The Arcanum of Beth

by Mary Jane Russell

  “Two, please, non-smoking, a corner if one is free, and a table unless all of you want to help me off the floor when we’re done.” Janet followed the giggling young woman, taking note of the faces they passed. Good, no one she recognized. Beth had called that morning and asked about dinner, not the usual week or two out but within a few days. Janet decided to forgo her exercise class at the new gym just for women. From the sound of Beth’s voice, something was going on that she needed to talk about as soon as possible.

  Janet was comfortably seated and scanning the menu when Beth entered the restaurant. Janet watched her cross the room to join her. Beth was noticeable in a very subtle fashion. She wore a minimal amount of makeup—the dark brows and eyelashes that accentuated her hazel eyes needed little help. Her clothes fit well and were always muted colors. That night was no different—a pale gray wool suit and lavender tailored shirt. Her shoulder-length hair was soft against her collar with a hint of gray brought out by her suit. She was average height and size—the farm had toned her body and she rode her bike every chance she could steal away from the office, resorting to a treadmill when necessary. There was just an easy elegance to her. When she talked, people listened. She only spoke when she had something of relevance to say. She had the innate ability to stay calm no matter what the circumstances and assuage other’s emotions at the same time. Janet knew thoughts raged inside Beth, but on the outside, she was very soothing to eyes and ears.

  Beth leaned down and hugged Janet, brushing her cheek against the other woman’s and teasing her with a formal greeting. “Mrs. Evans, you are the best for doing this tonight. I hope it was as easy for you to change your plans as you said.”

  “Stretch and grunt or have a nice relaxing meal with a dear friend. Let me think about that.” She glanced at her watch. “Maybe I can still make the end of class.”

  Beth bumped her shoulder into Janet’s as she slid into the chair next to her.

  “Forgive Ellen for not joining us. Lazy bum didn’t want to change clothes and drive across town. What can I say, I love her.”

  “That says it all and no explanation is needed. I’ll guilt her into it the next time.” Beth looked up and smiled as their waitress approached the table with steaming hand cloths.

  “I’m Kathy. I’ll be taking care of you two tonight. Am I going to have to separate the two of you?” She waited for them to stop laughing before using tongs to give each a towel. “What may I start you ladies off with?” She moved closer to Beth, letting the hem of her short black dress touch Beth’s arm. Kathy’s ash blond hair was bobbed, reminiscent of Doris Day in her heyday, giving the twenty-something waitress an uncanny resemblance to an actress she likely had not heard of.

  “Beer, anything but the cheap domestic,” Janet answered for both of them. “This feels so good. I’d put it over my face if the makeup wouldn’t wash out.” She surrendered the cloth to the bamboo tray beside her water glass.

  Kathy looked to Beth.

  “What can I say other than she knows my weaknesses very well. Sapporo? The tall one?” Beth was on a kick of Japanese beer. She folded the cloth and centered it in the small tray.

  “I’ll be right back.” Kathy cleared the table of the trays.

  “That way, we can honestly say we only had one beer. It just happens to come in a twenty-two-ounce can.” Beth glanced down at the menu. “Andy and Greg have me hooked on sushi. We drive all over the state on weekends deciding who has genuine sushi and who has leftover bait.”

  “You have loosened up.”

  Kathy set the serving tray on the table beside theirs and poured the first glass for each of the women.

  “A woman who knows how to pour beer without two inches of foam on top. Your tip just increased.” Beth raised her glass to Kathy before she tasted the beer.

  “It could be a night to remember.” Kathy winked as she tucked the tray under her arm. “Are you ladies ready to order?”

  They both ordered sushi, staying with tuna and salmon rolls they could share.

  Beth exhaled slowly. “Thank you so much, Janet. I need to talk.”

  “I know.” Janet shook her head slowly. “How else do we keep our sanity?”

  “You know I love my mother dearly.” Beth took a long swallow from the glass and refilled the drink. “Keith is nuts over this child she’s keeping every day. Don’t get me wrong, he’s a sweetheart, but now she’s on a mission for me to be married and producing grandchildren. She even asked me if I’d consider artificial insemination.” Beth waited for her friend to stop laughing. “Janet, it’s just not going to happen.”

  “I know. She means well.” Janet savored the beer. “Mine is on a kick for me to move back to the coast. My sister and her husband, God love them, live in the house just down the street from her.”

  Beth interrupted. “The sister who won’t speak to you or Greg because of her homophobia?”

  “One and the same. Mom is clueless. She wants Ellen and me to pack up and sell everything here to be close to her. She thinks it would be perfect for us to move to Williamsburg and retire. Hell, I haven’t worked enough years to pay back my student loans yet. I don’t want to do any more than visit Williamsburg for the shopping several times a year. I sure as hell don’t want to retire there or anyplace else. Ellen and I would be plotting each other’s demise in short order.”

  Beth raised her glass toward Janet. “Mothers.” They toasted.

  “Will is not helping any. He and Patti have been married for almost nine years and have no children. My guess is they won’t have kids. They’re too much into each other. That’s not meant as a cut, just an observation. Besides the fact that as best I can surmise, Patti is in her early forties…she refuses to tell her age and has sworn Will to secrecy. Mom was so disappointed when he married someone older. They were smart enough to go to Tennessee so they could make a completely fresh start when their divorces came through. Sheesh…take me away.”

  “Do you need a distraction, sweetheart?” Kathy eased the trays of sushi between them. “Try this. I guarantee it will take your mind off everything. Are you ladies good with the beer?”

  “One’s a plenty. Any more and I’ll be asleep in the corner with you trying to figure out what to do with me,” Beth said.

  “Honey, that wouldn’t be a problem. I’ll check back on you later.” She squeezed Beth’s shoulder.

  Janet leaned closer to tease her friend. “You’re blushing.”

  “And you’re enjoying this way too much. She is cute.” Beth looked over her shoulder at the waitress.

  “Are you trying to tell me something?” Janet waited. It was up to Beth.

  “Hell, yes. You know what it is. You’ve probably known as long as I have. You were at the Halloween party. Why do you think all of this with Keith is bothering me so much?” Beth emptied the can in her glass. “I’ve tried relationships with men, Janet. Men don’t do anything for me, other than trying to convince Andy and Greg to adopt me.”

  “I know. I’ve watched you struggle with it and wondered how long it would take you to admit it to yourself, much less anyone else.” Janet reached across the table for Beth’s hand. She knew this wasn’t easy. “From one late bloomer to another, welcome to enlightenment. Coming out is the best thing in the world for you. I ought to put that on the billboard my firm uses.”

  “You’re shitting me.”

  “That’s an awful expression, dear. No, I’m not. It’s tough, Beth, personally and professionally, to admit anything outside of what is perceived as normal. You have to think about family and career.” Janet shook her head. “I did it. I knew I had to divorce Edward for my sanity, as well as his, and it still just about ruined me, as my mother would say. Losing custody of Melody to Edward was the hardest thing I’ve ever been through.”

  “I know.” Beth hesitated. “You know, I never would have said anything like this aloud, much less thought about acting on it while my father was alive. I would rather be miserable than hurt or disappoint him.�
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  “You think he would have been?” Janet swirled the last of the beer around in her glass.

  “I honestly don’t know. He was never around anyone homosexual that I’m aware of. It just wasn’t in his realm of understanding. Other than when he was in the service, he lived a very sheltered life. Yet he was always very understanding about our shortcomings. Not that being gay is any kind of shortcoming. You know what I mean.”

  “What about Keith?” Janet flinched at the thought of the other woman’s reaction, particularly one who wanted grandchildren.

  “It’s not going to be pretty.” Beth almost waved Kathy over for another beer but caught herself just in time. She was driving.

  Janet leaned forward and lowered her voice. “Have you said anything at all to her?”

  Beth shook her head. “Not even a hint. That’s part of why I needed to talk to you or explode. I must have the conversation most daughters dread. I won’t sneak around.”

  Janet raised her eyebrows questioningly.

  “I met someone at your bonfire.” Beth smiled. “Someone I’m really attracted to. I don’t know if anything will come of it or not, but it finally made me admit that I want to try a relationship with another woman, something more than one night. There’s more than occasional curiosity on my part.”

  “Tell me who. Do I know her?”

  “Yes.” Beth braced herself. “Lou Stephens.”

  Janet felt like a heel as she prepared to quell the animation that had taken over her usually calm and collected friend. “I know her well enough. Honey, you’re going to hate me for saying this, but she’s way out of your league. She’s a player who only settles down until the next conquest comes along. Let me introduce you to someone nice and single. Has she actually asked you out?”

  “Just to lunch, but as lunch not as a date. She’s breaking up with someone. I’m being very tentative. She’s been sending the greatest e-mails, has flowers delivered to the office and my house, and sometimes leaves things in my car.”

  “Honey, she made a move on you the night she met you with her girlfriend there to watch.” Janet couldn’t stop the words. “It sounds more like stalking to me.”

  Kathy cleared her throat. “Are you ladies doing all right? Need anything?” She let her hand slide along Beth’s arm as she reached around her for the empty plate; the other hand was on Beth’s lower back.

  “Coffee.” Janet again spoke for them as Beth nodded agreement.

  “Irish?” Kathy asked.

  “Plain, nothing fancy. Pleasure from a good bean.” Beth looked the woman in the eye and smiled.

  They waited as Kathy walked away and heard her final comment to herself. “Mmm, mmm, mmm.”

  “Well, you do seem to attract women.” Janet raised her glass to toast with the last swallow of beer. “Just, please, let me find you someone else.”

  Beth thought it over but made no answer. “Mom is going to freak, but I have to tell her. The first thing she’ll do is call Will, then he’ll freak. He and Patti are so into church these days, even though I think it’s a front for business connections. Thank God, they didn’t witness anything at the party. I feel as though they’ve been lured into a cult. He reads his Bible morning and night. Hell, Mom’s been a strong churchgoer since high school. I just fell by the wayside as soon as I could get away with refusing to go. My dad put his foot down and said it was my decision. Sheesh, I must be the abnormal one, the deviant personality, in the family.”

  “Don’t even try to go there.” Janet dismissed the concept.

  “Do you have any idea what it means to me to be able to talk to someone about this, even if we do disagree on Lou? Greg and Andy have been giving me hell, threatening to stage a date for me and just lock me in with someone.” Beth sighed. “I wanted to tell you myself before it hits the rumor mill.”

  “You know there are things I’m obligated to say. I am your legal counsel after all. The boys will tell you this, too. I had the same conversation with Greg.” Janet tried to set up taller to make the words more effective.

  Beth rolled her eyes. “Go ahead.”

  “I would say this regardless of either party’s gender. Okay?”

  Beth nodded.

  “Take it slow. Get to know whoever you date before you rush into anything. Enjoy dating for a while, date several women at once. This is a big step to even think about. It’s much easier to get into something than get out of it. Don’t be seduced by the forbidden or secretive nature of this. Act like two adults trying to figure out if there’s a connection that could amount to something.”

  Beth waited.

  “That’s it. I’m done with that part. Now as your friend and someone who’s been concerned over how much you work and how little you socialize…” Janet smiled.

  Beth waited again.

  “I’m so glad for you. I only want you to find the right someone. For crying out loud, allow yourself to have a little fun.” She clapped her hands together.

  Beth smiled and nodded. “That’s kind of where I’m at with all of this. I know I work too much. I do want someone to share a life with. I would very much like to have a relationship. Won’t it be fun to try? If not Lou, someone else,” she finally conceded. “It amazes me that there’s an entire sub-culture out there that I’ve been oblivious to. How did I miss all of this until now?”

  “You’re asking someone who married out of high school and had a baby a year later. Six years after that, I started college and just happened to discover, as part of my undergraduate education, that I preferred women.”

  Beth held up her hands for a double high-five. “Even I can’t top that.”

  “You’re damn right. See, I almost said straight and caught myself.”

  They both laughed as they slapped palms.

  “Ladies, it’s been a pleasure serving you.” Kathy placed the small tray with the check on the table.

  Janet beat Beth’s reach. “My treat. We’re celebrating your official coming out.”

  “Janet, what am I going to do with you?”

  “Say thank you. Are you ready?”

  Beth looked over her shoulder again. “I may stay for a bit.”

  “Good heavens, you’re not wasting any time, are you?”

  “Not anymore. It’s time for a little fun in my life. What does work get me but an empty house and bags under my eyes? Thank you, sweetie. You know I love you.”

  The two women embraced.

  “And you know if you need to talk about anything, any time, I’m here for you. I do care about you.” Janet touched Beth with her index finger. “I promise not to overreact or lecture any more than I already have.”

  Janet looked over her shoulder as she reached the door just in time to see Beth catch Kathy’s eye as she walked over to the bar.

  Chapter Four

  Ellen sighed. She honestly believed that there was no place anywhere on Earth more beautiful than the campus of Fletcher Women’s College. She had in all seriousness asked the chancellor during her retirement party if her ashes could be scattered in the nature sanctuary separating the Gatehouse and Faculty Row. The chancellor had agreed and confided that she planned on doing the same.

  Ellen took a deep breath and felt renewed. What better time than early April to visit the campus. Daffodils and azaleas were in full bloom with rhododendron and laurel ready to burst open in the coming weeks. Dogwood and redbud trees were starting to show their brightest colors. Leaves were full on all the towering hardwood trees.

  The board of trustees had accumulated over three thousand acres for the campus since its founding before World War I. Half of the brick buildings around the quad had recently been designated as a historic district by the National Register of Historic Places. It was more than that, though. The college’s reason for being was strictly to nurture women, and no one involved with the campus had lost sight of that over the years.

  The college was world renowned for its equestrian and dance programs. Some of the most cutting-edge
female writers visited the English program rotating in and out each semester. The only concession to the times was the addition of an engineering program in the science center. Ellen wished that curriculum had been available when she was a student.

  She had come to the campus at eighteen from her small hometown in upstate New York and fallen in love with Virginia, the campus, the philosophy, and quite a few of the women she met. She chuckled to herself. She’d been sent by Janet on a mission to talk to Lou Stephens. It didn’t occur to Janet that it was a matter of the pot calling the kettle black.

  “But I was young and finding my way as most of us on campus were at that time. It was 1966, for crying out loud. I had no idea women’s college was code for girls who thought they were lesbians or were planning to be for four years anyway. I didn’t make a lifetime calling out of changing partners.”

  She decided to loop around campus before stopping at the physical plant. She slowed in the semicircle around the front dell and felt pride in the stately brick buildings off the quad that she had served her tenure of maintaining. She cut through the parking lots to the back service road and drove all the way to the lake and boathouse. The boathouse was a two-story wooden fire trap, but the great room over the boat slips had hosted some of the best parties and fondest memories of her life. She decided against driving to the opposite back corner of the campus that was the riding center—she had never developed an affinity for horses.

  Ellen returned to the building tucked inconspicuously behind the girls’ laundry and bistro. She followed the asphalt drive to the lower lot where employees left their vehicles when taking off on the fleet of tractors and riding mowers necessary to maintain the campus as though a fairway.

  She glanced at her watch; she should be early enough to catch everyone finishing coffee if the routine had not changed. Janet had been incredulous that Ellen was up, dressed, and almost out the door when she came in for breakfast.