by Leah Meers
The nightmare hadn't been that bad in a long time. Six years past the assault and Miriam's diagnosis of PTSD, and it still had the power to leave me sleepless for the rest of the night. I looked down at Cody again, at his peaceful face and relaxed body in my bed just inches away from where I battled demons he couldn't possibly understand.
Demons he couldn't help me battle even if he wanted to, and I had no clue if he wanted to. I scrubbed my fingers over my eyes, tossed my sweaty t-shirt on the floor, and flopped back against the pillows. As always, I rode out the long, wakeful hours alone.
Chapter Twelve
Cody
Waking up in Gabe's bed felt ridiculously right, and my first morning stretch against his sheets filled me with some crazy relaxation that went far beyond the physical. My shoulder didn't ache. My head didn't swim with the usual mix of anger and nerves about which parent I might see in the kitchen. I couldn't see Gabe past the shelving unit room divider, and I wanted to see him more than anything. After last night and the hurt I saw in his eyes, I had to.
Before I had a chance to crawl out of his too-comfortable bed, he rounded the corner looking all sorts of sexy. His pajama pants hung off his slim hips, and the rest of his skin was bare save for the swirls and patterns of ink I loved to trace with my fingers and tongue. I lunged to the edge of the bed, hooked my arm around his hips, and pulled.
"Cody!" His squawk was half put-out and half humor, and I figured that was a good sign.
I dragged him over to wrap my arms around him and nuzzled at the soft bit of skin just above his waistband. "Good morning, beautiful man," I said while cuddling him to me like some slender, furless, kick-ass teddy bear.
He wriggled around until he lay pressed up against my chest in the circle of my arms. "We have to talk, Cody." His voice sounded serious, almost scary, but he pressed a kiss to my neck, which made everything better.
It would be too easy to distract him, and I wanted nothing more than to get him naked and writhing, but… No, there was something I wanted to do more than that. The thought shocked me. I pulled away from him, sat up, and met his worried gaze.
"You're right," I said. "We have to talk. I don't have any experience with this sort of thing, but I want to try."
He sat up and wrapped his bare arms around his knees. His wide eyes filled with some mixture of hope and fear, and I noticed dark circles under them I hadn't before. My hand cupped his cheek, and a thumb stroked tenderly over that delicate skin. We sat silently on the bed while I tried to figure out where to start.
"When I got hurt," I said at last, "my father pushed to get me back on the field as fast as possible. I did, too. Baseball was everything and the only thing. The hints that I should find a good woman, settle down, and give them a couple of grandkids started up around twenty-five. The perfect life. The one my father almost had but didn't quite get in the end."
Gabe twined his fingers through mine and shifted closer. The spark of hope seemed to push the fear out of his eyes a bit, and I took a deep breath before I continued.
"Last night, when my dad said I shouldn't spend time with you, I saw red. He even suggested I hang out with Chaz instead." My teeth clenched at Gabe's cringe and the grimace that crossed his face. "I told him. I told my dad that Chaz was an asshole. Told them you were the type of man I wanted to spend my time with." I shook my head. The fight blurred together with all the other times my father tried to orchestrate my life in the past.
A strange feeling surged through my arms. I had felt plenty of aches and pains from exercise and over-exertion, felt the agony of injury for too long, but this feeling tingled and burned through my muscles and nerve endings in a brand-new way. I couldn't stop my arms from tightening around Gabe if I wanted to. They pulled him close until he straddled my lap and his body pressed tight against mine. One hand pushed into his platinum hair and curved around the back of his neck.
"I told you I wouldn't be good at this, but…" I sucked in a lungful of his scent, coffee and citrus and Gabe. "I'm all in." I pulled back a few inches and met his eyes. "You deserve someone who's not afraid to stand by your side. You deserve everything." The corners of my eyes prickled with the type of emotion I didn't even think I could feel, and I almost turned away before Gabe swooped in for a kiss.
Before things went too far, he pulled back and narrowed his eyes at me. "This can't be bullshit, Cody. If it is…"
I shook my head. "It's not. It's… scary? Weird. But it's not bullshit." I landed a kiss at the corner of his mouth. "We should get lunch at the diner." Another kiss to his opposite cheek. "And maybe dinner at that restaurant Emmitt likes… Happenstance?" The next kiss at the tip of his nose. "And you should come to the open house at the camp next weekend, yeah?" His forehead was next before I drew back and looked deep in his eyes again. "And next time we meet in the cereal aisle at the supermarket, I'll do this."
Our lips came together in a sweet kiss that quickly transformed into something much hotter. I teased his lower lip with tongue and teeth until he opened beautifully for me, and I could slip inside to taste him. The hungry, aching feeling in my arms spread through my body and must have jumped from me to him.
Gabe pressed forward until only our thin sleep pants separated the hard curve of his cock and mine. His body undulated into mine as I grasped him to my chest so tight I could feel the hard points of his piercings press against my skin.
"Cody, I want you," he whispered into my ear after sucking and biting over my jaw and earlobe.
"You got me, baby," I said. I pushed my hands under the waistband of his pants to clutch and squeeze the firm globes of his ass.
His hips surged against mine as he gasped. "I want you to fuck me. I need you inside me."
My balls drew up tight, and I almost let loose just from the suggestion alone. I pulled back and heaved a deep breath. "Yeah? I've never…"
It was his turn to peck my lips and smile. "I trust you. I…" He reached between us and twined his fingers around my achingly hard cock. "I got tested. All clear." His grip twisted as he stroked up from base to my swollen tip coated with precum. "I want your cum in my ass."
A fierce growl tore from my throat as his words nearly pushed me over the edge. I lifted him off my lap and laid him down on the sheets before yanking his pants off and shimmying out of my own. I fought for some control as I gazed down at his lithe, colorful body, those sexy silver barbells through his hard nipples, and his long, pierced cock standing hard against his body.
"I'm clean, too. Got tested at my last physical and haven't been with anyone but you." The last word stuttered out of my mouth as Gabe planted his feet on the bed and spread his legs for me. "Fucking hell, you are the hottest thing alive."
Our bodies took over as I kissed and licked over every inch of his skin, sucked his piercings into my mouth one by one and tugged until he cried out. My hands roamed over his inked skin and down to swipe through the pearls of precum and over his rock-hard dick.
"If you don't stop, Cody, I'm gonna come," he said from between clenched teeth.
I wanted him to. I wanted to see his spunk splash against his skin, to feel it on my fingers, and taste it on my tongue. My fingers ringed his base and squeezed while I moved down the bed to tuck my shoulders under his raised knees. I licked a stripe up over his tight sac to the very tip of his cock and grinned to hear his sharp cry as his hips bucked toward my mouth.
"Shit, Cody. Fuck me. I want to come with you inside me. Please." He lifted his head to meet my eyes before slamming back to the mattress as I sucked his cock into my mouth.
"You will. I promise, baby. But first…" Then my mouth descended on him again, and I hollowed my cheeks around him while my tongue flicked at the piercing the way I knew he loved.
He cried out as he thrust against my lips, tried to pull away, before writhing against the bed again. "Cody, stop. Don't stop. Jesus, fuck. Don't stop. I'm gonna…"
I pulled off at the last second and watched him shoot all over himself. As he panted an
d relaxed against the bed, I moved up to take pleasure in his release. My tongue claimed the drops that reached his chest while my fingers slipped over his skin. I raised one to my mouth and sucked his salty, musky taste in.
A tiny frown passed over Gabe's face, and I couldn't help but chuckle before kissing it away from his pink lips. "I want—"
"I'm going to give you everything you want, Gabe," I interrupted as I leaned across his body to grab the bottle of lube out of the drawer. A quick flip of the cap and my fingers were slick as they slid behind Gabe's balls to tease over his hole.
"Oh, fuck yes," he groaned and pulled his legs back again.
I bent to suck the tip of his rapidly hardening cock between my lips and laved my tongue over his piercing as he writhed underneath me. "Tell me if I do anything wrong," I muttered. I had watched enough gay porn in the past few months to figure things out, but the last thing I wanted to do was hurt Gabe.
"I trust you," he said. His hips lifted and his mouth fell open as the tip of my finger pushed inside. "More, more, more. Please."
Another drizzle of lube, and I pushed my finger inside his tight heat with near glacial slowness. Out again, and my cock throbbed against my belly as I watched the slick pink flesh grip my finger.
"More, Cody." Gabe's voice came with a note of command in it that time, and I caught his eye. Pupils blown wide, pink mouth gaping, and the hunger nearly stopped my breath.
I added another finger and abandoned the slow, careful press. At my first thrust, Gabe cried out and bucked against my hand. Another, deeper, and with a slight twist that had him cursing and calling my name. I couldn't wait any longer or I would end up coming all over the sheets instead of inside Gabe like we both so desperately wanted.
My fingers slipped from his body, and I slicked myself up before pressing the thick head of my cock to his entrance. His entreaties barely registered in my mind as I stared down at the place where we joined.
"You are the most beautiful person I've ever seen," I whispered and heard his breath catch with a wordless cry when I pressed forward and inside his tight, hot flesh.
I knew I had to go slow. Knew I had to fight the urge to slam balls deep inside of him and pound into Gabe like my body yearned to do. I pushed slow and steady, breath stuttering from my throat as I listened to Gabe's words of encouragement and moans of pleasure. So slow until I was buried to the hilt, and we were joined as tight as any two people could be.
"Move, damn it," he snapped. "Fuck me!"
My body took over as I pulled back and thrust into Gabe hard, again and again. We moved against each other in a driving rhythm. Like the drumbeat of the songs he played at Revere's. Like the beat of our hearts as we connected in ways I never even dreamed was possible. He was so hot, so tight, and I couldn't hold back as pleasure burned down my spine and my balls drew up.
"I c-can't," I stuttered as my cock sank deep inside him again.
"Fill me up, Cody. Come on." He grabbed his own cock and matched the rhythm of my thrusts until I felt him clench around me as he rode out a second orgasm.
Gabe's words and the sight of him shooting across his belly were like sparks on tinder. With a roar, my fingers tightened on his hips, and I slammed deep inside him as I came. Heat unfurled deep inside his body. My body collapsed over his as I barely avoided squashing him. Our lips met once, twice, before we had to pull back to catch our breath.
I looked down as my cock softened and slipped from his body, drawing a trail of my spunk with it. Nothing on Earth could be hotter than the sight of his hole slick and dripping. A tense thrill surged through me, and I had to sit back to scoop some up with my fingers and push it back into his body. He shuddered and writhed against the sheets as I fed my cum into his pink hole.
"Cody," he whispered and reached to wrap his fingers around my arm.
I eased down next to him and cuddled his body to mine. "Thank you." A million things flew through my mind, and every one deserved those words. Thanks for his patience, for accepting me, for letting me indulge in us the way no one else ever had.
"We'll get arrested," he said a moment later.
"What?" I lifted my head to peer at him, eyebrows raised.
"If you do that the next time we run into each other in the cereal aisle." Gabe's eyes sparkled with mischief.
A chuckle rumbled through me as I wrapped my arms more tightly around him. Gabe was my new everything, and the thought didn't freak me out like I thought it might.
We drifted together until the reality of dirty sheets and drying cum sent us into the shower together to wash and enjoy nothing more than hands on skin until the water lost its heat.
"Hungry?" I asked as we pulled on clothes at our own sides of his fresh made bed.
"Starved. Do you want me to make something?" He combed his hair back into a neat tail in front of the mirror.
"I thought maybe we could grab lunch at the diner." I didn't want to wait any longer to prove to him I intended to stand by my words. Ridiculous mind movies of feeding him my fries and holding hands as we debated over pie or cake played on a loop.
His smile lit up his entire face. "Yeah? You want to?"
"I do," I said as I came around the bed to gather him up in a hug. "Ready?"
He led the way down the stairs to the gravel lot. "Your car looks good here next to mine," he said with a quick flash of a grin. "Almost like it belongs here." He danced away from my attempted grab with a laugh and tucked himself into the passenger seat.
For just a moment, reality drifted off somewhere out of mind and left me feeling pretty damn perfect with Gabe at my side.
Chapter Thirteen
Gabe
It took me a while to decide if I should tell Miriam about my latest dream – the worst I've had in over a year – at my appointment a few days later. I just finished telling her about Cody and how our relationship was now out in the open and stronger than ever.
"I'm happy for you, Gabe. He sounds like a wonderful man." She regarded me through the screen for a long, silent moment. "How have you been otherwise? Any dreams or triggers lately?"
She knew. Of course, she knew. I sighed and slumped against the couch cushions. "I had one the night before Cody and I worked out our relationship. It was… bad."
"Can you think of anything that might have triggered the nightmare that day?"
My gaze traced the curl of a treble clef inked into my forearm. "I was stressed about Cody not coming out, I guess. He had a fight with his parents and asked to stay with me overnight for the first time. It was a good thing, something I wanted, but also like…" My voice trailed off as I shrugged again. "I didn't know if he could actually be with me the way I needed him to."
"That sounds like a lot of stress. How do you feel about that now?"
"Good. I know there's still his family lurking in the background, and some people in town who are homophobic idiots, but we're good." My smile felt genuine, and no nerves twisted in my guts for the first time in forever. "I really think this is it."
"It?" Miriam kept her face perfectly placid as she folded her hands on her desk.
"Yeah. Don't pretend like you don't know what I mean." My teasing tone made the corners of her mouth curl upward. "I think he might be it for me. For real."
Her smile bloomed wider. "Just remember everything we talked about. Use your head as well as your heart, Gabe. And communicate."
"Yes, Dr. Russo," I said, and her smile became a laugh.
"Six weeks still good? If you need more, I'd be happy to help you find someone local. If your dream returns, it might be time to make that change."
"Six weeks is fine. Thank you." After the usual admin stuff, I switched off my laptop and tucked my feet up on the couch.
My mind poked at the deep wound that never quite healed after the attack on the path at college. In the beginning, medication helped me not fall apart every day and sleep at least part of every night. Regular therapy helped even more. It was a struggle to get through the final eight w
eeks of college classes, trips to the police station for statements and line-ups, and the subsequent sentencing that dragged on for most of the summer before I could escape the place I never wanted to think about again.
They caught one guy fast after he bragged about gay-bashing at a local bar. He turned in his buddies, and they all pled down to a lesser charge. They had been out of prison for years, and that fact didn't filter into my mind other than these times after a particularly awful nightmare. How was it fair that they walked free, and I still had to suffer from the terror they inflicted? PTSD was a bitch.
I splashed my face with cold water and stared into the mirror for a long moment. "You're the best DJ Revere's has ever had." Paul told me as much. "You have an amazing man who is proud to stand at your side." Cody had proved that over the past week or so. We had been out almost every day, and he held my hand, wrapped his arm around me, and stole kisses whenever he could. "You are a strong, resilient, talented, and successful gay man who will let no one hold him down." Unless Cody had another kink he hadn't told me about yet.
My Friday night shift at Revere's went as well as all the others. Hot men danced and grinded to my music. Paul and Houston shot me smiles and thumbs up. Whit rolled his eyes like always when I ordered my one rum and coke on the rocks just to mess with him. Friends stopped to chat on breaks. The feeling of home, of belonging, helped make the dark residue of the nightmare filter away.
The open house at Camp Rocky Cove was the next day, and Cody was working overtime to get everything ready and up to Holly's standards. It was a combination community fun time and networking event, and Cody suggested I print some business cards to offer my services. I told him I'd only hand one over if no one made me cover my ink or wear uncomfortable shoes.