He’s dying, you know. If you don’t see him, you’re always going to regret this choice. I’ve already got one sister who has done things she can’t ever undo. I don’t want that to happen to you, too.”

  Chris’s words were awful. He’d also completely manipulated her. He’d offered her supper and a quick shopping trip in order to put down Kendra—and take her to see their father—which she didn’t want to do.

  She didn’t want to do that at all.

  Unfortunately, Naomi knew Chris wasn’t going to give up until she relented. And what if he was right? What if their father was at death’s door? She would have to live with her refusal to see him for the rest of her life. “Fine. I’ll go.”

  His gaze warmed. “I think you’re going to be real glad about this.”

  She might feel relieved. She might even feel disappointed their father never changed his ways before he met the Lord. But glad she visited him? No, she was fairly sure that wasn’t how she was going to be feeling, especially since she was already regretting having a meal with Chris.

  “Let’s just get it over with so you can take me home.”

  “Wow, Nanny. That’s pretty harsh.”

  “Call me Naomi, Chris. I’m not a little girl anymore.”

  “Don’t get upset with me. I’m only trying to help.”

  She didn’t say anything more, but she sure was wondering who he was actually trying to help.

  She was fairly certain that it wasn’t her.

  TWENTY–FOUR

  John B. looked around. “Who? Which one of us did you talk about?”

  “All of you,” Kendra said. “Andy told me stories about the Eight.”

  TUESDAY EVENING

  She was practically floating. Kendra couldn’t think of another way to describe how she felt. Try as she might, no other word came close.

  From the moment Nate had picked her up, she’d felt like she had stepped into another woman’s life. A luckier, happier, more treasured woman’s life.

  Though such an idea was fanciful, it sure felt like the truth. Such evenings as the one that had just taken place didn’t happen to Kendra Troyer.

  Men didn’t go out of their way to court her. They didn’t plan picnics and take her to private fields or treat her with such care. Not a lot of people went to so much trouble just to make her happy or feel special. No other man ever had.

  Instead, she’d become used to simply being everyone’s friend. The girl who helped out, tried hard, but only existed on the fringes. The kind of person who was asked to do things at the last minute, like an afterthought, never the sole reason for a romantic evening.

  But tonight, Nate Miller had proved her wrong. And that kiss! Nee, those kisses! No matter what happened with the two of them, she would never forget their first very sweet embrace. It had been everything she’d ever hoped it would be.

  And then some!

  Still in a daze even though she’d been home for almost an hour, she put the kettle on to boil and made herself a cup of mint tea. Then she realized it was rather late at night to be home alone. She frowned. Naomi had plans with Chris, but surely it hadn’t lasted this late? Walking down the hall, she knocked softly on Nanny’s door. “Nan? Nanny, are you in there?”

  She waited almost ten seconds, then knocked again. Yet still, there was no answer.

  Just as she was about to peek inside, the front door opened, and Naomi appeared.

  “There you are,” Kendra said as she hurried back to the front of her little house. “I only now realized how late it was and that I had seen neither hide nor hair of you. I was just about to peek in your room to see if you had fallen asleep early.”

  “I wish that’s what had happened.”

  “Why?” Walking closer, she got a better look at her sister. Nanny’s eyes were red, and her cheeks were blotchy. She’d been crying, and not just a little bit, either.

  Which made every protective instinct she’d ever had increase tenfold. “What’s been going on? And where are your bags? Chris told me he was going to take you shopping at Walmart.”

  Looking even further crushed, Naomi groaned. “Oh, Kendra, I don’t even know where to start.”

  Alarm bells were practically ringing in her ears, but Kendra forced herself to sound calm. “Well, maybe you can start at the beginning? I’ve always found that to be the best place to start.” When she noticed Naomi’s expression pinch, she added, “I mean, if you want to talk about it with me.”

  “You would sit here all night by my side, wouldn’t you?”

  “Of course I would. You know that though, don’t you?” She’d sat with Nanny lots of times when she was small. Did she not remember?

  “I guess.”

  That statement felt charged, though Kendra didn’t know why. “Nanny, I know you’re almost an adult. I’m not going to make you do something you don’t want to do.”

  Her little sister burst into tears.

  Kendra rushed to her side and wrapped her arms around her. When Naomi rested her head on her shoulder and cried even harder, Kendra felt tears forming in her own eyes. What in the world had happened?

  Half talking, half murmuring nonsense words, Kendra guided Naomi to the couch and sat down beside her. Nanny kicked off her flats, curled her legs under herself, and cuddled close to Kendra. Just like she used to do when she was a little girl.

  The whole thing was so pitiful that Kendra was really starting to regret not pushing her for details. Every worst-case scenario she could think of flickered through her head—the worst being that something had happened to her after she saw Chris.

  Becoming almost too afraid to even voice her fears, Kendra simply sat as Naomi’s tears ebbed and finally ended with a sniff.

  “I’m sorry about that.” Naomi swiped at her cheeks.

  “Nothing to be sorry about. We’re shveshtahs, and sisters can be themselves with each other.”

  “I think you made that little saying up.”

  She had, but because she was so bound and determined to be steadfast, she raised her eyebrows. “What, you think I’m telling tales to ya?”

  Nanny gave her a watery smile. “Maybe. Mary never said those things to me.”

  “Well, that was Mary’s fault. Not mine.” Missing her cup of tea, she got to her feet. “Want a cup of hot mint tea? I’d just made myself a cup when you walked in.”

  “Not yet. But you go get yours.”

  Kendra took her time to retrieve her cup and get Nanny one, too. She needed the moment to collect her thoughts, and it was obvious Nanny did, too. When she returned to her side, her suspicions were confirmed. Nanny was looking clearheaded once again. “Here you go,” she said as she placed the mug on the table next to Naomi. “Now you’ll have your tea whenever you’re ready.”

  After taking a sip, Naomi said, “Kendra, are you ever going to tell me how your date was?”

  She didn’t really want to talk about her night at the moment. “Yes, but maybe another time?”

  “Come on. Please?”

  She smiled. “Fine. It was a mighty fine date.”

&nbs
p; “What did you do?”

  Realizing that her sister needed something good to think about, Kendra said, “He took me out in his courting buggy, and we had a picnic.” And yes, she was still smiling, and her voice was all soft.

  A slow smile lit up her sister’s face. “How very… Amish.”

  “Stop. It was perfect,” she said. “Even for an old girl like me.”

  Naomi wrinkled her nose. “You’re not old.”

  “Oh, I’m old enough. Certainly too old to be mooning over a man.”

  “So, you do like him now.” Satisfaction oozed with each one of Naomi’s words.

  “I do. And I do believe that he likes me back. What do you think about that?” she joked.

  But Naomi didn’t adopt her teasing tone. Instead, she looked to be on the verge of tears again. “I think that nobody deserves a good relationship more than you do.”

  The comment was sweet. It would have been sweeter if she wasn’t so worried about her sister, though. “Are you ready to talk now?”

  “I guess.” After taking another sip of tea, she spoke again. “Chris took me to the hospital, Kendra. He set up this meal so I would have no choice but to go see our daed.”

  She didn’t even attempt to hide her dismay. “Did you know about this visit, too? I mean, is that what you’d intended, but you didn’t want to tell me?”

  “Nee! I really thought we were going to have a meal and go to Walmart. But he only said those things in order to get me to say yes.”

  Kendra was ready to pick up her kitchen phone and call her brother, but she pulled herself together. “So you went.”

  After a brief hesitation, Naomi nodded. “Chris wasn’t going to let me get out of it.”

  “He forced you to go against your will?”

  “No, but he kept pressing me about something else. By the time he got to bringing up the visit to Daed, I was worn down. I was ready to do just about anything to get out of that restaurant.”