Never Say Never

by Rachael Sommers

  “I care about you, Cam,” Jenny continued, unapologetic, “and I want you to be happy. It sounds like she could make you happy, so just…think about it, okay?”

  “Okay.”

  She replayed Jenny’s words in her mind long after she hung up the phone. Her mind was spinning. She was shaken, hadn’t known what she was looking for when she called Jenny, and even now wasn’t sure if she had found it.

  Was she stupid for letting Emily slip through her fingers? She wondered if she had done things differently, been honest with her from the start, where they would be now. Would Emily be here with her? And would that be so bad?

  After tomorrow, Emily would no longer work for her. One of Camila’s excuses for why they shouldn’t be together would be gone. Could she let go of the other reasons and let Emily in?

  If someone had asked a month ago, Camila’s answer would have been a resounding no. But now?

  She wasn’t so sure anymore.

  * * *

  “I don’t want you to go.” Jaime’s eyes watered as he looked up at her. They were already red from crying earlier in the day.

  “I know, buddy.” Emily’s throat was tight. She knelt in front of him.

  “I’ll miss you.” His bottom lip quivered, and Emily pulled him into a fierce hug. Saying goodbye to him might be the hardest thing she had ever done.

  “I’ll miss you too,” she said. “But it’s not forever. I’m going to come back and visit.”

  “It won’t be the same,” Jaime wailed. “I won’t see you every day.” Emily squeezed him tighter, rubbing circles on his back. He leaned away and allowed Emily to wipe away his tears. “Please don’t go,” he pleaded, and Emily felt like her heart was shattering. “Please.”

  “I’m sorry, buddy, but I…I have to. I’ll be back to visit before you know it.”

  “Promise?”

  “I promise.” And she intended to keep that promise, no matter how strained things might be with her and Camila. “Now, come on, I think we’ve kept your dad waiting long enough.”

  “Oh, it’s all right.” Chris had been hovering behind the couch while Jaime and Emily said their goodbyes. It was the first time he had said anything since arriving to take Jaime for the weekend. “We probably should get going, though, before it gets too late.” He picked up Jaime’s overnight bag.

  Emily gave Jaime one last hug before climbing to her feet. “Come on, Jaime. You be good for your dad, okay?”

  “I will.”

  “And I’ll see you soon,” she promised, walking toward the door with them.

  “I know we didn’t really know each other that well,” Chris said, turning to her as he opened the front door, “but I really appreciate everything you’ve done for him. It’s a shame you couldn’t stay longer.”

  “Yeah.” Emily gazed at the little boy who had stolen her heart the first moment they met. “It is.”

  She stood in the doorway watching until the elevator shut behind them before letting her tears fall.

  If Camila were there, she could say goodbye to her too, and while things hadn’t been great between them over the past couple of weeks, she had hoped Camila would make an effort to be there on her last night to maybe wish her luck, but apparently Emily was less important than her work.

  She shouldn’t be surprised at this point, but it still stung.

  Her phone rang as she turned back into the apartment, and her heart leaped, wondering if Camila was calling to say she’d be back soon. She scolded herself when she saw Cassie’s name on the screen.

  “Hey.”

  “Hey, how are you doing? I know today can’t be easy for you.”

  “I’m…as okay as I can be, I guess. Jaime just left with his dad, so it’s just me.” She collapsed onto the couch and leaned back against the cushions.

  “Camila’s not there?”

  “Nope.” Emily’s voice was tight. “I thought about waiting for her to come home, but… I feel stupid being here without Jaime, you know? And wouldn’t she be here if she really cared?”

  “I’m sorry, Em. I don’t…I don’t think waiting around there is the best idea.”

  “Yeah, you’re probably right,” Emily said. “I’ll head home.”

  “Call me if you need anything.”

  “I will.” She gathered up her things, taking one last long look around before she left. She hadn’t had the job long, but it felt like the end of an era. Even when she came back to visit, it would be different because she was no longer Jaime’s nanny.

  She was excited to begin classes next week—it was a new start and something she had wanted for a while, but she felt…empty, as she rode the elevator down to the lobby.

  She got off the subway three stops early to walk the rest of the way to her apartment. She needed the time to clear her head.

  She was focused on her phone when she reached her front door, so she wasn’t paying much attention, didn’t look up until she was ready to pull out her keys, and she halted abruptly when she saw someone standing in front of her door.

  It was Camila. She leaned casually against the wall, looking completely out of place in the white dress and black blazer she had worn for work that morning, a bouquet of roses in her hands.

  “Camila? What are you…what are you doing here?”

  “I wanted to talk to you.” Camila looked nervous, and she squeezed her lips together.

  “About what?” Emily couldn’t imagine why Camila was at her apartment holding flowers.

  “I think it’s a conversation we should have in your apartment, not out here. May I come in?”

  “Oh. Um, yeah, of course.” She fumbled with her keys. She had been knocked off-balance by Camila’s appearance and hoped she wouldn’t notice that her hands were shaking. “I didn’t, uh, expect to have company.” She tidied up as surreptitiously as possible. “Sorry about the mess.”

  “It’s all right.” Camila waved a hand. “These are for you.” Camila handed her the roses, and Emily found the tallest glass she had for them, not having a vase. “To say thank you for everything you’ve done for Jaime—and me.”

  “Oh, um, thanks.” The petals were soft against her fingertips. “Do you always buy your employees red roses when they leave?”

  “Just the special ones.”

  Camila was close, closer than she had been since they kissed. close enough that Emily could feel the heat from her body. She shrank back against the kitchen counter.

  “Emily, I—”

  She was interrupted by the front door opening, and Camila stepped away from Emily guiltily.

  When Cassie caught sight of Camila in Emily’s kitchen, she dropped the bag she’d been holding, splattering rice and potstickers all over the floor.

  “What the hell is wrong with—oh.” Maia appeared from behind Cassie and quickly summed up the situation. “I’m just gonna—” She motioned with her thumb and tugged on Cassie’s elbow. “Babe? Maybe we should—”

  “What the fuck is she doing here?” Cassie’s anger was unfiltered, her eyes narrowing into slits. Camila took a step back.

  “What are you doing here?” Cassie turned to glare at Camila, and it was only because Maia’s hand still held Cassie’s elbow that she didn’t advance.

  “We were just about to get to why when you barged in here,” Emily said, feeling like she needed to shield Camila from Cassie’s anger.

  “I wasn’t aware that I was going to be interrupting anything.”

  Emily had never seen Cassie in full-on big sister mode, and it was kind of terrifying.

  “You should leave,” she told Camila, and Emily snorted.

  “No, stay,” she told Camila.

  Cassie scoffed. “Are you serious, Em? After all the tears you cried over her the past few months? How many times has she made you feel like shit? Worthless? And she shows up
here with flowers and suddenly you forget about that?”

  “I haven’t forgotten anything,” Emily said quietly. She glanced at Camila, who looked like she was going to bolt without saying what she had come to say.

  “Cassie.” Maia tugged again at Cassie’s arm. “Maybe we should give them a chance to talk.”

  “I’m not going anywhere.” Cassie brushed her off, setting her jaw. “You’re going to break my sister’s heart again, and I’m staying here to pick up the pieces. Talk if you want to, but I’m going to be right here.”

  She stalked into Emily’s bedroom and slammed the door. Emily put her hand over her face—this was not the evening she had planned.

  “Do you want me to talk to her?” Maia asked. She hovered inside the doorway, looking like she’d rather be somewhere else.

  “No.” Camila spoke for the first time, her voice calm. “I’ll go.”

  “Camila, you don’t have to—” Emily touched her arm but Camila shrugged her off.

  “Yes, I do,” and she followed Cassie into Emily’s bedroom.

  “You got a broom, Em?” Maia asked, reminding Emily that there was food all over the floor. Emily grabbed the broom and dustpan and concentrated on cleaning up instead of what might be happening in the other room.

  “Do you think they’ll be all right?”

  “Well, I haven’t heard any screaming,” Maia joked. “You wanna fill me in on what happened here?”

  “You know as much as I do,” Emily said with a shrug. “I got home from Camila’s place and she was waiting outside my door holding those”—she nodded at the roses—“said she wanted to talk. And then you and Cassie walked in two seconds later.”

  “Oh. What do you think she wants to talk about?”

  “I’ve barely seen her.” She turned when she heard the bedroom door opening. Cassie walked out, Camila following.

  Emily and Maia studied them warily, looking for signs of damage, but there was no visible blood.

  “Maia and I are gonna go, give you two a chance to talk,” Cassie said. “You call me if you need me, okay?”

  “I will,” Emily promised. Cassie looked at Camila one last time as if to warn her, then headed out the door with Maia, leaving Camila and Emily alone.

  Camila dropped wearily onto Emily’s couch. “What did you say to her?” Emily asked, sitting next to her but leaving space between them.

  “She asked me to explain myself, so I did,” Camila said, as if that clarified everything. “And I…I owe you an explanation too.” Camila took a deep breath, steeling herself. “I’ve never…I’ve never been very good at falling in love.”

  Emily held her breath.

  “I don’t know how to be vulnerable, don’t know how to let someone in. I have a bit of a prickly exterior”—Camila smiled wryly—“but you never let it bother you for a second.” Camila turned to meet Emily’s gaze. “You took me completely by surprise. You won Jaime over in two seconds flat, didn’t back away when I challenged you. You found your way into my heart so quietly, I didn’t even notice you had snuck in until it was too late.”

  “But in London…” Emily trailed off, not wanting to relive it yet again.

  Camila winced. “Like I said, I’m not very good at letting someone in. When I kissed you, it… I don’t know if I’ve ever felt like that before, and honestly, it terrified me. You could destroy me, Emily, if you wanted to.”

  Emily stifled the urge to laugh because, if anything, the opposite was true. But Camila looked at her earnestly, and she knew it wasn’t a lie.

  “I’m not…an easy person. You’re young and selfless and wonderful, and I…I didn’t want to ruin that, so I decided it would be better to push you away.”

  Emily knew Camila well enough to understand why she might think she would ruin yet another relationship.

  “That didn’t work out well.” Camila looked down. “I shouldn’t have pushed you away, and I’m sorry that I hurt you.”

  “You could have told me this at the time, you know,” Emily said. “Or after that night in the bar.”

  “I know.” Camila bit her bottom lip. “Believe it or not, communication isn’t my strong point.”

  “With your job?”

  “That’s work,” Camila said. “In relationships I’m not…I’m not good at it.”

  “Why…why are you telling me this now? You told me in London that you didn’t want a relationship. What changed?”

  “Everything.” Camila turned to look at her then, looking at her with something in her eyes Emily had never seen before, and it took her breath away. “You quit, and I was faced with the thought of never seeing you again, of losing you for good and I… It was unimaginable. If I threw away this chance at happiness, I…I could never forgive myself.” Camila reached out and took Emily’s hand, and it was like a jolt of electricity. “I know this is a lot, and it must seem like it’s out of the blue, but I had to… I couldn’t let you go without telling you how I felt. And I’ll leave, if you want me to, if you need time to think—”

  Emily reached behind Camila’s head to pull her close and kissed her.

  The kiss was no more than their lips meeting, but it set her heart racing, and her fingertips trembled.

  “I don’t need to think about how I feel, even though the past few weeks haven’t been great.” Camila opened her mouth to speak, but Emily kissed her again. “And it might take me some time to get over that, but I…I still want this, want you. That never stopped. But talk to me, Camila. If we do this, we have to be honest with each other, always.”

  “I will,” Camila promised, “God, Emily, I would do anything to make you mine.”

  “Anything?” Emily breathed, and Camila shifted closer, sliding one leg over Emily’s lap so that she straddled her, and it was like picking up from where they had left off in London, before everything went to hell, but this time she knew Camila wouldn’t disappear.

  “Mm, anything you want.” Camila’s voice was low, raspy. “Just kiss me.” So Emily did, her hands on Camila’s thighs. Camila curled her fingers around Emily’s jaw, her tongue exploring her mouth, and God, it was perfect. She kissed her urgently, leaving Emily gasping and aching and wanting.

  “You have no idea how long I’ve wanted to do that,” Camila said when she pulled away breathlessly, her eyes dark and intense. Even with her lipstick smudged, she was the most beautiful woman Emily had ever seen. “You have no idea what you do to me.”

  Emily thought she might spontaneously combust if Camila started talking dirty, and she kissed her again, her hands cupping Camila’s ass, dragging her hips forward, and Camila groaned, a sound that Emily wanted to hear again and again.

  “We should stop before we get carried away,” Camila said, pulling back, and the subdued passion in her voice sent a bolt of heat between Emily’s thighs.

  “What’s wrong with getting carried away?” Emily asked.

  Camila shook her head. “I don’t want to rush this.” She gazed at Emily longingly, but her voice was firm. “I want to do things properly.”

  “Why can’t putting out on the third date be considered proper?”

  “I wasn’t aware we had already been on two dates,” Camila said.

  “Well, we’ve been out to dinner together twice, so technically this is our sex date, which means we’re right on schedule.”

  “Those were not dates, and neither is this.”

  “What is this, then?”

  “Mm… This is me admitting my feelings and you acting like a horny teenager.”

  Emily loved seeing the sparkle in Camila’s eye—it had been so long since she had seen her so relaxed and carefree.

  “I can’t help that that’s what you reduce me to,” Emily said defensively. “Are you hungry? We could go get some food and call that a date.”

  “I’d rather stay in.”

>   “Now who’s horny?”

  Camila swatted at her playfully.

  “We could order takeout.”

  Camila nodded, and Emily stood up, lifting Camila with her and grinning when Camila squeaked, wrapping her arms around Emily’s shoulders and her legs around her waist.

  Emily deposited her on the kitchen counter and rooted around in a drawer for a takeout menu.

  “Was that really necessary?” Camila asked. Emily grinned at her.

  “Yes, because we both know how strong I am”—she grinned impishly—“and how much you like that.”

  Camila blushed, and Emily pushed up on the counter to reach her lips with a kiss, loving that she could do that now.

  They ordered Chinese—including a double portion of potstickers to make up for what they had thrown out earlier—and sat on the couch to eat. Camila surfed through the TV channels until she found something to watch.

  Emily was still in shock, couldn’t quite believe that she had her arm around Camila, whose head rested on Emily’s shoulder. Just yesterday she had lain on this couch in tears, wondering how the hell she would survive without seeing Camila every day.

  Camila’s phone chirped, interrupting Emily’s reverie. It was Jaime calling to say goodnight, and Emily got up to move away so Camila had privacy, but Camila tugged her back.

  “Hi, Mom.” Jaime sounded sleepy, and Emily pictured him with his eyes half-closed.

  “Hi, sweetheart. Are you okay?”

  “Yeah.”

  “What are you going to do tomorrow?”

  “Dunno.” Jaime spoke in one-word sentences when he was tired. “I think we might go watch baseball,” he said without enthusiasm.

  “Well, have fun and be good for your father. Are you ready to go to sleep?”

  “Yeah. Love you.”

  “Love you too, Jaime.”

  Jaime hung up.

  “You okay?” Emily asked. She knew how hard it was to not have her son with her.

  “Yeah. It’s…it’s nice to have someone here when Jaime’s with his father. To not be alone in an empty apartment.”